[Shadowgod] Living in Surreality

[shadowgod]

Hello guys and gals!

 

As some of you know Ive been working on a rewrite of one of my older projects. 1-5 have been completed and should be going up at a rate of one chapter every seven days, give or take a few days.

 

Anyhow Im rather nervous about this one so Id love to hear what everyone thinks of it, some of you may have already read the rough copy in sneak peaks but the polished and final is avaible below.

 

Living in Surreality

 

Let me have it guys, All comments welcome good and bad!

 

Steve

[C James]

Hello guys and gals!

 

As some of you know Ive been working on a rewrite of one of my older projects. 1-5 have been completed and should be going up at a rate of one chapter every seven days, give or take a few days.

 

Anyhow Im rather nervous about this one so Id love to hear what everyone thinks of it, some of you may have already read the rough copy in sneak peaks but the polished and final is avaible here

 

Let me have it guys, good and bad!

 

Steve

 

Hey Steve!

I love this story; You have a very rich descriptive style that I really enjoy.

 

If anyone is inclined to listen to me, go read this!

[Camy]

I love this story; You have a very rich descriptive style that I really enjoy.

If anyone is inclined to listen to me, go read this!

Ditto

 

Excellent, and a great title too. I'm hooked on Bourbon as well.

 

Camy

[shadowgod]

Hey Steve!

I love this story; You have a very rich descriptive style that I really enjoy.

 

If anyone is inclined to listen to me, go read this!

 

Have I garnerd another 'good goat seal of approval'? Oh wait, need conner to chime before I can claim that!

 

**waits paitently for conner...**

 

Thanks CJ! and a bigger thank you for including a link in your sig!

 

Camy! Thanks for reading and throwing your two cents in, Dont worry about Bourbon, I hear they are developing a 12 step program

 

as always... Thanks guys!

 

Steve

[Tracy]

well, it may not be my first post, but its the second

 

you've outdone yourself on this one

 

and apparently, i've found my balls

[shadowgod]

well, it may not be my first post, but its the second

 

Ok, I can settle for that,

 

you've outdone yourself on this one

 

OMG Ive finally written something that you like more then Bourbon?

 

I don't believe it, honestly... but

 

and apparently, i've found my balls

 

You misplaced them? Wow! I have never...

 

Steve

[Camy]

i've found my balls

Ah, another juggler.

[viv]

Kay so... I have waited long enough!

 

I didn't wanna be... a topic pusher or whatever

 

But anyhoodle! I know I've told you alot Steve, but... I REALLY love this story and I am so glad you're rewriting it and it's fantastic and loving and thought provoking and.. surreal

 

Wonderful job seriously! If you guys haven't read this yet... DO IT!

 

This has been a public service announcement from... VIV

[C James]

Kay so... I have waited long enough!

 

I didn't wanna be... a topic pusher or whatever

 

But anyhoodle! I know I've told you alot Steve, but... I REALLY love this story and I am so glad you're rewriting it and it's fantastic and loving and thought provoking and.. surreal

 

Wonderful job seriously! If you guys haven't read this yet... DO IT!

 

This has been a public service announcement from... VIV

 

Hi Viv!

I couldn't agree more. I both love and envy his descriptive and varied style.

[shadowgod]

Hi Viv!

I couldn't agree more. I both love and envy his descriptive and varied style.

gosh, Thanks!

 

for such unearned praise... I give ya Chapter two.

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...0&chapter=2

 

Didn't want to start a whole new thread for just that but.. I hope yall enjoy as much as the first chapter!

 

Steve

[Tracy]

for such unearned praise... I give ya Chapter two.

 

i LOVE you!!!

(for the quick update)

 

[C James]

Thank you for another great chapter!!

 

One thing I especially like is the body language that you so vividly portray. That really adds to the story.

 

I love the dynamic between Matt and Valarie, too.

 

I am intrigued by the way you leave us with little bits of info that leave more questions, such as what happened in Sacramento with the school district? That makes me crave more chapters! (hint, hint!)

[sshsbandgeek]

J'adore this story. It seems so real. As if it's really happening right down the street.

[TOPBOI]

I Do love the story so far but can't wait for more to come :-)

 

Chris

[shadowgod]

J'adore this story. It seems so real. As if it's really happening right down the street.

 

Hey sshbandgeek, thanks for reading and taking a moment to post a note!

 

I Do love the story so far but can't wait for more to come :-)

 

Chris

 

Yo Chris!

 

Thanks for reading, and leaving a review Seeing as ou cant wait for more to come I'll be a nice guy and post the next chapter tonight

 

Steve

[shadowgod]

Chapter three has been posted in efiction!

 

enjoy

 

Steve

[Camy]

I'm really enjoying this!

 

The characters are well drawn and believable, and Jacob's back story looks like it's gonna be well worth the wait.

 

What more can I say except roll on Chapter 4!

 

Camy

[C James]

Another excellent chapter!!

 

I really like this one, especially the feel of camaraderie that you portray so well. VERY well done, and I am really looking forward to Ch 4!

[Tracy]

i love it i love it i love it

 

cant wait for chapter 4 :king:

 

p.s. i want more of Joanne lol she's a character

[shadowgod]

Chapter 4 has been posted... I haven't yelled at anyone here for awhile ( busy trying to write chapter 7, alas chapter seven had other ideas...)

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/eficiton/viewsto...9&chapter=4

 

Give me a few and I'll reply to ya'll

 

Steve

[knotme]

This is my first comment since the sneak peak. Enough time has gone by for this revision to completely replace the earlier version in my mind, so it's time for a fresh look.

 

To echo earlier comments (here and in the efiction reviews), I appreciate the character development and background information that motivates the plot. Everyone's actions are believable, "not coming from nowhere" as I think someone said. Matt's regrettable and perhaps tragic public put down of Jackie could so easily have been unbelievable, but you made me believe it.

 

Matt's father Richard is only sketched, but it's enough. Unfortunately, many of us know a person of this type and have seen the hurt and corrosion that spreads on everything he/she touches. The way I see it, Matt's father drove his mother Viola to drink (triggering alcoholic dependence latent in many of us). Val's mother Kitty drinks to keep her best friend company, spreading corrosion to the King family. They'll survive it, think.

 

I'm not quite sure what's going on inside Jacob. In Chapter 4 I can see partly how his mother Joanne has shaped his personality, when she sides with his desire to shut down a bully, despite the downsides for her: loss of a Saturday to work (and probably loss of brownie points as well), increasing chances that Jacob will be expelled again, and so on. She's raising an alpha male. I think he'll overcome, help from family and friends, the consequences of his actions in Chapter 4.

 

I'm less sanguine about Matt. His toxic atmosphere at home provides no support whatsoever. Will he turn to the Kings and the Keats soon enough for help? Matt isn't as strong as Jacob. Tragically, Jacob doesn't see the damage his flirting with Matt may have done. By the time Val and Jacob are fully aware of Matt's vulnerabilities, it may be too late for Matt.

 

The dialog, the description, the pace, the rhythm, all good, combine to make a gripping story. Occasionally, a missing comma forced me to reread. Otherwise, I didn't notice the writing much, and I mean that as a compliment. The story just flowed into me. This story has great momentum. There's so much anticipate in Chapter 5.

 

knotme

 

PS. Since you thanked someone for writing an efiction review, I copied much of this review into the efiction review of your Chapter 4. Was this the right thing to do? km

[DarkShadow]

First a few questions etc...

 

Take this with a grain of salt!

 

With such excellent work like this, I thought you might want to fix the VERY few things I found confusing or missed.

-------------

 

Chapter 2 Half way down

Oh don

[colinian]

Hello guys and gals!

 

As some of you know Ive been working on a rewrite of one of my older projects. 1-5 have been completed and should be going up at a rate of one chapter every seven days, give or take a few days.

 

Anyhow Im rather nervous about this one so Id love to hear what everyone thinks of it, some of you may have already read the rough copy in sneak peaks but the polished and final is avaible here...

 

Let me have it guys, good and bad!

 

Steve

 

I just finished reading chapter 4 and this is flat-out an outstanding story! I love Jacob and Matt and Val. Bring on chapter 5!

 

Colin

[shadowgod]

I'm really enjoying this!

 

The characters are well drawn and believable, and Jacob's back story looks like it's gonna be well worth the wait.

 

What more can I say except roll on Chapter 4!

 

Camy

 

Camy, I

[shadowgod]

This is my first comment since the sneak peak. Enough time has gone by for this revision to completely replace the earlier version in my mind, so it's time for a fresh look.

 

To echo earlier comments (here and in the efiction reviews), I appreciate the character development and background information that motivates the plot. Everyone's actions are believable, "not coming from nowhere" as I think someone said. Matt's regrettable and perhaps tragic public put down of Jackie could so easily have been unbelievable, but you made me believe it.

 

Knotme...

 

Thanks for reading and taking the time to post such a lengthy comment!

 

Matt's father Richard is only sketched, but it's enough. Unfortunately, many of us know a person of this type and have seen the hurt and corrosion that spreads on everything he/she touches. The way I see it, Matt's father drove his mother Viola to drink (triggering alcoholic dependence latent in many of us). Val's mother Kitty drinks to keep her best friend company, spreading corrosion to the King family. They'll survive it, think.

 

I'm not quite sure what's going on inside Jacob. In Chapter 4 I can see partly how his mother Joanne has shaped his personality, when she sides with his desire to shut down a bully, despite the downsides for her: loss of a Saturday to work (and probably loss of brownie points as well), increasing chances that Jacob will be expelled again, and so on. She's raising an alpha male. I think he'll overcome, help from family and friends, the consequences of his actions in Chapter 4.

 

I'm less sanguine about Matt. His toxic atmosphere at home provides no support whatsoever. Will he turn to the Kings and the Keats soon enough for help? Matt isn't as strong as Jacob. Tragically, Jacob doesn't see the damage his flirting with Matt may have done. By the time Val and Jacob are fully aware of Matt's vulnerabilities, it may be too late for Matt.

Wow, you hit on alot of things, First you may acctualy be right about Richard and Viola's 'strained' relationship, Kitty however, we'll she's only been a minor player so far, but I dont think the glimpse that has been shown of her is relative of the bigger picture.

 

I'm glad you picked up on the basis of Jacob's personality. Aside from Grandparents, and a boiterous aunt, who will come into the picture later, Joanne has been the sole guiding light in his life.

 

Matt, well Matt is an interesting case, shaped not only by the 'toxic' home enviroment, but more so by Valerie and her dad. And yes lets hope these new introductions into his life have more positive influance then negative...

 

 

The dialog, the description, the pace, the rhythm, all good, combine to make a gripping story. Occasionally, a missing comma forced me to reread. Otherwise, I didn't notice the writing much, and I mean that as a compliment. The story just flowed into me. This story has great momentum. There's so much anticipate in Chapter 5.

 

knotme

 

PS. Since you thanked someone for writing an efiction review, I copied much of this review into the efiction review of your Chapter 4. Was this the right thing to do? km

 

WOW! thanks! I can only hope continuing chapters meet with so much approval, and yes! thank you dearly for the review in efiction! ( only 3 more to go till I get into the top ten most reviewed stories! Hey, a guys gotta have goals! )

 

Steve