Brian: Taking Courage - 9. Deirdre

"What about this, then?" Deirdre thrust a magazine under Brian's nose.

Toby was at Drew and Evie's with Gordon, their orchard remained a permanent draw for the boy, and Brian had been pottering around the flat, sorting out after their recent trip to the cabin, doing the backlog of laundry, making lists of food to be bought and other useful stuff. His phone had rung, and an annoyed Deirdre had insisted that they meet up, there and then, that morning. There was a Café Nero in the modern shopping centre at Huntsford, that would have to do for meeting up.

Worrying that she'd heard on the grapevine about him and Gordon, or about the skinny dipping or any manner of things, Brian had phoned Gordon to let him know what was happening and had caught the first bus into Huntsford. This, of course, meant that he was later than intended and Deirdre was less than pleased. With little or no greeting, the magazine was thrust at him.

"I was cleaning Toby's room whilst he's with you and found it. Hidden."

"I thought you were away?"

"We will be but fancied a bit of time to ourselves at home, first." She glared at him, and he shrugged.

The magazine was a copy of Gay Times, "This is two years old!"

"Did you give it to him?"

"Course not, he's only 14. This is for adults, there are better things to give a kid his age if he wants to know about gay stuff."

"It's porn. Downright porn."

Brian flicked through the pages, "Hardly. You see worse on the pages of the Sun."

"But they're women, that's natural."

Brian shrugged; he just wasn't going there. "So? What's the problem?"

"This", she brandished the magazine again, "it's not right, he shouldn't be looking at this sort of thing."

"He's curious. We've had a couple of conversations; he wants to know and is learning."

"About sex and stuff. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Telling my son about relationships is hardly earth-shattering stuff, is it now? Besides, you and I have hardly been chatty of late, have we? You want me to keep a log of Toby and my conversations and email it to you?"

"Hmm", she took a sip of her drink, "You OK with this, having a queer as a son?"

"You don't know he's gay, he's only 14 and most boys of his age are still at the finding out stage. I know I was."

"But you weren't messing around with blokes."

"How do you know Toby is? Being interested in what gay people are is hardly the same as doing stuff with 'blokes'."

"Same thing."

"Not necessarily."

"You comfortable with this?"

Brian shrugged, "Why not? As long as the kid's happy and not being taken advantage of. He needs to find his own way, his own level, we can just give him pointers."

"Bollocks. Look, Jasper's not going to be happy about this."

"With all due respect, what does Jasper have to do with this?"

"Jasper's MY boyfriend, we live together", she shrugged, "well, sort of. And Jasper feels strongly about these things."

Brian leaned over and put his face close to Deirdre's, "Look, if that bloke bullies my son in any way, then I'll be down on you."

She sniffed, "Solicitor's already been bothering me. Besides, why do you say that about Jasper, he's a good man."

"Not what I've heard."

"Toby been telling tales, then?"

"No. Turns out Mum knows a friend of Jasper's Mum."

"Jesus Christ, you and your bloody family, you can't move in this town without someone commenting and snarking. I'm bloody fed up with it. You try looking after a teenage boy, and holding down a job, its bloody hard work. All you did was bugger off to airy fairy land and leave me."

"You liked the money though, didn't you?"

"Only right."

"Well, it might be a harder for a bit, until I’m certain my new job’s going to pan out."

"You got a good payout."

"That's a nest-egg for a flat or something. Not just to fritter away."

"So, where you living? Not with your Mum"

"With Gordon, a mate from the Emirate. We signed up about the same time, and he inherited a flat."

"Nice. Alright for some."

"Actually, I wanted to tell you."

She stared at him, suspicious now, "What?"

"Well, whilst I was away, I was seeing someone on and off."

"Bloody hell."

"Well, neither of us was exactly committed were we, and I hardly saw you."

"Besides..."

"And you never mentioned about Jasper", just a sniff from her, "so, he and I are an item now. It's his flat I'm staying in."

"Wait a minute. A bloke? You've got to be kidding me. So, when Toby's staying, you and this bloke are doing the nasty in the next room."

"Hardly", Brian snorted, "besides, I imagine the same might be true of you and Jasper."

Sniff, "That's different. Look. I'm not happy about this and Jasper definitely won't be."

"What the hell has Jasper to do with it?"

"Look, Jasper's the best thing that happened to me. I don't care what you and your snarky family say, he's a good man. And I'm not doing anything to jeopardise this." She stared at him, and Brian went cold. Had this been wise, he should have brought someone with him as a witness, he had got so used to simply doing what Deirdre wanted, that he'd simply done so this time. It had been stupid to simply get on the bus and come, giving way to panic as usual, letting her call the shots. Well, he’d see about that.

As she glared at him, he slipped out his phone and under the table managed to press record. At least he hoped he had. "I know what's going to happen, you're going to make my life a misery with constant sniping about Jasper. And I'm not happy at having a queer faggot son, but I expect you're pleased."

"I just want him to be happy, to be himself."

"Bollocks. Giving him porn, like this."

"I didn't give it to him, for fuck's sake. The magazine’s over two years old. You think I get stuff like that in the Emirate, it's completely illegal there."

"Didn't stop that nasty little boyfriend of yours did it." She grunted and stood up, "Right. I've come to a decision. I'm not jeopardising Jasper and Toby'll be 16 in a year or so. So, you can have him. You and your boyfriend take over. Toby lives with you, there'll be plenty of times when I can see him. That way he won't be under Jasper's nose. Bring him round this afternoon to collect his stuff, Jasper's got a match."

"You'll need to make this official."

"Oh, I will. Stop all this hassle once and for all." And she walked off.

Brian pulled out his phone and pressed stop, then playback and there was Deirdre. Brian sighed. He ordered another coffee and had a think. Then he emailed his solicitor, letting her know what had happened, then phoned Gordon.

"Hi, problems?"

"Well. Sort, of. Deirdre went ballistic. She'd found an old copy of Gay Times that Toby had hidden. Convinced I gave it to him."

"You didn't."

"Course not. If I'd given him anything, it'd have been more suitable. Anyway, turns out Jasper isn't happy", a snort from Gordon, "and he's the best thing that's ever happened to her."

"Oh, really!"

"Yeah. And I told her about us. She was less than impressed, and well, we look after Toby."

There was a pause at the other end, "I'm sort of trying to get a grasp of this. You mean Deirdre wants Toby to live with us, permanently?"

"That seems to be it. Leastways, that's what she said. I've emailed the solicitor. Oh, and I managed to get the last bit recorded on the phone."

Gordon laughed, "Good man". Then more serious, "Look, I think perhaps you'd better come over here, and you can chat to Toby. It might help that Mum and Dad are around if things get difficult. Or would you rather do it at your Mum's?"

"Not Mum's I think, she's never really liked Deirdre. Your Mum and Dad sound a good idea, at least they are a bit more neutral. I'll grab a cab."

---

"She just happened to find it cleaning, or she went looking deliberately?", Evie looked from Brian to Gordon and back, Brian just shrugged, "It's just that I've known women like that, who obsessively go through their children's things", Evie shook her head.

Brian considered, "It's possible, I suppose. Especially if Jasper was starting to suspect that Toby was a 'fruit'."

"Toby's never said anything?"

"Beyond Jasper being nasty? No. He was worried, but there’s been no hint that he'd been rumbled."

"He'd have told you, right?"

He was bloody brave in the first place, saying he was worried about Jasper finding out he liked boys. So I think he’d have said if things had got worse. Besides, he’s not been around Jasper so much being as Deirdre sent him over to us, pronto."

Gordon, Brian and Evie were having a late, late morning coffee. Brian had arrived hot-foot in a taxi, and by good fortune, Drew and Toby were in the orchard.

"What are you going to tell him", Gordon was supportive but a bit at a loss.

Evie nodded, "Be direct. Best thing. Difficult to sugar coat it, that your Mum chooses her relationship above you", she shrugged, "but it happens." Evie left them to themselves at that point.

"You OK, with this?", Brian looked at Gordon, "it's not really what you signed up for?"

Gordon gave a wry smile, "I'm not sure what I signed up for, but I knew Toby was in the equation. Look, I'll admit it's a bit much to take in. But things have been settled find with him in the flat this week."

"And I reckon we might be able to arrange a regular night a week at Mum's. I think she'd love to have him, and he'd cope being smothered once a week."

"He might love it?"

"In small doses."

"There speaks the voice of experience!"

"Thanks. Let's get this conversation over with, and then think about going over to Deirdre's. Jasper's at a match this afternoon so we can collect Toby's stuff."

Toby and Drew picked that moment to reappear from the orchard. "Dad! I didn't know you were coming. Grandpa Drew has been showing me where we might build a bug hotel", Drew gave a wry shrug. "Can you come and see?"

Brian ruffled his son's hair, "A bit later sport, OK? I've just been to see your Mum."

"Mum? Why, what's wrong?", the boy was immediately anxious.

"Nothing we can't fix. Thing is, she found your copy of Gay Times."

"Gay Times? But that was in my hiding place at home. I thought she was away with Jasper?"

"Seems like they came back early or haven't gone yet. And she decided to do some cleaning, whilst you were away. And found the Gay Times."

Toby wrinkled his nose, "Justin got it for me. I didn't read it much, just looked. It was sort of ..."

"The idea."

"Yeah. Is she angry?"

"Yes. With me mainly, because she thinks I gave it to you."

"Does she know about you and Gordon?"

"She does now, because I told her. And she's not happy. Or rather, Jasper's not happy", Toby started to speak but Brian held up his hand, "Oh, don't worry, I had all this out with her. She phoned me this morning and demanded we meet up. In Huntsford. She's very serious about Jasper, and she's not convinced that it would work with you in the house as well," Toby's face at this point was a picture, "So, she wants you to come and live with Gordon and me. You'd see your Mum for visits."

"When Jasper wasn't around?"

"That's about it. Sorry, sport. It's not very nice news."

"But I get to live with you and Gordon?"

"Yep. And I thought we could arrange for you to stay with your Gran once a week."

At this Toby gave a cheeky grin, "Give you and Gordon a night in."

"Less of that. Give us a rest from you, more like.".

But the boy seemed to be getting a bit of his bounce back and he went back to the orchard.

Evie had put together a hasty lunch, and during it Toby had more questions. His moving away from his mother seemed almost to take a back row to things like what to tell people at school, and the copy of Gay Times, as well as anticipating being able to tend his plants (his plants note) on the balcony. Brian went in to help Evie with the washing up, such as it was.

"It'll no doubt hit him later."

"Deirdre leaving him?"

"His Mum giving up on him. He seems a resourceful lad, but you might have a bit of a bumpy ride", she smiled, and Brian grimaced.

"A lot to learn."

"I'm afraid so."

---

Toby was supposed to be watching a documentary, but that was just an excuse. He wanted some thinking time. His Dad and Gordon were in the kitchen, tidying and messing around. That was one thing to think about, his Dad and Gordon. It was very different, they seemed to chat more and make an effort, whilst his Mum and Dad only ever seemed to have a go at each other. He missed his Mum, the cozy good times that they had, but he didn't miss all the hassle. Life with his Dad and Gordon was cool, relaxed and different. It was great, but it wasn’t the same as being at home, just him and his Mum, even though she was a pain. He knew that he liked being here, with his Dad, with Gordon even. And he knew that he couldn't just go round to see his Mum, that wouldn't work. She'd be snarky and angry, like as not, and HE might be there. Toby could cope with his Mum, but not with HIM.

And his Dad was different now, cooler, less on edge, and even when Toby was around, he and Gordon did stuff, touched each other, kissed and that. And being naked. Skinny dipping with his Dad that first time had seemed a miracle, and his Dad hadn't tried to hide. Toby had got a good look at his willy. And he'd agreed to do it again. But before then, they'd been wandering between the bedroom and bathroom naked. And, Toby had got a good look. It wasn't just that Gordon was shaved, which was strange and amazing in a way. Did guys do that? Toby wasn't sure who he could ask. And then he could compare his Dad's and Gordon's willies, his Dad's was far thicker, but Gordon's was longer. What did they look like when they got hard?

And what did his Dad and Gordon actually do. You sort of knew what Mums and Dads got up to; he and Justin had discussed it endlessly. Justin's Mum and Dad seemed to be doing it lots more and whilst it was scary thinking of it, it was weirdly fascinating too. But Gordon and Dad, what did they do? Toby sort of knew what guys could do, but there were so many different options. Both Gordon and his Dad said he could ask them anything, but he couldn't ask that could he? And he didn't want to sound stupid either.

He'd managed to ask one question. He and Gordon had been on the balcony, with his Dad in the kitchen, and he'd asked Gordon about doing it in the desert. His Dad had talked about having to be careful, and avoiding the camp so people didn't know. Toby could figure that, it was like school, everyone noticed things. So they'd done it in the desert, at least that's what Toby had thought. But didn't they get sand everywhere. Gordon had laughed, in a nice way, and explained that not all the desert was sandy, just bleak and dry. They'd walk along the wadis, the dried river-beds and that's where they'd do stuff. Then he'd grinned and said that they still had to be careful. He'd wanted to ask who did what, but then his Dad had shouted, and the moment had gone.

His Dad had seemed a bit freaked about the naked stuff, which was shame. But then there was the skinny dipping with Grandpa Drew and Evie. That painting. Would his Dad do that? Toby suspected that if he asked his Dad, all he would get as an answer was a laugh. The skinny dipping with the four of them had been amazing, and not too weird at all. Grandpa Drew was a bit old and hairy, but still, his willy was as long as Gordon's if not longer and as thick as Dad's. It was amazing. And then Evie, she was nothing like those pictures of girls you saw, but it was still fascinating. And fun. Grandpa Drew and Evie were nothing like he'd expected them to be, they were certainly not like Gran at all. Not just the getting naked thing, but they were fun in a way that Gran wasn't, and rather free with what they talked about. Toby rather liked it. It was nice being fed and made a fuss of by Gran, but Grandpa Drew and Evie didn't do that, they left him to himself. More than once, he'd heard Evie say to Gordon, 'He's nearly 15, love, he can manage'.

Apart from seeing willies and things, they didn't really talk about sex properly, though. So Toby was still guessing a bit, and the problem was that he was no nearer getting to do it himself. Justin was less keen to mess around, he and the girl he was seeing seemed to be going somewhere. Which was good, for Justin, but left Toby a bit out on a limb.

Toby started thinking about the balcony and the plants they were going to buy. He decided to go an ask his Dad and Gordon, but also to see whether he could sneak some snacks from the kitchen. There was music on, and the door was open, so Toby went in. Or rather he stood in the doorway. Gordon was lying on the sofa, leaning back and his Dad was almost lying on top of him. Toby knew he should leave but kept looking and then Gordon turned his head and saw Toby. All that happened was that Gordon winked. Finally Toby slipped away, embarrassed but fascinated.

There weren’t many pictures in the flat, Gordon had said that thankfully his parents had decided to leave it up to Gordon, and he was in no hurry to have any pictures like the ones on his parents' walls and he had, in fact, taken some down. Toby had put a couple of posters up on his walls, one of the Amazon rain forest and another drone photograph of elsewhere in the Arctic, both stunning images as well as being what school called teaching moments (deforestation in one and the melting of glaciers in the other). His Dad had a few photographs in frames that stood on the side in the sitting room, of Grandma and Grandpa, the farm and even Great Grandpa when the farm had still been a farm. Then another pair of photos had appeared, one of his Dad and Gordon, both shirtless and just in shorts stood in the desert laughing, the other of them in a resort, both wearing the skimpiest of swimming costumes and nothing else.

Toby was looking at the pictures when his Dad appeared and asked what he thought. Toby had said that both were terrific pictures, which they were, and it was nice to have some of him and Gordon, looking happy. Brian had smiled and added 'and half naked'. Toby had grinned and said, 'that too', that the swimming costumes looked good. 'You mean show everything off?' and Toby had nodded. 'Had his Dad ever thought of doing a picture like the one of Grandpa Drew?' As expected, Brian had laughed, but then said that perhaps he'd ask Drew and Evie if they knew someone who might do joint portrait of the two of them. Then he had grinned and said that if there was one of them naked, then there ought to be one of Toby like that too, and Toby's eyes had widened until he realised that his Dad was joking. Then his Dad had got serious again.

"The naked thing, does that bother you? I was worried at you catching us like that, but Gordon reckoned you'd be cool with it being as we've been messing around at the cabin like that?" Brian looked at his son, "there's no correct answer. I just want to get things right, for you to be comfortable."

"It's OK Dad, I like the idea that we're relaxed enough to do that", he grinned, "it's cool to be able to go for a pee without dressing and its cool to see you two naked. But it'd be weird if we did it more."

Brian smiled, "You mean we're not turning into nudists?"

"I don't think so", Toby looked anxious.

Brian ruffled his son's hair, "Good thing, sport. I don't think I'd be comfortable as a full-time nudist. So, whatever happens at night, we have to be decent-ish for breakfast, OK?"

"OK? Though some of your shorts aren't really decent, are they?"

"Cheeky bugger", and the two had laughed.

"Do you think Grandpa Drew and Evie are nudists?"

"I don't reckon so. Gordon says that the family has always gone skinny dipping, even in Scotland, but I don't think it went any further."

Toby nodded, "It's just that I can't imagine Gran..."

Brian laughed, "Bloody hell, don't even think about it. I do not want to imagine Mum wandering around in the altogether. Right?" Toby smiled and nodded, "And I think it best if we keep the naked stuff to ourselves, OK?"

What all this talk did was embolden Toby, and when discussing things at school he started referring to his Dad and his boyfriend. It was something of a nine days' wonder, that whilst Toby's Dad had been working away, he had acquired a boyfriend. But once the fuss was over, then that was it and few people were curious. A couple of the older teachers, including the art master, knew Drew and Evie, which sort of put things in a rather different light. And all the fuss over his Mum dumping him and that, got smoothed over because folk were far more interested in his Dad being gay. Justin knew the truth, of course, and a couple of other close friends who knew how to keep their mouths shut.