How many sex partners is "promiscuous"?

[Ron]

17 hours ago, gdaniel said:

...I have a gay couple who didn't present as gay.

This is a problem. Are gay people supposed to announce themselves with fanfare every time they meet someone new or use a service, or should they wear pink triangles sown into their clothing or carry around a flag for everyone? Might a chant work, "I'm here, I'm queer, get over it!"

6 hours ago, W_L said:

...hard for people not to have judgements on just a normal gay couple.

Who gets to define what a normal gay couple is?

[PrivateTim]

32 minutes ago, Ron said:

Who gets to define what a normal gay couple is?

This couple

.

[JamesSavik]

I'm putting this in a spoiler because it's going to piss some people off. If you want to skip it, fine. You've been warned. Wear a helmet.

There are people who will never like us. We're different. Adopting their norms and social behaviors isn't going to make them like us any more. Judging anyone for their scorecard is mental masturbation, sort of like Stockholm Syndrome. If you don't know what that is, it is adopting the norms and mores of your oppressors.

We are judged for our sexuality. It self-defeating to judge each other for our sexuality.

 

Spoiler

 

There's something a friend of mine used to say. I can't quote it directly, but I LMAO every time I think of it.

 

Quote

Promiscuous is what people who aren't getting laid call people who are. F*ckem. They're judgmental losers who would be at the bottom of the dog-pile if they could. They're so fat and fugly they couldn't get laid with an eight-ball in one pocket and hundred dollar bills in the other.

 

I think he was channeling Brian Kenny from QAF.

 

Edited July 14, 2023 by JamesSavik

[gdaniel]

22 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

I find spreadsheets help me to keep track.

Maybe some enterprising soul might invent an app for your cell phone.

OMG! @JamesSavik. You have so much experience you need a spreadsheet?!?!?! HAHAHAHA  Excel or QuatroPro?

[Jdonley75]

The answer is, and always has been 56.

 

[gdaniel]

6 hours ago, Ron said:

This is a problem. Are gay people supposed to announce themselves with fanfare every time they meet someone new or use a service, or should they wear pink triangles sown into their clothing or carry around a flag for everyone? Might a chant work, "I'm here, I'm queer, get over it!"

Who gets to define what a normal gay couple is?

NO. Gay individuals have no duty or obligation to identify who they are any more than anyone else does. But as a tax preparer, can I just come out and ask, "Are you gay?" without any indication that they might be? If they are gay, no offense, but if they aren't gay, just imagine the offense.

I think I can understand, or at least sympathize, with your sensitivity on this subject, based on how the "straight" community has treated LGBs over the years. But please recognize that not all of us fall into the "insensitive, bigoted, bastard" bucket.

Now that I have hurt your feelings, so have you mine. 🤧But we'll both get over it.🥰

[JamesSavik]

1 hour ago, gdaniel said:

OMG! @JamesSavik. You have so much experience you need a spreadsheet?!?!?! HAHAHAHA  Excel or QuatroPro?

Lotus 123. I'm that old. 🙀

I did do Quattro Pro for a while. I liked Borland Software until they merged themselves into oblivion.

[lawfulneutralmage]

5 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

I'm putting this in a spoiler because it's going to piss some people off. If you want to skip it, fine. You've been warned. Wear a helmet.

There are people who will never like us. We're different. Adopting their norms and social behaviors isn't going to make them like us any more. Judging anyone for their scorecard is mental masturbation, sort of like Stockholm Syndrome. If you don't know what that is, it is adopting the norms and mores of your oppressors.

We are judged for our sexuality. It self-defeating to judge each other for our sexuality.

 

  Hide contents

 

There's something a friend of mine used to say. I can't quote it directly, but I LMAO every time I think of it.

 

 

I think he was channeling Brian Kenny from QAF.

 

Fantastic! Thx!

[W_L]

1 hour ago, gdaniel said:

NO. Gay individuals have no duty or obligation to identify who they are any more than anyone else does. But as a tax preparer, can I just come out and ask, "Are you gay?" without any indication that they might be? If they are gay, no offense, but if they aren't gay, just imagine the offense.

I think I can understand, or at least sympathize, with your sensitivity on this subject, based on how the "straight" community has treated LGBs over the years. But please recognize that not all of us fall into the "insensitive, bigoted, bastard" bucket.

Now that I have hurt your feelings, so have you mine. 🤧But we'll both get over it.🥰

You can, just be smart about why you're asking. Most people in our field knows a lot of personal information and are bound by secrecy like lawyers, heck some of us are lawyers  

Here's an interesting example of what you are referencing, a heterosexual female wanted to be exempt from foreign bank account reporting and some income taxation, so she skirted the IRS by holding the account. Under EU-US tax law, technically the account would have been taxable in theory, I learned that she had a domestic partnership with another person to obfuscate this. Interestingly enough, while gay marriage is recognized in this EU country, so are domestic partnership from the older laws. Essentially, there's a loophole currently that allows you as a US citizen to shelter income under the protections of your EU partner from this old law that was meant to be a stepping stone for gay marriage (To me, if you have gay marriage you should remove these kinds of old laws from an administrative standpoint). It's purely a business relationship, despite the gender of the partners.

So, that's one example where same sex grouping may not be in an LGBT relationship. I dislike the idea of people abusing laws that originally were meant for gay couples who had no other choice, but it's fairly common among those with means and reasons to do so. 

Edited July 14, 2023 by W_L

[TetRefine]

The last time I knew my actual number was when I graduated from college, and it was 10. Nine years later, and that number has increased 25-30ish fold. I go through cycles, sometimes having tons of sex with lots of different people, tons of sex with only a few people, tons of sex with only one person, or any combination. I've spent my entire adult life in big cities with lots of men, and sex is easy, very, very easy. Like it or not, it's a primary tenant of gay culture. 

I've never felt (and refuse to ever feel) shame for having sex, who I have sex with, what I do during sex, or how many times I have it. I don't attach romantic emotions to sex, and I do it because I like it. It meets a primal physical and psychological need that nothing else can scratch quite like it can. We all also do it to feed our ego, as that dopamine rush of knowing that hot guy wants to fuck you is that cheap, intense natural high we all love. 
 

I have a long term partner now, so naturally the large majority of my sexual time is with him. When I do sleep with others, it is almost always with guys who I have already done it with before and I know I have chemistry with. My days of having tons of one-offs with random guys I meet off Grindr or at parties are largely over (and thankfully so). 

[TetRefine]

16 hours ago, PrivateTim said:

This couple

.

Lmao, I know who they are, and 95% sure this was taken at Folsom (of which is one of my favorite events of the travel year). 

[LemonSoda]

On 7/13/2023 at 7:08 PM, JamesSavik said:

I'm putting this in a spoiler because it's going to piss some people off. If you want to skip it, fine. You've been warned. Wear a helmet.

There are people who will never like us. We're different. Adopting their norms and social behaviors isn't going to make them like us any more. Judging anyone for their scorecard is mental masturbation, sort of like Stockholm Syndrome. If you don't know what that is, it is adopting the norms and mores of your oppressors.

We are judged for our sexuality. It self-defeating to judge each other for our sexuality.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

There's something a friend of mine used to say. I can't quote it directly, but I LMAO every time I think of it.

 

 

I think he was channeling Brian Kenny from QAF.

 

I was judgmental when I was young.  You know: Everyone else is shallow, all they care about are bars and clubs and hookups. 

Young me would deny jealousy, but that was definitely it. I wasn't jealousy of the bars or clubs or hookups themselves exactly (they did not and still do not sound fun to me), but I thought bars and clubs and hookups were the required steps to the ultimate goal of Companionship/Not Being Lonely.  I was jealous of anyone who could easily take those steps and also enjoy them because it was easier to blame other people for my loneliness than my disability, which wasn't even a new diagnosis for me, but I had still somehow convinced myself I could will my way into being not disabled. 

By complaining that other people were wrong. 

It turns out this isn't a successful strategy. It also turns out other people enjoying themselves isn't about me and you don't need bars/clubs/hookups to find companionship. All of this seems so obvious in hindsight and yet...

[Jkeeletupelo]

I'll jump in here and say, that the numbers don't mean as much at the circumstance. I'm 46, became sexually active at 13, and have never been in a monogamous relationship. Even if you figure once a week, that's well over a thousand.  (52 x 30 = 1,560). Now, that number isn't accurate, because A. It wasn't once a week (sometimes more, sometimes months between) and B. I couldn't give you an exact count if I wanted to because, well, drugs. I was on major drugs for a long time, and there's a lot of blank spots. 1996, for example is very blurry. All that to say this - I know I'm a high mileage model, lol, but under the circumstances I've lived through, I think it could have been far worse. I will also add, that while that number might be very high for some of you, I have never had any kind of STD. Not even crabs. So, for those thinking that experience equates to risk, I say - not if you take your personal responsibility towards your health seriously. 

Edited July 18, 2023 by Jkeeletupelo
Added another thought

[Mark Arbour]

On 6/22/2023 at 9:57 AM, Ron said:

I do believe that a lack of education is a root cause of many of the ills of sexual relationships. Some people don't consider oral sex to be an act of having sex and some don't define anal penetration as having sex either. Unless all you're doing is kissing and/or heavy petting, I find no distinction myself between the other acts and penetration of the vagina - sex is sex. And if you're only doing it for the feeling that may well lead to multiple partners and what some consider promiscuity. But if one is otherwise educated, it is then possible to make a more informed decision when pursuing one's sexual life.

I'd like to add this, as reported in the Boston Globe: On Wednesday Massachusetts Govenor Maura Healey unveiled a draft proposal to update the state's health and physical education framework for the first time since 1999 to incorporate a "modern understanding" of health and wellness into the curriculum.

In a press release, Healey's administration said the bill is "LGBTQ+ inclusive, medically accurate, and developmentally and age appropriate" and covers LGBTQ+ health and wellness, mental and emotional health, personal safety, bodily autonomy, dating safety, violence prevention, physical health and hygiene, nutritionally balanced eating, physical activity, substance use disorder, and public, community, and environmental health.

"All of our students benefit when they learn from the up-to-date, evidence-based material grounded in science," Healey said in a statement Wednesday morning.

I might note for those who aren't aware that my state's governor is lesbian. It makes all the difference in the world, I believe.

 

I don't disagree that education is important, but I think there are limits to its effectiveness.   For education to be the solution, we would have to assume that people were rational, or made rational decisions when it comes to having sex.  In my opinion, education is much less effective when dealing with something that would require 'willpower' to avoid.  To that end, I think that sex is worse than most in that regard, especially for younger males, because it comes with its own drivers (hormones).

Ponder the person you see smoking a cigarette, or an obese individual walking down the street.  Do you think that person smokes or overeats because they don't understand the cause and effect between their actions and the results? 

[gdaniel]

14 minutes ago, Mark Arbour said:

I don't disagree that education is important, but I think there are limits to its effectiveness.   For education to be the solution, we would have to assume that people were rational, or made rational decisions when it comes to having sex.  In my opinion, education is much less effective when dealing with something that would require 'willpower' to avoid.  To that end, I think that sex is worse than most in that regard, especially for younger males, because it comes with its own drivers (hormones).

Ponder the person you see smoking a cigarette, or an obese individual walking down the street.  Do you think that person smokes or overeats because they don't understand the cause and effect between their actions and the results? 

I'm going to weigh in here again with comments that may piss off some of you even though they aren't meant to do so. As background, I remind you that I grew up in the 50's and 60's when American society, at least that part that I was exposed to, was moralistically strict. I lived a heterosexual life for the better part of 60 years. For all of that time, my own thoughts and prejudices about gays was based not on scripture or society, but only on one thing: I found the thought of men engaging in oral or anal sex with one another repugnant. It wasn't until I started reading gay porn that my thoughts and opinions changed. I truly believe that "anti-gay/lesbian" attitudes are still attributed to that same underlying "instinctual?" attitude. As a Christian, it irritates me no end when people hide behind scriptures to justify their own personal feeling of distaste. Paul condemned heterosexual sex outside of marriage (fornication) in the same verse that he spoke against homosexuality. But almost nobody today says anything about heterosexual couples having sex before marriage. And Jesus, who had nothing to say about homosexuality, said that to divorce and remarry was to commit adultery. And I can guarantee you that many who condemn homosexuality are or worship with people in second marriages.

 

Back to the topic at hand, some things are best left unsaid. . . . 😇🥰 so sayeth a moralistic old man. 🤣

[Canuk]

1 hour ago, Mark Arbour said:

I don't disagree that education is important, but I think there are limits to its effectiveness.   For education to be the solution, we would have to assume that people were rational, or made rational decisions when it comes to having sex.  In my opinion, education is much less effective when dealing with something that would require 'willpower' to avoid.  To that end, I think that sex is worse than most in that regard, especially for younger males, because it comes with its own drivers (hormones).

Ponder the person you see smoking a cigarette, or an obese individual walking down the street.  Do you think that person smokes or overeats because they don't understand the cause and effect between their actions and the results?

Hmmm, this is going to be one hell of an amazing post. Not because of the subject matter ( I'll get to that), but because, I am going to disagree with one of the gods of gayauthors literary world! 🤯 

To my mind education is key because hormones and irrationality is involved. With little /no education the only thing guiding a 16 year old bloke will be animal instinct.  The more education that same bloke has, the greater likelihood that some off that animal instinct will be guided towards those other elements that make sex so much better for both /all parties concerned. I think your examples of the smoker and overeater are not quite right; both are about self gratification. Sex without education is the same; it's about "getting off". The idea re education and sex is to encourage our randy 16 year old to at least be aware that it's about him AND his partner(s) coming together to produce something better than their individual actions. 

So my view is that education is paramount; more, more often and better (education, that is, of course it could apply to sex too, but only after the education!)

Anyway, that's my pov.

[Zombie]

4 hours ago, Mark Arbour said:

Ponder the person you see smoking a cigarette, or an obese individual walking down the street.  Do you think that person smokes or overeats because they don't understand the cause and effect between their actions and the results? 

Smokers

Not in the “developed” world, but this is negated by the reverse lottery mentality “it won’t happen to me” (kinda like STDs + HIV?) plus the desire to do what your mum + dad don’t - and they probably don’t smoke ‘cos their mum’s + dads did .  Which leaves everywhere else, the “developing” world, for Big Tobacco nicotine-addiction-pushing Big Profits because healthcare education / awareness is so lacking.

Obese people

SM + MSM is awash with “big celebrities” promoting their body image as “successful role models” + trashing criticism (however measured + rational) as “Fat Shaming”, and who (together with their followers) reject any suggestion of personal choices + responsibility being causal (and heaven forbid any personal “blame”…)

3 hours ago, gdaniel said:

my own thoughts and prejudices about gays was based not on scripture or society, but only on one thing: I found the thought of men engaging in oral or anal sex with one another repugnant… I truly believe that "anti-gay/lesbian" attitudes are still attributed to that same underlying "instinctual?" attitude

I don’t buy it’s “instinctual” I think it’s conditioning. We are all conditioned in our beliefs + attitudes by the environment in which we grow up. And in your case that probably included experiencing constant disapproval /condemnation /mocking by family+friends of anyone “gay” in any way, maybe also reinforced in your country by fear if gay sex was a criminal offence and reading / hearing about people being prosecuted and jailed?

Edited August 17, 2023 by Zombie

[Mark Arbour]

17 hours ago, Canuk said:

Hmmm, this is going to be one hell of an amazing post. Not because of the subject matter ( I'll get to that), but because, I am going to disagree with one of the gods of gayauthors literary world! 🤯 

To my mind education is key because hormones and irrationality is involved. With little /no education the only thing guiding a 16 year old bloke will be animal instinct.  The more education that same bloke has, the greater likelihood that some off that animal instinct will be guided towards those other elements that make sex so much better for both /all parties concerned. I think your examples of the smoker and overeater are not quite right; both are about self gratification. Sex without education is the same; it's about "getting off". The idea re education and sex is to encourage our randy 16 year old to at least be aware that it's about him AND his partner(s) coming together to produce something better than their individual actions. 

So my view is that education is paramount; more, more often and better (education, that is, of course it could apply to sex too, but only after the education!)

Anyway, that's my pov.

You are very convincing, so much that I agree with you.  I incorrectly linked education to smoking and obesity, when the dynamics are significantly different.

14 hours ago, Zombie said:

Obese people

SM + MSM is awash with “big celebrities” promoting their body image as “successful role models” + trashing criticism (however measured + rational) as “Fat Shaming”, and who (together with their followers) reject any suggestion of personal choices + responsibility being causal (and heaven forbid any personal “blame”…)

 

Personal blame for what?

[ReaderPaul]

15 hours ago, Zombie said:

SM + MSM is awash with “big celebrities” promoting their body image as “successful role models” + trashing criticism (however measured + rational) as “Fat Shaming”, and who (together with their followers) reject any suggestion of personal choices + responsibility being causal (and heaven forbid any personal “blame”…)

What is the meaning of SM in this context?

[JamesSavik]

45 minutes ago, ReaderPaul said:

What is the meaning of SM in this context?

Context is everything.

SM == Socialist Media

or

SM == Serious Marmot

[lawfulneutralmage]

So, BDSM is Badly Designed Social Media?

[Zombie]

10 hours ago, Mark Arbour said:

Personal blame for what?

It was a throwaway line referencing typical endgame exchanges I’ve seen 

9 hours ago, ReaderPaul said:

What is the meaning of SM in this context?

Social media - it’s commonly used in, er, social media… 

[Mark Arbour]

6 hours ago, lawfulneutralmage said:

So, BDSM is Badly Designed Social Media?

Yeah that’s what it is.  Let me show you how that works. 😈

[lawfulneutralmage]

20 minutes ago, Mark Arbour said:

Yeah that’s what it is.  Let me show you how that works. 😈

But Sir! What would my husband think?

[Gary L]

On 7/13/2023 at 4:44 AM, Ron said:

Oh goodness, but you are judging and your every comment reads as judgment regardless of your statement otherwise. I think we all need reminding every now and again that our opinions are our own, and we need not always express them fully. Because, after all, opinions are subjective and not necessarily facts—and usually not factual at all.