Warning: D/s BDSM subjects... some mention of sex, oral sex.
I met tim serving lunch at the mission where we both volunteered. He was less than impressed with me and not interested in my good cop-self. That was fine, but I knew it wouldn’t stop me. I would have that sweet skinny-assed boy.
Though I knew he’d be mine, I also knew his back story. I knew I had to be careful. I knew I had to take my time.
After finishing with serving lunch, the volunteers would sit and eat. I sat with him, uninvited and unwelcome, a few times. He did not care I was gay, he did care I was a cop and told me in no uncertain terms where I could go.
Each rebuke just strengthened my resolve.
And I know he liked what he saw. He checked me out enough when he thought I wasn’t looking.
Sitting with him, he rarely looked me in the eye and once I reached over and put two fingers under his chin and lifted. Finally his eyes met mine and I said, “I’ve seen you looking boy. I like what I see too.” His eyes widened, and I saw recognition there. It what was I’d been hoping for.
Eventually he accepted an offer for a coffee. I think it was the ninth or tenth time I’d asked. Afterward I saw him onto the streetcar. Didn’t ask for his number, just said I’d see him around.
I saw him a couple of weeks later at the mission. I took him for ice cream that time, he seemed to be relaxed and told me a bit about his past. Broke my heart, hearing about the death of his mother and what his father had done to him.
We started to go on short dates like this, for a coffee, or ice cream, or a short walk. During this time, we held hands, there were almost chaste kisses. No deep passionate ones, no tongues, this boy was going to want me. I’d make sure of it.
I mentioned him to my parents. Told them what I knew of his past, told them I was interested. I’d had boyfriends before, but no one I told my parents about. But I knew tim would be coming home with me at some point and I wanted them to know. My mother was happy. She’d have someone to mother again.
Our first big date was a baseball game to watch the Blue Jays play the Rays. We had a good time there. I took him home. Kissed him good-bye and he held on. Leaving him was becoming very difficult.
I took him to another game a week later. There was a UFC Pay-Per-View on I wanted to see and invited tim to my place after baseball to watch it. I was surprised he agreed to come back with me but he did. We bought a pizza on the way home. We ate while we watched and let him snuggle up and held him close.
It was late when the Pay-per-view ended and I suggested tim stay over in my spare bedroom. Once he was settled I went to my own, but trust me I was very tempted. But now was not the time. Not yet. He wasn’t ready.
I think it was after 3am when I heard him, moaning, crying out in his sleep. He’d have this recurring nightmare for the next few years. But hearing it was pitiful. I got up and went into him and woke him gently. I nearly picked him up, but he walked with me to my room. Well, he was a bit resistant but I insisted.
I pushed him onto is left side and pulled him into me, held him. Told him that we’d only be sleeping. And we did and he was quiet for the rest of that night.
After this tim seemed more into me, he wanted to be close. Things were going as I’d hoped.
I’ve always been a strong person, demanding, in bed and out. I met my friend John, a year before I met tim and John saw the dominant side of me. A long time Dom himself, he was and has been my mentor in the world of D/s. I liked what he taught and showed me.
I knew tim had submissive qualities. He deferred to me, looked up to me, wanted me to choose and decide. I wanted to slowly start to train him. He was over one night and we watched some fetish video, some D/s as well. He was quite interested. He told me then he’d known a Dom and had spent time with him. I asked him questions about that time and he told me he’d enjoyed it. That he liked when he was told what to do, and liked the pain offered, and quietness of the scenes and the closeness afterward. He liked that he had someone to lean and depend on.
This was an unexpected gift, an interested, willing and partially trained boy.
I know this all sounds methodical, but I am that kind of person. I plan things, plot them and my goal was to make tim my boy, without frightening him. I also knew that he had to make that choice, but I could help things along. I knew he was the person I wanted in my life, to love and marry when I first met him. That hasn’t changed.
So my training began. We were in our relationship about four months, still no sex, no super passionate kissing. Though I certainly was ready, I still wasn’t sure of tim.
We’d been out for dinner and returned to my apartment. I’d been ready for more for some time but there was something blocking tim, I felt. We were on the sofa and something was different, he climbed on my lap and kissed me, I pulled him to me and kissed him properly, for first time. I took his breath away. He unbuttoned my shirt and moved down. He knelt between my thighs and he looked up at me and I said nothing but looked back. And I saw what I’d wanted to see.
Love, desire and most important, respect.
His hands hovered over my belt. He was waiting for me, and as hard as that was I let him.
“Do you want what’s in there, boy?”
“Do you want what’s in there, boy?” I repeated more firmly.
“Yes.” He searched for the right word. “Sir?”
“Good boy. Then unwrap it.”
What followed was the best oral sex I’d ever had, that boy has talent. Afterward I drew him to me and kissed him, praised him and held him close. I gave him his first challenge.
“No touching yourself other than to pee and replace. Not until we next meet. Is that clear?”
He replied yes. I believe he did just that.
I guess at six months, I knew tim was mine. He was ready and I wanted our first time together to be special. I wanted him to enjoy it, to be relaxed and us to be together.
He was nervous, because we’d discussed what this night would be. I made him dinner, he didn’t eat much, his nerves were bad. We had coffee in the living room and kissed him until we were breathless. I want to pick him up and carry him to my bed, but I resisted. Instead I stood and reached for his hand.
I told him if he wasn’t ready that was fine but he just shook his head. We went to my bedroom and once inside took him in my arms and kissed him. I undressed him slowly, kissing and teasing him. I knew he was afraid to let me see him without clothes because of the scars he carried, from cutting and burns, from beatings and needles. The story each of them told hurt, and touching them was hard but only because I knew the pain they caused him.
We showered and prepped tim and then I did carry him to my bed. It was a wonderful night, we kind of rocked each other’s world. We still do. He cried in my arms afterward and held him and told him then for the first time that I loved him. It hurt a little he didn’t tell me the same, but I remembered who I was dealing with and that I had to be patient.
After this, tim and I were just together all the time. I took him home to meet my family. Everyone loved him. I think the first visit was a bit overwhelming, but he got used to my loud and loving family. tim developed a close relationship with my mother. She saw his pain and his loneliness and they are good friends. Often they shop together, loving their trips to Ikea or flea markets. But if he brings home one more sugar bowl … how many of them can one man need?
It was at about one year I decided the time was right. I took tim to a lovely place called Edward’s Gardens. We walked a bit and saw all the wedding parties getting their pictures taken.
I took tim to a quiet place I knew, with a tiny waterfall and weeping willows and he stood watching the water. I moved behind him and kissed his sweet neck. Pulled him to me and said, “You love me?”
“Yes, Michael, of course I do.”
I turned him around and kissed him and got down on one knee and asked him, if he’d marry me.
He pulled away and stepped back. And I knew then that I had just made a huge mistake.
I could see the fear and pain in his eyes as he said, “Michael, I’m so sorry but no.”
I couldn’t move. He’d just said no and I was just frozen. Finally I got to my feet. “Can you get home from here?”
He said yes.
I couldn’t stay there, not now and I walked away, knowing he’d be alone but I just had to go. I was a mass of confusion and frustration. I didn’t contact him not for a week. I needed to think. By Friday I’d decided I wasn’t going to give him up.
I went to his little flat Friday morning early before my shift and banged on his door. There was no answer. I was frustrated.
Saturday I was there even earlier and banged on the door until he finally opened it, swearing about the time. I didn’t give a shit at that point and pushed him back, followed him and shoved the door closed behind me. “Sit down and shut up!”
I ranted at him about how much he’d hurt me. That I loved him, cared for him, and I’d treated him as he should have been treated. “How could you say no? I have given you my heart and soul, asked you to marry me, something I do not do lightly and you throw it back at me. How the fuck could you? “
He tried to say something but I shut him down. “I do not want to hear it, tim. I need some honest answers.”
He nodded. I spit some questions at him and in the end gave him three months to get his act together. Granted all of this had been a surprise. We’d never discussed marriage at all.
I had to get to work, but I hugged and kissed him. “I’ll come get you after work okay?”
“Please don’t let me down again, tim. I pretty pissed off. But this is where you belong, close to me.”
We just sort of held on to each other afraid to let go.
On December 18, we got married in the chapel at City Hall. A vanilla ceremony attended by tim’s brother, and my crew. It was a lovely day.
In January we said our vows to each other in a D/s ceremony… tim wears the flat ring of silver on a silver chain around his neck, with the word, Forever on it that marks him as my submissive, my boy. This was attended by my parents and my friend John.
We’ve had our ups and downs, like all couples. We’ve grown and learned together. But if I had the chance to do this again, I would, with no doubt. tim is the most precious thing in my world. And I love him with all I have.