Makarovia! Yes, I Know Where That is! Sophomore Year - 17. Chapter 17

Part Two: Bren Speaks

“The guards were so…cruel, just evil,” Bren said wailing. “The guards when we were brought into the camp had us take everything off and…” he stopped taking another sip, you heard it. “One had this sort of baton he used to beat us with I would find out later. He…” Bren stopped again and you heard Milo speaking again to Bren softly. “He…he stuck it in my ass. It hurt. It was a polished piece of round wood, but it hurt. Milo jumped to stop it, but…” his words broke, “they hit him. They laughed at us, saying they knew was getting fucked, that I liked up my ass.” He said as Milo was still talking to him almost quietly. The sound again was sort of muffled, as he probably was speaking with mouth pressed against Bren’s face, right near his ear. “He literally jammed it in my ass!” The last words were broken as he was crying still. “That was just the beginning. We were touched, grabbed…they would grab Milo’s…penis and yank hard. They did it to me, too. It was a sick game of fun for them. We weren’t people at all. We weren’t treated as well as dogs. They weren’t the only ones. The others at the camp…ones that may have been criminals, were just as bad. They were mean as those Nazi guards! We, the others that were there for violating the stupid…law were kept together, at least. Milo was there at least, but he couldn’t stop the others, I couldn’t stop the others…there were…sexual situations, but not with any of us. Some of the men would offer sex with a guard to get just some bread or extra ration. They gave their ass to just eat!” He said sadly. “It was just after we arrived…when…a guard pulled me out of the men going to work…he…” he stopped breathing harder as you heard Milo voicing assurances and again, telling Bren it was okay, Bren was safe. “He pulled his erect dick out. He demanded a blow job!” He took another audible swallow of his whiskey. “He didn’t ask me, he told me I was going to do it! At least he told me to do it…out of sight of the others.” His voice was shaking again. “I had never done it with anyone but Milo. I did it with Milo because I love him. I wasn’t given the choice! The idea of doing with this…Nazi, made me sick! I did get sick! I almost threw up right there! I had to do it! He came in my mouth. When it was over, I did throw up! How is it, that Milo and I were being held for doing in love, what this…animal wanted me to do!?”

“Okay, Bren.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “I’m saying that’s enough today.”

“I’m not finished.” Bren protested.

“I know.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “You have done so well! You stayed with us.” She moved, I assume nearer to Bren. “Having Milo here was the key. I’m not saying there won’t be times you won’t be brought into these memories and lose yourself in them as before. Milo can bring you back. As things I know about are discussed…you probably will. This needs to be done slowly. I don’t want to overwhelm you with it. That may cause more damage than good. Your mind is trying to heal itself as it processes what happened. You just don’t know how to do that. I will guide you to learn how. Nothing will shock me. Okay?” She chuckled. “I think you’re feeling a little bit of the whiskey.”

“I am,” Bren said for the first time a little…happier than he had.

“All the more reason to stop.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “Go home, love each other and we’ll talk another day. Okay?”

“Come on, Bren,” Milo said. “We’ll go home.”

They were heard leaving and Dr. Lowenstein gave the date and time again.

The clip didn’t end. Again we heard Dr. Lowenstein give the time and date, identifying who was there.

“How are you feeling, Bren?” Dr. Lowenstein asked. “Did you have any episodes during the few days after our last session?”

“There were a few,” Bren answered. “Milo got me out.”

“They weren’t too bad,” Milo said. “If I catch him before it gets too far, it’s easier.”

“We should see those fewer.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “Things will be more…difficult for you, Bren. Just focus on the memories and know it is the past. Milo will help keep you here. Are you ready?”

“No,” Bren said instantly. “I will do it.”

“Let’s begin after the arrival at Bergen.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “Someone demanded oral sex.”

“Yes,” Bren said. “It was just the second day. I was terrified. We were all…all of us that were there for violating Paragraph 175…we put together and kept. Milo was there with me, but…we didn’t dare even touch each other! The morning began well before the sun rose and well past midnight. The others not with us…as in criminals and…those that were Jewish were just as bad to us, if not worse than the guards. The only ones lower than we were, were those who were both homosexual and Jewish. We had two of those when we arrived. Those two were sent to Auschwitz where we both knew they would be killed. We found out if you were sent there…that was pretty much it. We were put on a work crew.” His voice shook again. “We were starved! They fed us almost nothing, but you worked. If you failed to do it, you were…eliminated. As part of our treatment…we were told that some were taken to have sex with the women that were lesbian, to cure us. No offense, but the idea of them wanting me to do that…made me sick! How would that cure us!? I didn’t want that, I just wanted Milo!” He asked. “Now, Milo is smart. He is also very attractive…he caught the attention of this…what was he again, Milo?”

“A pig,” Milo replied simply with no emotion.

Bren even chuckled at his remark. “Okay, Milo got the attention of this pig that needed clerical help.” Then his laugh was bitter. “Clerical.” He said scoffing. “That pig demanded Milo do the same with him I had been told to do with that guard! Then that pig did it to Milo! They were as bad as they said we were!”

“Worse,” Milo said quietly. “Sorry. I know, let Bren talk.”

“You’re fine, Milo.” Dr. Lowenstein assured.

“It was the end of…I don’t know. The days sort of blended, but Milo was doing…what that pig needed doing. What the pig wanted. When Milo told me what was happening,” Bren said now crying again. “The idea…” his voice was directed, I knew it was to Milo, “and I don’t blame you, Milo, but someone touching you and doing…that to you made me ill! He did it because of me!! As long as he worked and serviced that pig, I was not treated as badly. Milo was forced to let that…pig touch his…penis and forced Milo to do with his hand and mouth to make that pig ejaculate! He played with your ass, Milo!!”

Milo was speaking quietly again to Bren. “It wasn’t love, Bren. It was never any kind of affection. You know that.”

“I know.” Bren cried. “I understand that, but…” he stopped a few minutes.

“Would you like some more whiskey?” Dr. Lowenstein asked.

“Please,” Bren said. “What happened next…I need it.”

The sound of a drawer again opening and some liquid poured. “Any for you, Milo?”

Milo sniffed, he was crying a little, too. “No, I’m good…give my share to Bren.”

There was the audible swallow again and wince as the alcohol burned. “It was just one long nightmare. I don’t know how long, but…weeks? A month? Waking up early, working late seven days a week. I…” and he stopped again.

“Bren,” Milo said softly to his husband and you heard the rubbing on fabric. “Stay here, Bren. Come on, Baby. You’re doing great. I know you want this gone. Stay with me, Bren.”

“I remember, Milo!” Bren said tear-strained voice. “It was in the evening…they made this announcement that some were being sent to Auschwitz.” He took another swallow. “They called my name! I was going to die!” He said as Milo was comforting him more. “Milo…as I was coming forward. My legs weren’t really working right. I was going to die and would never see Milo again. I had trouble walking. Milo…stepped out and said to take him, too.” He took another drink. “There were several guards there…they began taunting Milo. Saying I was his girlfriend. They began touching me. Saying I must have been a great fuck. They were taunted Milo about his sucking dick and he must have been good at it.” He was moaning as he cried. “They…opened their pants…all of the guards after the first one said it and…forced Milo down on his knees…he was…in front of all the others…demanded he do it to him right then!” Bren took another swallow. “Milo…he didn’t do it at first…one guard raised his rifle and…he hit me hard in the face! It was so sudden, it didn’t hurt that much then…I was dizzy and nauseous. I saw…” he hesitated again.

“No, Bren,” Milo said softly again his voice muffled as he was speaking to Bren’s ear again. “Stay here…stay with me, Baby.”

“He was…doing…in front of the others…taking them each…he did it to save me.” Bren said. “That hurt more than the hit I got…he was…humiliating himself to save me!” He said in a strained voice. “All of the guards, he did it for me!”

Milo was doing the thing again, talking to Bren and kissing lightly.

“I hurt for him!” Bren said. “When he had done it…to all of them…they threw me against the wall…tore my pants off and started to touch me…my ass! They wanted to know if I was a good fuck. I must be if Milo was willing to die to stop them. I knew what they were going to do! They…they talked about how to…make it possible…one said to use the motor oil…he…he…” Bren stopped again.

“Bren!” Milo said louder. “Bren!! Oh, god…please, Bren…” he begged as we heard fabric and knew he was holding Bren. “Please, Bren. He was raped, Doctor! Repeatedly!! He was raped!”

“I know that, Milo.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “Brutally, but he has to face it. He’s having one of these episodes…which I knew he probably would. This is horrible, I know that, but if he can’t get it out, it will just fester! Help him come back. We are so close! He has to voice it to get beyond that point. His mind is stuck there!”

“Come on, Bren,” Milo begged. “Please, don’t do this. You’re safe. Come back to me.”

Now, there was a cry, a sob from Bren. “I can’t do it.” He said softly in tears.

“We’re almost there, Baby. If you want to stop…we’ll go home, but…”

“They…weren’t gentle at all,” Bren said going on quickly like just jumping off a cliff. “I felt…the first one…ram his penis in me.” He cried. “It hurt! Even with the oil, it hurt. He was thrusting again and again. I wanted to die!!”

“Easy,” Milo said.

“They did it in front of Milo! The others…it took…I felt him…cum in me. He came inside me!! Then the….next one did it, too!! Over and over they did it! I lost count as it blended in my mind. Four of them did cum in me!! I felt it! Not one was gentle.” He moaned his voice barely understandable. “I wanted to die!!”

“Me, too,” Milo said to his husband. “I wanted to die, too. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It was!” Bren said. “You performed oral sex to save me, but…”

“You’re my angel, Bren. I had to do it.” Milo said. “They would hurt you.”

“I know! They did hurt me!” Bren said. “After they were done physically…I was just…waiting for them to kill me. I wanted them to kill me. I felt…it was cold metal. He was…shoving his…handgun barrel…in my ass!! I prayed he’d pull the trigger!” He drank some more and we heard more being added. “I don’t know how long that lasted…but…the one that hit me in the face…took his rifle…laughing saying it was time for the big gun. It…it…it was so hard!! He was brutal! He shoved it in me so hard.” He voice was getting louder as he told them. “I felt…my inside…he…tore my insides. I felt it! It hurt so badly!! He did it again and again and again…” Bren confessed. “I was dizzy again. I thought I was going to die. I welcomed death. It would end! All of it.” He faultered again. “There was this…boom,” Bren said. “It didn’t even enter my mind to wonder what it was, but…a fire. It was one of the offices…I was feeling faint. Blood was oozing out of me. I felt that, too. I remember Milo pulling me up and saying we were leaving. We had to get away now. I was dizzy and sick, but he put what was left of my pants on me and was dragging us somewhere…”

“Okay!” Dr. Lowenstein said quickly. “Bren.” You heard someone walk and the sound of a kiss and the sound of fabric on fabric as she hugged him. “I say, that’s enough. You did beautifully!”

“But I’m not done,” Bren said weakly.

“No, you’re not.” Dr. Lowenstein said, her voice a little muffled as she probably hugged him. “What you just told me…that was a major step to healing. That was a major hurdle you’ve cleared. Now, you got it out and time to move on. It’s in the past, Bren.”

“I don’t feel like it is,” Bren said.

“This wasn’t a quick fix, Bren.” Dr. Lowenstein said. “You will probably fall back into these episodes, but a part of your mind knows…or is beginning to know…it’s done. It’s the past. I will help you, I promise. You will heal. Now, go with your husband and go home. Rest. Rest in the knowledge that you are loved by this man with you. He is your husband. We’ll pick up from here, later. Okay?”

You heard Bren swallow again, probably the last of his second whiskey. “Okay.”

“Bren,” Milo said. “I don’t want to hear again how you are weak or are not brave,” Milo said kindly, softly, but firmly. “That…was so bold of you. I love you, Bren.”

“I love you, too, Milo. I always have.” Bren said as again the sound of fabric and against fabric.

“Let’s go home,” Milo said.

Dr. Lowenstein gave the time and date.

Peter and I had listened, but I saw things around us were blurry. I wiped my face with my hand to clear the tears off my face. I felt Peter press his lips to my head silently as he tightened his arms around me. I turned to face him more directly kissing him deeply. I wanted him, yes, but I wanted to convey how much I loved him and appreciated we were free to do so.

“Those two suffered a lot,” I said softly. “Far worse than the protesters out front or even gay-bashing.”

“Yes, they did.” Peter agreed. “I’m getting to understand why Makarovia is what it became.”

“Those two and the many others…are what made Makarovia what it is. They need to have their voices heard.” I said.

“They will be heard.” Peter embraced me. “Make love to me.”

I chuckled rubbing our foreheads together. “I was going to ask you to with me.” I got up and pulled him to his feet. “One of us will make love to the other. We’ll be more comfortable in bed.”

In our bed…that comfortable warm place we shared. We did make love. I started with him and he made love to me. It was one of those slow, loving moments I will cherish every time. When we were done this time; there were no gasps for breath, no regulating of hearts. There was the afterglow as we cuddled together, knowing we loved each other. Telling again:

“I love you, Eric,” Peter said softly.

“I know you do,” I said sincerely. “I love you, Peter.”

“I know.”