How many sex partners is "promiscuous"?

[lucretiaseeks]

On 6/22/2023 at 10:57 PM, Ron said:

"All of our students benefit when they learn from the up-to-date, evidence-based material grounded in science," Healey said in a statement Wednesday morning.

I might note for those who aren't aware that my state's governor is lesbian. It makes all the difference in the world, I believe.

 

I like Maura Healey very much; I think she's a credit to my home state.

There have long been stereotypes that gay people, especially men, are promiscuous, whatever that means. (I confess I didn't vote...I don't like the term.)

The definition of 'promiscuous' and the associated judgement seems to change when people are speaking about a woman instead of a man. At some point since my own adolescence, the idea of 'slut-shaming' being negative and undesirable has become popular among young people. I think we're better for that. I don't think there should be guilt associated with something so fundamentally human and life-affirming, whatever gender(s) involved.

Edited August 26, 2023 by lucretiaseeks
rephrase

[lawfulneutralmage]

5 hours ago, lucretiaseeks said:

(I confess I didn't vote...I don't like the term.)

Please, please, please do! This is how democracies die!

[Gary L]

I, like lucretiaseeks, don’t like the term for the value judgement it contains.  Some of you may remember the old legal saw- So sir, when did you stop beating your wife?
 

It has been a thought-provoking topic from privatetim, and my conclusion is simple. I have no idea how many people I have had some kind of sexual activity. What I do judge myself on, and others with regard to me, is we’re these acts engaged in freely by all parties, was there any exploitation, and what level of meaning or commitment was implied? Numbers, for me, at least, are meaningless. 
 

But as I said, a fascinating topic private time.  Thanks

[Paqman]

On 7/13/2023 at 5:25 AM, JamesSavik said:

I find spreadsheets help me to keep track.

Maybe some enterprising soul might invent an app for your cell phone.

Grindr could add a Bingo function, you could cross off all those you've hooked up with.

 

[JamesSavik]

1 hour ago, Paqman said:

Grindr could add a Bingo function, you could cross off all those you've hooked up with.

 

It's a burden being so hott. At my age, it's exhausting.

[Perenga]

How many partners does a prostitute have? (No offense intended) 

[Perenga]

By the way I was wondering if anyone even uses the term suffragette ? I don't know. I think it's the same thing, but I haven't heard that word in a very long time. But it's a much nobler word than prostitute. It's a shame it's no longer used. Now the word prostitute is a mockery, but it used to be a noble profession.

[ReaderPaul]

3 hours ago, Perenga said:

By the way I was wondering if anyone even uses the term suffragette ? I don't know. I think it's the same thing, but I haven't heard that word in a very long time. But it's a much nobler word than prostitute. It's a shame it's no longer used. Now the word prostitute is a mockery, but it used to be a noble profession.

Suffragette means "a  female advocate of the right of women to vote, especially one who participated in protests in the United Kingdom in the early 20th century or one who participated in protests in the United States in the late 19th century and early 20th century." 

It is not connected to prostitution or harlotry at all.

[PrivateTim]

14 hours ago, Perenga said:

By the way I was wondering if anyone even uses the term suffragette ? I don't know. I think it's the same thing, but I haven't heard that word in a very long time. But it's a much nobler word than prostitute. It's a shame it's no longer used. Now the word prostitute is a mockery, but it used to be a noble profession.

If you are looking for a nice word to describe a prostitute, maybe use 'politician'.

[LemonSoda]

3 hours ago, PrivateTim said:

If you are looking for a nice word to describe a prostitute, maybe use 'politician'.

I didn't realize people were trafficked into politics. 🤔

I have nothing but sympathy for prostitutes. It's their exploiters "sex partners" who ought to be ashamed. 

[W_L]

Unholy dead topic necromancy! 

I think the random word choice without etymology was just that.

You all know we can't discuss the Poli stuff in here. Twitter/x or The pit.

Sometimes topics are just discussed, points stated, then they're over. If there are no new feelings, there's no more words.

 

 

[Perenga]

On 10/6/2023 at 12:53 PM, LemonSoda said:

I didn't realize people were trafficked into politics. 🤔

I have nothing but sympathy for prostitutes. It's their exploiters "sex partners" who ought to be ashamed. 

Why should they be ashamed? I think it's totally normal

[Gary L]

17 minutes ago, Perenga said:

Why should they be ashamed? I think it's totally normal

But have they freely chosen this? In western world for male prostitution it may be a “free” choice but the evidence for female prostitution suggests a very different picture…..

[Zombie]

3 hours ago, Perenga said:

Why should they be ashamed? I think it's totally normal

3 hours ago, Gary L said:

But have they freely chosen this? In western world for male prostitution it may be a “free” choice but the evidence for female prostitution suggests a very different picture…..

interesting discussion

how ‘bout one of you open up a thread on this in the ‘other place’ then people can say what they like without fear of a spanking + the Admins are kept happy  

[ReaderPaul]

On 10/6/2023 at 8:28 AM, W_L said:

Sometimes topics are just discussed, points stated, then they're over. If there are no new feelings, there's no more words.

Sometimes what one person sees as new another person may feel that is a re-hashing of something previously said.  That being said, I think this topic, if continued, might be better in the other location.

[PrivateTim]

8 hours ago, Gary L said:

But have they freely chosen this? In western world for male prostitution it may be a “free” choice but the evidence for female prostitution suggests a very different picture…..

I think you'd find a lot of the male hustlers do it out of necessity, not really a free choice. I agree most male hustlers in the Western world aren't trafficked, but boy hustlers and boys trafficked is a huge problem in many countries.

But I'd put a hustler in a different category than promiscuous. 

[ranchered]

Moving on ... When I was 52, a friend asked me how many guys I have dated (had a relationship with).. since I figured out I was gay at 11, the number was low. I suppose that those who do hookups would have a much larger number but that has never been my thing, too much of a romantic (or if you prefer, want all the connection strings to whom I am with.)

Edited December 6, 2023 by ranchered
added clarification

[Guest]

I certainly, went through a phase when I engaged in promiscuous behaviour. Without throwing general statements what, I learned about my case was the following...

I was (and I am still) hiding deep insecurities about myself. Somehow, somewhere I warped my perception of how I am perceived and the only positive quality of mine was the physical side of my body (shall we say, without violating community guidelines).  I forgot that my compassion, honesty, loyalty and selflessness mattered at all. 

The more partners I had, the more of myself I was giving away - stepping deeper into the abyss of perpetual cycle of momentary validation in exchange for part of my soul.

This insecurity arose after a break up - until that point I was in committed relationship - my partner was the inspiration to come out to my catholic family. When he left - I felt like everything was a lie and feelings and emotions were just a gateway to hurt and betrayal.

One other thing about this pattern of behaviour was escapism - it provided that moment of stepping out of the bleakness of reality. I imagine, it would even be worse if I added chems into this mix.

Don't know if that makes sense, but on that point - I will not judge anyone, regardless of how many partners they had. It's about the person.

Edited December 1, 2023 by Dariusz Alexander

[ReaderPaul]

3 hours ago, Dariusz Alexander said:

     I certainly, went through a phase when I engaged in promiscuous behaviour. Without throwing general statements what, I learned about my case was the following...
     I was (and I am still) hiding deep insecurities about myself.  Somehow, somewhere I warped my perception of how I am perceived and the only positive quality of mine was the physical side of my body (shall we say, without violating community guidelines).  I forgot that my compassion, honesty, loyalty and selflessness mattered at all. 
     The more partners I had, the more of myself I was giving away - stepping deeper into the abyss of perpetual cycle of momentary validation in exchange for part of my soul.
     This insecurity arose after a break up - until that point I was in committed relationship - my partner was the inspiration to come out to my catholic family.  When he left - I felt like everything was a lie and feelings and emotions were just a gateway to hurt and betrayal.
     One other thing about this pattern of behaviour was escapism - it provided that moment of stepping out of the bleakness of reality.  I imagine, it would even be worse if I added chems into this mix.
     Don't know if that makes sense, but on that point - I will not judge anyone, regardless of how many partners they had. It's about the person.

Excellent summary of your analysis, @Dariusz Alexander.  You have clearly and concisely expressed your thoughts and feelings.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, ReaderPaul said:

Excellent summary of your analysis, @Dariusz Alexander.  You have clearly and concisely expressed your thoughts and feelings.

I appreciate that @ReaderPaul !  I do feel it is an important one - for us as gay men though! "Labels" hurts people...  Trying to understand people requires empathy and listening first of all.

Each of us is a complexed human being - we all have qualities we can offer to the world without giving ourselves up for some stranger's validation!  

This is a great topic!

[LJCC]

Being a young adult slut was different for me. I was a grade A slut in college since I'd lived a very sheltered life. I wasn’t even allowed to commute anywhere up until university. I was sleeping with men cause I wanted to gain experience and study everything with a keen eye and an open mind. And I would go on dates, party every weekend, have actual friends, and still be a Dean's Lister with very good grades and shag various men on the side. The only downside was, I think I only slept for 2 to 4 hours while downing redbulls like they're gatorade.

I remember shagging a man at the school parking lot where I had met up with my group for our dissertation paper after, then shagged another guy at his apartment, and then attended soccer practice, finished and wrote my term paper, and then sucked-off a bloke at the bleachers I'd met at Mirc, then slept for 2 hrs, did my prep for our thesis defense, and had enough time to hook up with my girlfriend for a quickie.

Yes, I was the posterchild of Sodom and cheaters out there. But I'd like to think I've come a long way from being that closeted dipshit shagging boys and girls alike.

I did get my comeuppance though by having my heart broken several times 😂. So I think I have paid enough of my crimes for being a twat.

I was too confident in college that I thought I was untouchable by heartache and eventual dissapointment. And with that confidence came the arrogance that sleeping around was my trophy to assert to myself that men lusted over me, that I was wanted without giving back anything in return cause I was selfish.

I mean, I broke a lot of hearts and caused pain and trauma to some blokes. I had a guy who came to soccer practice and brought me a cake cause it was my birthday. I told my team that he was a stalker and they shouted and screamed at him. He left that day with a look that said, "Someday, someone is going to love me the way I wanted you to need me." Him and I had sex regularly. He knew I had a gf, but he still cared enough to think of my special day. When I think about it, I never really felt anything with him, or I blinded myself not to think of it cause I knew he was always there for me. But I knew he was in love with me. And I broke his heart.

To this day, I still think of him. If only I wasn't such a dick, he could've been the one. I'd probably be married by now to him. But I was an arsehole. And I was sleeping with lots of men, and I was a liar and a cheater. After college, that experience changed me.

So do I regret slutting my way through campus and the entire city? No. But I learned a lot about myself. I needed to be humbled. And eventually, life humbled me and sex allowed me to discover things about myself.

My only regret is that I could've done some things differently. I should’ve ended things with my girlfriend, and instead stayed with him. 

PSA: to gay kids reading this...don't be a dick. 😂

[Jason Rimbaud]

I tend to believe most American's have a very unhealthy attitude towards sex. I won't tell you my number, for one, I stopped counting in my late twenties, for two, I wouldn't want to alarm anyone. 

Promiscuity is a manmade convention, designed to shame people from enjoying sex. Some humans on this planet think if one has sex outside of marriage, that it somehow makes that person bad. Or if you have multiple partners they see you as less because you were out having fun instead of staying at home making an "O" face into your gym sock. 

Sex is a natural and healthy way to relieve stress. I have had countless encounters with random men over the years, and they were amazing, unfulfilling, mind blowing, dangerous liaisons, life changing ho hum adventures that all resulted in the same thing, I made the "O" face. I've bottomed, topped, been DP'd, fisted, and spit roasted, and they all resulted in me making the "O" face. I've played safe, not so safe, partially safe, and it all resulted in me making the "O" face. I've had onesomes, twosomes, threesomes, orgies, and they all resulted in me making an "O" face. Am I less because I've enjoyed a natural bodily function with other likeminded individuals?

Sex is a natural and healthy way to experience mind blowing connection with a loving partner. I've been married for six years, with my man for longer than that. We still get up to no good at least three times a week in some form or fashion. About the same average I've done for all of my adult life. I'm still having the same amount of sex, I just choose to only experience it with the same person. 

And I've proud to say all my encounters, save the one where I lost my virginity, were consensual between age appropriate humans.

I've never understood why body count matters to people. Why would I want an inexperienced partner for the rest of my life? In the same vein as one desires a virgin for their wife. I for one want someone who knows which end of the dick is which. *Previous sentence edited by author to conform to posting guidelines but trust me, it was funny*

Am I promiscuous? What does it matter? The only thing that should matter to you is can I make you experience the "O" face. And if I bake you cookies. 

[LJCC]

19 hours ago, Jason Rimbaud said:

Promiscuity is a manmade convention, designed to shame people from enjoying sex. Some humans on this planet think if one has sex outside of marriage, that it somehow makes that person bad.

 

 

It does make them a bad person if they're in a monogamous relationship. Like what happened to me, I was a prick who cheated on my girlfriend outside the agreement that we're in a monogamous relationship, regardless if it was guys or girls I was boning.

I'm not sure if you mean open relationships, though. That's altogether a different case point, I think, outside of monogamy.

[KJames]

I selected 200+, but to be honest, I think it's not how many you have or have had, but how many you go through and how quickly…5 sexual partners/boyfriends over 20 years=devoted partner, versus, 5 sexual partners/boyfriends over 5 days=slut.

Edited January 6, 2024 by KJames

[Ron]

8 hours ago, KJames said:

5 sexual partners/boyfriends over 20 years=devoted partner, versus, 5 sexual partners/boyfriends over 5 days=slut.

Huh, what does five guys at one party equal then? If we’re to label a person because they are sexual beings there should be a good label ready and at hand, right? A word that just slips off the tongue?