Cia

I wasn't sure of the exact timing of your story until you got to the gas scene. Really the first indication was the whole gas pumping/window washing schtick. I can remember that from when I was a little kid, but that was small town too. Then the price of gas really hit me. It was about a buck when I was driving age but nowhere near that cheap. I like that you left the little details to flesh out the plot in that way. The characters seem very real but from another time so it's fascinating to read from this distance in years.

You did answer a bunch of questions but not all of them, not by a long shot. Like are they dead? Where is this story set; is it in India? I had to look up Khali since I didn't get the reference at all yet to me it seemed as if the setting was a more western world environment. Who was the big boss that really wanted the package? Who were the men who wanted it and what was it really? What happens to John and Oscar? If these guys are ruthless enough to kill Rory, Mark, and Zach then certainly they'll kill John and Oscar since it's likely they saw the documents as well. The story you have so far is good and you do have great pacing with the action and the revelations of the different plot points. However, I just don't see this story as complete. You left too much unanswered. I do understand leaving some things up to the imagination of the reader but it just feels like you only ended part way in the story. You made it so much about the documents and the men who captured Mark and Rory that I feel that was the main part of the plot, not the interactions between Mark and Zach as the main characters. Without getting resolution about that aspect of the story it leaves me feeling dissatisfied. Couldn't you please consider a chapter 5 that ties up some of the loose ends???

Happy Birthday!! Don't have too much fun

John Galaor, you have made two comments that completely baffle me and I shall respond to them in the hopes of keeping this on topic and in relation to feedback offered via reviews, comments, and 'likes' made here on GA itself. Essentially, what I read into your comments, is that someone who takes the time to write well, to follow basic grammar rules and structural format; someone who gives thought and puts work into writing a story as unique and as interesting as possible, should be 'hated' because they are typically well-liked. Instead, we should hate them because they are trying to make people feel bad because they are doing something the reader can't? That a lack of perceived flaws in their writing is meant to taunt the reader and say, 'Look what I can do, aren't I special???' In return, since the reader is outraged that this person is so skilled and dares to share that, we should dislike them and not comment favorably or review or 'like' their work? In response to your other comment you imply that you are in fact showing your reader respect for their intelligence by posting a work that is full of flaws and mistakes. That they are able to see that you use a word incorrectly or fail to use basic writing structural rules means that they are smart and can figure out what you really meant. After all, writing well is insulting them by making them feel inferior based on your logic, correct? So when someone writes a work that is subpar to any acceptable writing standard generally held they are actually superior to someone who makes that effort to do things correctly? That is, in my opinion, total bunk. Perhaps even something someone who cannot string a paragraph together in a cohesive fashion would say in order to soothe their wounded pride that someone else gets more readers, attention, and feedback than they do. No writer is perfect, everyone can use improvement in some aspect. Failing to accept that no one is without flaws and working to reduce those by making yourself better as a writer is not something someone should ever be hated for. Sitting back and saying, why should I make any effort to become more than I am when someone else out there will always be more popular however, is truly shameful. The feedback system here on GA is meant for a reason. To encourage and help writers to IMPROVE. Just last week a reader wrote a thoughtful, personal review for a story I had written and posted months ago. They pointed out a line that they felt didn't fit and what they would use instead. I read their comment, considered it, and changed the line to something between what my original and the suggestion was. That's the true intent of the system and anyone who can't see that value should not post here without saying, 'don't give me feedback, I won't listen to it.' Everyone else should try to take advantage whenever possible.

For me it varies depending on the author and how I think they will take criticism. How do they respond to other reviews or comments made about their work? If you are pretty sure they'll handle the comments and you have a few things that are general thoughts I'd tactfully put that in a review or forum comment. Questions to the plot and the direction it's going I almost always do as comments in their discussion forum because that is where the author and other readers can interact and really be open about the stories. If your critiques are small items or really major things such as their structure and basic writing skills or you really aren't sure how they will take it. I would go with a pm, it's more private. A lot of the time I will offer comments and links to improve someone's writing if they are newer authors on the site via a pm rather than open up the issue in public. The only exception to that is if someone posts in the sneak peek area. I figure they are asking for my honest opinion on all aspects in that forum or they wouldn't be posting asking for them. The biggest thing is not to flame anyone. As you said, you thought the story was good but could be better with some changes. Make sure you point out what you think really works and what you think doesn't and why it doesn't work. Give examples of changes you would make perhaps, or back-up your thoughts with writing facts or rules that pertain to the sections. Never just tear a chapter or story apart without keeping mind that a story is often a writer's baby and it all comes down to author's choice. They'll listen or not, but you're more likely to have an honest back and forth and positive experience if you keep these basic kindness in mind.

I see you posted this whole story at once. I'm not a fan of fanfiction but you do a very good job of making the characters and setting translate into your own story without overdoing the changes or making it too close to any of the original plots. Draco seems like the perfect bad boy to turn good; he always seems to retain just enough of that arrogance to be fun to tease. George will certainly have his hands full. The whole lift the sheet shock for 'Uncle Severus' was absolutely priceless!!

Thanks for your comments everyone. I do agree with not neg repping stories and chapters though I will usually comment about things I think could be improved or I would do differently. There is a time and place for the criticism though and I'm usually careful about who I offer it to, it is true that not everyone is honest when they say they want real feedback. Oh, Phana, the star ratings are easy to use. If you scroll over them with the mouse or the touch pad on your computer they will light up. You can pick 1-5 stars by lighting them up and then clicking on them. Dark, I'll ask Myr if it is at all possible to make those ratings be linked to individual reviews or not, I think they were in e-fiction. It may not be possible but if it is I think that would be a valuable insight into the real opinion is of someone who uses that rating system.

Try a google search with the story title and/or author name or if you remember a line from the story.

You are so simply eloquent! I'm glad you are enjoying the story and let me know that as well. It's only a few days to wait, you can make it. ;)Thanks for the review!

To me the use of rep points are secondary to the use of the star rating system and the reviews in GA Stories. I don't think I rep more than once or twice a week, with the exception being NEW authors. Those folks who are just starting out here on GA and are still in the mod queue; those who need the initial encouragement I think rep points give. They gain more visibility and feedback as they move out of the queue's if they continue to post stories and interact with the other readers and writers on-site. The rep/mod queue system allows us a set way to make sure those newer members are being monitored so we can check their stories for plagiarism or rule breaking and to provide that initial feedback. I don't see the huge numbers some people have being as much impact as those first 100. Basically, with someone who has levels really high I just don't 'see' it for the most part because it has become irrelevant. I rarely even notice mine but the system has a purpose. This topic wasn't started with the intent of bashing or questioning the purpose of the rep system however. I wanted to know HOW people use it and the other feedback options in relation to GA Stories specifically. Do you plus rep or neg rep stories/chapters? Do you even notice the star rating system? Do you leave feedback for authors via review or forum comments? Do you only review/comment for readers who review for you if you write? Can you think of any other ways to encourage readers to give feedback?

I've been trying to get back into reading and reviewing regularly on GA, though most of my time on-site is taken up with more 'work' like matters. I try to plus rep chapters I really enjoy, do the star rating based on the quality and leave a review no matter what. If I think a story needs work I try to tactfully point that out. If I have things I like specifically I try to mention what that is and why to give the writer specific feedback more than just, 'I like it'. I NEVER neg rep a story. I never go to an author I find distasteful and use my 'powers' of like/not like to reduce their stories rating or rep. What is the point of that? It's their hard work they are sharing, if I don't think it's up to snuff then I give feedback to try and help the writer improve. I would hope that anyone who felt that way about my stories would do the same so I try to act accordingly. I post here to get feedback to improve my writing and share what I know and have been taught to others to help them as well. The system is set up to really provide that network to give and receive help. Do you use it? How so? Is there anything you'd like to see happen on site for writer's support that would make the system better? Any programs, topics shared, feedback set-ups... How can we help each make the writing side of GA just that much better???

I do like this chapter. We find out quite a bit about the story finally! Woohoo Mark is somewhat stupid isn't he? I guess desperate people will do desperate things but still, he's in way over his head. Poor Zach is being dragged in as well. I found the conversation a little bit distracting though, it was hard to keep straight who was who at some points. You had a lot of names thrown in there and not a lot of physical cues for me to keep the two bad guy's apart. It took me quite a bit to remember who was who. My major quibble is the beginning when Mark is grabbed by an anonymous bad guy you say he doesn't see his face but he's not the one who grabbed Rory earlier. That confused me, because wouldn't he need to see him to see if he was the guy or not? Btw, that is a good bit of stress, I like Rory, what little we've seen of him, the poor kid's just been steamrolled.

I'm sorry you've faced this, the pain would be horrible to deal with, I'm sure. I've talked to a few others who have read this who have been in the situation and it's been an overwhelming majority that decided personal happiness and balance weighed higher in their overall choice. Thank you so much for the comment on the phrasing as well. Re-reading that it did read a bit awkward and I have revised the sentence, though not quite to what you suggested. The intent I saw with the line and what you saw were a bit different. I love hearing what people think of a story. Thank you for sharing your own personal experience.

People don't like to be forced to conceive of notions outside of their narrow little views. It's a prevalent problem in today's society but one I think we are slowly bringing light to. Look at me, who would have thought a bi woman with a husband and kids would write m/m slash and not be ridiculed for it? I didn't, because I don't fit the mold I thought that kind of writer was. It took me forever to join here but once I did I was amazed. There are lots of 'me' types on this site. Once I started writing one of the major things I have tried to do in my stories is to make sure that I don't follow the mold and I let my characters be strong and who they are no matter what, guyish or girlish tendencies don't matter. Is the issue apparent? In my mind, oh yes. Doing what you and your group is doing, however, helps shed a bit of the misconceptions and stereotypes. Push the boundaries of the 'norms' perceptions, make them see things as they are, not just as they label them. One of these days it's not going to matter who you want to tumble and the gender of our preferred partner won't define our personality as well as our sexuality. Each step now will only make that day more inevitable.

Yeah, my readers are pretty quiet lately. I'm taking it as few reviews coming in is better than bad reviews! I do think the emotions of this chapter made it hard to write. I kept having to step away and come back which really slowed me down. Thanks for helping me pull it into a coherent chapter, couldn't do it without you!

Cavel's head lifted off the pillow as he blearily tried to locate the ringing sound that woke him up. Snarling a bit in irritation he reached over Bashta to his pants on the floor. He blinked a few times, trying to bring the words on the screen into focus. Saulle He flipped the phone with a grimace, "Hello?" "I'm sorry to bother you and your mate," Saulle said apologetically. Cavel rubbed at his eyes with his free hand, glancing out the open doors to the sky that was just beginning to f

LOL. I wouldn't know since I don't date or text most of the time. I do see all those teen sitcoms where the girls go gaga over the boys texting them though so it sounds promising. Now you just have to convince everyone else to stay home on the day he wants to go running so you can have him all to yourself.

Happy Birthday hun!

It varies for me. I will sometimes follow chapter stories but I will admit, it does drive me a bit batty. I have a hard time with it because I read so very much that even I have a hard time keeping the stories in the right storyline. They seem to like to blend on me which isn't good. I will admit to posting serial stories on here for the most part though. I don't mind when people tell me they are waiting for it to be finished, because I can understand. P.S. This is how my beta reading came into being. I kept harassing all of my writers for more material to read. After that... it just snowballed into, well tell me what you think and then to gradually giving more and more information. For the most part I get either sneak peeks at chapter stories being written or the whole shebang at once before they chapter post it here. I love teasing Nephy's readers especially!!!

More questions, few answers. You definitely know how to string a reader along. I definitely think this chapter flowed better than the first, the speech and character interactions were more realistic. Chapter 3 should be interesting depending on which pov you shift to and what part of the story you choose to reveal.

Good start. You definitely know how to create a dramatic feeling in the story right off at the start. Though, Zach swallowing that story whole seems a bit improbable. You've written him to be very gullible. It shall be interesting to see what is really going on.

I can NOT believe I missed this blog!! Congrats on a healthy baby. Just know, you're not alone on the gender thing. Having that tech say my 2nd was a boy was a shock (I'd always seen 2 girls for some reason, not one of each) and Josh was upset a bit too. He was a bit nostalgic for the little girl he always thought we were having too. He even pointed out a little white dress and said, awww we'll never have something cute like that in our house again. So I think all parents feel that way to some extent. My sister was shocked, sad, and upset when she had a boy after 3 ultrasounds said a girl. Things happen, but you learn who they are and love them just the same as you thought you did that ideal baby in your head once you have that baby in your arms. I am glad that you got resolved what you needed to, sorry it's costing you more though. Sounds like you are entertaining the idea of a second down the line. I hope you get the chance if you want it. Also, don't pity an adult woman who makes bad choice after bad choice. There comes a time w hen she'll have to pay for the poor decisions she has made and it sounds like it will be after she has little baby *you won't tell us * girl. JK, I totally understand. You reap what you sow, as they say.

I knew I didn't have to be nosy and it would all come out sooner or later. I'm happy you guys are happy. Life is too short to be anything else. You're right, communication is absolutely necessary. Trust is right up there too. I think you'll find that you and Mr. Hummingbird will be quite happy if you really want it. to both of you.

Your dinner made me hungry. I am sitting here in my brief hour of alone time today, appreciating and cherishing it, and feeling one with you. Then I realize that your girls are grown and gone and yet they came back. Does that mean mine are going to come back? Okay, so my oldest is 7, I guess I have a long time til I have to worry about that but in the meantime, I shall do as you do and cherish it while I can. I am glad that the stress levels will be going down for you. Oh, and that you're home again! Yay!!!!

Thanks for abiding by the rules. Glad things are going better in your life now. If I wasn't so swamped with beta reading/editing already I'd offer to help out but my writers are keeping me busy. Good luck on finding a team that will work well for you and getting your story posted!!