A Decision for Jarren - 8. Chapter 8

Nash was up and out the door early on Saturday morning. It had been almost two weeks since Jarren had to take off so abruptly and go back to his family. Two weeks that saw Nash thinking about the handsome blond every day. He thought about the heated, searing kisses that they shared and just that thought made his cock lurch. He had needed to jerk himself off every night since then, and Jarren was always the focus of those sessions. Shit. Nash didn’t know what to do.

He felt bad about what he had said to Jarren. At the time he meant it, now, he wasn’t so sure. He didn’t realize how much he had missed Jarren until he got a text from him yesterday saying that he was driving back and bringing his younger brother with him. Nash realized when he felt a jolt of excitement at the thought of seeing Jarren again that he just might want something he wasn’t sure he was ready for.

Nash’s heart had been ripped out and after it was torn from him it was shredded to pieces. He still wasn’t sure how to move past that even though it had been a few years. It was a task he had labelled impossible until recently. He wished he had someone to talk to. His brother Knox lived in Texas and while they were only a few years apart they weren’t really that close. Their lives had followed different paths and other than phone calls or the occasional visit on holidays, they didn’t have that close of a relationship. Knox was older and had left home right after high school and hadn’t looked back. Nash was proud of him. Knox had put himself through college, eventually earning a master’s degree in aeronautical engineering. He worked his way into a great job at a private firm that developed technology related to space travel. Knox saw the potential in working for a private firm way back when NASA was phasing out the space shuttle program. He was married and his wife was able to work from home and take care of their two kids and was preparing for another one on the way.

Nash sighed as he pulled into a long driveway and drove under the sign that read ‘Happy Meadow Farm’. His truck bounced over a few ruts and slowed down as he approached the wide open yard between a two story large farmhouse and a big barn. He parked the truck off to the side and made his way into the barn. The scent of hay, horses and leather assaulted his nose which always wrinkled slightly at the scent of manure. He got used to it quickly and he stopped to give a quick scratch behind the ears to one of the horses that stuck its head out as he passed by the stall.

He passed through the barn and smiled when he saw Maddie. She and her husband Jeff owned the farm. They boarded horses and gave lessons as well. Saturday mornings they had three therapeutic riding sessions. Kids who had various disabilities were able to ride with help from the volunteers who came and the specially designed saddles. Many of the children that came were battling neuro and/or muscular disorders that affected their ability to control their mobility. A few were battling cancer. Occasionally they had a child who was paralyzed or partially paralyzed come for therapy. Being on the horses enabled them to work on their balance and helped strengthen weak muscles, not to mention that the kids absolutely loved the horses.

Maddie and Jeff owned roughly fifteen of the forty or so horses housed at the farm. She had eight of them trained to work with these kids with special needs. Maddie and Jeff had lost two children to Tay-Sachs disease. She had just found out that she was pregnant again when their first child was diagnosed. Finding out that the second one had inherited the disease also, nearly crushed them both. They had spent four years watching their beautiful son, and then their pretty little girl succumb to the disease. Children with Tay-Sachs rarely lived past five or six. Jacob had died at three and Missy at two and a half. The risk of another having another child with the same condition was too great so they decided to help out other children. It was just as therapeutic for them as it was for the kids.

Nash had met them both shortly after he had moved to the area and they were just starting to get the therapeutic riding program up and running. Once they had everything in place Nash volunteered to help out. He had learned how to saddle the horses, how the various special saddles helped hold the children upright. He loved seeing their huge smiles as he led them around the ring. In those moments, a lot of these kids felt “normal”, being able to do something that other children could do easily.

Maddie was currently brushing one of the horses. She grinned when she saw him and said “I’m so happy you’re here! Leslie called and can’t make it today. She sprained her ankle yesterday and will be out of commission for a couple of weeks. Tyler is out too, he had that family reunion thing to go to. All three sessions are full, so we’re going to have to be on our toes. Jeff is going to see if a couple of his students can stay after their lesson to help out. They can’t lead the kids around, but they can at least help with the grooming and stuff.”

Maddie required all of her volunteers to be at least eighteen and thoroughly screened with a background check as well as get a yearly flu shot. Many of the kids got sick easily and this was the real reason why Nash had gotten his shot. He skirted the issue with Jarren because at the time he wasn’t sure how much of his life he wanted to share with the other man.

Each session could accommodate up to ten kids. There were usually five or six volunteers to handle everything but today looked like there would only be three, Maddie, himself and Jester. Jester’s real name was Chester, or Chet, to people who didn’t know him well. He was a prankster and loved to make the kids laugh with his antics, hence the nickname Jester when he was at the farm. Sure enough, Nash was leading two of the ponies out of the barn when Jester showed up. He called out a greeting which was returned with a happy smile. Jester quickly pitched in and between the three of them they had four horses and the two ponies ready to go by the time the kids started arriving.

Lessons were scheduled at 8:00, 9:30 and 11:00. Each session was an hour and each child got to spend at least 20-30 minutes on the horse depending on what they could handle. Today they might have to limit it to 15-20 minutes because they were short two volunteers. Luckily the kids and parents were understanding. Another weekend they might get extra time if there were enough volunteers and not all of the regulars showed up. Dealing with the various illnesses and diseases, many of these kids got sick or were too tired or weak to make it. They had to keep things flexible in order for it to work.

The morning passed quickly for everyone. Nash had grown attached to these kids and it cut pretty deep whenever one of them got worse or succumbed to their disease. It hurt each and every time, but Nash was proud that he was able to make the kid’s lives a little better for the short time they were here. Thankfully, most of the kids were managing their various ailments admirably. It always amazed him how positive and resilient kids were in the face of adversity.

By 1:00 all of the tired kids were gone and the horses groomed and turned out to pasture. Saddles and bridles were cleaned and put away. Five of Jeff’s students had stayed to help with the grooming and clean up. Jeff had bribed them with extra riding time, although Nash knew all of them would have done it without the bribe. The extra hands made things easy and when Nash climbed into his truck he checked his phone and saw a text from Jarren: ‘got in L8 last nite. call if u get a chance’. Nash decided to wait until he got home and had a shower. He smelled like horse.

It was a little after three o’clock when Nash was finally able to call Jarren, but he got voicemail. He left a quick message and decided to fix an early dinner. He was starving. He was staring at the meager contents in his refrigerator when his phone rang. Seeing that it was Jarren, Nash smiled and hit the green circle to connect. “Hello.” he said.

“Hey Nash, it’s Jarren. Sorry I missed your call. I’m at the aquarium with my brother Robbie. How’ve you been?” he heard Jarren ask.

Nash hesitated for a second or two and then decided to go out on a limb, “I’ve missed you. I’m really sorry about the way I left things. You didn’t need to deal with my shit when you had a family emergency to handle. I’m really sorry. Can we get together to talk soon? I know your brother is visiting but maybe after he goes back?” he offered.

“I don’t want to wait that long. Danny has offered to entertain Robbie tonight, something about a Call of Duty marathon with some online acquaintances. Robbie wants to kick some ass. His words, not mine.” Jarren said.

Nash made a quick decision and suggested “Why don’t you come over here. I haven’t gone shopping yet but I can order pizza or something and we can talk here. I’d rather not be out in public. I need to tell you some things that are pretty personal to me.”

“That sounds good. How ‘bout I pick up Thai on my way over.” Jarren offered. “I just had pizza with Robbie at lunchtime. There’s a Thai place not too far from me that Danny goes to and says it’s really good. What do you like?”

Nash told him his favorite was Chicken Pad Thai and Jarren said he could be there around six. They were almost done seeing everything at the aquarium that they wanted to see and would be heading back to Jarren’s place soon. Nash figured he could have a bowl of cereal to tide him over and quickly agreed. He gave Jarren his address and told him he would see him soon.

Nash spent the next hour tidying up his little bungalow. Nash rented it from the owners of the large mansion that was up the hill from him. The little one bedroom house had once been the overseer’s cottage way back in the day when the mansion had been part of a large cotton plantation. The cotton fields had been sold off long ago and replaced with an upscale housing development. The mansion had been converted to a bed and breakfast, and the bungalow had gone through several renovations over the years, the earliest had been when electricity and indoor plumbing had been added. The latest was an overhaul of the kitchen shortly before he had moved in nearly six years ago. His landlords had kept the bungalow as an investment but had not done a lot with it other than basic maintenance and painting every so often. Because of that the rent was reasonable and Nash liked the location. It didn’t have the most up to date appliances or features but it wasn’t far from work or the farm. It suited him just fine.

Nash swept the floors and gathered up his dirty laundry, throwing it on the floor of the small laundry room. It wasn’t really a room, more like an alcove that he could close off with a sliding pocket door. The kitchen just needed a quick wipe down. He gave the small bathroom some attention, cleaning the toilet and sink. He wasn’t one to neglect household chores so it didn’t take too long. He also decided to change the sheets on his bed. He could hope couldn’t he?

He still had an hour to kill before Jarren would arrive so he turned on some college hoops. He settled on the Georgia Tech vs Florida State game and watched Georgia get trounced by the Seminoles. He turned off the TV when he heard a knock on his door. His heart started to beat just a little faster.

He opened the door and couldn’t help the smile that came over his face when he saw Jarren for the first time in two weeks. The two just stood there staring at each other until Nash came to his senses and stepped back to allow Jarren space to enter. “Come on in.” he said and shivered slightly as Jarren’s body skimmed along his arm.

They looked at each other awkwardly for a moment and then Nash pulled Jarren in for a hug. His pants were suddenly a little more snug as he felt Jarren’s nose bury itself in the crook of his neck and then he heard him inhale. Fuck, that was sexy. He let himself inhale Jarren’s scent as well. He smelled like freshly washed skin, some kind of woodsy soap or body wash and underlying it was a smell that belonged to Jarren alone. He also smelled spicy Thai food and as his brain registered that scent his stomach growled loudly.

Jarren snickered at the sound and pulled away, leaving a sense of coldness where there had been heated contact just seconds before. He held up the bag of food that he had saved from being crushed and smiled “It sounds like you could use this.” he teased.

Nash led him through the small living room into the adjoining kitchen. He pulled out some plates and silverware and put them on the table. He opened the fridge and asked “Beer, soda or water?”

“Beer,” was the answer. Nash grabbed two Coors Light and handed one to Jarren. They unpacked the aromatic food and Nash saw that in addition to the Chicken Pad Thai, Jarren had gotten Nam Sod, Shrimp Pad Woon Sen, steamed dumplings and egg rolls. Yep, that should keep them going for a little while.

The two kept the conversation light while they ate. Jarren told him about the trip home and how his dad was getting along. Nash laughed when Jarren relayed how his nephews like to use him as a human climbing tree. Nash could just picture Jarren with two or three little kids hanging off his limbs. Nash caught Jarren up to speed as to what was going on at work. He had been working at the hotel site covering for the guys who were down with the flu. Nash told him that Andre had something in the works for them, but there were no details yet. They’d find out more when they went in on Tuesday.

When they had finished putting a decent sized dent in the food, as well as a second beer, it only took a few minutes to clean up. Nash finished wiping off the table and looked at Jarren. Christ, he was stunning. Nash knew that Jarren had no clue how much he was affected by the hot blond. Jarren was standing at the sink, having just rinsed out the beer bottles. He looked so fucking sexy. Nash couldn’t help himself when he crossed the four steps it took him to get from the table to Jarren. He placed his hands along each side of Jarren’s face and gently pulled him in until their lips were sealed together. God, he tasted better than anything else.

They savored each other for several moments before Nash pulled back. He rested his forehead against Jarren’s and asked “Is this what you really want? I need to know before we go any further. I know that you have doubts, but I need to know. Do you want me Jarren?”

He heard Jarren’s breath leave his lungs in a rush and then heard him replenish his air with a huge deep breath. Then he let it out slowly and said “I want you more than anything I’ve ever wanted my entire life. We need to sit down first. There’s a few things you should know about me. Yes. I have baggage, but I have a feeling that your’s is much heavier than mine.”

Nash could only nod his agreement as he took Jarren’s hand and led him to the living room. They both sat on the couch, close, so that they were facing each other, one leg folded up beneath each man, knees just barely touching.

Jarren leaned in a stole a quick kiss from Nash. It was as if he was stealing some courage. Nash listened as Jarren explained his reticence over being gay.

Jarren started “I started to figure out I was gay when I was around twelve or thirteen. Mazen was always carrying on about a couple of the girls in our class who had, uh, let’s just say developed faster than the rest of the girls. Our friends had noticed them too, they were always joking about wanting to feel them up saying things like ‘I’d like to test those melons for ripeness’ or ‘I could suck those tits into next week’. Stupid shit like that, posturing crap trying to be all alpha dog and what not. Statements that would probably get us kicked out of school in today’s world. I never saw what the big deal was. Looking at girls did nothing for me. I tried to play along but Mazen saw right through me. He called me out when we were fifteen. He had caught me looking at other guys and the clincher was when he took my phone and my browser was still open to a story on a gay website. I tried to deny it, but you can’t really hide anything from your twin. He knew me and he made me admit that I was gay. The thing is I didn’t want to be gay. I hated the thought of it. I’ve never had a problem with other people being gay. I just didn’t want it for myself. So I ignored it as much as I could.”

Nash looked at Jarren with sympathy. He knew how hard it was to come out. He had also known he was gay from an early age but had delayed coming out as well. Nash gave him an encouraging smile and told him to continue.

Jarren nodded and went on “I was dating a girl, Ryeleah, weird name, weird girl. Anyway, I had been with her for a couple of months and had done nothing but make out with her. She wanted to go further and I tried to play along. She went to give me a blow job and I almost threw up on her. Well, I did throw up, I just barely missed her. It hit the floor next to her. I tried to say it was bad mayonnaise, but she didn’t buy it. We had lunch together and I hadn’t had anything with mayo in it. Stupid on my part. She put the pieces together and figured out I was gay. Yep, relationship over in a heartbeat. I can’t say that I was broken up over it, but Mazen had told me that if I kept up the straight act someone would get hurt. We had even fought over it, had to have our Dad pull us apart and I didn’t speak to him for almost a week. Mazen that is, not my Dad. Sure enough he was right. Not only did Ryeleah get hurt but I did too. She pulled out the bitch card and broadcast my sexual preference all over school and Myspace. This was right before Facebook took off. Not exactly the best way to be pulled out of the closet, but the door was opened and there was no closing it. Luckily we lived in a pretty liberal state and being gay wasn’t a huge ordeal. Most of my friends had figured it out and those who didn’t weren’t really surprised. Even my family was OK with it. I just never talked about it because I didn’t want to. Up until a few days ago I didn’t want to be gay. I never denied it. I never really admitted it either. I just didn’t WANT it, so I totally turned my back on that part of myself and rarely acknowledged it. If I got horny, I’d hit one of the bars in Springfield and hookup with someone for a quick fuck or a blowjob.”

Nash interjected “You said up until a few days ago. What changed your mind?”

Jarren smiled and replied “Who, not what. My friend Lex had a “Lexervention”’ with me. One thing you have to know about Lex is that he has the intuition of a psychic and a mom all rolled into one. I don’t know what it is but he can nail a person’s mood right on the head. He somehow knew how much I’d been struggling with myself, pretty much since the day I met him. He told me that being gay wasn’t a death sentence.”

Nash chuckled at that. He had a mental picture of Jarren with a noose around his neck and a huge scarlet G for gay plastered to his shirt.

Jarren smiled and shook his head when Nash told him what he had pictured. He continued “Anyhow, Lex also told me that I needed to trust myself and that I needed someone who was worth admitting to myself that I was OK with being gay. He asked me if I believed that you were worth it. I’m not a religious person at all, but right then and there I had what I can only describe as a ‘Come to Jarren” moment. It suddenly all made sense. You are worth it. Somehow I just know that I can finally accept and embrace being gay, if being gay means I get you in my life. Does that make any sense?”

Nash’s gaze locked onto Jarren’s and he pulled him in for another kiss. When they pulled apart to breathe Nash told Jarren “It makes perfect sense. I just hope you still think I’m worth it when I unload my baggage on you. This may take a while. Are you ready?”

Jarren kissed those sweet lips one more time and replied “I’m ready.”