' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Emi GS]

 

The following poems are not mine.

 

I am posting this for a friend on GA who wishes to remain anonymous for the time being. I include the first line at the behest of the author. Comments and responses would be much appreciated, I'm sure.

 

 

Parker Owens caused me to be created

 

don't breathe

waiting intensely

while the silence echoes

until the moment for applause

erupts

 

§

 

counting

always watching

now preparing, then one

glorious sound triumphantly

bursts forth,

golden

shimmering perfection dying

slowly away until

nothing remains

but breath

I always liked Cinquains. They are the simple form, but will touch through hearts. These poems are just like that. The first one is my favorite...

 

I wish the author/writer don't have to be hesitant for showing up as his great work shining here. Do tell him/her they are really wonderful, especially the first one; just breath taking...

[Aditus]

I left a review, but thank you for posting this lovely piece

You are right, there is a 'what if'.

[Parker Owens]

Thank you everyone..AC, Doctor O, and all Live Poets, for your comments. The Ballade is now posted to Occasional Poetry. https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/38

[asamvav111]

New stuff. Still thinking if I should have added a trigger warning. Meh. Peace.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/482/entry-16396-fragments/

 

 

Edit: on second thought I added a "rape" tag just in case. so you have been warned.

Edited August 19, 2016 by asamvav111

[asamvav111]

About "Fragments" : Did Emi really not get that this a twisted rapist's pov on the rape and the victim? His comment has me confused. Did I not communicate that effectively?

[Doctor Oger]

About "Fragments" : Did Emi really not get that this a twisted rapist's pov on the rape and the victim? His comment has me confused. Did I not communicate that effectively?

 

Yes, you did. It's quite obvious.

[Mikiesboy]

About "Fragments" : Did Emi really not get that this a twisted rapist's pov on the rape and the victim? His comment has me confused. Did I not communicate that effectively?

You communicated it very well. It was very well done. Beauty from a rapists pov. 

[northie]

 

The following poems are not mine.

 

I am posting this for a friend on GA who wishes to remain anonymous for the time being. I include the first line at the behest of the author. Comments and responses would be much appreciated, I'm sure.

 

 

Parker Owens caused me to be created

 

don't breathe

waiting intensely

while the silence echoes

until the moment for applause

erupts

 

§

 

counting

always watching

now preparing, then one

glorious sound triumphantly

bursts forth,

golden

shimmering perfection dying

slowly away until

nothing remains

but breath

 

 

I confess to being the guilty party   - blame the reasons I've been away, partly and just the sense of disbelief that I'd produced something resembling poetry ...

 

I can't thank Parker enough for his patience and his faith that somewhere I had some poetry - although why he thought that, I really don't know. The dedication I attached was not done as decoration.

Edited August 20, 2016 by northie

[northie]

The blog post I've just made reproduces those two poems together with another two - one, Parker has seen, the other hasn't been seen by anybody else - yet ... 

 

Comments would be appreciated ...

[northie]

First a bit of foolery: the dedication looks nobler in Latin, imo

 

Parker Owens fecit me, qui creabitur

 

There. That looks much more appropriate, don't you think, dear poet and dedicatee

 

 

Thanks for this, AC - I managed to pass my A level Latin without ever having to do any composition so, although I did try for a bit to do it in Latin, I failed miserably. I think I might smuggle it away ...   

[northie]

Oh, I suddenly know what they are about, but cannot really say too much, lest I 'unmask' our budding young contributor to Live-Poets.

 

I will say that knowing what they are about adds tremendously to my appreciation, and I say, Bravo! They are lovely. 

 

As you can see above, I've unmasked myself...  

 

Thank you for your generous comments, I appreciate them very much.

[Emi GS]

About "Fragments" : Did Emi really not get that this a twisted rapist's pov on the rape and the victim? His comment has me confused. Did I not communicate that effectively?

First of all, I really haven't observed the 'rape' tag. And for frank to say, I always read poems in my pov and review/comment exactly what I think. But you proved me wrong. I now got that I might not always correct about how I read. So I'll be careful from now onwards...

 

And you did well, don't doubt about it...

[asamvav111]

First of all, I really haven't observed the 'rape' tag. And for frank to say, I always read poems in my pov and review/comment exactly what I think.

That's the thing, I don't believe a tag should direct the reader's experience. A good poem has infinite facets and each of them is equally true. What irked me was that I was unable to express fully what I set out to do; That I may have overdone the florid decorations so much that the flavour of the underlying cake has become icing creamy. 

Thank you for your review.

[Emi GS]

That's the thing, I don't believe a tag should direct the reader's experience. A good poem has infinite facets and each of them is equally true. What irked me was that I was unable to express fully what I set out to do; That I may have overdone the florid decorations so much that the flavour of the underlying cake has become icing creamy.

Thank you for your review.

Its not like that big boy. Its just you had wrote it with an intense but not the brutality. Any lover, obsessed one, would make these kind of things; even though they are not meant any harm. I was just thought of a 'rape scene' into an 'obsessed tact' by some lover. You have never shown it as some harm or a brutal way. So 'I' just lost the track, that's it... Edited August 21, 2016 by Emi GS

[AC Benus]

Posted for general feedback and advice.

 

I've been lagging behind in typing up all my old poetry, and just came to this one. I wrote it when I was 20, on January 1st to be precise, and wonder how much you think I should edit it. I suppose every work can always be better, but this poem leaves me feeling a bit unsatisfied. What are your thoughts?

 

 

Prelude:

 

In white oblivion

I sit and watch

the snow as it falls

In white oblivion

in means of a lot

that somehow calls

In white oblivion.

 

 

Poem:

 

She in a veil, as fine as mist

rode upon the scape of the land

in the way where she would persist

and took her gentle tears in hand

to lend a coating of herself

pure as her heart in naked times

free from all, including the self

the trees wear her sorrow all in lines –

How grand she makes the winter scene.

[Mikiesboy]

Posted for general feedback and advice.

 

I've been lagging behind in typing up all my old poetry, and just came to this one. I wrote it when I was 20, on January 1st to be precise, and wonder how much you think I should edit it. I suppose every work can always be better, but this poem leaves me feeling a bit unsatisfied. What are your thoughts?

 

 

Prelude:

 

In white oblivion

I sit and watch

the snow as it falls

In white oblivion

in means of a lot

that somehow calls

In white oblivion.

 

 

Poem:

 

She in a veil, as fine as mist

rode upon the scape of the land

in the way where she would persist

and took her gentle tears in hand

to lend a coating of herself

pure as her heart in naked times

free from all, including the self

the trees wear her sorrow all in lines –

How grand she makes the winter scene.

In my mind's eye i just see the beauty of winter, the sparkle of sun on snow, iced branches ... imo, i'd change nothing. 

[AC Benus]

In my mind's eye i just see the beauty of winter, the sparkle of sun on snow, iced branches ... imo, i'd change nothing. 

Thanks, Tim. I think for me I'm a bit ill-at-ease with the choppy nature of the lines. Flow does not seem to have been a consideration when I originally jotted this down.  

[Emi GS]

Posted for general feedback and advice.

 

I've been lagging behind in typing up all my old poetry, and just came to this one. I wrote it when I was 20, on January 1st to be precise, and wonder how much you think I should edit it. I suppose every work can always be better, but this poem leaves me feeling a bit unsatisfied. What are your thoughts?

 

 

Prelude:

 

In white oblivion

I sit and watch

the snow as it falls

In white oblivion

in means of a lot

that somehow calls

In white oblivion.

 

 

Poem:

 

She in a veil, as fine as mist

rode upon the scape of the land

in the way where she would persist

and took her gentle tears in hand

to lend a coating of herself

pure as her heart in naked times

free from all, including the self

the trees wear her sorrow all in lines –

How grand she makes the winter scene.

I am obviously not the genius to tell about edit and all , and you know that too.

 

As for the poem, I can see the clear picture of winter with snow all over the place. And a place which I would like see and enjoy. Its one of my dream/wish. But with this poem I felt like I am actually seeing all and hearing your poem as a whisper. Such a great poem...

[Dayne Mora]

AC gave me the idea to repost this as a poem...

 

"Nightmare", or "Do White Girls Dream of Pumpkin Spice Sheep?"

 

Yard sale hopping with my mom

(Who looks at everything, but buys nothing);

 

Followed by sitting at a table full of white girls

raving about how much we L-O-V-E our pumpkin spice lattes

(That have fuckall for pumpkin in them);

 

Followed by accidentally buying a bus ticket

(instead of a plane ticket)

to visit my brother;

 

Followed by spending the whole week on a Greyhound bus,

touring every last banjo-dueling town in the continental US

with a fat, sweaty bear

(Neither of us get to shower).

Edited August 22, 2016 by Dayne Mora

[Emi GS]

AC gave me the idea to repost this as a poem...

 

"Nightmare", or "Do White Girls Dream of Pumpkin Spice Sheep?"

 

Yard sale hopping with my mom

 

(Who looks at everything, but buys nothing);

 

Followed by sitting at a table full of white girls

raving about how much we L-O-V-E our pumpkin spice lattes

(That have fuckall for pumpkin in them);

 

Followed by accidentally buying a bus ticket

(instead of a plane ticket)

to visit my brother;

 

Followed by spending the whole week on a Greyhound bus,

touring every last banjo-dueling town in the continental US

with a fat, sweaty bear

(Neither of us get to shower).

Okay!!! I would try to not to laugh. But its really sounded like a nightmare. Eww!!! And I really hate sweating like pigs...

 

As for the poem looks simple(I don't think its simple to write though), funny and good. Such a nice job you have done here presenting your experiences into a poem. And its blossomed perfectly. But sweat!!! (I am sorry I couldn't resist, and I needed it a lot now).

 

Thanks for sharing such a lovely poem(experience) with us...

 

And welcome to the Live-poets(if its you're first time here)...

 

~Emi.

[AC Benus]

AC gave me the idea to repost this as a poem...

 

"Nightmare", or "Do White Girls Dream of Pumpkin Spice Sheep?"

 

Yard sale hopping with my mom

(Who looks at everything, but buys nothing);

 

Followed by sitting at a table full of white girls

raving about how much we L-O-V-E our pumpkin spice lattes

(That have fuckall for pumpkin in them);

 

Followed by accidentally buying a bus ticket

(instead of a plane ticket)

to visit my brother;

 

Followed by spending the whole week on a Greyhound bus,

touring every last banjo-dueling town in the continental US

with a fat, sweaty bear

(Neither of us get to shower).

Thanks for joining us in Live-Poets! lol, 'Pumpkin Spice Sheep'

[Mikiesboy]

AC gave me the idea to repost this as a poem...

 

"Nightmare", or "Do White Girls Dream of Pumpkin Spice Sheep?"

 

Yard sale hopping with my mom

(Who looks at everything, but buys nothing);

 

Followed by sitting at a table full of white girls

raving about how much we L-O-V-E our pumpkin spice lattes

(That have fuckall for pumpkin in them);

 

Followed by accidentally buying a bus ticket

(instead of a plane ticket)

to visit my brother;

 

Followed by spending the whole week on a Greyhound bus,

touring every last banjo-dueling town in the continental US

with a fat, sweaty bear

(Neither of us get to shower).

Hi Dayne ... 

 

This was good ... never had a pumpkin latte and hope never to, and well I won't be touring the USA  on a bus.  

 

Hope you never have to again, either. 

 

Nicely done and funny... 

 

tim

[Parker Owens]

Another ballade for today, now on Occasional Poetry, in case you are interested...https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/39

[northie]

Another ballade for today, now on Occasional Poetry, in case you are interested...https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/39

I already have so much of yours to review ... *adds another one to the growing list ...* 

Edited August 23, 2016 by northie

[AC Benus]

Another ballade for today, now on Occasional Poetry, in case you are interested...https://www.gayauthors.org/story/parker-owens/occasionalpoetry/39

It's beautiful, Parker - inward looking, but beautiful. Thanks for taking the Ballade Poetry Prompt challenge