Awaken - 6. Lesson

“Where do we start then?”

“All fours.”

“Excuse me?” Talon rolled his eyes and pointed down toward the ground. I slowly lowered to my knees and those eyes rolled again. He moved behind me and pushed me forward onto my hands.

“Push ups little lord. I'm not propositioning you.” I felt myself flush, heat spreading over my face and up my neck to my ears. I'd never been a very active person and my parents had given up on that front as soon as they'd decided I was powerless. I extended my legs behind me and lowered myself down shakily. I forced myself up without much grace and let out a breath.

“Well, I suppose we'll count that as one. As awful as it was. Keep going.”

“For how many?” I gasped as I struggled to do another.

“Eh, we'll see.”

“What?” Talon chuckled and his toe tapped my forearm as it tried to support my body. My arm slipped and I smacked my face on the ground. I grumbled angrily and sat back, glaring at Talon who had stepped away and was sitting cross legged on a nearby rock.

“I don't believe I told you to stop.”

“This is stupid. I can't do this. I wanted you to teach me how to use my Magik.”

“I've already explained to you why this is necessary. This isn't even hard Lordling.”

I grumbled angrily again as I moved back into position, “I don't see you doing it.”

“I'm not here to learn, but if it bothers you that much,” Talon dropped off the rock and slipped down directly across from me, “And I'll even let you count.” He looked over at me expectantly and I tried to tear my eyes away from the muscles in his shoulders that were already flexing.

I lowered myself with difficulty, “One.” I tried to ignore how Talon lowered himself almost all the way to the ground before smoothly pushing himself back up. I had to open my big mouth. Of course this wouldn't be hard for him. I'd just made my own struggles even more apparent.

*

I was covered in sweat, panting loudly and bent over with my hands on my knees. Talon was jogging around me, his hood was pushed back and had been since the very beginning of our workout. His skin was already tinted red from the harsh sun. He circled me again and I tried to ignore the nausea that flew through me. It was too hot and everything we'd done had been terrible. I couldn't catch my breath and my entire body was already sore, my long neglected muscles screaming in protest. Talon didn't even have the decency to be out of breath. He stopped jogging in place when he realized I was spent and stood, frowning at me.

“You're honesty in worse shape than I thought.”

“You can't spring all of this on me day one and expect me to be amazing right away.”

“True but your muscles are so underdeveloped that I'm starting to wonder how you even pull your clothes on.” Talon pulled his tunic over his head and a light sheen of sweat covered his torso. All the black fabric normally draped over him made him look almost slender. Without it, though, he looked like a completely different person. His torso was muscled and I tried not to watch the small bead of sweat running down his abs, disappearing into the fabric at his hips. His shoulders and hips were far more narrow than Lex's but the strength there was still obvious. No wonder why none of this had phased him. He was in perfect shape. I shook my head, doubling over again and vomiting. Talon frowned and I almost fell forward as I felt long fingers gently pull my hair away from my face. I tried to focus on the gentle touches but my stomach had other thoughts and I was back on all fours. I felt like I was going to throw up my actual stomach and yet those fingers still held my hair back.

“What are you doing to him?” My stomach was slowly settling and Talon helped me to my feet, his hands staying outstretched in case I lost my balance. I tried to avoid the fear that crept up my spine at the familiar voice.

“This is a private training session and I know for a fact that you weren't invited.” Talon squared his shoulders and I watched Lex's eyes slide over Talon's bare chest and then me.

“Is there a reason you're half naked in my fiance's presence?”

I watched as Talon blinked and then did an astonishing job of covering his shock, “Well look at you Mallex. Really moving up in the world. Also, half naked? Really?” He shrugged and pulled his tunic back over his head and I blushed as Lex caught me staring at the way the fabric clung to Talon's frame.

“You're done here Kalian. You'll come back to the house with me.”

Talon stepped forward, grinning, “Who put you in charge of anything?”

“Like I said he's my-”

“He's my student. We are not done and you can leave.” They stared at each other and I found myself getting frustrated. I hated when people talked about me like I wasn't there. People had done this to me my entire life.

“Hey 'he' is right here and can speak for himself. Lex go away. I need to learn and Talon is my teacher. You're not going to pull me away from my lessons.” Lex looked like he was going to disagree but I shook my head, “Y-you can come get me in an hour.” Both of them looked surprised and Lex grinned happily at me before tossing Talon a dirty look.

“I'll be back then in an hour, not a moment later.” He turned and left without another word and I let out a sigh of relief. Talon was staring at me, I could feel those eyes on me.

“What next?” I said quietly.

“I like the addition to Lex's forearm.”

I closed my eyes and sighed, finally looking up at him, “What next?”

Talon's eyes roamed over my face before shaking his head, “No more running. That's for sure. I don't need you vomiting again.”

“What then?” Talon opened his palm and I watched in wonder as a small black disc appeared just above it. It was like a circle of shadow suspended over his hand. As I stared it spun slowly until it stood upright in the center of his palm. It looked like a small black piece of glass and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.

“It's beautiful.” I whispered quietly, wonder filling my voice. Talon chuckled softly and the circle shuddered before expanding to the size of a large dinner platter.

“I've never heard anyone describe it that way before. Anyway, your turn sunshine.”

I shook my arms out and lifted my hand slowly, holding it out the way he had. I felt my power rise to greet me at once and jumped as, like before, the beam of light burst from my hand. I frowned and tried to force it into a small disc like he had. The light seemed to ignore me though and again expanded further, straining my shoulder like before.

“Stop.” I let out a gasp and let go of the power and it blinked out just as quickly as it had appeared, “Try again.” I did as told and frowned when I was only able to do the same thing. I tried again, same result. Then again. I snuffed it out and groaned, stomping my foot.

“Stop. Just relax. When you reach out don't just latch onto everything that answers your call. You don't need all of it at once. If you embrace it all you get your ridiculous beacon and you can't control it. Close your eyes, calm your breathing, and center yourself.”

“I have no idea how to center myself.”

“Clear your mind and focus on the Magik around you. I'm sure your parents have told you the net analogy, but it isn't like that. Magik is like...it's like the ocean. The water flows around you all the time. You aren't at it's center. You're just submerged in it like every other Magik user. So instead of trying to gather it with...a bucket, instead think of a tea cup.” I closed my eyes and pictured the net around me. I shook my head and instead thought of myself floating in the ocean, feeling my Magik at the edges of my senses, lapping like gentle waves. I pictured cupping a handful of water and lifted it in my hand.

“Yes! Like that!” I opened my eyes and gasped at the molten gold in my hand. It wasn't a floating disc like Talon's. Instead it looked like I had a handful of liquid sunlight. It was stunning, the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Talon came closer, his eyes wide with wonder. I let out a soft breath and traded the image of water in my palm for a small round disc. I watched as the light rose from my palm, almost like rain drops but in reverse. They moved up and slowly formed a neat circle just like Talon's.

“I did it!” I shouted and flinched as the disc abruptly dropped into my hand and again formed the large beam, shooting upward almost violently. Talon stepped back, shielding his eyes and I clamped down. The light went out.

“That went far better then the exercise.” Talon chuckled and I smiled at him before my vision blurred and then my entire world tilted. I was falling and I barely registered arms catching me. I didn't entirely lose consciousness. I could hear Talon's voice but he seemed so far away. I was exhausted and the darkness around me was comforting. I felt myself being shaken lightly. That voice started to get closer and closer.

“Hey, Sunshine, wake up!” I blinked open my eyes and met grey ones. I felt his arms around me and I was laying across his lap, one of his hands holding my chin so my face was turned to him. He looked down at me with concern, his fingers lightly tracing my jaw. I was more than willing to stay right there in his arms for at least the rest of the day.

“What the hell is going on here?” Talon swiftly pushed me off his lap and rose to his feet, brushing dirt off his pants.

“Your fiance fainted.” Talon coughed softly and grabbed my hand, pulling me to my feet. I gripped his arm as I was hit hard by dizziness. Talon stepped away and I was forced to stabilize myself. Lex moved forward and dragged me away. He stared Talon down and gripped the upper part of my arm, hauling me through the woods.

“Would you let me go? What are you doing?”

He whirled around and stepped into my space, his face livid as usual, “What's going on between you two? I thought Anika was being vulgar and rude when she suggested you had done something with the lost one to get your power. Now I'm not so sure.”

“What are you saying? I've known the man for two weeks. There's nothing going on. He told you what happened. I fainted and he caught me. That's all.”

“That's not what it looked like. He looked like he was about to kiss you.”

“So what if he had? I'm an adult. I can kiss who I want. Jealousy is pathetic.”

“We're as good as engaged Kalian. The shame that this could bring your family...I can't even put it into words. Please recognize that I'm a good match for you. I come from a good family and I swear I can take care of you. Please you know by now that I lo-”

“Oh I seem to have interrupted a moment.” I thanked whoever was listening for Talon's cocky voice interrupting Mallex's declaration. I had wanted him to stop but I couldn't get the words out. With horror, I had known where his train of thought was going and it made me shudder.

“Yes, you have. Can I not get a second alone with Kalian when you're around?”

“That depends on if a second alone is also what Kalian wants.” I was still facing Lex but I could feel Talon come up behind me. I noticed that the edge that always tainted his voice around Lex was back again.

“Not sure why you think you have any say Lost One?”

“I'm not sure why you have any say either, you great idiot.” I rolled my eyes and stepped out from between them.

“This is stupid. If you two are going to kill each other I'm going home.” I turned on my heel and stomped back to the estate.

*

I almost ran into Eon later as I stomped up the drive, “Your friend is a moron.”

Eon looked down at me and I was taken aback as I noticed that my brother actually had emotion on his face. That seemed to be happening much more frequently lately and I was starting to think that maybe it wasn't a good development.

“What's wrong? Were you coming to find me?”

“Yes. I've just come from a meeting with father...and Mallex.”

My blood ran cold and all of my anger from earlier drained out of me, “What's happened?”

“He's taken it farther Kalian and father seems all too eager to go along with him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He wants to forgo the normal courting period and skip right to the engagement and then the wedding. His reasoning is that once people figure out you have this power, everyone will be coming for you.” My heart fell into my stomach and I held onto Eon's arm as my entire world came crashing down. Suddenly all the good things that had happened in the last two weeks seemed ruined. Eon was looking down at me, his features schooled back into a blank expression. His eyes though. My brother's eyes were filled with a deep sadness.

I snapped, “No one thinks it's important for me to be a part of these conversations? They only affect my entire damn life!” My rage boiled over and I tried not to scream, “I'm an adult. They can't just decide these things for me!”

“They can actually.” I stared at Eon before closing my eyes, “It's normal in Krinn and even more so in Syrin. You marry for power. What or who you want has nothing to do with it. It's whatever choice will benefit your family and legacy.”

“That's disgusting.” Talon had a tight smile on his face. Lex was walking up behind him, he was looking at me, pain on his features.

“It's tradition,” Lex insisted quietly.

“It's insanity. People shouldn't be bought or sold like goods.”

“It is archaic but Lex is right. It's tradition even in our own family. Our parents had an arranged marriage.”

“True, that's why they hate each other.” All three of them turned to look at me and a smile spread across Talon's face. Eon looked sad and Lex was watching me, frowning.

“Talon, I'll meet you in the same place at the same time tomorrow.” I marched myself up the rest of the drive into the house. Maybe I'd get lucky and they'd all kill each other. I didn't stop until I'd made it up to my own room. I slammed the door and locked it, slumping against the thick wood. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I wanted to scream or cry. How could I get out of this? There was no way I was going to be forced into a marriage. I didn't care if my father, the king, and all the gods and goddesses wanted me to marry Lex. It wasn't going to happen. For the first time that day I noticed my cheek was throbbing. Probably from repeatedly falling on it earlier in the day. My body was more sore than I thought possible and muscles I didn't know existed were tight and angry. Sprawling on my bed I sighed and pushed my messy, sweaty hair out of my face. I wanted to go to bed but the day's events wouldn't allow it. I had to bathe. I felt too disgusting to do anything else.

Gathering up robes, I made for the door until I saw the sweaty tangled mess on my head. I backtracked, grabbing my favorite comb before stopping in front of the mirror again. I stared for a long moment. My hair was still a mess and I looked exhausted. My skin wasn't lackluster and pale anymore. It was slightly golden and there was color in my cheeks. My new lilac colored eyes were bright and I almost smashed my face against the mirror when I saw streaks of gold in strokes stretching out from my pupil. Even through the tangles, my hair looked brighter and healthier. Was this the result of using a little of my Magik?

I stared for a second longer before gathering my things and sneaking off to the baths. I didn't want to run into anyone and I was filled with a childish excitement that perhaps I wasn't as dull and ugly as I'd always thought. Undressing and throwing my sweaty clothes on the ground I went to heat the water. As I sunk into it and carefully began picking the snarls out of my hair I heard the doors open. I sighed and turned my back, continuing my work. Maybe whoever entered would realize I wouldn't want to talk and leave me alone.

“Kalian.” No luck. I kept at my hair and refused to acknowledge Lex. I heard him move closer and watched out of the corner of my eye as he lowered himself to sit on the edge of my bath. His pants were rolled up to the knee and he let his feet hang in the water. He didn't speak again, probably waiting for me to break the silence. I'd know Lex my entire life. We'd all bathed in the same baths together as children, but for some reason having him in here now felt wrong, almost forbidden.

“I don't know why you're here but could we wait to talk about this until I'm in a less compromising position?”

“You won't talk to me anymore.”

“Do you blame me? My face is still swollen and sore Mallex.”

He looked up at me and I felt his eyes roam over my exposed skin before he spoke, “You haven't exactly been peaceful either.” He motioned to his arm where bandages I hadn't even noticed were wrapped from wrist to elbow. Blood had started to soak through in a couple of places and I looked away.

“You gave me no choice. You've threatened me, pushed me up against walls, given me ultimatums, and more recently back handed me so hard I saw stars. Am I supposed to take all of that?”

“No. I know I've been acting...crazy, but I get that way around you. Every time I watch him touch you or you get too close to him, or even today when I watched you literally hang on his every word and memorize every part of his bare chest, I lose it. I don't know what to do. On paper I'm better than Talon in every way, yet he's the one who's stealing your attention.”

“How dare you blame your behavior on me or Talon. You've been beyond overbearing for almost two years now. Talon's only been in my life for two weeks. Not to mention every single act of aggression on his part has been a direct answer to you provoking him. Is he meant to stand there so you can put your fist through his head?”

“I've never hurt you before.”

“So the fact that your behavior has only escalated in the last two weeks should make me feel better? It just makes me more nervous. What's the next natural progression Lex? You beat me to death?”

He flinched and looked away from me. I sunk into the water, my hair drifting around me, now knot free.

“How can I fix it?” I closed my eyes and at first I wanted to write him off. Hate him for everything he'd done to me or was trying to force me into. Then I remembered loose blond curls and a smile missing teeth. I remembered a young boy who would sometimes try to include me in his and my brother's fun. Make no mistake, Lex had ignored me his share as well, but he'd also stepped in as another brother like figure when the town kids attacked me or bullied me. He had tried in his own way many times to protect me. I saw him before he had decided I was his. When he was quick with a smile or joke. Then, however, I saw him in the alley, breath hot on my face as he hissed threats at me. My fingers ghosted over my reddened cheek and I wanted to cry. He wasn't that boy anymore. He hadn't been for a couple years and here I was making excuses for the person who'd been directly responsible for most of my recent suffering.

“I don't think you can.”

His head jerked up and green eyes filled with pain, “Is it because of Talon?”

“I don't know what scenarios you've made up in your head about Talon and I, but nothing's going on. He's agreed to teach me and I'm not even sure he wants to do that. That's it.”

“Then explain the way you look at him.”

“Lex I'm not made of stone. He's attractive that's all.” I shrugged my bare shoulders and splashed some of the warm water over them.

“You don't look at me like that.” I thought about that. I thought back to the lanky awkward teen that had followed Eon and Lex like a shadow. I had always wanted to be at their level. Lex was occasionally nice to me. Which for a child so often pushed aside, that lead to a crush. He was handsome of course. Tanned skin, tall, short, neat, curly blond hair and pretty light green eyes all topped off with thick muscles and a bright smile that melted most town girls' hearts on sight. I shook my head slowly. Yes physically the man was attractive, but the way he had been since I had turned 18 had robbed my crush from me and now I just saw him as Lex. Not a romantic partner.

“Fine. Then why does he look at you the way he does if all he wants to do is teach?” I could hear the impatience and implication in his voice but I couldn't be bothered. I ran my fingers up and dipped my hair back in the water, getting it out of my face.

“I don't know what you're talking about Lex. Talon has never even called me by name. Whatever romance you're cooking up in your head isn't there. The vast majority of the time he's telling me I'm simple and weak.”

“Fine. I don't even care if there is something going on. Kalian I genuinely want to be with you. I know I've been an ass but we've know each other our whole lives. I know things about you that no one else could ever hope to just because I've lived it with you.”

“You know that argument may have worked for you if I was still useless. If I still did anything to please everyone around me. I'm so sick of being told who and what I am. Even before I got my power. I want to decide who I'll be for once. You forcing me to marry you doesn't fit in with that narrative.”

“The process is already started. I'll look like a fool if I withdraw my request. Not to mention the fact that rumors are already starting to fly about the Lost One being here.” I waded out of the water and quickly pulled my faded cream robes around my body.

I spared one last look at Lex and took pity on the miserable set of his shoulders, “You want to fix it, then try. You have a year to prove to me you're not the person I've been seeing the last two weeks.”

“No one has engagements that long. Ka-” I closed the great doors to the bathroom and scurried back to my bedroom, making sure once again that my door was locked before landing on my bed face first.

My whole life was now a violent wreck and I had no idea how to put the pieces back together.