Aria Graice - 29. Chapter 29

Drew woke, disoriented beneath a sprawl of twins. One was lying diagonally across his body, one leg hooked in with his, while the other had his face tucked in so close to Drew’s neck, he could feel his breath, and one hand splayed over his chest, under his t-shirt. Figuring out which was which was not as clear as it might have been only hours earlier. He would always have said Amara was the one burrowing under his clothes, and he still thought that, but only because the position Aria was lying in would likely be painful for Amara. Honestly though, he didn’t care which was which. He was happy to simply enjoy the closeness.

It was difficult to say exactly what time it was, but by the quality of the light he’d guess late afternoon. Everything was still and quiet and the sound of voices filtered up from downstairs. Drew groaned inwardly. There were definitely more than two people, but he couldn’t tell exactly who else. He couldn’t imagine he’d like it whoever it was. He silently prayed it wasn’t Mrs Pugh, although it was highly probably it would be.

“What time is it?” Amara murmured sleepily. His fingers twitched as he stirred, and Drew’s stomach tensed in response.

“I’m not sure. I can’t reach my phone without waking Aria. I think it’s about four.”

“Hmm. We don’t have to get up yet, do we?”

“We don’t have to do anything.”

“Mm good.” Amara nuzzled his neck and licked a long line from shoulder to earlobe. Drew twitched. He felt Amara smile against his neck.

“Do you like that?”

“I like anything you do to me.” His voice came out gruff, but he didn’t care. He was very nearly growling anyway.

“Oh, you’re so going to wish you never said that.” Amara chuckled then licked around his ear before gently blowing on it.

Drew groaned.

Amara chuckled again and slipped his fingers under the waistband of Drew’s jeans. His hand wasn’t going anywhere because Aria was covering most of Drew’s abdomen. However, the promise took Drew’s breath away. It didn’t help that Aria chose that moment to stir. Drew gritted his teeth.

Amara’s soft laughter didn’t help either.

Aria moaned sleepily and wriggled, causing heat to flash straight to Drew’s groin. He gritted his teeth harder, praying Aria would wake so he could escape.

As if in answer to his prayer, Aria raised himself up and gazed down at Drew. “What’s the matter?”

“Hm?”

“You look like you’re in pain or something.”

“Oh. Oh, no. Mpf.” Drew grunted when Amara took advantage of the situation and slid his hand a little further.

“What’s wrong?” Aria drew back further, looking alarmed. When Amara chuckled, Aria’s gaze flicked over Drew to his brother, then he smiled and his gaze, when it returned to Drew had become sly and playful. “Oh. That’s happening.”

“Aria, I—”

Aria smiled gently at him. The sunshine behind him made him look like an angel and Drew’s heart stuttered.

“It’s okay, Drew. You don’t have to feel guilty for having sex. We’ve talked about this—Mara and me—and it’s okay.” With a beautiful, sexy smile, Aria combed his fingers through Drew’s hair. Drew couldn’t help his eyes fluttering closed, especially when Amara took the opportunity to slide his hand further inside his jeans. “Maybe one day I can stay and maybe kiss you while Mara…does what he does, but I’m not ready yet. That’s fine, because I don’t have to be. This is Mara’s part. I have a different part. My part is looking after you in other ways. And your part is looking after both of us. It’s a bit unfair because you’ve got more to do, but we’ll make it worth it, I promise.”

Drew opened his eyes, and his jaw dropped open. Aria took the opportunity to kiss him and fireworks sparked in front of his eyes.

He came to his senses with a jolt, when Amara pushed down the duvet and set to work undoing his belt. Panic sliced through him and he laid his hand over Amara’s. “Wait,” he gasped, gently pushing Aria away. “I can’t. I…” Drew sighed and closed his eyes, the world closing in around him. He’d been so close…so close to having it all, but he couldn’t. He’d been so busy wondering if he could; if he should, that he forgot it was a two-way street. Hearing that the boys wanted him had been a glorious shock, but he’d let himself get too invested in that. As unbelievable as it might seem, he’d forgotten.

“What’s wrong?” Amara asked, sounding surprised.

Drew squeezed his eyes harder. “It’s not… It’s not as simple as that. I-I don’t know if I can go through with it.”

“With what?” Aria asked. “Oh, the sex thing again. But why not? You’re not asexual…are you? Because I think Mara’s going to be awfully disappointed if you are.”

“He’s not asexual, Aria.” Amara sounded guarded but worried. There was far too much understanding his voice. “It’s something else. What is it Drew? What are you afraid of?”

Drew blinked at Amara, surprised he’d picked up on Drew’s distress and was uncannily accurate as to its cause. He sat up, pulling the duvet higher.

“There’s something you should know,” he said, noting that his voice was as bleak as the inevitable outcome of this conversation. He kept his eyes firmly on the bedspread, which was his mother’s as she had the only double bed in the house. It had sprigs of flowers on it. He looked closer. The flowers appeared to be dead roses, a single drop of blood preparing to fall from their thorns. Yeah, that would be about right for his mother. Surprising wasn’t really the word for her. More like shocking.

“Drew?”

It was too easy to get lost in his thoughts, especially when they were so much safer than the words about to come out of his mouth. He still didn’t look up, unable to bear the expressions on the twins’ faces. At the moment, they were probably ones of confusion and concern, but that would change soon enough.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I should never have let this happen.”

“Let what happen?”

“With you. I should never have let it get so far. I never wanted to hurt you. I let the way I feel get in the way of what I know you’re going to feel. I know it’s crazy, that I forgot. No, I didn’t forget, I just never allowed myself to factor it in. I got lost in the lie, that I can be ever be normal, have someone like you in my life. I shouldn’t have let you get involved. Not ever, and definitely not now, like this.”

“Drew?” Aria laid his hand over Drew’s, pausing its movement. Until then, Drew hadn’t even noticed he was tapping. “You’re not making sense and you’re scaring me. Please explain.”

“I can’t be with you. You won’t want to be with me.”

“What? But why? I thought…” Aria sounded distraught and his hurt tone drove a knife through Drew’s heart.

“Bullshit,” Amara said, and that had Drew’s head’ snapping up because he sounded so angry.

“What?”

“There is no way you can tell me your feelings for us are fake, because trust me I’ve been around fake all my life and this isn’t it. I know you’ve got doubts about how this could work out, but this isn’t about that, is it?”

Drew lowered his head again.

“Is it?”

Again, Amara’s tone had his head snapping up. He shook it, feeling miserable. For the first time he felt that he was the young immature one, caught in the ferocity of Amara’s fury.

“No.”

“Then what. Please enlighten us on why you think you know what we’re feeling and going to feel, because right now I’m lost and hearing pathetic excuses, when frankly I expected better of you.”

Drew snorted, almost laughing at the irony. Once again, Amara was taking the dominant roll and whilst it didn’t sit well on him, Drew couldn’t deny he was a force to be reckoned with. He sobered fast enough, though, and rubbed his leg through the duvet. His mother’s smell was all around him, the perfume she’d worn as long as he could remember, earthy and sweet. It calmed him.

“The reason I left the army was because I was caught in a bomb blast. I was…I was injured. Pretty badly. My legs…”

“They work fine,” Aria said, diverting Drew’s attention from Amara’s hard eyes. “Oh.” Aria’s eyes and mouth rounded. “Does…hm…that…not work?”

Drew frowned, puzzled, then snorted. “No, that works fine. It’s just…”

“He thinks we’re shallow and spoiled and only care about perfection,” Amara snapped. “He thinks we won’t love him because he’s not pretty all over, that we’ll run away from his scars.”

“That’s not—”

Amara’s glare stopped him. “Isn’t it?”

Drew sighed, shrugged and dropped his head. He almost jumped when Aria touched his face, turning his head and forcing his gaze. Aria’s thumb wiped tears he’d been unaware of. “Don’t cry, Drew. It’s okay. I know it’s hard when you think you’re not good enough, that you’re too flawed to be loved. I’ve felt like that for a long time. I took a chance with you. Won’t you take a chance with us?”

Yet again, that metaphorical fist slammed into Drew’s gut, especially when he realized Aria was speaking in present tense. He covered Aria’s small hand with his. “Never think that. Never. You’re beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. Everything.”

“There you go again,” Amara said, his voice still tight and angry, “thinking outward perfection is the only thing that’s important. You can’t tell Aria how to think. You can’t make him feel beautiful just by telling him he is. He knows he’s pretty. He knows that when people look at him they see a beautiful person, but he’s afraid that when they get to know him they’ll see him as a freak. When they find out he’s never going to be the lover they want, they’ll turn their backs and if he’s lucky all they’ll do is walk away.”

Drew’s head snapped around to Amara. “That’s ridiculous,” he snapped. “How could you say that?”

“Because it’s true,” Aria said, having Drew’s gaze ping-pong back.

“But…how can you think that…now?”

“Because you haven’t experienced it yet. It’s fine now, but what about the time in the future when we’re kissing and you get into it and lose control and want to—”

“No. I love you the way you are. Exactly the way you are. I don’t want you to be any different. I’ll never expect, or try to take, more than you can give.”

“We could say the same thing about you,” Amara said, his voice quiet now.

“You manipulated me into that,” Drew said, a spark of anger cutting through his despair.

“Maybe, but it’s all true.”

“We don’t care if you have scars,” Aria said softly. “We all have scars. I have a new one now, and I don’t even know what that’s one’s going to be like. I’m patching over it right now, but only because you’re here. You make me feel safe, and without you…” His voice broke and the need to take him into his arms overpowered Drew. It wasn’t a conscious though, just an irresistible need to take care of Aria, to make his world brighter, to make him alright.

“I’ll always be here. I’ll always make you safe.”

“You said you can’t be with us,” Aria sobbed, his whole body shaking with the strength of the. “You said you’re going to leave us because you’re not pretty. I’m not pretty either. Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me alone.”

Drew expected Amara to protest, but he remained silent, watching with tears running down his face. He realised suddenly how broken they were, and how much he wanted to mend them. Hot on the heels of that thought was a tiny spark, a faint hope that maybe…just maybe, they felt the same way about him, that they wouldn’t run away after all.

“Alright. It’s not fair that I don’t give you a chance.”

Drew couldn’t bear to look the boys in the face, while he eased his jeans over his hips.

“What happened?” Amara asked softly as the first hint of puckered skin appeared.

“I was caught in a bomb blast. We were in a convoy and I was passenger in a jeep. The blast blew the jeep off the road and it rolled.”

With his jeans down to his knees, Drew closed his eyes, knowing what he would see if he looked, what the boys could now see. He jumped when gentle fingers touched his thigh and stroked the ruined skin.

“I was trapped. My leg was caught under the dashboard, which was mangled. I tried to get out but I couldn’t move. There was a river at the side of the road and the jeep was slowly submerging. By the time rescuers got to me I was up to my chest in water. They didn’t know there was a jagged piece of metal pinning my leg and when they dragged me out it sliced through my thigh. It got infected because of the dirty water and lack of medical attention. Had to have some skin grafts and—”

A small, distressed sound from Aria had his eyes popping open and the earth dropped from under him. He’d known. Of course he had. The twins were far more naïve and sheltered than they thought they were. His entire thigh was a mangled wreck of wasted muscle and patchwork of skin grafts. He was lucky he hadn’t lost it. However, no amount of preparation could have saved him from the pain that sliced through him at the expression of pure horror on Aria’s lovely face. His eyes were wide and glassy, his mouth hanging open and he’d started to shake. With a moan, he lowered his head and covered his face with his hands.

“It’s okay,” Drew said. “I know it’s horrible. I understand.”

“You understand fuck all, you self-absorbed, selfish, conceited son-of-a-bitch,” Amara snarled. He was struggling to get out of bed, gritting his teeth and snapping like a wild dog.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, you fucking don’t. Not everything is about you, Drew.”

When his feet hit the floor, Amara hunched, gasping with pain.

“Stop. You shouldn’t be doing that. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“You take care of him then,” Amara gasped.

Puzzled, Drew turned his attention to Aria, who seemed to be in even more pain than his brother, moaning and rocking with his hands pressed firmly over his face. Surely this was a bit of an over-reaction. He’d expected them to be repulsed but not destroyed. Was it something else? Something he’d said? His mind flew back over the words he’d spoken. Understanding burst on him and he flung himself to his knees, ignoring the fact that his jeans were more off than on. He wrapped his arms around Aria and drew him tight against his body.

“Oh Jesus, Aria. I’m an idiot, a complete idiot. Forgive me. I’m sorry, so sorry. Amara’s right. I’m a selfish, thoughtless idiot. I should never have mentioned being trapped. Please don’t get upset. Don’t think about it. Please.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Amara snapped. “Of course he’s going to think about it.” He finally reached his brother and gently wrapped his arms around Aria, completing the circle. Drew gazed down at the two golden heads and wondered again that the twins could be so similar and yet so different.

Aria had gone quiet, but it wasn’t the quiet of peace. He was stiff and unresponsive, and Drew’s stomach turned. What if he was responsible for sending Aria back into that place inside his head? What if he never came out again? How could Drew live with himself? How could Amara live with him?

“Aria?”

Drew had never heard so much emotion in one word. Pain, fear, hope, confusion, loss, helplessness and so much more. Amara was as lost as Aria. Drew stroked his hair and Amara raised his head, gazing at him with trusting eyes, hope burning through everything else.

“We can do this, Drew, can’t we?” he said, his voice trembling. Drew knew it was a question not a statement, but he was still proud of Amara for saying we. He wasn’t relying entirely on Drew now.

“We can do this,” he said firmly turning his attention to stroking Aria’s hair. “We can all do this.”

Aria whined and started to shake. Amara’s eyes met Drew’s and fierce relief morphed quickly into guilt. Drew knew what Amara was feeling because he felt the same. However, he was not guilty for delighting in Aria’s distress, because the alternative was so much worse. Distress would fade. It might take a while, but Aria would find peace – Drew would make sure of it.

Both Amara and Drew focussed entirely on Aria, stroking his hair and back, whispering words of comfort and simply holding him close.

“So… so scared,” Aria said brokenly, his breath hitching. “I screamed and screamed but no one came. Dark and…couldn’t…get…out. So cold and…and smelled funny. Couldn’t...breathe. Scared. I thought…I thought I would...would...would…die. On and on. No one. Dark. Couldn’t… I couldn’t….and…and I… Please. Please.”

Ssh, it’s alright. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

“Drew?” Aria whispered. “Don’t leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you.” Drew kissed Aria’s head and knew it was true.

They all lay down again and Aria finally fell into a fitful doze, having exhausted himself. Amara was restless on Drew’s other side.

“I need…” he whispered but froze when Aria stirred.

“Are you okay?” Drew mouthed, mindful of disturbing Aria.

Amara shook his head.

“Pain?”

Amara nodded. He looked exhausted too. Drew had to stop thinking that either of the twins were okay. Neither were, and probably wouldn’t be for a long time. His mind raced. How could he get up without disturbing Aria? Oh well, they could sleep later.

Although he was careful, he knew Aria would wake, and he did, sitting up with a start.

“Where are you going,” he asked sharply.

“To the bathroom. Amara needs some medication. He’s not well.”

“I’m fine,” Amara said quickly glaring at Drew.

“We have to be honest with each other, Amara,” Drew said firmly. “It won’t work if we’re not.”

Drew entered the bathroom hearing Aria’s concerned voice, and when he came back, Aria was gently stroking Amara’s chest, his eyes shadowed with concern. Drew smiled. It wouldn’t do Aria any harm to worry about someone else. It would probably be good for him.

“Aria, I’m fine,” Amara complained. “Stop fussing.”

“You were hit by a car. You broke bones. That’s not fine. Why are you here? Why aren’t you in hospital. I’m sure you should be. Anyone hurting that much should be.”

“I was discharged from the hospital,” Amara said grumpily. “There’s nothing they can do.”

“Do you have pills. You should have pills.”

“I do, but they make me sleepy.”

“That’s it? You won’t help yourself to not be in pain because they make you sleepy? You’re an idiot.”

Amara opened his mouth to speak but dropped his gaze from Aria’s stern expression. He mumbled something and Drew stifled a grin, not because the situation was anything to laugh at, but because Aria was so cute when he was cross and he had Amara wrapped around his delicate little finger.

“Drew, come here,” Aria commanded and Drew hurried to obey.

“Yes master,” Drew said, allowing the grin to escape.

Aria glanced at him sharply, then smiled. “Sometimes, it’s the only way to get through to him. He can be stubborn, you know.” He ducked his head and flashed Drew a coy glance. “Sometimes I get a bit carried away, but I actually quite like it. Would you like me to spank you, Drew?”

Drew stared, feeling like a deer in headlights. Was he serious?

Aria started to laugh. “If only you could see your face. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start dressing in leather corsets and stomping around cracking a whip against my thigh.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Drew said, giving Aria a hot glance of his own. “I might quite like that.”

Now it was Aria’s turn to gawp. “Um.”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t mean it, although the corset might be nice.” He went to Amara’s side of the bed and handed him a pill and a glass. Amara glared at them both as if they were about to bite him, then he glanced at Aria, sighed and took them. After swallowing the pill he handed the glass back to Drew, who placed in on the bedside table.

“Drew,” Aria said softly.

Drew glanced at him. All playfulness had disappeared from his expression. His eyes were haunted but his face was set in firm lines.

“What?”

“Come here.” Aria held out his hands.

Drew glanced at Amara, who shrugged, shaking his head slightly.

Although suspicious of what might be going on inside Aria’s head, Drew did as he was told. Aria moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He had to crane his neck to look up at Drew.

Aria hesitated for a moment, then laid his hands on Drew’s thighs. “Can I see your scar again?”

Drew stiffened. “I don’t know, I…”

“Please.” Aria pouted at him and he was lost.

Hardly noticing that Amara had joined his brother, Drew squeezed his eyes closed. After a hesitation while he got his head around the situation, he popped the top button on his jeans and unzipped. At that point other hands took over and before he knew it his jeans were around his knees. He jumped when cool fingers ran gently over the angry ridges of the scar that took up most of the top of his thigh.

Not daring to look, he kept his eyes closed, his hands clenched at his side.

“Drew,” a voice said, and Drew couldn’t quite make out if it was Aria or Amara. “Please look at me.” Aria, he decided.

It took Drew a little while to find the courage to open his eyes. Both twins were gazing up at him with unreadable expression.

“Don’t be afraid,” Aria said.

“We love you,” Amara said.

“All of you.”

“Inside and out.”

“And that includes your scars.”

“All of them.”

“You’re not ugly.”

“We love your scars.”

“Because we love you.”

Drew was shocked when Aria leaned forward and peppered kisses all along the scar. Amara looked, for a moment, like he was intending to bend to do the same, but clearly thought better of it, because he stood, and while Aria continued to kiss Drew’s leg, Amara kissed Drew.

There really was no comparison between Aria’s kisses and Amara’s. Aria’s were sweet and hesitant, a tentative exploration of new territory, Amara’s was hot and fierce, demanding access to every part of him. Drew groaned at Amara’s expert probing and tingled when Amara’s hands found their way to the hot, bare skin on Drew’s back. It was awkward with Aria still brushing his lips over Drew’s thigh, but he held Amara as best he could.

Aria sighed softly and released him. Drew gently disengaged himself from Amara, feeling suddenly exposed and guilty.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t be sorry,” Aria said with a soft smile. “You’re enjoying it, I can tell. You’re…um…yeah. Amara is too. I think I’ll go downstairs and see what Jay is up to.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to drive you out, especially not now. We can—”

“I don’t mind, Drew. This is what we were talking about. I don’t feel sick, or abandoned, or pushed out. This is your time. I’ve had mine, and I’ll have it again. It’s okay to have sex with Amara. It’s gross and sticky and sweaty and I have no idea why you want to…do…things, but I understand that you do, and that’s okay. Amara deserves you. He deserves this, and I won’t spoil it. I don’t need to. I’m fine.”

Drew had tears in his eyes when he buried his hands in Aria’s hair and drew him close. “I haven’t said this, and I should have. I haven’t known you long, and I don’t say this easily, but I love you, Aria, I love you both. Never doubt that.”

Aria tilted back his head and gazed up at him. He, too had tears in his eyes. “Just don’t leave me ever again.”

“I won’t. I promise. I’ll always be here for you.”

Aria smiled, raised himself on tip toe and kissed Drew. “I’ll see you downstairs when you’ve finished…um…” He looked thoughtful for a moment, then a grin split his face. “When you’ve finished drilling Amara into the mattress.” The grin was replaced by an expression of horror. “Oh no, don’t do that. He’s hurt. Wait until he’s better. Promise.”

Drew’s mouth dropped open. Those two were going to be the death of him

“No one’s doing any drilling today,” Amara said seriously. “I couldn’t stand it. Besides, what makes you think I’ll be the one being drilled?”

Aria’s lips parted in a surprised O. “Oh heck, of course. That’s the bottom isn’t it. I think it is. Is it?”

“Yes,” Amara said firmly while Drew simply gaped at both of them.

“But you said you like to do that sometimes.”

Amara nodded, “Sometimes, but I like it the other way around best. Oh.” He turned to Drew, looking anxious. “I think this is something we’re supposed to talk about, isn’t it? We need to come to an agreement about…you know…preferences. Most people just assume I’m submissive and they have the right to do what they want to me. Sometimes, I go along with it.” He glanced quickly at Aria and Drew knew what he was thinking – the sometimes referred to when he was pretending to be Aria. “Mostly, I…don’t. Not really. I’m not kinky, into Doms and subs and things, that’s more Jay’s thing, but I do like to be in control. Is that a problem?”

Drew was overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to say. Hell, he didn’t know what to think. To be honest, he hadn’t thought that far ahead, but in the back of his mind he had, indeed, assumed that Amara would be a bottom. On reflection, he couldn’t understand why. Amara might be small in body, but in everything else he was huge. When he thought about it, he couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through him at the thought of Amara between his legs, his lean hips thrusting, sending ripples through the tight muscles in his stomach. He’d have that fierce expression, and then he’d throw back his head, his glorious hair cascading over his shoulders. Would he shout when he came? Would his moans be loud and free, or escape softly from his lips? And those lips. The things that hot mouth could do to him.

“Oh God,” Drew moaned and his cock twitched. Christ, if Amara kept this up, he’d come in his pants and that wasn’t the impression he wanted to give at all.

Aria chuckled softly and stood, allowing his brother to take his place. He kissed Drew softly but avoided his hands when Drew tried to hug him. “Later,” he said with a smile. “Make my brother happy.” Then he trotted out the door and closed it softly behind him.