creative Prompt #287 - Creative

[comicfan]

The malls are a mess, the people are surly, and your shopping list is beginning to look like a noose. However everything is changed by the actions of one person and now your living your own holiday special. What happened and who is the one that changed your holiday?

[joann414]

Gift of the Muppet

 

"If I never see another mall or hear a screaming infant, it will be too soon!"  Cassie dropped her packages and flopped onto the couch.  "Be a good friend and get me a beer."

 

"I told you not to wait until the last minute to shop.  You should've done like Jo Ann and ordered online.  She's had her packages wrapped and under the tree since the weekend after Thanksgiving."  KC handed Cassie her beer as he spoke.  "By the way, is your family going to stay for Christmas Eve dinner or just the luncheon you planned?"

 

Cassie looked at him curiously before replying.  "Who knows?  Mom and Dad are so into football, they'll stay the whole evening before they'll miss a few minutes of the game.  Why?"

 

"Oh, no reason.  I just wanted to make sure I planned for the right amount of people.  What meat are you having for lunch?"

 

"I'm got a beef tenderloin and there's boiled shrimp also.  Why?  What are you having?  You've been all mysterious about Christmas Eve dinner.  It's sweet that you are cooking.  Jo Ann has always had to do everything.  She is so happy not to have to cook for everyone.  Since Christmas dinner is at Sly's, she gets to relax the whole two days.   So, spill.  Tell me why you've been so secretive. You're making me a little nervous."

 

KC smiled.  "It's a surprise for Jo Ann.  She's been a bit sad, missing her family and all.  This will be the first time you two haven't been to visit them over the holidays.  I feel guilty because she doesn't want to leave me alone, since I'm having to work the day after Christmas.  She's giving up her time with her family to be with me."

 

"You know she considers you family, KC.  Hell, sometimes I think she loves you, and I'm the visitor.  I'm just kidding.  She really does love you and doesn't feel like she is sacrificing anything by staying here.  Jo Ann's been just as excited about Christmas here as she is when she goes to visit her family.  Stop worrying."  Cassie smiled in welcome when the front door open, to reveal Jo Ann with her arms full of more presents.  "We are not going to be able to walk in the den if you keep buying presents, hon."

 

Jo Ann arranged the presents around the tree, turning around to look at Cassie.  "You and KC both have been shaking gifts.  I can tell they've been moved."  She laughed when both KC and Cassie turned pink in embarrassment.  "Like two kids.  How about a beer?  Did ya'll leave any?"

 

KC got Jo Ann a beer and the three settled onto couch. The fire crackled, emitting a warmth that enveloped the three as they talked about their plans for the next two days.

 

"By the way KC.  Sly said she'd met your two friends that you'd invited for dinner.  Glad they're coming.  The more, the merrier.  How about I open a bottle wine you two?"  Jo Ann got up and headed to the kitchen.

 

"Sounds good to me.  I picked up chili and cornbread at Wayne's deli so nobody would have to cook, so yeah, relaxing with a glass of wine would be great!"  Cassie looked at KC who nodded in agreement.  She stared at him a moment longer.  He had something up his sleeve, and she wasn't sure if it was naughty or nice.  Shrugging off the weird vibes she was getting, she called out to Jo ann.  "Do you need any help?"

 

"I've got it.  I'd put a couple of bottles in the fridge before I left to do last minute shopping."  Jo Ann appeared a couple of minutes later with a tray holding three glasses of wine.

 

When the three of them had taken their wine from the tray, and Jo Ann put the tray onto the coffee table, Cassie raised her glass and said, "Here's to wonderful holidays with my two best friends and family."

 

The three glasses tinkled as they touched and the adults talked into the wee hours of the morning, sharing holiday memories.

 

***

 

Christmas Eve

 

Cassie added the last touches to the table before going to get the boiled shrimp, sitting them on the Christmas trivet in the center of the table.  She heard Jo Ann and KC talking with her parents in the den, glad to hear laughter coming from the room.  She wanted everyone to have a good holiday.  "Lunch is served, everyone."  She laughed when KC was at the table within seconds, impatiently waiting for the others to get seated.

 

Everyone ate too much, and Cassie's mom and Jo Ann shooed the others into the den to watch television afterwards while they cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher.  After they had stored the leftovers, they joined the others in the living room, amused by the other three screaming at the game in progress.  After another hour, Cassie's dad was asleep, and KC began to get fidgety.

 

"What's up with you KC?  You've looked at your watch four times in the last thirty minutes."  Jo Ann sipped her wine.  "It's a little after four.  What time will your friends arrive?"

 

"They should be here in about an hour.  I need to run and pick up a couple of things.  Be back in a short, short."  KC got his coat out of the closet, grabbed Jo Ann's truck keys from the key holder and disappeared out the front door.

 

Cassie's dad snorted, and then sat up from his slumped position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  "Who won the game?"

 

Jo Ann told him, and then asked.  "Are ya'll going to stay for dinner.  We'd love to have you."

 

"We'd love too if you're sure.  We didn't make any plans for the rest of the day.  Cassie's dad loves your huge television."  Cassie mom laughed.  "I'll be glad to help with dinner."

 

"KC is in charge of dinner, so just relax.  Would you like a refill?"  Jo Ann nodded toward her wine glass.

 

After refilling everyone's glass, Jo Ann heard KC drive up.  She settle back down on the couch next to Cassie, propping her socked feet on the coffee table in front of them.

 

"We're back, everybody.  I want you to meet my friends.  This is Bubba, and this one is Johnny Ray.  They are visiting the mountains for Christmas."

 

Jo Ann and Cassie got up to welcome the two young men.  They noticed both of them carried a case of Budweiser and a pack of beef jerky.  It was obvious they had some type of tobacco in their mouths.

 

"I'm so glad you could join us.  Where are you from?"  Jo Ann smiled at the two men.

 

Johnny Ray spoke.  "I'm from Hot Coffee, MS, and my cuz Bubba here is from south Louisiana.  He hand grabs for a livin.  He's tryin to get on that show bout hand grabbing.  You know the one I mean?  Them guys catch some damn big yeller cat."

 

Cassie looked at KC, trying to talk with her eyes.  "What do you do John?"

 

"Just call me Johnny Ray.  Everybody else does.  I got a hog parlor and piddle a bit on lawnmower motors.  Linda Gail said I had to git that shit out of the yard tho.  She's scared some of that oil I drain from some of them lawnmowers might poison some of the hogs.  That wouldn't be good for our sows either.  Some of thems bout to have little piglets and we don't need a bunch of deformed hogs bein borned.   You know what I mean.  Don't nobody want to buy a three legged pig or nuthin."  Johnny Ray ripped open the carton and took out a long necked Bud, drinking half of it in one swallow.

 

Cassie took the two cases of beer from the two men.  "I'll got put these on some ice.  Have a seat."

 

"I might need to get these boots off.  They still smell a little like hog shit.  It's hard to rid leather of the smell.  Linda Gail pours a little shine on them when I'm at home.  I tell her not to use my shine, but its bout all that'll calm the oder.  It's really a pisser when I fall into bed drunk with my boots on.  Linda Gail beats me with the broom handle when she wakes up.  She don't like tha smell of hog shit on her bed cuvers."  Johnny Ray toed his boots off as he spoke, small brown flakes hitting the carpet, making Jo Ann and Cassie's mom cringe in horror.

 

"Ya'll ain't gotta worry bout my boots.  A few fish guts never hurt anyone.  But, I'll tak'em off anyway.  When I picked Johnny Ray up for the trip, I walked over to his hog parlor to look at his new hog.  He's gonna be a breeder alrite.  You shoulda seen him...

 

Jo Ann interrupted him before he could finish, scared of what she'd hear.  She motioned the two visitors into the den, pointing to the two wooden rockers, hoping the wood wouldn't absorb the odor coming from the men.  As they sat down, she reached behind the metal wood box, grabbed some cinnamon scented air freshener, and quickly sprayed the two pair of boots.  The odor coming form them would gag a maggot.  Then, excusing herself, she want into the kitchen, knowing Cassie was hiding out in there.

 

"What the hell is KC thinking.  Wonder where he met these guys?  Sly should've warned us."  Cassie was in a panic.  "I'm going to kill Sly.  She's probably laughing her ass off.  We should call her and make her suffer through this with us."

 

Jo Ann grabbed one of the beer and downed it in one swallow, needing the sustenance of the alcohol.  "Your mother's mouth dropped open when they appeared in the door, and I'm scared she is going to go into shock.  You dad is trying not to laugh, but the shaking of his body and tears streaming down his face is a dead giveaway.  Well, maybe not to our two visitors.  I'm not sure they even realize he's laughing at them.  Fix crackers and cheese, and I'll pop some popcorn.  We don't need them drunk before dinner.  There's no telling what they'll say or do.

 

When the two women walked back into the den, Cassie sitting the tray of cheese and crackers on the coffee table, and Jo Ann passing the bowl of popcorn to Johnny Ray, mentally reminding herself not to eat from the bowl after him.  He had enough dirt under his fingernails to plant a garden.

 

"Popcorn!  Linda Gail don't much let me have popcorn at home.  I love it.  It just give me bad gas, and when I far...

 

Cassie jerked the bowl from Johnny Ray before he finished the sentence.  If any more foul odors entered the air, she was going to vomit.  Her mom's face was already white.  "Here, have some cheese and crackers."  She offered the tray to Johnny Ray.

 

"Nope, constipates me, won't be able to crap for a week."  He reached and got the bowl of popcorn from the coffee table, much to Cassie's dismay.

 

KC got up from his chair and asked, "Beer, anyone?"

 

Johnny Ray turned his bottle up, finishing his beer, emitting a loud belch, causing  Cassie's  mom to jump.  "Gimme one KC.  I'm gonna tie one on.  Don't git away from Linda Gail much."

 

Bubba did the same, but thankfully didn't belch after consuming his beer.  While he waited on KC to bring the beer, he opened the package of beef jerky he'd brought and pulled at the beef, ripping it with his teeth.  "This shits tough.  We git better jerky in the south."

 

"I'm sure."  Cassie's mom spoke for the first time.  "Jo Ann, do you have any vodka or gin?"

 

Looking at her in surprise, Jo Ann nodded.  "Sure, which do you want?"

 

"Vodka on the rocks, and leave the bottle."

 

Cassie looked at her mom like she'd lost her mind, and  her dad was drinking his wine, still in hysterics over the situation.

 

Fixing Cassie's mom a drink, Jo Ann sat the bottle of vodka close by so she could freshen her drink as needed.  What a day

 

Three beer and ten belches later, Johnny Ray looked at Bubba and said, "We need to get the pot out of the truck.  By the way, KC.  You are gonna be so surprised.  The chitterlings cooked up just fine.  The hotel threatened to kick us out for cookin um in our room.  Folks were threatnin to leave.  One young'un went to pukin.  His mum shook her fist at us when we came out the room with the pot."

 

After the two men pulled on their foul smelling boots and went out the door, Jo Ann turned KC.  "What the hell is going on?  Where did you find them and why bring them here.  You should've just given them money to buy a meal."

 

KC looked down at his feet, and said.  "I thought I would give you a Christmas like you are used to.  You know, a redneck Christmas.  Did I do wrong?"

 

"KC, I'm from the south, not the backwoods.  We don't hang beer cans on our tree and burn tires in the front yard.Christmas dinners are much like yours.  I appreciate the thought, but...

 

Jo Ann didn't get to finish before Bubba and Johnny Ray came back in the front door.  Not bothering to shed their boots, the two men sat their offerings on the hearth, the heat from the fire making the odor coming from the boiler almost unbearable.  Not only did they have a pot of chitterlings, but Bubba was carrying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, which obviously had been eaten from. 

 

Hurrying to get the pot off the hearth, Cassie took it to the kitchen, seeing her mom drink from the vodka bottle when she passed her.  She sat the pot on the cabinet and turned to see Jo Ann come through the door with the bucket of chicken.  Not only was there a few pieces of chicken inside the bucket, but a bowl of greens that had leaked and dripped onto the chicken.  The smell was awful.

 

"What are we going to do?  We don't have anything else prepared.  There's very little food left from lunch."  Cassie was almost in tears.

 

Hugging her, Jo Ann said.  "I've got a casserole of lasagna in the freezer, and a couple of loaves of French bread.  We'll throw a salad together, but, you might want to go get the bottle of vodka from you mom first."

 

Cassie came back into the kitchen with the half empty bottle of vodka, followed by her staggering mother who immediately covered her mouth when she caught a whiff of the chitterlings, mixed with the smell of the greens.  She ran for the back door, Cassie close behind carrying a wet cloth.

 

Two hours later, Cassie's mom and dad and Jo Ann sat at the dining room table enjoying the lasagna, while KC and his two friends sat out on the patio, snow falling onto their clothes as they at the chitterlings and greens, along with the green juice covered chicken. 

 

After everyone finished eating, the three men came through the backdoor.  KC said.  "I told Johnny Ray to leave the pot outside and I'll rinse it out with the hose.  We fed the rest of the greens and chicken to the neighbors dog."

 

Going into the den, everybody settled in to watch a Christmas movie.  Five minutes into the movie, a noise came from under Johnny Ray that caused Cassie's daddy to finally give into his mirth.  When the smell caused by the noise hit the air, Cassie's mom ran for the front door this time.  Jo Ann and Cassie gagged. 

 

"That wuz a guddun Johnny Ray.  In a few minutes, I betcha I can top that one."  Bubba grinned from ear to ear as he spoke.

 

By this time, KC's stomach was protesting against the smell.  "Hey guys, the bar opened ten minutes ago.  They're having that pool tournament tonight."

 

Johnny Ray and Bubby jumped to their feet.  They went to the door and slipped their boots on.  Unfortunately when Bubba bent over to pull his boots on, he did top Johnny Ray's feat.  As the odor spread through the den, Cassie's mom walked back through the front door, and fainted.  KC hurried the two men out the door, wanting to get into the fresh air, not caring what he left inside.

 

Cassie's dad erupted into loud laughter as Jo Ann fanned Cassie's mom trying to revive her.  Cassie sprayed  the cinnamon air freshener, making the odor worse.

 

*****

 

KC let himself in the front door around midnight.  The house was silent, and smelled like pine sol.  He knew Jo Ann and Cassie had probably disinfected everything.  He ran through the shower, and laughed when he thought about the afternoon.  This would be a Christmas everyone would laugh about later.  No one else would ever give a gift like he'd given Jo Ann.  He got out of the shower, toweled off and slipped into his Santa boxers.  Sliding into his bed, he snuggled his head further into his pillow, which emitted an awful smell. Turning on his bedside lamp he found that the pillow case was wet.  Peering closer, he cautiously peered into the pillowcase to find about a cup full of the left over chitterlings inside the pillowcase.  A note lay on his other pillow.   Merry Redneck Christmas KC.   Love, Jo Ann and Cassie

 

finis

[Ron]

That was a hoot, Joann. Some of those antics had me crackin' up.

[Slytherin]

That was fun ! Poor KC

[Kitt]

Ewwww! Poor pillow is a gonner!  I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. I'll just sit over here with Cassie's dad!

[CassieQ]

We do have a redneck Christmas, but nothing as awful as what Joann dreamed up!  Loved it!!