Kavrik Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Well Nephy, to answer this I suppose I will need to post chapter 35 - which I won't be tricked into doing just yet. But I don't believe I ever said anywhere that Peter wakes up or survives. I'm not saying he doesn't but IF he does, I think all your other points are valid. You are very tricksy tryng to get me to answer what everyone who has posted wants to know - nice try - 'oh you said he gets better' haha good one Only a master of word-fu would have seen through Nephy's deception and not be beguiled by her vampiric charms. In a world of talking turtles, you'd make Splinter proud! 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 Only a master of word-fu would have seen through Nephy's deception and not be beguiled by her vampiric charms. In a world of talking turtles, you'd make Splinter proud! Actually, if you read A New Life by Acedias - his main character Blake used this Secret Lawyer Mind Trick on someone then almost fell for it when someone used it on him. Nephy being a tricksy lawyer [or is it a barrister? you brits have lotsa titles for lawyers] she tried it on me and I nearly fell for it too, but I caught on just before I succumbed. But the picture of the TMNT was kicking - brings back memories of when I was almost still a kid. Thought this one is more my generation:
Frostina Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 To me this is Jason's real 'home.' They spend most of their time there with the occasional foray to Jason's apartment for the night. Sure it is 'Pete's Stuff' but Jason has a possessory feel for things since he was there so much - remember it was 'their bedroom.' The fight and uncertainty seems to have Jason uncomfortable with these feelings right now. Sure he wants things to be like they were, but there is a bit of doubt given their last conversation. Not sure I feel like a proud poppa - sure this is my baby, but I am not near as attached to this as I am say my dogs. When the kid(s) arrive, I am sure those feelings will be stronger still. But still this does feel a part of me so perhaps. Andy True... It is "their" home.. In every sense of the word.. Just took Jase a LONG time to get used to the fact tho... I remember the first time Jason woke up alone and had to drink something out of the fridge... he was feeling so apprehensive.. Now just waiting for news of Peter! BTW, I wasn't talking abt the degree of attachment.. Just the feeling... 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 As promised, Chapter 35 is up today - read it an weep. Chapter 35: Sunday Afternoon Sorry that's all I'm gonna say right now, read it and let me know what you think. Andy
Nephylim Posted January 29, 2011 Posted January 29, 2011 As I said in my review I think that the thing that you did most masterfully in this chapter, and the ones before, is to examine the way that people behave to each other in situation of high stress like this. In this chapter you have Jason's mother thawing fast and coming to stay with Amanda; Amands thawing with Tom and Betsy and Eirn thawing with her father. There was so much thawing going on that it is a wonder that Jason and Peter didn't drown. Now we see what happens next. 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 29, 2011 Author Posted January 29, 2011 As I said in my review I think that the thing that you did most masterfully in this chapter, and the ones before, is to examine the way that people behave to each other in situation of high stress like this. In this chapter you have Jason's mother thawing fast and coming to stay with Amanda; Amands thawing with Tom and Betsy and Eirn thawing with her father. There was so much thawing going on that it is a wonder that Jason and Peter didn't drown. Now we see what happens next. Well I need all the water in case I need to make a quick get away from the angry mobs. Ramon said in his review how it felt like so much more than four days so I had to go back and check the chapters. These last 12 or so, from when Barbara started to get Jason to change until now covered about a week. But most of the story to date was build up for this sequence of events. This event will of course bear on the last 12 or so chapters, hopeful I can still escape the lynch mob at the end. I did want to explore more than just Jason and Peter, otherwise I could have shortened things quite a bit. I always had an image of the Tellerman family when I began this, Peter's family evolved along the way. Boopsie/Betsy wasn't even a thought when I started, although Peter's mom was firmly in place. Now that everyone is off the cliff, perhaps maybe everyone won't clamor for the new chapter so quickly.
MikeL Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 No lynching, Andy. Chapter 35, "Sunday Afternoon" is a great one. Happy days are back again. It's good to have Peter awake again and his relationship with Jason back where it should be. Thanks. 1
JTed Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Chapter 35: What? You thought we actually might LYNCH you if the Peter's outcome were otherwise??? Where would THAT leave our favorite story? Andy: I'm really impressed. You're quite masterful at this storytelling business, and I'm usually pretty reticent with my praise. But this story has made me chuckle as well as cry. Your character development is quite insightful, and I really enjoy the "aside" scenes (like automobile auctions, etc) that are kinda unrelated to the central story, but still go a long way in revealing interpersonal relationships and character development that would otherwise be cumbersone to convey. At any rate, Second Shot is evidence of a much more seasoned author than you seem to claim to be, and I realize what a significant commitment you have undertaken to bring the story to fruition and to offer it to your audience. Just wanted to offer a big THANKS, since I'm enjoying it so thoroughly. JTed 2
Benji Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 ..........Nah, no lynching indeed, a perfect chapter of awakening! Nicely done and not overplayed here, the emotions were held check with the two main characters, and joy was with the others here. No drama played out, the only thing I'm worried about is Peter's prognosis, will he make a complete recovery? Or be be disabled from the attack? Of course, with the 'awakening' the future of Peter is now at stake. His attackers are the next concern here, rich kids with bail is 'bad news' so where will Andy take us? I see the community standing strongly beside Peter and Jason, the riff-raffs are going to be taken apart, if they even attempt another attack or not, they have lost everything in this fight. I see Peter and Jason growing even stronger from this, I even think Peter will make a total recovery!! Nice chapter!! Thanks Andy!! 2
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 No lynching, Andy. Chapter 35, "Sunday Afternoon" is a great one. Happy days are back again. It's good to have Peter awake again and his relationship with Jason back where it should be. Thanks. **Cues ominous music*** For now at least.
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Chapter 35: What? You thought we actually might LYNCH you if the Peter's outcome were otherwise??? Where would THAT leave our favorite story? Andy: I'm really impressed. You're quite masterful at this storytelling business, and I'm usually pretty reticent with my praise. But this story has made me chuckle as well as cry. Your character development is quite insightful, and I really enjoy the "aside" scenes (like automobile auctions, etc) that are kinda unrelated to the central story, but still go a long way in revealing interpersonal relationships and character development that would otherwise be cumbersone to convey. At any rate, Second Shot is evidence of a much more seasoned author than you seem to claim to be, and I realize what a significant commitment you have undertaken to bring the story to fruition and to offer it to your audience. Just wanted to offer a big THANKS, since I'm enjoying it so thoroughly. JTed Well I was getting some dirty looks from a few folks LOL. J/K. But thank you for the kind words, this really and truly is the first novel I have written, so I am no more seasoned than I have said. I have taken a writing class with a wonderful instructor who I now call friend but she has not reviewed this other than to say it was wordy. [Yes I still love her to death even after that ] People saying thanks has indeed been an inspiration to not only finish this but to try to make it better along the way. I think that has happened, but I also read so many other people on here who are so talented that I keep working at what I am doing just to catch up. Thanks again for the post - Andy ..........Nah, no lynching indeed, a perfect chapter of awakening! Nicely done and not overplayed here, the emotions were held check with the two main characters, and joy was with the others here. No drama played out, the only thing I'm worried about is Peter's prognosis, will he make a complete recovery? Or be be disabled from the attack? Of course, with the 'awakening' the future of Peter is now at stake. His attackers are the next concern here, rich kids with bail is 'bad news' so where will Andy take us? I see the community standing strongly beside Peter and Jason, the riff-raffs are going to be taken apart, if they even attempt another attack or not, they have lost everything in this fight. I see Peter and Jason growing even stronger from this, I even think Peter will make a total recovery!! Nice chapter!! Thanks Andy!! Oh great Benji Karnak - I truly truly hope my not wrapping up what happens to Jordan and the others won't disappoint folks. I thought about it, but I decided to deal with that as a short story companion to this to be posted a bit later on. Some of what happens will be revealed, that would have to be one of the more autobiographic chapters as it will draw heavily on my work for material, but as for the trial and outcome, this story will wrap up before that can happen. But rest assured, I do not plan to let Jordan buy his way out - there is a certain Tellerman/Henry who is not enamored with Jordan's mom these days, someone who, along with her family, has more money than the six assailants have combined. No, in the world of who has more money, Barbara and family might not be flashy, but they are the real deal so the richies won't be able to bluster their way out of this so easily. Next chapter in a few days. No cliffs for a while - promise.
MikeL Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 ..........Nah, no lynching indeed, a perfect chapter of awakening! Nicely done and not overplayed here, the emotions were held check with the two main characters, and joy was with the others here. No drama played out, the only thing I'm worried about is Peter's prognosis, will he make a complete recovery? Or be be disabled from the attack? Of course, with the 'awakening' the future of Peter is now at stake. His attackers are the next concern here, rich kids with bail is 'bad news' so where will Andy take us? I see the community standing strongly beside Peter and Jason, the riff-raffs are going to be taken apart, if they even attempt another attack or not, they have lost everything in this fight. I see Peter and Jason growing even stronger from this, I even think Peter will make a total recovery!! Nice chapter!! Thanks Andy!! Thus Spake Zarathustra: 1
Nephylim Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 **Cues ominous music*** For now at least. Bitch will draw heavily on my work for material, but as for the trial and outcome, this story will wrap up before that can happen. . Which is why I was looking forward to it. 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Bitch OMFG!! - that made me laugh so hard the dogs barked - [they and Mike are still asleep - err were asleep]
Agaith Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Well, I've been so behind on my reading that I felt like I needed a big reading marathon So glad I'm caught up now And...just as well for you, Peter is awake because I would have caught a plane to America and beat the crap outta you till you changed it jk Anyway, I am so terrible at reviewing etc etc that I will just leave it at that I am really enjoying this story and hope to see more soon Thanks Andy 1
Frostina Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 **Cues ominous music*** For now at least. Andy!!! NO!!! Bitch LMAO! 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Well, I've been so behind on my reading that I felt like I needed a big reading marathon So glad I'm caught up now And...just as well for you, Peter is awake because I would have caught a plane to America and beat the crap outta you till you changed it jk Anyway, I am so terrible at reviewing etc etc that I will just leave it at that I am really enjoying this story and hope to see more soon Thanks Andy Wow, Shane said almost the same thing in the reviews - were you two planning to come kick my ass together LOL [Not that you would need help, your Kung Fu is way better than mine ] No worries about the review, this is very cool - I think in some ways I prefer here because we can go back and forth - after the exchange we all had with Nephy over Hostage, I kinda took to this medium a lot better - of course none of us can match her one word reviews like "bitch!" Thanks again Stuart. Andy
Kavrik Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Wow, Shane said almost the same thing in the reviews - were you two planning to come kick my ass together LOL [Not that you would need help, your Kung Fu is way better than mine ] No worries about the review, this is very cool - I think in some ways I prefer here because we can go back and forth - after the exchange we all had with Nephy over Hostage, I kinda took to this medium a lot better - of course none of us can match her one word reviews like "bitch!" Thanks again Stuart. Andy What everyone really meant to do is give you chocolate chip cookies. 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 So this is my 500th post - I thought about all the different places to make it, then decided I would do it here. Along the lines of super sappy - thanks to everyone who commented on this thread, who left comments on the new review section, and especially for everyone who read the story. I wanted to find something snappy to add, but drew a blank. So instead of something witty, I decided for something that was more apropos:
Frostina Posted February 1, 2011 Posted February 1, 2011 Pillion rider .. well the person who sits behind the rider on the Bike.. I meant since I hate sitting behind the rider it would be hard to convince Pete too, (bet its the same for All riders), if i wanted to take him out (just riding.. RED Honda after all)!! hee hee Sounds pretty lame now since i'm having to explain it... That's what i get for trying to be witty! 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 Pillion rider .. well the person who sits behind the rider on the Bike.. I meant since I hate sitting behind the rider it would be hard to convince Pete too, (bet its the same for All riders), if i wanted to take him out (just riding.. RED Honda after all)!! hee hee Sounds pretty lame now since i'm having to explain it... That's what i get for trying to be witty! No problem, silly me for not getting it. Don't quit on me, one failed witicism isn't the end, usually you are spot on
Frostina Posted February 2, 2011 Posted February 2, 2011 Quit? quit?? umm.. How??? the story's not over yet now, is it? jk. i am pretty shameless in these regards so i'll keep coming back with these.. Aaaaanyway, i am gonna run back to the story where i'd left it yesterday.. :) 1
Andrew Q Gordon Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Chapter 36 is up, enjoy, Andy Chapter 36: Clearing The Air
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now