Storms by Thorn Wilde

[Thorn Wilde]

It appears that I never actually made one of these for this story, but since people seem to like it, I'm making one now, in case anyone's interested in discussing it or whatever.

 

 

Summary: When fourteen-year-old Daniel and his mother are kicked out by his stepfather, they have to move to a housing estate in a different part of town, and Daniel has to change schools. He has a hard time making friends, and it only gets worse when one of his classmates takes a rather unhealthy interest in him. His only comfort, to his great surprise, turns out to be the last person he could have expected; the popular and gorgeous Michael Storm.

 

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains mentions of sexual assault and some dubious consent. However, while GA's content guidelines force me to set a mature rating because of this content, this is a young adult novel, and as such most sexual situations will not be graphic, and will take place off the page. 

[Timothy M.]

Hey buddy, I hadn't noticed this topic until now. But I guess most of the discussion takes place in the comments. 

But I'd like to know if any readers think Loz can be salvaged. I'm not sure, because he really did hurt Daniel badly. More than Patrick the obvious bully.

Edited July 24, 2019 by Timothy M.

[Thorn Wilde]

32 minutes ago, Timothy M. said:

Hey buddy, I hadn't noticed this topic until now. But I guess most of the discussion takes place in the comments. 

 

But I'd like to know if any readers think Loz can be salvaged. I'm not sure, because he really did hurt Daniel badly. More than Patrick the obvious bully.

 

I'd be interested to know this, too, actually. Do my readers believe that Loz can redeem himself?

[Timothy M.]

We haven't heard anything about Loz for a while, but I guess you need to sort out Daniel and his grandparents first.

[Thorn Wilde]

3 hours ago, Timothy M. said:

We haven't heard anything about Loz for a while, but I guess you need to sort out Daniel and his grandparents first.

There will be a Loz chapter soon, actually. The one after the next one.  

[Talo Segura]

POV head swapping, I reserve judgement having only read two chapters, although I do have some comments/observations. I loved Daniel's narration of the story in chapter one and I preferred seeing Michael from Daniel's POV, rather than being inside Michael's head. What happened in chapter two was that suddenly Michael lost all his mystery, and became very ordinary. It's rather like seeing Michael from Daniel's POV he was this unattainable sexual fantasy. Seeing Michael from Michael's POV that kind of dissipated.

It makes me draw a parallel with my own first novella, narrated in the third person, one reviewer said, "...I think the story makes a mistake or two in taking time to reveal the adults' issues through their own eyes, instead of keeping the story limited to the children's perspectives alone. It ruins the mystery and kills the potential to speculate alongside the characters since the audience already has the answers."

I know it's early days, but to some extent I think you are doing the same thing by using different POVs. In my own book, like here, it was intentional that the reader knew more than the protagonist. I can see why you might want your readers to see things from different angles, does it work? I'm not sure, let's say it's up for discussion.

[Thorn Wilde]

5 hours ago, Talo Segura said:

POV head swapping, I reserve judgement having only read two chapters, although I do have some comments/observations. I loved Daniel's narration of the story in chapter one and I preferred seeing Michael from Daniel's POV, rather than being inside Michael's head. What happened in chapter two was that suddenly Michael lost all his mystery, and became very ordinary. It's rather like seeing Michael from Daniel's POV he was this unattainable sexual fantasy. Seeing Michael from Michael's POV that kind of dissipated.

It makes me draw a parallel with my own first novella, narrated in the third person, one reviewer said, "...I think the story makes a mistake or two in taking time to reveal the adults' issues through their own eyes, instead of keeping the story limited to the children's perspectives alone. It ruins the mystery and kills the potential to speculate alongside the characters since the audience already has the answers."

I know it's early days, but to some extent I think you are doing the same thing by using different POVs. In my own book, like here, it was intentional that the reader knew more than the protagonist. I can see why you might want your readers to see things from different angles, does it work? I'm not sure, let's say it's up for discussion.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think if Michael were simply a romantic interest you might be right, but he’s a main character and his perspective is very important going forward. He’s not supposed to be a mystery, he’s supposed to be a person. I think you may come to see things differently as the story progresses. 

[Timothy M.]

It's always difficult to switch POV, especially in the beginning of a story. But in Storms I think it soon becomes logical and gives us a much broader perspective on the situation.

[SilentandBroken]

Is this story ever going to be completed? I noticed the author hasn’t posted in a few yrs. 

[drpaladin]

1 hour ago, SilentandBroken said:

Is this story ever going to be completed? I noticed the author hasn’t posted in a few yrs. 

Unlikely.

[SilentandBroken]

That’s unfortunate 

[SilentandBroken]

I am guessing at this point the author has gone offline