Brian: Taking Courage - 1. At the Cabin

Brian's phone pinged. He glanced at the message from his son, Toby, cursed and came to a halt. He had a shopping trolley full of Tesco's finest instant meals and such.

"Fuck"

A brisk middle-aged woman with a toddler in tow glared at Brian, though whether it was because he'd sworn or because he was blocking the aisle, he didn't know. Brian looked over the groceries in his trolley and began to regret deciding to buy them in haste and anger. Just because Toby's mother, Deirdre, was playing her tricks again, didn't mean that Brian should take things out on their son Toby.

The message from him was harmless, about the time they were meeting up. The kid was only 14, for God's sake, and was looking forward to getting to spend a week with his Dad. That his Mum wouldn't be there was probably all to the good as far as Toby was concerned, Brian reflected, after all he and Deidre, Toby's mother, Brian's now very definitely ex-girl-friend, didn't have a good track record when it came to creating calm, family time.

The last thing Brian's mother had said before she left for her holiday was, 'are you sure that this time Deirdre won't change her mind?' Brian had been positive, that the three of them would be taking a holiday together, after all it wasn't going to be about him and Deirdre getting back together, she'd made that clear, it was just about them being a family. For Toby. Then the message that Brian had received this morning:

Sorry luv, can't make it, something at work. Pick up Toby at 5. cu luv D xx

Only there was no love was there, and there hadn't been for years. Every time Brian had come back on leave, she'd messed both him and Toby around, dangling out the possibility to him that they'd get back together and each time he'd fallen for it. Well, fuck her. He was going to make an effort, for Toby's sake.

When he'd got Deirdre's message, he'd made a list and dashed to the supermarket. But now, on reflection, Tesco's pre-packed meals wouldn't do for Toby, he moaned about his Gran's cooking, for God's sake, not because she was a bad cook, but because she was set in her ways and wouldn't use healthy food. Brian needed to think and make a list.

He retraced his steps and put the food back. Sure, he could just have abandoned the trolley, but he liked things orderly and so returned everything to the correct shelf. Once outside, he stopped. He needed a coffee and a quiet think. Remembering his Mum talking about the new coffee shop, and how expensive it was, Brian turned towards Market Street. It was a sensible decision, Starbuck's was rammed, but the new place, the Coffee Grind was calm and relatively quiet. Stained rough wood panelling with tables to match, all decorated with what looked like old coffee sacks. It was effective enough, the coffee was good, too, and it gave him space to think and plan.

First off, breakfast. He had a memory of Toby staying at his Gran's and moaning about all the E numbers in the breakfast cereal. There was so much unpick from that comment. How did the boy know so much about E numbers, and what the fuck were they anyway? How did he get so fussy and so knowledgeable so young? And where did you get breakfast cereal without E numbers?

Brian took a sip of the coffee; it was good and strong. Very good in fact. That was something that four years working in the Emir's service had given him, a love of strong coffee. The local chef who rang the mess canteen made coffee two ways, the local fashion that was strong, strong, strong or something weak and like dishwater. There had been no question; Brian had simply developed a liking for good, strong black coffee, and it now spoiled him for visits back home.

A waitress came round, clearing tables and tidying up. She was in her mid-20s and there was something alternative about her, the cut of her clothes, the look of the loose cotton pants and coarse-knit, baggy cardigan.

"Excuse me, I don't know whether you might be able to help?" She stopped and stared at him curiously, so Brian ploughed on. "I've been away a lot and need to get some breakfast cereal without E-numbers, for my son. Have you any idea where I might try?"

She didn't laugh, instead gave his question some thought "You could try Morton's in Cross Street. It's a new wholefood place and we often get our bread from there. Worth a try."

"Thanks, I will."

He made a list first, then set off.

By the end of his shopping expedition, he'd bought cold meat, cheese and bread for tonight, cereal, butter and jam for the morning, bacon (dry cured, outdoor reared) and eggs (free range) for emergencies and sausages and baking potatoes for tomorrow. It was all responsibly sourced, without additives, free range and that sort of thing. And expensive, but he didn't care. He was having a week with Toby and wanted the boy to relax and not be fretting about food.

Brian had wondered about cancelling the whole thing, and simply having Toby to stay at his Mum's place as she was on holiday. Brian had let his flat go when he'd started working for the Emir, and so whenever he returned on leave, he was back in his old room at his Mum's. His Mum wouldn't have minded them staying whilst she was away, Brian knew, but there was the niggly feeling that they'd be too accessible, Deirdre could get one of her notions and fuck things up by saying being as you are so close, could you just.... It had happened before. So no, the cabin it was.

The cabin had been built by and was owned by a cousin of Deirdre's, adequate but not luxurious. It had the advantage that there was little or no phone signal, and no Wi-Fi. Once there, they were on their own. Which reminded him, and he dashed downstairs and dug out some of the games in his Mum's hall cup-board. Stuff he'd played as a kid. Goodness knows what Toby'd think, but they needed something for the evenings.

Sitting on his bed were a pile of towels, two sleeping bags and two cotton bags to go inside the sleeping bags; Brian remembered them clearly from his youth. Clearly, his Mum had been less than convinced that Deirdre was going to follow through with the plans for the week and wanted to make sure they had the basics; Brian had to smile.

His Mum had never really liked Deirdre, though she was the mother of Brian's son. Brian and Deirdre had got together as teenagers and never married, the relationship had been on and off for years, recently more off than on. Deirdre would tempt him with possibility and only occasionally follow through, using Toby as a pawn and a scapegoat. Now, Brian was realising he was at an end, finally. The lack of his ex-girlfriend in his life was felt mainly via all the logistical details relating to Toby. The hole in his heart seemed to have filled without him quite realising, whilst he and Toby seemed to have, amazingly, forged a relationship despite Brian's frequent absences.

It had been Brian's first big fight with Deirdre that had sent him into the Army, and then her moans about being effectively a single mother that had finally brought him out. Security work had meant he was around more, which seemed to lead to more distance in the relationship. The rows and problems, money shortages and all, had meant that the well-paid work for the Emir had appealed. True, it was boring and routine, you were marooned out on the edge of the desert and the place was tea-total, but he'd met some great mates, the pay was good and his bonus this year, after doing five years of service, was something really to look forward to.

Problem was, all he had on the job front was either another tour of duty for the Emir or same-old same-old in security. Neither appealed, but he didn't want to fritter away his bonus by simply living. He had intended to find something whilst he was back this time but had come to a dead-end. His old firm would have him, same job, same wages, but nothing else. The experience with the Emir just didn't seem to count for much back home, it was too far away, too foreign.

Brian shook himself out of his reverie. Time to get going.

As arranged, Toby was waiting for him in the village. Deirdre lived out of town, and by long-standing arrangement he would meet Toby in the nearby village. Partly so that he and Toby could meet up without Toby's mother getting in their hair, and partly because Deirdre preferred Brian at a distance rather than being closely involved, no doubt so that he couldn't notice whether there was an extra car on the drive or whatever.

Toby was slight, with pale skin and light-brown floppy hair. Nothing like Brian had been at that age, but his Mum swore that the boy's expressions were the image of her son at that age.

"Hiya, sport. You OK?"

"Hi Dad."

"Have you eaten anything?"

"Mum's off somewhere, and she didn't leave anything."

"Ok. See that paper bag on the back seat, that's for you."

Toby leaned over and picked up that bag, looking into it gingerly, "What is it?"

"Spinach and cheese muffin. Organic. Made with wholemeal flour from that mill over Territon way."

"Dad! What the?"

Brian grinned, "Well, I do listen sometimes. And I had one for lunch. Tasted good."

Toby's response was muffled by his having taken a huge bite out of his muffin.

"Pardon?"

"Sorry. Where'd it come from?"

"Morton's, that wholemeal place in Cross Street."

"Wholefood."

"Yeah, that's it."

"Mum won't go there, says it's a rip off." Toby looked curiously at his Father, "How come?"

"I thought that being it was just the two of us, then I'd get stuff that you liked. I was so pissed off at your Mum this morning that I was in danger of buying anything."

"You normally go to Tesco's?"

"Yeah, well I did. Then put it all back" Toby just stared at his Dad. "I remembered you moaning to your Gran about E numbers in breakfast cereal. So I went to the new coffee place."

"What's that like?"

"Well, I think the coffee's wicked. Not sure your Mum or your Gran would like it though."

"Strong and black?"

"Yeah. Just right. Anyroad, I asked one of the women there and she mentioned Morton's. Got lots there, and from the butcher's next door. All organic, free-range and stuff."

"You planning on cooking?"

Brian smiled, "Well, nothing too fancy. Cold stuff tonight, and I got bacon and eggs, sausages and potatoes to bake. I can manage that."

"When Mum said she wasn't coming, I asked Justin's Mum and she's given me a couple of recipes that are easy. Stuff she's made for our tea."

Justin was Toby's best mate, and Brian gathered that Justin's family were far more sympathetic to avoiding E numbers and buying responsibly sourced food, along with other concepts that Brian was beginning to learn about. If he wanted to do more stuff with Toby when he came back home, then he'd decided he'd have to get to grips with Toby's interest in (obsession with?) where food came from, what it had in it, what had been done to it, and how far across the world it had travelled. Certainly, Deirdre would surely have no truck with such ideas.

It struck him, if Toby had been asking Justin's mother for recipes, he must have known a few days ago at least that his Mum wasn't coming on the trip. Typical of Deirdre, to put Brian at a disadvantage, but he wasn't going to go there, and he didn't comment to Toby. Instead they talked about what Brian had bought and what he could remember of the food's origins. This led on to a long chat about the latest ecology project that Toby was doing at school.

"Will there be Wi-Fi at the cabin?"

Brian shook his head, "Doubt it. There wasn't last time, and I sort of remember your Mum moaning that no-one was spending any money on the place, so I doubt that her cousin David has installed Wi-Fi."

"No phone signal either?"

"No. That a problem?"

Toby shrugged, "Not really. I've brought a book."

"And I brought some games from your Gran's."

"Dad. They're ancient."

"Oldies but goodies, sport. You don't have to play; besides you know that I'll beat you at Monopoly."

"In your dreams, Dad."

"Ah, I've got good at it. We play a lot at the camp, after all."

"Why?"

"There's not much else to do. TV is rubbish, just local Arabic channels and Sky. If there's no decent sport on, then a group of us often have a game."

"I never thought. Don't they have bars and places?"

Brian laughed, "Well, we're out in the desert almost, and the country doesn't really approve of alcohol. Bars are for tourists, and bloody expensive. Besides the nearest is a couple of hours drive away, on the coast."

"Blimey. Mum said you were living the Life of Riley."

"I wish. It's the money that's good, partly because there's nothing to spend it on. You know I told you about going for walks in the wadis."

"The dry river beds?"

"Yeah. Well, we do that because partly there's fuck all else to do. That's why I'm coming back."

"You really?"

"Yes. When I finish this tour, I'm coming back. I'll probably have to go back to my old job and live with your Gran."

"I thought you'd have lots of money?"

"Some. But I want to spend it on something sensible, not blow it as soon as I get back."

Toby nodded, then was silent. There was something, finally, "Can I stay with you when you come back?"

"Of course, sport. As often as you want. Well, assuming your Mum doesn't kick up. I figured that we could go for weekends, visit some of these places you keep talking about, the seals in Norfolk, the wetland centre and National Trust bog for instance."

"Wicken Fen?"

"That's it, and other stuff. You'll have to make a list."

Toby smiled, "I already have."

For all Deirdre's moans about her cousin not spending money on the cabin, it was in pretty decent nick. On the edge of some farmland and sheltered by enough trees that it felt like you were living in a wood, it was a basic wooden hut, though there was a nice veranda and space enough for two bedrooms, running water, electricity and a septic tank. There was, however, no bedlinen and no towels, and Brian thanked his mother for her mistrust, so they had towels and sleeping bags. As they unpacked the food, Toby read every label but seemed very happy.

"All to your satisfaction?", Brian smiled at his son.

"Yeah, thanks Dad, this is terrific. You eat like this over there?"

"At work? Good Lord, no. We get what we are given, there's not much choice. The food's OK; no pork because the cook and staff are Muslim. It's more than edible, but a bit monotonous", he smiled, "a bit like life 'out there'."

Brian set to and started to sort out the bread, cheese and cold meat for their supper. He left Toby fiddling with the radio, suddenly some jazz appeared.

"You listen to this sort of thing?"

Toby shrugged, "A bit. Justin's Dad likes jazz, and he sometimes plays us stuff. It's pretty cool, and I thought you'd prefer it to Radio 1. I can't seem to get much else."

"OK. Thanks."

They had a companionable meal, and the food was good. Certainly far tastier than if he'd bought it from Tesco and, as Toby grinned, far better for you, for the animals and for the planet. Afterwards Toby pulled out the book he'd brought, and Brian dug out his phone as he had a few books downloaded onto that. They were silent for a bit.

"I think Mum has a new boyfriend", Toby's comment was said quietly, almost warily.

"I figured as much. Still, it means that we get to spend the week together."

Toby looked at his father, "You're not mad?"

"Not really. Bit pissed off that she didn't give me more notice about her not being around this week. But your Gran was on the ball, so we have towels and stuff. But not annoyed about your Mum's boyfriend." Brian paused, uncertain what to say. Toby was old enough to recognise the problems between his parents, but not quite old enough to be told everything. "I've come to recognise that when I finish my time in the Emirate and come back here, your Mum and I will only need to talk to each other when we need to talk about you. Everything else is long gone."

"You certain?"

"Yeah. I know that things have been up and down, but I'm certain now. Thing is, I've had a bit of dalliance myself."

Toby grinned, "A girlfriend?"

"No. Not that, really. But, let's say, a bit of fun. And, well, it's made me realise that I need to look around. And no", he held is hand up, "I'm not saying more, and I certainly don't plan on bringing anyone home soon."

Toby grinned, "Especially not if you're staying with Gran."

Brian grinned back at his son.

---

Brian couldn't sleep. It wasn't anything physical, the bed was comfortable enough and it was quiet outside, but he could not quite switch his brain off. His comment to Toby about not having a girlfriend preyed on his mind. It was true, strictly, but for the last three or four years, Brian had had a relationship of sorts. An arrangement with another guy who was also working for the Emir, Gordon. Gordon was gay, and the two had struck up a slightly unlikely friendship, out of which had developed something. What? Brian could not quite define it.

From the beginning, Brian had been a bit defensive about seeing another guy. It was something that could happen over there, with everyone virtually confined to their own company. The security forces had their own compound, and local staff were all men. What locals there were kept their women very firmly under wraps (physically and mentally), there was no possibility of a casual affair with a woman in the camp. There were no women in the camp at all.

Some guys waited until they had leave and then went to nearby tourist resorts, on the lookout for European girls to pick up, others kept to themselves or watched porn. There was a regular porno club, where the guys met up in someone's room to watch illegally downloaded porn, though Brian had not indulged. Some guys helped each other out, and Brian had started that with Gordon. But they'd rather progressed, though Brian still had a list of things he would and wouldn't do. So, Gordon wasn't quite a boyfriend, yet he was much more than a mate.

But that was the problem. The fantasy of getting back with Deirdre had died slowly, but die it had. And finally, Brian had nothing holding him back except, what? Freaking out that he was thinking about a guy? Gordon wasn't his first, but those earlier blokes had largely been brief experiments or drunken gropes, nothing like a real relationship. And Brian liked Gordon, the man was a mate. The two discovered a shared dislike of camp life that they had solved by going on long, long walks; they talked about life, and sex, but also things they liked, the news, current affairs and films. They'd sometimes watch films together, or the new series that appeared on TV and would make comments, egging each other on.

What Brian couldn't quite bring himself to admit was that if a relationship with Gordon was a possibility, he'd take it. The problem was, for much of their sexual encounters, Brian had been a stuck-up arse, and he was surprised Gordon had put up with him. So no. Hardly a good basis on which to start a relationship. Except...

---

"So, what are we doing today?", Toby was busy doing the washing up, unbidden, after their breakfast. The cereal had been surprisingly tasty, and the wholemeal bread made terrific toast.

Brian shrugged, "Well, we need to think about supplies for the week. I thought we could drive over to Hammerton, have a coffee?"

"And cake?"

Brian smiled, "And cake. Buy some supplies and then perhaps walk along the canal. If we bought something for lunch, we could eat it by the lock. Then I wondered about coming back and having a swim. The pond looks in decent nick". The cabin was on by a pond which they were allowed to swim in. Someone had been tidying things up, perhaps the local farmer, as the edges of the pond were now far less over-grown than they had been last time Brian had been here. You'd be able to swim OK.

"Won't it be cold?"

"Wimp! The sun's up, it'll warm up by this afternoon and besides a bracing dip'll do you good."

"Hmm. I haven't got a costume with me."

Brian grinned, "Neither have I. If you are feeling shy, use a pair of underpants but I thought it might be fun to skinny dip."

"Go naked!"

"Yeah. I figured that you're 14, old enough to see your Dad naked. Not too scary?"

"Nooo", Toby was thoughtful. "You sure it's OK?"

"Look, the guys in the camp think nothing of getting naked and showering outside. Getting a bit of air on the body is good for you". But Brian's imagination immediately jumped to the times when he and Gordon had gone for a long walk and then gotten naked and had sex outside. Taking things to another level. "Look, I don't want to freak you out."

"No, it's cool. It's just, I don't think Mum'd approve."

"Probably not", Deirdre was very conservative when it came to nudity and sex, something that Brian's years in the Army and then working for the Emir had changed for him. "But I'm not going to tell her, are you?"

"No, suppose not."

"Anyway, think about it."

Toby nodded.

On the edge of Hammerton they found a rather nice farm shop, with café attached. Once inside they were presented with an array of foods, local meat and more.

"So, what do you fancy?"

Toby looked at his Dad, "Are you planning to cook?"

Brian grinned, "We've got sausages to grill and potatoes to bake. Got any better ideas?"

Toby produced a couple of crumpled sheets from his shorts, "These recipes?"

"From Justin's Mum?"

"Yeah"

"Then let's find coffee and cake and look at them."

Toby smiled at his father, "Make a list."

"Right on, sport."

Over coffee, for both of them surprisingly, though Toby had something less strong than his Dad, they looked at the recipes.

"You cooked this stuff?"

Toby shook his head, "But I've watched Justin's Mum."

"This one's just frying vegetables and adding this bulgar stuff."

Toby continued eagerly, "It tastes great and is dead easy to cook."

"You sure?"

"Yes. We have it a lot at Justin's, his Mum often puts cashew nuts and stuff in as well."

Brian nodded, "OK. Let's give it a go."

Groceries bought, and lunch too, they set off along the canal. This went in a big loop, so you could double back across the Common and do a pleasant round trip. As they walked, Toby talked plants, animals and ecology, and Brian tried to make sensible comments about the things they could see. Then there was something of a pause.

"Dad, when you come back, when you get your own house, can I stay?"

"Well, that's a big ask, getting my own place. But you can stay wherever I am, your Gran would love it if you were at her place more."

"No, I meant for good."

Wow, "I see. Instead of staying with your Mum. Is there a problem?"

"Not really, it's just. Well. I don't like Jasper."

"Her new boyfriend?"

"Yeah, and it's a bit serious, him and her."

"Like that is it?"

"And, well, he says things."

"About?"

"Stuff I like and that. He thinks ecology is rubbish and we don't need to care for the planet. We did a climate change project at school, and he was rude about that."

Bugger. Brian took a breath, "If it was left to me, then the answer would be yes. Thing is your mother has custody, and you come and visit me."

"Don't you get a choice?"

"No. We'd have to go back to the solicitor. Now look", he stopped and put his hands on is son's shoulders, "if it ever gets to the point where Jasper does more than say things, if he bullies you or anything, then we'll go right back to the solicitors. But these things can turn nasty", he stared at his son.

"Yeah. I sort of thought that, a guy at school is having problems."

"When I come back, then I'll have a word with your Mum and see if you can come more often, right. And when you're 16, things get a bit easier."

"OK. Thanks."

They were quiet for a bit. And Brian thought and thought. Gordon's flat was a short distance away, on the edge of Cramshaw, the next town to Brian's home. He'd wondered about them getting together, and if not Gordon then someone. And the someone would almost certainly be a man; Brian was finally admitting that much to himself. He'd need to tell Toby something. His Mum could wait, he'd do that when he saw her next, perhaps. But Toby. It seemed only fair, except. Hell.

"You, OK Dad?"

Brian sighed, "Yeah, just thinking about stuff. What I'll do when I come back."

"I thought you were going back to your old firm?"

"Well, thing is, they'll have me, but", he shrugged, "I'd rather do something else. Bugger if I know what though", he grinned and tried to change the mood, "Look, the lock's almost there, let's hope there was something to see."

There was, lots to see in fact. There were queues of boats in either direction, mainly tourist boats with people who had no idea how to steer a boat. So, they sat and ate their lunch whilst being entertained at other people's expense.

Once back at the cabin, they did skinny dip, and once in the water Toby had a whale of a time, laughing away. Brian noticed that he was filling out nicely and was growing into a remarkably attractive boy. The nudity proved to be no big thing, evidently, and once dry they sat on the veranda and had tea and cake (bought that morning) wearing only towels which didn't really cover things up. They'd be doing that again.

When it came down to the evening meal, however, the cooker was an electric one, which proved a bit of a challenge as both were used to gas.

"We came to a place like this a few times with your Gran and Grandad, and I remember Mum moaning about the electric hob and how you couldn't change the temperature quickly."

"So what did she do?"

Brian had a think, "Used two hobs, one cool the other hot. I remember her commenting that being as we weren't paying for the electricity, it didn't matter."

Toby smiled, "So we do that?"

"Yeah. I'll fry the veg if you do the bulgar stuff."

"It sticks."

"I thought you said you hadn't cooked it?"

"I remember Justin's Mum saying."

"Well, in that case, you certainly are looking after it. Keep stirring."

With a bit of argument, they managed to get the food cooked between them. Brian's two-hob method seemed to work, and Toby managed to not burn the bulgar. By the time they sat down to their meal, both felt they had achieved something, and they'd done it together.

"This doesn't half taste bad."

"Told you Dad."

"You'll have to convince your Gran; this'd be ideal for her."

Toby rolled his eyes, "I don't know about that, you know what she's like."

"Tell me about it."

They did the washing up together, and then settled down to a game of Monopoly.

"You know you were asking whether I had a girlfriend?"

"Mmm?", Toby was concentrating on the game rather than his Dad.

"Well, it's not a woman it's a man. I sort of have an arrangement with one of the other guys at work."

Toby's head snapped up and he stared at his Dad, "An arrangement, you mean sex stuff?"

"Well, he's a mate, a friend as well. You know I said that there isn't much to do on base. There are no women, and the local ones stay at home. If you want female company, you have to wait till you go on leave. So, some guys help each other out."

Toby stared at his father, then quietly asked, "Will you sort of have a boyfriend when you get back home?"

"I think so. I'd like to. Gordon, the guy I mentioned, lives not far away so I figured", Brian shrugged, trying not to dig himself too much into a hole. "I felt guilty at not being truthful yesterday, so I wanted to be clear."

"Does Mum know?"

"No, and Gran doesn't either. I'll tell my Mother, but not yet. When I get home and things are clearer."

Toby nodded and was silent as they continued the game.

Then he continued, "Jasper says horrible things about gay people."

"Does your Mum agree with him?"

Toby pulled his mouth into a line, "Not really, but she doesn't stop him saying stuff, either."

"You don't like it?"

"No", Toby's response was only one word, but it was pregnant with possibility. Shit, the boy was only 14, did he know he was gay already? Were they really having this conversation? Fuck Deirdre's taste in other men.

"But it matter's to you." He made it a statement not a question and Toby nodded, looking at his father carefully.

"I'm worried about Jasper, you know, finding out?"

Brian nodded, "You OK with the boys and girls thing? You know you don't need to decide. I never really did. What's important is that you are Ok with who you are."

Toby nodded again, "I wasn't going to tell you, yet. I figured...", he shrugged. "But then Jasper started mouthin' off last week and I was worried."

"I know we can't stop this bloke being an arse or mouthing off. But if it gets personal, then we do something. OK. Doesn't matter if I'm working or not. You get in contact."

"Thanks Dad."

"And Toby. I'm proud of you for saying. I've hardly been a great example; it's taken till now for me to admit that I like guys as well. If you want to talk, OK?"

"Yeah."

---

The rest of the week passed happily, cooking, swimming, walking, playing Monopoly and generally chilling. They didn't talk much again about being gay, but sometimes Toby would ask questions about life in the Emirate or about Brian's earlier life, and he tried to be truthful. But he had to bear in mind the boy was only 14. What Brian wanted to do was ask if Toby had had sex yet and with whom, but that felt wrong. The big problem was Jasper and what to do about him. Having a go at Deirdre was out of the question, that would just make life hell for Toby. What Brian really wanted to do was talk to his mates, Gordon and Davey back in the Emirate. That was out of the question, the idea of banging out a call on a dodgy line for everyone to hear. Besides, he was here and so was Toby. Very reluctantly Brian put pen to paper.