Makarovia! Yes, I Know Where That is! Sophomore Year - 65. Looking For Answers

Looking For Answers

Yuri was still walking away. Boris passed by me in a run and grabbed his husband and clutched Yuri against him. In what I saw and felt, this was a moment between husbands. My worry was that I had done what I was afraid I might do and pushed Yuri too hard. I stopped. My knowing any answers now wasn't important, so I turned to go back to the agents.

"Please, stay, Your Highness," Boris asked me quietly and very seriously.

It wasn't a full formal address, but more a way of telling me it was a more informal request.

Yuri and Boris were standing so close; Yuri said something which only Boris could hear.

"I think you should," Boris said to Yuri's comment. "Who is better than someone who loves you like they obviously do? You know I do." He hugged Yuri again and kissed him gently. "Then you might be able to let it go."

Boris looked at me and with a simple nod, left Yuri with me.

I walked up to Yuri. "I was sweating this a while. I was so concerned about hurting your feelings. I did everything to prevent that. You were so happy only minutes earlier. I was just thinking I might have really hurt you."

Yuri let go of a breath letting a mournful sound out, but still couldn't look at me yet.

"I can tell it is painful," I said getting closer to him. "I'm not asking, but if you want to say anything, I'll listen." There was no judgment from me as I encouraged Yuri. I waited a minute or two and turned to the stairs thinking he wasn't ready but I would be there.

"We put them on the front line," Yuri said softly. "On purpose."

I turned back to Yuri. "And give them the training to do it well in defense." I nodded. "Which they elect to do and they're financially rewarded more than regular guards for it."

"If there is an attack," Yuri said. "They are the ones killed."

I nodded. "I worry about that, too. And, it isn't fair." I waved at the Duchess. "Why am I here? Did I earn any of it?" I asked. "Not a damned bit. All I did was fall for the tall guy in the back of the class. Many times I feel like I'm just along for the ride." I shook my head to get off going down the wrong track of thought. "You said they'll die. Not they could die or might die. They will die. How do you know?"

"That's their job! They always do!" Yuri said angrily. His anger was not at me. I was just there.

"Makarovia hasn't done that. We haven’t lost any agents." I tried to understand. "This happened in Russia?" He was nodding, "You keep from becoming attached to them so it doesn’t happen now." I said. "Does it help?"

Yuri still wouldn't look at me.

"You've lost some people that meant a lot to you," I stated. "This professional distance helps with the loss? Has it reduced the pain?" Yuri looked very uncomfortable. Men don't talk about feelings! That was against the Men's Code and Rule Book men seem to religiously follow. "Those men down there are not," I stopped. I didn't know the word in Makarovian, or Russian. I switched to English. "Cannon fodder?"

The problem was I didn't know of any word in Makarovian, Ukrainian or Russian for that word and Yuri didn't know the English word I used. "Men we put on the frontline knowing they will get killed first."

Yuri took a second two and then nodded. "Pushechnoye myaso?"

"If you say so," I shrugged. "I don't know."

Yuri gave a little smile. "I only knew it in Russian."

"And I only knew it in English." I smiled. "I hope it's the same thing." I looked at Yuri carefully. "You suffered the pain of loss because someone left you." I held my hand up to stop what he might say. "I don't really want to know who or why. This isn't a contest. Loss happens. Your feelings are valid. You feel what you feel. Blocking emotions to save yourself the pain isn't the way to live your life. You should feel pain..." Yuri looked startled and I put my hand on his arm. "You grieve. If they meant anything to you, you'll grieve their loss. I miss a few people very much still even today. They had meaning to me." I pointed down the stairs. "Those men have begun to mean a great deal to us." I smiled. "They're good men. I don't want them hurt or lose any of them; not for me. They have just as much value as anyone."

"There have been several losses. Here were two I think of often," Yuri began. "In Russia when I was in my teens and I was dealing with..." he thought, "my feelings toward men. I ventured out at night. I didn't use good judgment then. I had heard of this area where men like us would meet." Now tears were coming to his eyes. "I just wanted to talk to someone! I never even knew his name. He saw me come up and smiled. It was a nice smile, but before I got there another group of men came and began beating him." Now, Yuri was crying. "They killed him and I didn't do a thing!"

I nodded. "How old were you?"

"Fourteen," Yuri answered. "Fifteen a month later."

"How many men did this?" I asked.

Yuri's head wobbled in a shrug. "Three or four. I could have helped him!" Yuri said as if I wasn't getting what he was saying. ''I was afraid to call the police. I just watched him get killed!"

"And we might not have met," I said. "You could have been killed. You're doing the whole could have and should have thing." I shook my finger in his face. "Stop it. For millions of years, a fight or flight reflex evolved in us we learned to ignore. It's helped us survive and will kick in with almost no warning, making us take action before we even know there's a threat or what the threat is." I said. "You didn't think you could."

"I promised myself I'd never do that again."

I nodded. "I'd say you made good on that promise. Is that when you decided to become a security agent?"

Yuri nodded. "Partly. I enrolled in the MVD..." he looked at me. "You know them?"

I nodded. "None personally, that's training center for the police in Russia."

Yuri nodded. "That's right. I was assigned a partner. Daiki. He was in his forties. A very nice guy. I was twenty when we met." He started to laugh, but not from humor. "I fell in love with him."

"Did you tell him?" I asked knowing many Russians did not approve of us. "How'd that go?"

"Oh, he never knew," Yuri said. "I couldn't tell him, but...I never got the chance." Now, he was crying more. "We were partners for two years. He...was my hero. We were in a situation and being held to get what the criminals wanted. They were going to shoot me to make the negotiator give in. The gun was pointed at my head!" Yuri turned away. "Daiki jumped up and took the bullet for me!"

"That would leave a huge impression," I said. Both were men he developed feelings for but never expressed them. A teenager's memories, the horror of seeing a man killed and guilt. A young man's hero killed instead of him. That would be emotional agony. "I am so sorry." No saying, "I understand" or "it will be alright." I couldn't understand and it would never be alright. He had to live with it and get used to that and adjust.

"I understand about emotional distance. Making rational decisions on the job is often critical." I said. "That distance is not for me." I grinned. "And, it's your fault."

Yuri wiped his face to get rid of the tears and looked a bit unsure about what I said. "And how did you come to that opinion?"

"You're the one that sent us to Greece!"

"Didn't you like it?" Yuri asked.

"Not a bit." I shook my head. "We love it! We discovered some friends there I can't wait for you to meet." I looked into Yuri's eyes. "We love you. I love you and I do not ever want to ever hurt you, Yuri. Are you okay now?"

Yuri nodded. "Sure." He stopped me from walking off. "How does my directing you to Greece fit in with this?"

I smiled. "We were never really unaccepted in Greece. Going back in history to the age of all those gods, our being there was just another part of humanity. Many of their gods had homosexual relations." I shrugged. "No one was shocked or surprised. It was almost like a bigger Makarovia."

"This pirate," Yuri began going to the topic of possible crisis now. "Could she be part of the Consortium?"

"Who knows?" I shrugged. "Or she's being used by them. I don't know if we were even targeted."

Yuri nodded. "We'll take a look and see."

We began to walk back down to get breakfast.

"Did Mercea leave any for us?" I asked everyone and no one.

Boris was talking to Henri. No doubt they were talking about food. The agents looked at Yuri and me.

Peter looked at me with a look of hope and I gave him a slight nod. Boris came from talking with Henri to Yuri's side. With just a look Boris asked and Yuri answered. Not a word from either of them was uttered, but they understood each other.

No one even mentioned Yuri's outburst. I knew Yuri had love to spare in him. The emotions he showed on the main deck were not simple. Is there a simple basic emotion? Usually, it was an emotion shrouded with other emotions and ideas. Nothing was just black and white. You couldn't just say "I Love You" and be simply understood. For instance, the word for love. There are many forms of love in the Greek language. Eros for sexual passion, philia for really deep friendships, ludus for playful love, storge for love of a child or family member, agape for love of everyone, pragma for long-standing love, and philautia is loving yourself.

Impressed?

Well, don't be. I knew there were a few words in the Greco-Roman language for love, but...yeah... I had to look them up. I can't just rattle them off. English was the only language I spoke other than Ukrainian, Makarovian, Russian are Slavic languages. If Grandma hadn't defected I would probably only speak any Slavic languages.

What am I saying!? If she hadn't, I wouldn't speak any language. I wouldn't even be!! Thanks, Grandpa. You just wouldn't give up on Katrina.

Yuri, Boris, Peter, Luke, Earl and I discussed any possible options.

"I can switch the AIS off, but that causes other problems," Yuri stated. "Because of that lady pirate, you'll be inside the Italian Territorial Waters."

"We have to," Luke stated. "We can stick close to Italy. About fifteen kilometers out is territorial waters and well patrolled by Italy. We'll be cutting across the Ionian Sea from Santa Maria to Corfu. It's the shortest distance of open water. That will be the only regional water we'll be in. We'll have to take the Corinth Canal again. That area has a good bit of traffic."

"The Italian or Greek Navy doesn't patrol that?" I asked.

Luke gave a slow grudge of a nod. "Weeell..."

I raised my hand stopping him. "Say no more. I momentarily forgot. I got it."

Peter shook his head. "I don't."

"It's been said..." I didn't like badmouthing anyone. "Italy's Government and Military are corrupt." I looked at Peter. "Mario and his sister were born into families with money. I don't have to ask if they were raised behind walls and had armed guards to prevent kidnapping."

Luke nodded with a chuckle. "Ask any of my crew. Most of the countries in Europe consider Italy the most corrupt country in Europe." are suspect.

"No one will stop this!?" Peter asked.

"Who?" I shrugged at the notion. "The government? I can in a few seconds show you case after case of some pretty telling articles and testimonies that can give you a rundown of many, many convictions showing evidence of guilt. Many are suspected. It's sort of how they operate."

Luke nodded. "Even with the anti-corruption campaign group Transparency International working to stop the corruption, it's pretty much unchanged."

Peter thought a second and then realized something. "Was there a group from Italy at the Wedding or Proposal?" He was searching through his own head. I could see him mentally searching and wondered if what he had was what he was looking for. Seeing it wasn't, he tossed it away. "I can't remember seeing one."

Yuri shrugged. "There is a small group of Italian Military in Makarovia, I don't recall any dignitaries." Then Yuri moved the conversation to what he was talking about. "We can visually scan the hull. The problem is it could be anywhere and practically microscopic now." He shook his finger at no one as he thought. "But the receiver needs to be close to pick up that signal." He looked at Luke. "Were the swimmers carrying anything?"

Luke shook his head. "I couldn't see that."

Yuri nodded. "It too could be very small." He thought. "Even an enhancer for the tracker."

"That's good, right?" I asked. "Putting something to tell them this is the ship means they could lose us."

"We're talking as if it's all true." Peter pointed out. "We don't know if it's a fact."

"You're right,'' Yuri said.

"You can't prove or disprove anything with no evidence," Luke agreed.

"That doesn't mean can't prepare like it is right." I pointed out.

"I'll fix your AIS from tracking you in the Regional Waters," Yuri said.

Mario's island was just inside the Territorial Waters of Italy. It is true what we said about Italy. There was corruption. That doesn't mean all Italians are corrupt. They had good people there, too. Using that corruption, I'm sure Mario had a few naval ship captains on his private payroll to help protect his island. What that meant I didn't have any idea. Peter, Olek, and I had only spent a week here. I couldn't recall any navy vessel, from any country pass by. Nor did I remember seeing any other vessel.

The island was North of Sicily. Yes, I know you've seen that said by me before. Think about being told to look up in the sky. Now, I'm handing you binoculars and directing you to a particular part of that sky.

The island was North of Palermo, Sicily on the coast of, but South of the island Ustica.

Ustica was a small island. Smaller than Malta, but it offered hotels, restaurants and the ever-popular beaches. It was beautiful. Mario's island was even smaller.

Checking the equipment you did every time before a dive. Every time. Your life depended on it. I am not saying maybe. It did! When suddenly you can't breathe, you panic. Your first solution is to take that mask off to breathe. Guess what? You drown and you die.

I had an audience. Not just Peter, but from Alec, Mikell, and Mercea. Eight pair of concerned eyes. Okay, two of those pair were worried. Mercea concerned, but it was exciting for him! Peter looked worried the most.

"I've done it a few times," I said to the silent inquiry. "About ten, I think. One was even a night dive. I'm still here." I reached down and got two pieces of polished...plastic? About the size of a traditional flip cell phone. I slipped them in one of the many pockets the suit had that lined my waist.

"What are those for?" Mercea asked fascinated.

"They're weights," I answered. "Whether at play or working you want to stay in one place. You sort of...hover? Humans are buoyant and will rise toward the surface naturally. These help me not to do that."

That explanation served two purposes. It answered Mercea's curiosity and reassured Peter I did know what I was doing.

Peter pointed at me...or rather, he pointed to my short sleeve and short pants scuba suit. "You're not wearing the whole suit?"

I nodded in a testy voice all for humor. "Everything necessary is covered and protected." I insisted and then said seriously. "The temperature of the water is seventy-six degrees Ferinheight." And quickly held my hand up. "I can convert it, but I don't want to..."

"Twenty-four degrees." Peter smiled.

"See?" I brought him in kissing him. "I didn't hurt one bit. I'll be fine."

Then Peter scowled. "Why don't I know this about you?"

I shrugged. "It never came up?"

"We live right next to the water in Boston," Peter explained as I nodded.

"There are two things I won't do. That water is freezing and too damned cold all year round!" I added. "Go pretty much anywhere above Cape Hatteras, North Carolina and will be all the way up!" I explained. "The Gulf Stream? It veers off there and heads toward England?"

Peter was now more comforted. He was smiling. "The other thing?"

"I don't do river dives," I said firmly. "I'm not crazy about lake diving. I'll skip them, too. But I refuse to river dive."

Peter's inquiring eyebrow rose. "Why? It's all water." He shrugged.

I looked at Peter. "Have you seen some rivers? Charleston has two big ones and grayish-brown due to too much dirt in the water. Visibility is maybe a foot or two. I like to see." I looked away a little and added quietly. "I'm scared I could run into someone."

"Run into someone?" Peter's brow wrinkled. "Another diver?" He asked confused.

I sighed and turned facing him. "No, someone who was given an offer they couldn't refuse. No scuba gear offered or needed,"

Peter's face broke in a smile and then laughed. So did Mercea, Alec and Mikell.

I nodded folding my arms over my chest pretending indignation. "Go ahead." I waved at them. "It won't be funny when it happens to you." I pointed to the island. "This is Sicily!"

As I said, that was for those reasons again. Peter was laughing as he hugged me. He was still concerned, but less worried. Humor was a cure for many things weighing on minds. (But I refuse to river dive.)

Yuri walked up sitting by me. "I agree with Luke." He said. "You should not be going."

I sat up straighter. "And who do you have to replace me?" I waved at Luke. Its regulation there must be a Command Officer must be on board. They can both dive, but not at the same time on this trip. When someone is below the surface a Command Officer has to remain on board. I'm not just a Professionally Trained Professionally Diver. I'm Open Water certified."

Yuri smiled nodding. "Yeah, I am too."

"Which means?" Peter asked.

Yuri chuckled. "All this."

"All of the Oceans and Seas," I explained and looked at Mercea who was still looking at the equipment trying to see what it did. "I think you'd have a willing student if you asked."

It was more than just being able to breathe. You had to learn skills to go down there.

Mercea was only partially listening but looked up with his eyes widening. "Me? To do this!!?" He asked looking at a tank. "Hell, yeah! Sign me up!!" He was a big boy that just got the best surprise ever for Christmas!

"Why?" Peter asked. "Makarovia has no seas."

Yuri waved around him. "Because it might be needed, like now."

You've always seen movies or television shows where the divers just fall backward over the side. Like before with the approach of the badasses to the Big Bar. We didn't do that backward drop thing either.

At the same place Mikell, Peter, and I fished Mercea out of the water was where we climbed into the water and drifted out a little.

"The hull is a Fiberglass-wood mix," Earl instructed. "The strength of wood but endures like fiberglass. It's the newest thing in making ships able to cross oceans and not weigh as much as some boats even smaller than the Duchess." That fact really wasn't important. He was proud of what he did and where he did it. I grinned at a thought. And he liked who he did it with.

I know, I know, I'm told many times I wished the world were gay. Well, why not? Giving birth would really be a decision and done to have a child. Don't waste your time and breathe with practicalities of the Human Race, continuing the species and yadda, yadda. I still look at men with women and ask: what's he doing with her!? No offense intended ladies, but I am gay.

"There really isn't a seam," Earl said. "Gretchen and I have searched in places where there are breaks like the maneuvering thrusters and engines."

Yuri nodded. "There is nothing that can be magnetized in the framework." He said to verify.

Earl thought but ended up shaking his head. "The frame is a mix also of several those metals, but most is aluminum." He smiled and moved his hand over the water. "You know. Lighter and burns less fuel?"

"We understand that." I laughed.

"The problems is..." Yuri said. "These trackers need a boost. That's what I think you were stopped for. We will send a signal while in Italy's waters and stop when we aren't. Only the line of sight will tell anyone what we are."

"Let's go." Gretchin smiled pulling her mask down and putting the regulator in and gently lowered in the water.

Once down there, I remembered how much I loved it. I sort of abandoned some of my dreams somewhat. Mom got sick and I sort of pushed it to the back of my mind. Now I was feeling it again. There was a sense of freedom here.

I was also right when I said you hovered. No rising or lowering because of the weights. The water here was so clear but got darker blue the farther you could see. I could also see we were not the only creatures down here. Schools of fish swam with a few darting by alone, but away from us. How could they be late for anything? I also knew there bigger fish and mammals like the whales that surfaced one night. I heard them but didn't see them. Looking away from the island I couldn't make out what some were. It could get busy down here. I was willing to bet Peter would like this. It was better than any pool any day. He knew how to swim. Didn't he? He did it a year ago here and in the house in Boston. I was pleased with myself. I'd have to ask him. We could do this together! Hockey was great, for Peter and Olek. This we could do! If he agreed. It would also be an excuse to come to Greece!

I turned and went toward the black hull and began looking. Looking for something that may not be there at all and where to look to find it, we didn't know what it was if we did see it! Yes, it wasn't a highlight of our honeymoon for me.