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How to take nasty jabs?


paya

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I'm not sure how to start this and not get lost in too much explaining and details. OK, so the shortest version possible, hopefully not too simplified.

 

Everyone has some soft spots. Some people have less, some people have more. For me, one of the biggest ones is self-dignity and how others perceive me. I know I should not care but I do. The other big one is "personal failures" or what I see as a personal failure, even if others might call them re-evaluation of my objectives or whatever. I have lots of those. I tend to not finishing things I start. I get easily excited for something, immerse in it, then something happens or changes, I lose focus, interest, abandon it and run away. Or hide it somewhere where nobody can find it (and see my failure). The less people knows about them the better. But some of them are... quite known.

 

Like the case with my Ph.D. I went through two years during which I lost illusions, found a steady full-time job, got another focus and completely lost any motivation in pursuing an academic career. Which of course clashed with the internal rules of the university resolving in an ending of my studies. It wasn't sudden, I knew it was coming, did nothing to prevent it, because I accepted it but still it hurt inside. It was an end of another era, one could say 22-year long era of my continuous studies, and it wasn't exactly as glorious as I would wish, or expected a few years ago. But it happened. I moved on, didn't lose the friends and still see them, even if sparsely.

 

Today it was used against me in a Facebook Wall conversation. I know, how pathetic! But I was called on "barely getting through two semesters of Ph.D." and some other stuff. And it stung. :( I thought I had got over it but it spoiled most of my day and I spent it thinking up millions of great and rightful (and some a bit nasty blush1.gif ) retorts just to defend my honour and good name. Even if I lost any respect I might have had for that person and I could rationally argue with myself that they are not worth any effort (and I haven't replied in there anyway), it still got me pretty low, and opened some laboriously closed issues about self-valuation.

 

So I was jabbed into a wound that would have needed some time to heal properly even without that. And I spent the day discovering I still don't know how to cope with these. :-( Even if I don't care what that person is thinking of me, what are OTHERS thinking? Do they see me the same way, as pathetic and loser? Do they agree with that statement? I see it as a public humiliation and since on the internet you never know how many people are watching, how to deal with that? But in general, how to deal with stabs in your soft spot?

papaya200px.jpg

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Facebook is fraught with problems. I've long been concerned about the lack of privacy and kicked the social network out of my life several years ago after a picture of one of my grandchildren appeared on a totally unrelated web site. It had been lifted from my Facebook profile and was presented for all the world to see on a for profit site as if it were a picture of me. I've not regretted leaving Facebook for a single minute. I'm much happier spending my time cultivating real friendships with real people.

 

You previously blogged about Facebook friends versus Facebook freaks. Today you were subjected to the insensitivity of one of those freaks. Do you really need "friends" like that? You have Westie. hug.gif

 

And you are certainly no loser. Anyone who thinks that is no friend.

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The smartest man I ever knew had an 8th grade education. At 88, he had just finished designing his 5th generation hydroelectric generator, and was beginning to machine the parts. He was going to generate 4 MW from a mountain stream, and start selling the power in a remote mountain valley.

 

Someone once started boasting in front of Charlie about her father, who "taught industrial arts" at a community college, when Charlie stated, "I always tried not to let my lack of schooling interfere with my education."

 

Your education took a new turn, and somebody without an imagination failed to recognize its worth. Your merit is not the sum of your credentials.

 

You're simply beyond his ken. HIS horizons need to be broadened.

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The problem isn't about finishing school, or how smart you are or are not. It's not about how you could possibly choose to explain away your 'failing' that was so harshly pointed out by someone with little tact and no compassion. Soft spots exist and there is always something out there that can be used to make you feel bad.

 

The shitty thing is that there will always be assholes who take advantage of that. The best way to make it better is to face why you feel so sensitive about the subject and then DO something about it. Resolve it for yourself, however you need to. This time it was your education, next time it might be your appearance, or a clumsy moment, or a missaid phrase. You can't always change what others ridicule you with.

 

Oh, and just trust that those of us who care about you would never think like that.

 

P.S. Imagining that person, giving them a good swift kick in the nads and watching them crumple can be a pleasant way to spend a few minutes.

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well, i already gave my feedback, and if i repeated it here i would probably be banned by the mods for the language i use.....

 

so im just saying hugs, I love you and Im yours

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well, i already gave my feedback, and if i repeated it here i would probably be banned by the mods for the language i use.....

 

so im just saying hugs, I love you and Im yours

 

Ah. Loving feedback. The best kind. tongue.png

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so im just saying hugs, I love you and Im yours

 

Eww, get a room. biggrin.png

 

Anyways, keep your head up Papaya-man smile.png don't make bust out some Glee biggrin.png

 

 

biggrin.png

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