A Different Love - 47. Chapter 47

I woke up the following morning feeling angry and depressed. After Nathan’s text the previous evening my whole world had crumbled around me and it felt as if the close friendship we'd built up together was hanging by a thread. My first thought was to call or text him back again, but I had a sinking feeling it would do no good. Nevertheless, I had to try.

My phone was still on the floor where it had skidded away from me the previous night and I struggled out of bed to retrieve it. A quick glance immediately confirmed there were no new messages or calls, and my heart sank.I was still fully clothed and felt dirty and sweaty, desperately in need of a shower.

It felt unbelievably good to stand under the hot steaming water and my mind inevitably drifted back to the events of the previous evening. I still couldn't believe that Nathan had treated me so badly; tossing me aside like a one night stand he had no more use for. The tears of rejection returned with a vengeance, but this time they were immediately washed away, along with my pathetic, self pitying thoughts. There was no way I was going to be a quivering wreck for anyone and I resolved to pull myself together. I loved Nathan more than anything but if his true feelings had momentarily surfaced and he really was gay, then he needed to stand up and admit it. I found it hard to believe he would kiss me without having feelings that went beyond ordinary friendship, but if it was just drunken foolishness he needed to explain that too.

At the beginning of our relationship it seemed there was overwhelming evidence to prove he was straight. But had it been slowly chipped away, gradually revealing his true nature and sexuality? I desperately hoped so, but I was determined not to allow him to toy with my emotions any longer. I'd fallen head over heels in love with him, but that didn’t mean he could treat me like something nasty he’d stepped in.

All the thoughts about Nathan had gradually made me hard and before long I was pumping away at my throbbing member, finally shooting waves of creamy white liquid long and hard across the tiles. The most important thing on my mind as I dried off and got dressed was contacting him. My heart was pounding with anxiety as I slowly punched in his number and waited expectantly for an answer. It was no surprise at all when there wasn't one and my options were immediately reduced to texting. I suspected there would be no response to that either, but nevertheless I quickly typed a message.

‘Nathan, I don't understand what happened last night. We need to talk. Call me ASAP!! Jason x’

At least I was returning to work today. Hopefully it would take my mind off Nathan for a while, but that was probably just wishful thinking. These days he seemed to invade every corner of my thoughts, but if I really threw myself into work, who knows, I might at least manage to forget him for a while. When I’d spoken to Mr Buchan yesterday, he was more than agreeable to letting me start back today. There was just over a week to go before Christmas, so it was bound to extremely busy.

Fifteen minutes later I was having breakfast with mum and dad, a plastic smile plastered across my face in a forlorn attempt to appear normal. I sat picking at a piece of toast, absent mindedly staring into space when I suddenly realised that dad was staring at me pointedly. It didn't take him long to comment in his usual straight to the point way.

"You look a bit rough this morning son, out drinking again last night?"

Before I could respond mum piped up in a concerned voice and gently rubbed my shoulder.

"I don't know about that Jason, but you look thoroughly miserable. Is there anything wrong?"

I glanced at her wearily, quickly fending off her question "No, it's ok Mum. I'm just a bit tired, that’s all"

"Are you sure?” she asked, as her face creased with concern “Why don’t you have another day off love? You don’t need to rush back to work, I’m sure Mr Buchan would understand"

I felt like screaming at them to leave me alone, but with a huge effort pulled myself together, determined not to let them see how upset I really was. What had happened between me and Nathan wasn't their fault and I didn't want to take it out on them. I tried to reassure them and steer the conversation away from me, but unwittingly allowed the very subject I was dreading to raise its ugly head.

"Look, everything's fine. I'm going back to work today and it's Christmas in just over a week!"

I mentally kicked myself. Why on earth did I have to mention Christmas! My heart sank as I was suddenly faced with a question I wasn't sure how to answer.

"So what time is Nathan planning to arrive on Christmas Day" asked mum.

When I hesitated slightly dad quickly jumped in with a question that made me feel even more nervous "He is still coming?"

Just hearing Nathan’s name hurt like hell and I struggled to hold back yet another bout of tears, despite my resolution not to. My answer was as non committal as possible, but I wasn't quite sure if they believed me or not. I stared down at the table, afraid to look either one of them in the eye.

"He hasn't said he's not coming"

I quickly realised it wouldn't be enough to satisfy them and hurriedly continued with far more confidence than I felt. I tried hard to keep the tone of uncertainty out of my voice, hoping it went unnoticed.

"Look, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll check with him later"

A look of doubt passed between them but thankfully they didn't say another word on the subject and I quickly made my excuses, hurriedly returning to my bedroom to get dressed for work. It was still early, but I had to see Nathan’s father urgently, and I definitely wasn’t going to put that off for anyone. I just hoped with all my heart that I wasn’t too late and he was still at the factory in Hamborough.

My phone was still on the bed where I'd left it and I eagerly grabbed it, anxious to see if there was any word from Nathan. There was nothing at all and the feelings of anger and frustration immediately crept back. How the fuck could he treat me this way? We were supposed to be friends. Close friends. And possibly more? Who knows if he wouldn't even talk to me again? I called his number and once again there was no answer. For Christ's sake Nathan, where the fuck are you? I began furiously typing out a message, but realised it probably wasn't a good idea while I was still so angry. Better to wait until I'd calmed down and was thinking more rationally.

My phone suddenly buzzed with a message and with a sudden rush of euphoria, I eagerly grabbed it, convinced it would be from Nathan. A feeling of sadness and despair overwhelmed me as I realised it wasn't and a fresh set of tears pricked my eyes. Surprisingly, the message was from Aiden and I frowned with puzzlement at the cryptic nature of his words.

‘Got some big news. Would love to see you again. Aiden x’

After the way we'd parted last time I was surprised he even wanted to stay in touch with me, let alone see me, but at least he could be bothered, which was a lot more than some. I couldn't help noticing that he'd closed the message with a kiss and wondered if he was at long last beginning to embrace his sexuality. My stomach tingled with excitement and desire as I thought about our previous encounter and I couldn't help feeling more than a little intrigued, wondering what his big news was. Did I have enough time to visit him before going to see Mr Brown? It would have to be a short visit but if I set off immediately it should give me time. I typed back a quick reply.

‘Just on my way to work. Can call in now if you like x’

Within twenty seconds my phone buzzed again with his one word answer.

‘Awesome x’

A few minutes later I said goodbye to mum and dad and walked briskly through the village towards Aiden's house. Bright sunshine reflected in the puddles of slush that now lined the kerb sides and my breath rose in long plumes as it streamed along behind me in the cold morning air. Eventually the old railway cottages came into view and almost as soon as I lifted my hand to knock on the door it swiftly opened and Aiden stood there smiling at me, dressed in a pair of brightly striped pyjamas. With his flushed face and dishevelled hair he looked extremely cute and I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the awesome body that lay beneath them.

"Come in!" he urged me "There's no one else here"

I closed the door behind me and was surprised when he kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Sorry for being such a dick last time" he quickly apologised "What with mum going......."

His eyes threatened to well up for a second before he quickly composed himself "And, you know, getting my head around being gay, it hasn't been the easiest time"

I thought his explanation was an understatement to say the least and immediately told him so.

"Look Aiden, I think you've done brilliantly under the circumstances, I really do!"

He beamed at me and held out his arms to hug me. As we embraced his warm breath curled around my neck and his lips brushed my ear.

"I just want to thank you Jason. You've helped me so much. Even after everything I've done to you! I'm so sorry for that!! I can't apologise enough"

I could see the sincerity reflected in his eyes as he gazed at me steadily and I immediately melted.

"I can't deny it was a bad time Aiden. You gave me quite a few sleepless nights, I can tell you. But it's over now and I never imagined in a million years we could be friends! I chuckled and glanced at him guiltily "And I did slug you one!"

He rubbed his chin and gazed at me ruefully. "Yeah, I seem to remember that!!! You've got some right hook there, even if it is damaged at the moment!"

We laughed and chatted a while longer before he suddenly became serious.

"Look Jason, I know you can't stay long. But I wanted you to be the first to know"

I'd forgotten all about the time and quickly looked at my watch

"Shit, yeah!! I have to get going pretty soon"

What he wanted to say sounded important though and when he placed his hand on my shoulder and gazed at me with a serious expression on his face, I knew he was finding it a struggle to tell me. His voice cracked with emotion as he began.

"The thing is Jason; I've decided to go to Australia with my brothers"

My heart sank and there was silence until I gave a nervous laugh. "Oh well, that's just what you need Aiden, a nice holiday! It'll be great"

I knew what he really meant of course and he confirmed it a second later. "It's not a holiday Jason. I want to stay there if possible.....for good. It might take a while to sort out but...."

There was another silence for a few seconds as he fought to carry on. "There's nothing for me here anymore" he said, looking around sadly "Except for memories and they stay with you wherever you go"

I found myself really upset he was leaving, but before I could say anything more he carried on earnestly.

"Look Jason, I know we had sex, and don't get me wrong it was fucking awesome, it really was! But you've got the hots for someone else and I don't want to go back to the store, so I might as well take the opportunity to make a new start and hopefully meet another special guy over there"

He gazed at my dejected expression and smiled sadly "You might keep in touch with me though?" he asked hopefully "Let me know all about how it's going with erm....you and Nathan. I'd really like that"

If it's going at all, I thought to myself sadly. I didn't say a word about it though, preferring instead to reassure him we wouldn't lose contact.

"Yeah, of course Aiden. I'd love to!"

"I'm really gonna miss you Jason!"

He smiled ruefully and shook his head. "Typical! At long last we've become friends and now I decide to move to the other side of the world!"

At that moment I understood why Aiden had told his mother we were friends. It was obviously something he'd always hoped for, but in one way or another the gay thing had always got in the way. I would never have imagined from first meeting him at school that he'd had feelings for me all these years.

"Do you know what Aiden, I'm really gonna miss you too!"

I punched him playfully in the shoulder and struggled to keep the tone of bewilderment out of my voice.

He shook his head with indignation "Well don't sound too surprised! I'm not that bad when you get to know me, am I?"

"No, of course not" I explained, gently brushing his cheek "It's just that I still find it amazing how such a good looking guy with such an awesome body, who once hated my guts, now wants to be friends with me!"

He blushed a deep shade of red "I never hated your guts Jason, and my body is no better than yours. Not that I wouldn't want another look just to make sure" he joked, letting his eyes run up and down it.

It was my turn to blush now, but I secretly had to agree with him. I definitely wouldn't mind another look at his too! Such dirty thoughts made my heart race and the beginnings of an erection pushed against my trousers. I somehow ignored it and quickly moved on.

"So when are you planning to go?"

"We fly the day after tomorrow! Sam and Kyle want to get home for Christmas if possible"

"That soon!!" I exclaimed

"Yeah, I've already told Mr Buchan. He wasn't very happy that I can't work my notice"

I gave a low chuckle before agreeing with him "I can imagine!"

No wonder he'd agreed to let me start back today. He obviously needed all the staff he could get.

Aiden gazed at me with a hopeful expression on his face "Look Jason, just say no if you don't want to" he began hesitantly "But will you meet me tonight for a last drink. So we can say a proper goodbye"

In my current depressed state of mind I didn't need much persuading and he went on eagerly.

"Nathan can come too if you like!"

It was incredibly endearing to hear the hope in his voice and provided me with a much needed boost to my confidence. At least someone wanted to be with me! The fact that he'd said Nathan could come too, when I suspected it was probably the last thing he wanted, just showed how much he thought about me. I couldn't refuse him and readily agreed.

"Of course Aiden, I'd love too"

He grinned at me and squeezed my shoulder in delight.

"Oh erm, Nathan can't come though. He's away" I added vaguely

His grin of delight grew even wider and I pretended not to notice as he tried desperately to hide it. "Oh well, never mind. As long as you're there, that’s the main thing!"

We agreed to meet in the village pub after work, before sharing a quick goodbye kiss. There was something about Aiden I found incredibly hard to resist and when he moved in close his heady, masculine scent instantly reminded me of our last encounter. With nothing to stop it I could feel his hardness pushing against me through his pyjamas and knew that if I didn't resist him I would never make it to see Mr Brown. I gently pushed him away.

"Aiden! I have to go!"

"Spoilsport!" he said good-naturedly.

I shook my head in despair before moving towards the door.

"Look, I'll see you later, ok"

"You can see as much of me as you want to, you know that!" he laughed, hanging on the door as I walked through it.

I turned around and grinned at him, before heading up the path.

"Aiden Thompson, you're such a flirt"

He just smiled at me coyly and waved goodbye, before blowing me a kiss.

"Can’t wait for tonight, see you later!"

There was a bus stop just up the road from Aiden’s house and I rushed towards it, arriving slightly out of breath. I was just in the process of ringing Nathan again when the bus arrived and the normally relaxing journey along country roads was completely lost on me as my mind inevitably returned to contacting him. I quickly hit redial on my phone and stared out of the bus unseeingly as the snow covered countryside sped by. The loud unanswered ring in my ear was becoming increasingly annoying as it stubbornly refused to cease. The even more annoying voicemail message came next, confirming even more that Nathan had no intention of answering. The shaking bus made it hard to punch in the letters as I furiously typed a message instead.

‘Nathan. Please answer your phone or ring me!! I really miss you. Whatever it was last night we can talk about it. I'm going crazy here!! Jason’

The urge to add kisses had my finger hovering over the 'x' key, but I suddenly hit send instead. Hopefully it might convey to him how annoyed I was becoming.

It was years since I'd been to AWB Engineering. The main buildings backed on to the large secondary school I'd attended in Hamborough and if dad was ever finishing work around the same time as school let out, I would go there to meet him and we'd cycle or walk back home together.

This morning my heart was racing as I stood outside the heavy metal entrance gates, gazing up at the integrated lettering that formed the factory name.

The reception office was much as I remembered it and Miss Forbes, the lady who'd worked there for years was still behind the counter, peering at me over glasses perched precariously on the end of her long nose. She smiled at me and addressed me by name.

"Jason! How are you?"

"I'm fine thank you" I replied politely

"And how is your dad these days?" she asked.

I could tell by her expression she was hoping for a positive answer, but there was no point in sugar coating the truth.

I sighed heavily and she gazed at me sympathetically. "Not too well these days I'm afraid"

"Oh dear! That's a great shame. He's a lovely man your father. Please give him my regards"

I nodded in agreement and decided to get down to business. She clearly had the same idea and with a slightly hesitant smile, gazed at me enquiringly.

"How can I help you Jason?"

"Oh, I erm need to see Mr Brown please?"

She looked at me doubtfully before responding. "I don't think he's seeing anyone at the moment Jason. All the managers are in a meeting and he's snowed under with work"

"I'll wait. I don't mind. Can you just tell him I need to speak to him urgently please?”

She sighed and reached for the phone as I stood there with a determined look on my face. There was no way I was going anywhere until I had some answers, even if I had to wait all day. She nodded a couple of times whilst speaking on the telephone and it didn't appear to a be a simple case of yes. It was a surprise, therefore, when she put the receiver down and smiled at me.

"You can go straight up Jason. He'll see you now"

My stomach began churning as I climbed the stairs to the second floor. As I entered the office through the large double doors I gazed around in surprise, initially uncertain where to go. The office had changed considerably since my dad's day and was now a large open plan design with banks of desks arranged in separate blocks around the room. Half a dozen suit attired men were just emerging from a large, glass encased, inner office set against the far wall and I could see Mr Brown ushering them out. At that moment he looked across the office and our eyes locked together for several seconds. A feint smile crossed his face and he waved me over with a slight movement of his hand.

Within seconds I stood at the doorway and a sudden bout of nervousness overcame me. It was hard to disrespect someone I'd always been taught to look up to, but nevertheless I moved back slightly when he tried to put his arm around my shoulder. His eyebrows rose slightly in a gesture of surprise and he quickly ushered me in.

"Come in Jason, come in. It's great to see you!"

Jim Brown was a tall, imposing man, much like my manager Mr Buchan, but without the red goatee beard and thick Scottish accent. He spoke with a smooth, well rounded accent that belied his upbringing in the north of England and up until a short while ago, I'd always found him very pleasant and likeable.

This morning, however, I gazed at him in disdain, unable to believe how nice he could be after treating his son so abhorrently.

Done with niceties, I dived straight into the reason why I was here.

"I need to talk to you about Nathan"

"Look Jason, I'm really busy. I don't think this is the place to discuss......"

"It won't take long" I almost shouted, quickly interrupting him.

He sighed in resignation, before reluctantly agreeing with a shake of his head.

"Go ahead"

"I came to see Nathan last night" I began, quivering with anger "I heard your argument. The horrible way you spoke to him! How can you be so nasty to your own son?"

For some reason he didn't seem particularly surprised and his response was exactly what I expected it to be "Look Jason, you don't understand"

"So make me understand!" I replied through gritted teeth "How can Nathan corrupt me? And why do you care so much anyway? I'm not exactly an angel you know!"

He didn't answer and turned around to look out of the window. I was just about to angrily demand an answer when he turned back to face me. His expression was set in a deep frown and something about the way he looked at me made my blood run cold.

"I didn't want to have to tell you this Jason, but you've given me no choice"

By this time my heart was beating crazily, but I had to know what he was talking about. My voice shook with trepidation as I replied "Tell me what?"

He sighed and gazed at me directly. "Nathan's been in jail Jason! He only got out earlier this year"

There was a stunned silence as I struggled to make sense of his words. I swallowed deeply before responding, unable to believe what he was saying.

"No, I don't believe you!” I exclaimed in shock“ Nathan's not like that. He'd never end up in prison"

His answer came back as quick as a flash and I couldn't deny what he said "Jason, you don't know what Nathan is really like” he said patiently “You hardly know him"

It felt as if my world had come crashing down around me and I hardly dared ask my next question. My throat had gone as dry as sandpaper and my voice was cracked and broken. "What for? What did he go to jail for?"

My heart pounded as I waited for an answer and I hated the way he sniggered, almost as if he thought it was inevitable.

"He was dealing in drugs Jason. That's why he went abroad. Maybe he told you he was a model or that he worked in a ski lodge. That's the usual line he spins! Believe me Jason, you're well rid of him"

By this time his face had flushed red with emotion and I was surprised at the intensity of his words "He'll only drag you down with him and I won't allow him do that!"

My shoulders visibly sagged and I felt utterly defeated. The news had come as a huge shock to me and my mind was struggling hard to process it.

He gazed at me sympathetically and offered me a chair "I'm sorry you had to find out like this Jason. I knew he wouldn't have told you. He’s a complete waste of space"

It pained me no end to hear him talk about his son in that way, and I couldn’t help retorting angrily “Don’t talk about him like that! Nathan’s a good person”

I slumped down in the chair as Mr Brown continued, completely ignoring me.

"Look Jason, your dad's a really good friend of mine. I've got a responsibility to him to make sure you're safe. He doesn't know about any of this and I want to keep it that way. For some reason he seems to think that Nathan's a good guy. Just break it to him gently that he's gone away and won't be coming back”

I wandered out of the factory in a daze and made my way to the railway station as quickly as possible, knowing that I had to get to work. Mr Brown's revelation had come as a huge shock and my brain was still trying to process the information as I caught the train into the city. As we rumbled out of the station I tried to gather my thoughts, hoping to make some sense of it all. Nathan had been in jail!! I couldn't believe that he hadn't told me? We were supposed to be really close. I briefly wondered if Mr Brown was telling me the truth. After all, it was becoming apparent that he hated his son with a vengeance. But would he tell such a massive lie just to keep us apart? Some of the things he'd said to Nathan last night were way below the belt, but would he really stoop so low as to totally besmirch and destroy his character, at the same time planting the idea in my mind that he was totally unworthy of my friendship. I thought he probably would, but for some inexplicable reason, this time I believed him. After all it was true what he said, I didn’t really know Nathan. We'd met barely three weeks ago and a huge part of his life was obviously unknown to me. One thing was for certain however, he hadn't lied about being a model. I had clear proof of that in my wallet!

It was becoming increasingly clear that Nathan tended to run when things got too difficult, but perhaps he just needed someone to be there for him, someone who was willing to support and believe in him. With a father like his, he'd probably never had that before, and I could understand that he might still feel the need to run. But this time it was different! This time he had me! If only he’d let me, I could be the person who cared enough to love and support him. My feelings for him were still as strong as ever and I wanted him back so badly it physically hurt. Call me stupid or weak, but I could forgive him virtually anything so long as he was by my side. I needed to let him know I knew about his past. but was still willing to be there for him.

In no time at all, the train had arrived in the city and I hurried through the crowded streets to work, grateful that my pain over Nathan would at least be temporarily eased.