How many sex partners is "promiscuous"?

[JamesSavik]

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

 

[Mark Arbour]

On 12/2/2023 at 1:27 AM, LJCC said:

Being a young adult slut was different for me. I was a grade A slut in college since I'd lived a very sheltered life. I wasn’t even allowed to commute anywhere up until university. I was sleeping with men cause I wanted to gain experience and study everything with a keen eye and an open mind. And I would go on dates, party every weekend, have actual friends, and still be a Dean's Lister with very good grades and shag various men on the side. The only downside was, I think I only slept for 2 to 4 hours while downing redbulls like they're gatorade.

I remember shagging a man at the school parking lot where I had met up with my group for our dissertation paper after, then shagged another guy at his apartment, and then attended soccer practice, finished and wrote my term paper, and then sucked-off a bloke at the bleachers I'd met at Mirc, then slept for 2 hrs, did my prep for our thesis defense, and had enough time to hook up with my girlfriend for a quickie.

Yes, I was the posterchild of Sodom and cheaters out there. But I'd like to think I've come a long way from being that closeted dipshit shagging boys and girls alike.

I did get my comeuppance though by having my heart broken several times 😂. So I think I have paid enough of my crimes for being a twat.

I was too confident in college that I thought I was untouchable by heartache and eventual dissapointment. And with that confidence came the arrogance that sleeping around was my trophy to assert to myself that men lusted over me, that I was wanted without giving back anything in return cause I was selfish.

I mean, I broke a lot of hearts and caused pain and trauma to some blokes. I had a guy who came to soccer practice and brought me a cake cause it was my birthday. I told my team that he was a stalker and they shouted and screamed at him. He left that day with a look that said, "Someday, someone is going to love me the way I wanted you to need me." Him and I had sex regularly. He knew I had a gf, but he still cared enough to think of my special day. When I think about it, I never really felt anything with him, or I blinded myself not to think of it cause I knew he was always there for me. But I knew he was in love with me. And I broke his heart.

To this day, I still think of him. If only I wasn't such a dick, he could've been the one. I'd probably be married by now to him. But I was an arsehole. And I was sleeping with lots of men, and I was a liar and a cheater. After college, that experience changed me.

So do I regret slutting my way through campus and the entire city? No. But I learned a lot about myself. I needed to be humbled. And eventually, life humbled me and sex allowed me to discover things about myself.

My only regret is that I could've done some things differently. I should’ve ended things with my girlfriend, and instead stayed with him. 

PSA: to gay kids reading this...don't be a dick. 😂

This is one of the best posts I’ve seen on GA.  💕

[drown]

On 12/2/2023 at 8:27 AM, LJCC said:

[...] To this day, I still think of him. If only I wasn't such a dick, he could've been the one. I'd probably be married by now to him. But I was an arsehole. [...]

Aw fuck. I actually cried.

This derailed the topic a bit, but it also shows how little the numbers really matter.

[Gary L]

15 minutes ago, JamesSavik said:

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

 

Totally agree. Well said!

[drown]

17 minutes ago, JamesSavik said:

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

Hm. I disagree.

It doesn't require a hammer to see myself as a hopeless romantic that wants monogamy more than anything. But that's me.

It might mystify you, but please accept that not everyone thinks like you. The idea that "gay sexuality" excludes monogamy is simply wrong.

[LJCC]

40 minutes ago, JamesSavik said:

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

 

This is the same logic where some gay couples prefer to adopt children, while some gays would rather have a vasectomy than have a child. 

The thing is, the inclination toward monogamy or polygamy is not inherently ingrained in our genetics; rather, it is shaped by cultural, societal, and individual decisions. Whether we opt for monogamy, bigamy, or polygamy is a matter of personal choice influenced by what aligns with our preferences, those of our partners, and the legal constraints within our local context.

For me, I've been to both sides and stepped on both opposing ends, and all I can say is that I prefer monogamy more than anything. If I were living in LA or San Francisco, going out to clubs and enjoying white circuit parties snorting drugs like there's no tomorrow, attending gay cruise ships where gays are blatantly having sex on ships, or roaming leather bars going to underground dungeons for sex, yes, I'd probably be in a polyamorous relationship without a doubt.

I'm a very, very jealous guy, so I don't think I'd last a minute with polyamory. Second, I do want to get old with someone—not live in a communal house with four other guys. Third, I want what my parents have. Yes, it's very heteronormative, but it's MY heteronormative selection of choosing to have a bestfriend at old age when the sex is gone. FYI, my parents are still banging like bunnies in their 60's, so I don't know on that one. I heard them once. It's gross but kind of enlightening. 

Given my upbringing, I am inclined to choose monogamy as the preferred choice. But I know in my heart that if I had lived differently, had a different personality, or sought to live in the US, I would totally be a proud slut...the best manwhore in town.

I'd be a monkeypox superspreader. 🤣

[drown]

27 minutes ago, LJCC said:

I'm a very, very jealous guy, so I don't think I'd last a minute with polyamory. Second, I do want to get old with someone—not live in a communal house with four other guys. Third, I want what my parents have. Yes, it's very heteronormative, but it's MY heteronormative selection of choosing to have a bestfriend at old age when the sex is gone.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.

[PrivateTim]

4 hours ago, Ron said:

Huh, what does five guys at one party equal then? 

Will Schluter on a slow day.......

[Gary L]

12 minutes ago, PrivateTim said:

Will Schluter on a slow day.......

One day private T you will love Will……Happy New Year. 🥳 

[Mark Arbour]

1 hour ago, LJCC said:

 But I know in my heart that if I had lived differently, had a different personality, or sought to live in the US, I would totally be a proud slut...the best manwhore in town.

I'd be a monkeypox superspreader. 🤣

Oh I get it.  In order to truly enter a slut phase, one must travel to the colonies.   Such errant behaviour is almost unheard of in the mother country.   😀 

[LJCC]

1 hour ago, Mark Arbour said:

Oh I get it.  In order to truly enter a slut phase, one must travel to the colonies.   Such errant behaviour is almost unheard of in the mother country.   😀 

Oh yes. It's very aggressive here in Britain. If you dropped your phone in a gay club, I advise you to just kick it home. 

Regardless if you're a top, a side, or an obtuse, you're getting bummed.

[Ron]

2 hours ago, PrivateTim said:

Will Schluter on a slow day......

Other than being a movie director are they know for enjoying sex?

[PrivateTim]

7 hours ago, Ron said:

Other than being a movie director are they know for enjoying sex?

Will Schluter is a character in Mark Arbour's, Chronicles of an Academic Predator.

[E K Stokes]

13 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

 

Insist is a strong word, I don't think anyone insists on marriage, same sex or hetero. Some gay people insist on a one to one relationship which is perfectly understandable for many reasons. If you have an open relationship that means you or your partner want to sleep around, it kind of begs the question about relationship.

You live your life like you want, if what you want is a one to one long term partnership you need to give up being totally selfish and only doing what you want, you need to consider what your other half wants.

I don't believe in gay and straight, those are labels which were invented, sexuality is fluid, so for myself (and others, I hazard) there is no gay sexuality model to fit into.

[Canuk]

17 hours ago, JamesSavik said:

As gay people, something that has always mystified me is why so many on our side of the street insist on the straight/marriage/monogamous model of relationships.

I stick the concept in my brain, it coughs, sputters, smokes a little, and then spits it out. For gay people, it is decidedly unnatural.

Male sexuality and gay sexuality only fit that model if you pound it into the mold with a hammer.

 

I didn't need to "pound it into a mould" with or without a hammer. I am and have always been into monogamy, serial monogamy but monogamy never the less. And it's not a jealousy thing. I have had jealous partners and they drove me up the wall. To me its love and trust until.... As for polyandry; sounds great in theory, and even my stilted imagination can run riot with the bedtime possibilities, but honestly running one husband is emotionally and physically enough! 

One definite no is a cat. I live (at present) in Australia: cats are noxious vermin, the depths of my hatred, dislike and disdain for pussy knows no bounds.. 

[JamesSavik]

I have been thinking about this thread and my reaction to it. What I’ve been thinking isn’t very nice

Part of my attitude about gay sexuality is my rebellious nature. Down here in Dixie, it isn’t the gay friendliest place.

 I grew up hearing religious people talk about us like we are beneath dirt. There are several natural reactions to that, and none of them are good.

1) Rebellion is the natural reaction to hearing the outrageous lies about us. You might have heard us Southern boy’s tendencies are slanted towards being stubborn and rebellious.

2) The next destructive reaction is disbelief and distrust. How can you trust people who think you are fundamentally evil? This motivates many to hit the border running at 18 and not look back.

3) The very worst reaction is to believe it. Consider carefully the implications, psychological and emotional, of believing that your sexuality makes you evil, and you are eternally damned. What sort of monster might be born this way? After damnation, what else can you do to the poor sod?

All of this leaves marks on your soul that won’t just go away. It’s why guys like me are mystified by, and the very idea of monogamy seems ridiculous. After all, why would anyone buy what are obviously damaged goods?

Edited January 7 by JamesSavik

[Zombie]

14 hours ago, E K Stokes said:

I don't believe in gay and straight, those are labels which were invented, sexuality is fluid, so for myself (and others, I hazard) there is no gay sexuality model to fit into

just gay culture to fit into - or not

[Gary L]

13 minutes ago, JamesSavik said:

I have been thinking about this thread and my reaction to it. What I’ve been thinking isn’t very nice

Part of my attitude about gay sexuality is my rebellious nature. Down here in Dixie, it isn’t the gay friendliest place.

 I grew up hearing religious people talk about us like we are beneath dirt. There are several natural reactions to that, and none of them are good.

1) Rebellion is the natural reaction to hearing the outrageous lies about us. You might have heard us Southern boy’s tendencies are slanted towards being stubborn and rebellious.

2) The next destructive reaction is disbelief and distrust. How can you trust people who think you are fundamentally evil? This motivates many to hit the border running at 18 and not look back.

3) The very worst reaction is to believe it. Consider carefully the implications, psychological and emotional, of believing that your sexuality makes you evil, and you are eternally damned. What sort of monster might be born this way? After damnation, what else can you do to the poor sod?

All of this leaves marks on your soul that won’t just go away. It’s why guys like me are mystified by, and the very idea of monogamy seems ridiculous. After all, why would anyone buy what is obviously damaged goods?

I note that I might get bitten and that my Chippendale chairs might get damaged…… Seriously,  I’m with you 100%.   For me after yrs in the Catholic Church and even studying ethics with the Jesuits in Rome, the only moral rule I have is the old “do as you would be done by” . If only the fanatics would leave off the OT and actually read the Gospels of love and forgiveness, for a start.   
I love your fiction and admire your views.  Have a fruitful and creative 2024.  We need writers like you!

[Mark Arbour]

16 hours ago, PrivateTim said:

Will Schluter is a character in Mark Arbour's, Chronicles of an Academic Predator.

And one that Tim hates for many reasons, not the least of which is his promiscuity. 😃

[Mark Arbour]

10 hours ago, Canuk said:

I didn't need to "pound it into a mould" with or without a hammer. I am and have always been into monogamy, serial monogamy but monogamy never the less. And it's not a jealousy thing. I have had jealous partners and they drove me up the wall. To me its love and trust until.... As for polyandry; sounds great in theory, and even my stilted imagination can run riot with the bedtime possibilities, but honestly running one husband is emotionally and physically enough! 

One definite no is a cat. I live (at present) in Australia: cats are noxious vermin, the depths of my hatred, dislike and disdain for pussy knows no bounds.. 

I love cats. 

[Mark Arbour]

29 minutes ago, JamesSavik said:

I have been thinking about this thread and my reaction to it. What I’ve been thinking isn’t very nice

Part of my attitude about gay sexuality is my rebellious nature. Down here in Dixie, it isn’t the gay friendliest place.

 I grew up hearing religious people talk about us like we are beneath dirt. There are several natural reactions to that, and none of them are good.

1) Rebellion is the natural reaction to hearing the outrageous lies about us. You might have heard us Southern boy’s tendencies are slanted towards being stubborn and rebellious.

2) The next destructive reaction is disbelief and distrust. How can you trust people who think you are fundamentally evil? This motivates many to hit the border running at 18 and not look back.

3) The very worst reaction is to believe it. Consider carefully the implications, psychological and emotional, of believing that your sexuality makes you evil, and you are eternally damned. What sort of monster might be born this way? After damnation, what else can you do to the poor sod?

All of this leaves marks on your soul that won’t just go away. It’s why guys like me are mystified by, and the very idea of monogamy seems ridiculous. After all, why would anyone buy what are obviously damaged goods?

That was a really insightful post.  I’d never seen the challenges of being gay in the South summed up so succinctly. 

[PrivateTim]

34 minutes ago, Mark Arbour said:

I love cats. 

 

[Canuk]

12 hours ago, Mark Arbour said:

I love cats. 

You are permitted one failing......

[ranchered]

On 1/5/2024 at 10:30 PM, KJames said:

5 sexual partners/boyfriends over 5 days=slut.

Pretty sure a friend I knew eons ago in Portland (OR) was the definition of promiscuous, he had 5 partners in the span of 3 hours.

[JamesSavik]

11 hours ago, ranchered said:

Pretty sure a friend I knew eons ago in Portland (OR) was the definition of promiscuous, he had 5 partners in the span of 3 hours.

Bah! He's just a dilettante on the Slut Scale.