Uninvited Guest by Iomax61

[Headstall]

 

 

"I am going to be controversial here and throw in something in asshole Max's defence. Who was sent off to get the champagne at the gallery opening? Who was left to arrange the skiing weekend? Who's doing the manipulating here? How did Max know all about Anton's love of art? If you were Christian's new BF and all he ever did was talk about his ex doing this and that, how would you feel? Remember, it's Christian and Anton's 'old friends' coming to dinner, none of Max's seem to have been invited. He has to meet them for a beer miles from home. Is Christian trying to make Max feel inferior in the relationship this time around, make Max feel lacking in all the ways that Anton excelled. I bet Max's dinner conversation will be a struggle for him. And I bet Christian makes no bones about pointing out all of these failings to Max, just to rile him. Not beyond the realms of human nature is it?"

I truly get how you have to flesh out characters in your head in order to make your own sense of their actions and reactions. We get to know these 'people' on a level that we can't always put down or spell out, at least the complexity of them... or their situations. Some things have to be speculated on and surmised by us as readers, and there are always going to be different interpretations. That is why these forums, and review interactions are so important... especially with serialized stories. You just turned the general idea of Max on its head... he is still an asshole, but the reasons why become a little foggier... or clearer depending on how we look at him after this. There is a moral here... things are not always what they appear, nor are they so cut and dried as we sometimes think they are. I loved how you just peeled back a few more layers in the understanding of what may be transpiring in your story. Kudos for what you did here, Brian... cheers... Gary

[drpaladin]

Hi Paladin.

 

Thanks so much for that. The coach house IS a character, that's the way I feel. And I'm really getting a lot out of responding to the reviews, it's making me rethink some of the actions and the characters.

 

I'd be interested what you make of my response to Lisa on her review of chapter 11 and calling Max (quite deservedly) an asshole.

 

"I am going to be controversial here and throw in something in asshole Max's defence. Who was sent off to get the champagne at the gallery opening? Who was left to arrange the skiing weekend? Who's doing the manipulating here? How did Max know all about Anton's love of art? If you were Christian's new BF and all he ever did was talk about his ex doing this and that, how would you feel? Remember, it's Christian and Anton's 'old friends' coming to dinner, none of Max's seem to have been invited. He has to meet them for a beer miles from home. Is Christian trying to make Max feel inferior in the relationship this time around, make Max feel lacking in all the ways that Anton excelled. I bet Max's dinner conversation will be a struggle for him. And I bet Christian makes no bones about pointing out all of these failings to Max, just to rile him. Not beyond the realms of human nature is it?"

I felt all along that Christian was throwing up Anton as an ideal to Max. There was just too much hostility and Max knew too much. Christian might be getting a pound of flesh out of Max by manipulating him, but he's also getting much more 'adventure' than he had planned. They are simply dysfunctional together.

[drpaladin]

The bottom line is that both Max and Christian are just assholes in different flavors. Christian is cultured and refined, but self centered, callous, and cavalier. He's wrapped in a prettier package and that is disingenuous and disarming. Max... well, you almost expect it. Are either one going to become better people through their experiences? Who can say? The older you become, the harder it gets to alter fundamentals of your personality. There are are people out there willing to suffer for various reasons and that is the refuge for the unchanging.

[drpaladin]

Brian,

I have to say that you stayed true to the nature of your characters throughout the story even in spite of us meddling readers. That can sometimes be a difficult temptation. I am going to miss the impish whimsy of Sebastian's ghost. His invisible hand was there from the failure of the Audi's electrical system until his thumbs up farewell. I know we aren't quite through yet, but I'm already beginning to feel that sense of loss just knowing it's nearly over. Kudos my friend.

[drpaladin]

For some reason I am hearing Roy Orbison singing "It's Over" in my head. Really it would have been an apt ballad for Anton at the beginning of the story because it is about rejection and lost love. But I'm hearing it now because we've reached the end of this beautiful story. I hope I'm not too smarmy and romantic. 

 

Just a snippet from the incomparable Roy Orbison. The end verse of "It's Over"

 

"All the rainbows in the sky
Start to weep, then say goodbye
You won't be seeing rainbows any more
Setting suns before they fall, Echo to you that's all that's all
But you'll see lonely sunset after all

It's over It's over It's over It's over"

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=h9JArvEJ64M
 

Edited April 20, 2015 by drpaladin

[drpaladin]

impunity,

  I agree with you in your review that the Coach House would be a long commute for Anton.  I wouldn't like that either. I'm a five minute travel guy, fifteen tops.     Then again, Anton's in for the long haul in this relationship and I don't think there would be any question of them ever leaving the special place that brought them together. There is the added plus that Anton would feel close to Stephen while he's gone just by being there.

[impunity]

impunity,

  I agree with you in your review that the Coach House would be a long commute for Anton.  I wouldn't like that either. I'm a five minute travel guy, fifteen tops.     Then again, Anton's in for the long haul in this relationship and I don't think there would be any question of them ever leaving the special place that brought them together. There is the added plus that Anton would feel close to Stephen while he's gone just by being there.

 

When I mapped it, it seemed a lot longer. Maybe I forgot to look at the estimated distance/time. Haha. But I have done hour-long commutes before and hated them. My current commute is 10-15 minutes.

 

I agree there would have been a benefit to Anton beyond the location. In addition to the closeness thing, it would have forced  them to remain in communication.

[impunity]

Brian, thanks so much for the acknowledgement. It was really sweet.

 

Looking forward to the next story!

[Puppilull]

When I mapped it, it seemed a lot longer.

Ha,ha! I love that you actually mapped the distance! That's commitment to a story!

[Kitt]

It's us who should be thanking you for a great story! Can't wait to see what your second story will be.

[lomax61]

Hi paladin, impunity, puppilull and kitt,

 

Thanks for these latest comments, and apologies for going to ground, but I knew this was going to be a crazy work week for me - which is why I had my knuckles rapped for submitting the last two chapters on the same day over the weekend.

 

I'm still struggling to catch up with answering all the reviews but will get to that this weekend coming.

 

Just to let you know, I use Google Maps directions to calculate commute times for stories. It's always good to have a clear idea of distance and travel times to make the story more authentic. So the commute by car from Hawk's Tor (The Coach House) to Plymouth is around 55 mins. In the UK, in a car at least, that's not a big deal. I used to do something similar. My brother used to commute across London using buses, Tube and trains for over two hours each way. Now THAT is a hellish commute. 

[impunity]

Just to let you know, I use Google Maps directions to calculate commute times for stories. It's always good to have a clear idea of distance and travel times to make the story more authentic. So the commute by car from Hawk's Tor (The Coach House) to Plymouth is around 55 mins. In the UK, in a car at least, that's not a big deal. I used to do something similar.

 

That's pretty much how I did it, only the first time I think I just looked at the route and forgot to look at the actual distance. It looked a lot longer than it is, probably because I also forgot what a tiny pocket country England is.

 

No apologies needed. You entertained us. That's all we really care about.

Edited April 23, 2015 by impunity

[drpaladin]

Hi paladin, impunity, puppilull and kitt,

 

Thanks for these latest comments, and apologies for going to ground, but I knew this was going to be a crazy work week for me - which is why I had my knuckles rapped for submitting the last two chapters on the same day over the weekend.

 

I'm still struggling to catch up with answering all the reviews but will get to that this weekend coming.

 

Just to let you know, I use Google Maps directions to calculate commute times for stories. It's always good to have a clear idea of distance and travel times to make the story more authentic. So the commute by car from Hawk's Tor (The Coach House) to Plymouth is around 55 mins. In the UK, in a car at least, that's not a big deal. I used to do something similar. My brother used to commute across London using buses, Tube and trains for over two hours each way. Now THAT is a hellish commute. 

 I figured that you must have a lot going on. Your dedication to fleshing out the story that way shows. I've known some people that would make absurdly long commutes. I would never do a long commute, but then again I was a trust fund kid. While I always showed up, I was often cavalier about when I got there. And in my younger days I did things to supervisors that some only dream of doing. Snapping my heels together with a stiff armed salute and a "Jawohl, Mein Führer!" was one. And got away with it too. Hehe

[Kitt]

I'm a big proponent of checking facts and distances and the like. While editing I often have several tabs open to mapsites, search engines, and anything else I can think of as a way to check facts and numbers. LOL Sometimes I drive my authors to drink when I tell them they can't have traveled that far in the time they listed!

 

I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and look forward to your next.  I am sure during the knuckle wrapping last weekend you were told about the post dating system. Once you work out how to do it you could upload an entire story and have it posting for weeks and weeks. Just don't try and update a chapter before it posts, no matter how much you want to eliminate a mistake! That messes up the timing.

[drpaladin]

I'm a big proponent of checking facts and distances and the like. While editing I often have several tabs open to mapsites, search engines, and anything else I can think of as a way to check facts and numbers. LOL Sometimes I drive my authors to drink when I tell them they can't have traveled that far in the time they listed!

 

I thoroughly enjoyed your story, and look forward to your next.  I am sure during the knuckle wrapping last weekend you were told about the post dating system. Once you work out how to do it you could upload an entire story and have it posting for weeks and weeks. Just don't try and update a chapter before it posts, no matter how much you want to eliminate a mistake! That messes up the timing.

 And I thought it was writers that were supposed to drive editors to drink.

[Kitt]

 And I thought it was writers that were supposed to drive editors to drink.

Tis a mutual thing - we are a co-dependent bunch! At least with the gang I work with!

[drpaladin]

Tim, I loved your review of chapter 14. Comparing the reason why Anton couldn't be merely a friend to Stephen with being starving and in front of a delicious meal or an alcoholic tempted by a bottle of Scotch was very apt. I don't think Anton will tell about Sebastian though. At least we know for sure that his smoking habit is a shared secret, but I feel that finger to his ghostly lips asked more. Maybe, maybe not, just my feeling. If Sean does ask years from now what became of the strange happenings, Anton might just shrug and smile. The only thing there will be love, and that's not strange at all. 

[Timothy M.]

Tim, I loved your review of chapter 14. Comparing the reason why Anton couldn't be merely a friend to Stephen with being starving and in front of a delicious meal or an alcoholic tempted by a bottle of Scotch was very apt. I don't think Anton will tell about Sebastian though. At least we know for sure that his smoking habit is a shared secret, but I feel that finger to his ghostly lips asked more. Maybe, maybe not, just my feeling. If Sean does ask years from now what became of the strange happenings, Anton might just shrug and smile. The only thing there will be love, and that's not strange at all. 

 

thanks pal, I liked your review too, particularly the bit about Sebastian whispering in your ear.

 

I think you may be right about Anton not telling anything, that's why I thought about it happening many years from now, in the late hours after enjoying wine or scotch. I imagine friends talking gradually getting into the subject of Sebastian or the mystery of no more blackouts after Anton moved in. If Anton felt he would be believed and perhaps Martin said something about Sebastian would be happy for Stephen, and the doctor scoffing but at the same time clearly liking the idea, his husband might drop a hint or two. But I like your suggestion too.

[impunity]

Reply from lomax61 (author)

Hi Impunity. Thanks for staying the course and being active here in the reviews and also in the forum. I think I mentioned there that I've not been to Ghana but a close friend has and I based Anton's experiences on the things my friend shared with me. Charities really are very basically set up there but do essential work. My friend slept on a straw mat on the floor in a corner of a clay hut. Not exactly five star. Thanks again and all the best. Brian

 

I had missed the earlier response. For some reason when I left my review I couldn't see the earlier ones. I was a little surprised that there weren't any. Haha.

 

While your description of the conditions of the charity was convincing, it was more your detailed characterization of the landscape and atmosphere (even to the smell of the air) that made me think you'd been there. It is a testament to your writing skill that you managed to create a realistic scenario out of another person's experiences.

[drpaladin]

I had missed the earlier response. For some reason when I left my review I couldn't see the earlier ones. I was a little surprised that there weren't any. Haha.

 

While your description of the conditions of the charity was convincing, it was more your detailed characterization of the landscape and atmosphere (even to the smell of the air) that made me think you'd been there. It is a testament to your writing skill that you managed to create a realistic scenario out of another person's experiences.

 

When you go to a new place, often the first thing that strikes you after the visuals are the smells. The distinctive smell of New Orleans' French Quarter comes to mind. In other places, it might be the aroma of honeysuckle, a paper or steel mill. That smell becomes connected with that specific place. You only truly know those elements from first hand knowledge or through those that have it. Being able to incorporate that into a story the way it was done here enhances the sense of reality.

[lomax61]

Dear friends,

 

I've been absent for a while due to a gruelling workload which is likely to go on until the end of August (we all have to eat - sigh), but I just wanted to write and let you know that Uninvited Guest has been selected for publication by a mainstream publisher of LGBTQ works under my pen name of Brian Lancaster.

 

Thank you all so much for your support, encouragement, and invaluable comments about the story that I workshopped here. Without you I would never have managed to compete the missing pieces, have them make sense, and fully realise this cast of characters.

 

All the very best with your own endeavours. When I finally do get my feet back to the writing desk, I will be catching up with more of the great storytellers on this site. I have already begun workshopping my major piece - Kissing the Dragon - which needs a serious overhaul.

 

Safe travels.

 

Brian (Lomax61)

[drpaladin]

Congratulation Brian! That is wonderful news.

[Timothy M.]

Fantastic ! Your story certainly deserves it - and so do you. Let us know when it's available.

[Headstall]

Congratulations, Brian. Wonderful to hear from you again. All the best... Gary.

[Puppilull]

Wow! That's great news! Congratulations!