Brian: Taking Courage - 2. A Letter

Mum

Something came up whilst Toby and I were away, that I wanted to warn you about. To ask you to keep an eye on things, on Toby. He's done nothing wrong, in fact he's been bloody brave. But before I get to that, I need to fill in some background about me, things I should have said but never did. I was thinking I'd have a chat when I got back home permanently, but the thing with Toby came up. It's about liking guys.

When we were at the cabin, Toby asked me if I had a girlfriend and I said no, there was little opportunity in the Emirate. Then, later on, I felt guilty because though not a lie, it wasn't the whole truth either. To come clean, since Deirdre and I split up for the first time, all those years ago, some of the flings I've had have been with blokes, but I never really admitted to myself the truth. In the camp, as you know, the possibility of female company is nil and I'm not keen on the dirty weekend away idea that some guys have. I got friendly with one of the guys here, Gordon. He's a mate and we really get on. Well, we developed an arrangement. Not a boyfriend, but more than mates.

I told Toby a little bit of this, just so I could clear my conscience. No detail, after all he's only 14. He'd already mentioned that Deirdre's new man, Jasper has a tongue on him and has been denigrating Toby's interest in ecology and stuff. Well, seems that Jasper is a mouthy homophobe too. What a surprise? D doesn't really agree but lets him get away with it. And Toby's worried. He didn't outright say he liked boys, but the implication was clear. He's worried about Jasper finding out.

There's bugger all I can do from here. We both know what D's reaction would be if I mentioned it. Toby doesn't know I'm saying anything, so for God's sake don't mention it. But can you keep an eye and ear open? Problem is, if there's anything to this, then I'll have to go to the solicitor and get Toby involved. He'll hate that.

---

"There's more, but that's the nub of it. Longest letter I've had from Brian in years". Brian’s mother, Denise put the letter down and looked at her friend, Vera. They were sitting in the kitchen of Denise’s house, still looking like a farmhouse though the main farm was long sold. Denise was short, grey-haired and somewhat comfortable of figure, whilst Vera was taller, slimmer and sharper edged.

Vera and she had known each other years and had confided all sorts of ups and downs to each other. Once upon a time, they had worked at the same school, but Vera had long since left to teach art at the local college whilst Denise now ran the local library, which kept her in touch with the young people without the hassle of the paperwork involved in modern teaching.

"News come as a surprise?"

Denise thought, "About Brian, not really. I reckon that Deirdre's inability to make a clean break might have muddied things somewhat. Perhaps he'd have found his level easier if she'd not been around."

"But there'd be no Toby either?"

"Right, and it's always been more about Toby than Deirdre. I reckon if she'd let him have proper access and all, we wouldn't have these problems."

"Is it a problem?"

Denise thought, "If he's happy. No. He's never been this open before. Having regular nookie with a bloke at the camp is hardly a relationship, is it?"

Vera laughed, "But it's a darn site closer than he's come before."

"Dead right. Problem is Toby."

"You'll not say anything?"

"Bloody hell, no. Kid's only 14."

"Just at the stage when things become interesting. When my kid brother was that age, I reckon he'd have been up for anything."

Denise laughed, "I think we know a few people that never grew out of that."

Vera smiled, "But you have to say something to the lad?"

Denise wobbled her head from side to side, "What?"

"Brian", Vera had a triumphant look on her face, "Say he told you about his interest in blokes, the guy at camp and you gathered Toby knew. Check the boy is comfortable about it and make clear that you're happy as long as Brian's happy. You are happy?"

"Reckon I am", Denise nodded, "The Deirdre experience is enough to put you off daughters-in-law for life. Mind, I'm still trying to get my head round the idea of Brian and another ex-soldier."

"Not what you think of when someone says they're gay is it?"

Denise shrugged, "I don't know, there are a few blokes who come into the library that might surprise you. People come in all shapes and sizes after all. Well, that's something for the future. No use borrowing trouble, and if Brian can manage to settle down then I think I'd be content, whatever. Toby's a bit more immediate."

A few days later, Denise had chance to put her plan into action. Toby popped round on the way back from school and was treated to juice and a slice of recently baked cake. As the boy tucked in, Denise decided she would say something.

"I got a letter from your Dad the other day, a real surprise it was."

Toby answered just with a mmm, but as his mouth was full of cake, that wasn't surprising.

"He was telling me about him seeing a bloke over at the camp, not a boyfriend like but what my Aunt used to call a gentleman caller. Took me a bit by surprise, but if he's happy then he deserves it. I gather he mentioned it to you. You Ok with your Dad having a boyfriend?"

Toby had stiffened, and he nodded glumly but then thought better of it, "Yeah, I reckon so. Mum won't be best pleased. I reckon Dad is happy, though. We had a good time last week, best for a long time."

"Did he say much, about you know?"

Toby paid close attention to his cake, "Not really. Just that the other bloke existed, that some guys got bored in camp and sort of helped each other out, but that Dad reckoned he might have a boyfriend when he gets back."

"You comfortable with that?"

Toby shrugged, "Can't be much worse that Mum and Dad fighting at the moment. And Joey at school's step Mum is horrible to him, so…", he shrugged again.

"Well, if you're worried about anything, you just say. You can't always choose who you love, and in this day and age there's no reason at all to be nasty about these things." Denise tidied up the tea things, "And speaking of talking nasty, I gather that your Mum's Jasper has a nasty tongue on him?"

Toby stiffened again, "Dad say something in his letter?"

"No. Should he have done? It's just that a woman at the library knows Jasper's Mum."

Toby snorted, despite himself; life was often like that, people knew each other. "It's just, well, I mentioned to Dad that Jasper was saying things about stuff I was reading, ecology and climate change."

"OK. Is it a problem?"

"Not really."

"Well, if it is. You tell me. And Toby?"

"Gran?"

"What I said about your Dad applies to everyone."

"Even Jasper?"

"Your Mum can't help who she falls in love with, but if he bullies you, that's another thing entirely."

"Thanks, Gran."

Truth to be told, Toby's discovery that he liked boys was mainly taking place in his head. His best friend Justin was strictly interested in girls, but the two of them shared what little information about sex that they could put together. Toby's Mum tended to avoid talking about anything to do with the subject, generally answering questions with the minimum of information and a bald statement that he'd find out when he got older.

Hidden in his bedroom was a copy of Gay Times that Justin had managed to purloin from a cousin. It was precious not so much for the articles as for what it represented, a life beyond their town where gay people openly existed. Toby only occasionally had recourse to the internet. At home, he had a laptop but there was a child-friendly lock on the software and Toby wouldn't put it past Jasper to snoop of his search history. Justin's laptop was shared with his sister, so that was out too.

Toby was now kicking himself that he didn't ask his Dad more questions when they were alone together. He'd got a lot of information, but the news about his Dad liking blokes had been such a surprise that Toby hadn't got himself sorted out. Besides, having his Dad in such a relaxed mood was new, too. Toby decided he rather liked it. The cooking, the skinny dipping, the going off and doing things that Toby was interested in. It had all been cool.