Do boyfriends/girlfriends change you?

[W_L]

My sister has commented that my current boyfriend seems to make me a nicer guy and a bit less confrontational than I usually am with her.

 

I don't know, maybe I am going soft. I've had other relationships with other guys, but very few affected me emotionally.

 

Any of you guys ever felt like having a significant other might be affecting or changing you?

 

A relationship doesn't solve all your problems, nor affect your life as a whole, but emotionally, it does seem like they do affect you.

[Aeroplane]

Perhaps your new man just makes you less of a miserable git happier, so you feel less inclined to be mean to your sister.

[PrivateTim]

My sister has commented that my current boyfriend seems to make me a nicer guy and a bit less confrontational than I usually am with her.

 

I don't know, maybe I am going soft. I've had other relationships with other guys, but very few affected me emotionally.

 

Any of you guys ever felt like having a significant other might be affecting or changing you?

 

A relationship doesn't solve all your problems, nor affect your life as a whole, but emotionally, it does seem like they do affect you.

 

It works both ways, a boyfriend can make you a better person or drag you down in the muck.

 

Relationships seldom solve problems, they create new ones and shift focus from the old ones. How you deal with and get through the problems is where growth comes from.

 

And depending on where you are in the relationship (good days, bad days) it has a definite affect on you emotionally and it can have a huge impact on your life as whole.

[Arpeggio]

I always figured, you notice yourself more when someone else notices you. -shrug-

[Zeoanne]

As Tim said, "It works both ways, a boyfriend can make you a better person or drag you down in the muck."

It can be a blessing or eat at you like a cancer. Me? I'm working on getting rid of the cancer in the very near future.

Sometimes one does not realize the emotional damage a partner can impose on you especially if the instigator is a tricky one. For the damage to be reversed one has to take themselves out of that environment and probably seek professional help which is one thing I am going to be doing with my daughter because of all the emotional trauma she received from her previous partner. ATM she's a total mess.

[JamieD]

I remember I wasn't so confident before I got my boyfriend, ever since I'm with him I don't get embarrassed or intimidated by people or situations and I'm pretty sure he had a lot to do with it. I guess having a boyfriend brought a good change to my life

[*HJ*]

I agree with most of the posts. Your partner can either bring out the worst in you or the best. Personally, mine brings out the best in me; he always has. Yet the one before him brought out the worst, but thankfully my friend finally made me realize I should rid myself of him. So I did. Then I met the current ray of sunshine in my life and there were no more dark clouds hanging around my horizon....just sunshine .

[Skylights]

Yes to change. Of course change can be good or bad and it can be long-lasting or temporary. It depends on the situation.

And as for emotional change. Definitely, it sometimes feels like your mood on a daily basis reflects how secure you are at that moment in the relationship, or how you feel. And as Rush said, when something like that ends the effects can be detrimental. Really.

[BenKT]

I guess we do change.

 

My mum never fails to remind me over the breakfast table that I'm glowing. lol (A couple of weeks ago, I was as gloomy as a stormy night)

 

Well, I'm still not sure about the negative changes. But again, i guess we do change. Hope its a "positive change" for everyone.

[JamesSavik]

Yes & no.

 

If they change the important things then you aren't worth having.

[hh5]

Yes & no.

 

If they change the important things then you aren't worth having.

 

jamessavik is right but it also can be the other way around that they aren't worth having.

I happen to find out the hard way ... I hope they learn to change ...

but they didn't - more of their true colors came out

its a complex thing to explain why I stay in the relation and what I got burnt in the process

[TetRefine]

Yes to change. And mine has changed me for the much better in so many ways.

[Arpeggio]

I've pretty much only had two real relationships. One knocked a few of my teeth out and supplied my addiction, and the other came along, snatched me up, and helped me sober up. ^^

[AdrianBlack]

O_O

[Bleu]

Any decently-long relationship, say of more than 6 months or a year, will definitely change you.

A relationship is a constant compromise between your and your partner's tastes, likes, dislikes, ideas, education, way of life, etc. Every day you have to leave the comfort of your own beliefs to try and find common ground. And you also take pleasure in this process, the pleasure of discovering the other one's universe.

 

Maybe I've been lucky... In my case I've seen plenty of change for the better, like an opening onto a greater reality than what life on my own was.

Of course, that change is only as good as what both partners gain from it, and in most situations it only works gradually without anyone realizing. If one is set on changing the other, then the relationship might be doomed (unless the change is radically for the better, like Lacey's second relationship).

 

Once that relationship is over, you might readjust and rediscover your own tastes and mindset. I know I have. But then, you might miss dearly that common ground which was the embodiment of your love.

[Dargon]

Very nicely put Blue Phoenix. I really loved your reply. Two thumbs up

 

IMO, relationships do exact some changes but ultimately I believe one only embraces those changes if they wish to. Of course some of them you don't really notice until later on, but in the end I believe it's up to each one to really get into it. I had previous relationships that didn't affect me in any way but the one I'm in right now certainly did the change and only for the better

 

I also agree with what Lacey said, about one noticing himself better when someone else notices you. Wise words Lacey

[Bleu]

Thanks Dargon,

I've only ever had one relationship, and it proved to be a very meaningful one, so I don't know how a relationship can possibly not affect you, but theoretically I can imagine it.

Fortunately, when the change is not for the better, you either realise it and get away, or the relationship breaks apart because love no longer finds something to fuel it.

[gabrielsknife]

Having both been in a few relationships, and watched friends of mine enter them, I can say without a doubt that they can change people. But not just romantic relationships! Friendships can change someone just as much as any romance.

 

When I was just entering high school, I was an introvert to the extreme. I'd just left a very painful, abusive environment in my middle school and was as gun shy as could be. I thought the next person to step up to me was either going to pick on me or steal my bookbag. But, on the first day in high school, I met someone that managed to calm me down and pry me out of my little shell.

 

In college, I helped bring another person out of her rut. Together, we built up a whole network of friends; I've watched them all change and grow and fall to the wayside of life.

 

But, it's romantic relationships that teach you a little bit more about people, about your self, and about the nature of people. In my case, my last relationship taught me more about myself then I ever thought possible. The guy was an introvert and about as skinny as a rail. He'd had some problems and I had problems and together we had "problem parties" on the couch.

 

With him, I was playful and "bouncy"; I was a right clingy bitch at times too. But, with him, I was also trying to hide who I really was, and that brought out the worst in me.

 

Now, I'm not so bouncy, I'm not so clingy and I talk too much. *shrug* But, I know who I am thanks to him. So, it was a trade off in many ways. I have the experience now to look for the kind of guy that's good for me, while hopefully holding on to my own morals/values/sense of self.

 

So yes, any kind of relationship can change a person. Not just romantic .

[Gregoire]

I find that boyfriends/girlfriends get in the way of my relationships with my friends. Suddenly they're less available, they're not as interested in the things they were before, and I get considerably less attention. So I think that bfs and gfs change my friends, but I'm learning to be accommodating on that point. For me, long-term relationships don't change me because these tend to be with people that know me and take me as I am. We go about our business as normal and if someone gets aroused we go somewhere and tend to those needs and we're right back where we were.

 

I like to believe that relationships and love, in general, make us better people. We influence each other and teach one another lessons that are valuable in life. That said, the only relationship that had a profound effect on me was this one girl I wasn't even serious with. She was crazy and a mess and it was one of those pity dating deals, but she was my first kiss and my first time to second base. I was true blue until the day that her crazy just drove me up a wall and I told her so and she had a fit which resulted in me not being able to return to a best buy. But, I digress. Eventually we made better. It was then that I made the mistake of believing that people are generally good and I asked her for a serious favor and she screwed me over and the resultant actions ruined my life. And I honestly haven't been the same since. She made me realize a lot of things about myself. On one hand I want to thank her now that the storm is over and on the other time I want to pull an Ike Turner.

 

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