2014 Prompt Responses - 10. Prompt 312

I didn’t think it was possible to salivate any more each time a new guest arrived with a dish of bacony goodness. I figured I’d probably be severely dehydrated by the end of the night due to saliva loss. To say that Richard’s idea of a bacon-themed dinner party was a success would be the understatement of the year! Just about everyone we invited showed up, including people we haven’t seen for years! Richard and I provided drinks and 50/50 burgers (made with ½ ground beef, ½ ground bacon) and everything else was potluck. So far guests had brought bacon-wrapped scallops, mini-bacon quiches, bacon cheeseburger dip, chocolate-covered bacon, and even bacon-wrapped bacon. I kid you not! I was floating on a greasy cloud of bacon happiness.

I walked up behind Richard and wrapped my arms around him, inhaling deeply. “Mmmmmm…… you smell like bacon.”

He laughed at me and turned around in my arms, giving me a big sniff and hug back. “You don’t smell so bad yourself.” He leered at me.

I kissed him and nuzzled into his neck. “Let’s go have a quickie before anyone notices we’re gone.” I whispered.

He grinned at me and started pulling me toward our bedroom.

“Oh, no you don’t!” I felt a hand on my shoulder, stopping me. “You two aren’t going to sneak off in the middle of your own party! You have burgers to cook, mister!” It was my sister, Elaine.

“Awww…. C’mon Lainey. The burgers can wait ten minutes. Or you could start cooking them…” I looked at her with puppy-dog eyes.

“That’s not going to work on me this time, Evan,” she snickered. “You guys will just have to wait to get it on until after your guests have left.”

“Damn.” I muttered and pouted.

Richard gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll go start cooking, babe.” He leaned in closer and whispered “Don’t worry. Tonight we’ll have a hell of a lot longer than ten minutes.”

I smiled and watched his ass as he walked out to the backyard.

The doorbell rang and I started salivating again like Pavlov’s dog. I wondered what glorious bacon concoction would appear next. I frowned when I reached the door and saw Richard’s brother Craig and his bitch of a wife Sheila. I wondered why the hell they were even here. Sheila was rather vocal about the fact that she was a vegan, so what she was doing coming to a bacon party was beyond me.

I plastered on my best fake smile and opened the door. “Craig, Sheila, it’s great you both could come!” I shook Craig’s hand and gave Sheila a quick hug.

Sheila looked just as thrilled to see me as I was to see her. She smiled stiffly and handed me a pan of something gross-smelling. “I made a veggie dip with vegan bacon.”

I thought my face was going to break from the strain of maintaining my fake smile. “Wow…uh… thanks. I’ll get this right on the table.”

Vegan bacon? I shuddered. It should go right into the trash instead of being nestled among the bacon ambrosia gracing the rest of the table. I grabbed two pieces of chocolate-covered bacon and went out to the back porch where Richard was grilling the burgers. I handed him one of the bacon pieces.

“Guess who just showed up?”

“Craig and Sheila.” He nodded his head slightly in their direction. The guest that Sheila was talking to looked decidedly uncomfortable.

“I thought they weren’t coming? Sheila brought vegan bacon.” I said the word like the atrocity it was.

“Apparently they changed their mind. Try to be nice, Evan. They’re making an effort just by being here.”

I knew it bothered Richard that I didn’t get along with Sheila. Craig was ok, but Sheila just really grated on my nerves. “I know. I am being nice.” I leaned over the grill and inhaled deeply. “Ah! Now I can’t smell that horrible vegan crap anymore.”

Richard laughed and swatted me away.

The evening was a huge success, despite the vegan bacon incident. Richard put on Kevin Bacon movies to watch and the majority of the food was eaten, with the exception of Sheila’s veggie dip. I think she was the only one who ate any of it. As the evening wound down and most of the guests had departed,

I decided to change into some sweatpants. I had eaten so much my pants felt like they were going to burst right open.

I opened the door to our bedroom, only to stand there in shock as I saw Sheila sitting on our bed, her face covered in grease stuffing the last of a 50/50 burger in her mouth. Her eyes got wide then narrowed as she elbowed her way past me. “Don’t judge me!” She spat as she spun out the door, bits of bacon burger flying from her mouth. I heard the bathroom door shut, then the sound of frantic teeth-brushing. I remained standing there and stared after her when she left the bathroom to find Craig and leave. She wouldn’t even look at me. When I heard her thank Richard for a lovely evening, even if it was based on a theme of cruelty, I sank down the wall in a fit of hysterical laughter.