Ron

Not overly sweet for sure . . . a little sad and pathetic maybe (the characters, that is) . . . That's not to say that I'm not enjoying the story, I am. Keep 'em coming, Valkyrie.

Exciting! Exciting chapter. It sucks your right in and keeps the attention--no stopping until you've read the last line.

You're a fine—fine story teller. I like your dialogue phrasing and I'm not annoyed when it isn't technically a dialogue tag. It worked, and got the point across well enough. You make good use of emotion and have a flair for the dramatic. And tenderness—let's not forget tenderness. It is something you do very well. Your characters are given life with your words and they do indeed live for us, your readers. Thank you — and well done!

The meld of science—the psychic ability is treated as science strongly in this chapter—and emotional interaction has always been an appeal of this story. This chapter with its emphasis on the telepathy swings back to the emotional needs of the cast with ease. Well done.

Good boiler pot chapter.

There are some loose ends, some things are only touched upon that should be expanded, and these would have made for a fuller picture, but the story stands well enough as is. I understand the "stay out of my bedroom" edict quite well. Some of us need our own space if we are to function properly, and that space can be a refuge for solitude and thinking, or just to get away from the kids. My experience shows this strongly to be a male thing (your mileage may vary). For my father, it was his tools: hammers, saws, wrenches, power tools, etc. We were not allowed to get into his tools or the space they occupied--not even for a lousy screwdriver. One uncle wouldn't let anyone in his basement--his refuge, and other's had their own spaces. My mother and my aunts--to the best of my recollection--never had these spaces, nor seemed to have any boundaries at all. I didn't understand the reason for it as a child, but I do now. Tommy comes across rather strict with the trust issue, but don't we all have things we are less than willing to budge about. This one seems important and Alex is very much aware of it, he knows what he has done. That he broke the trust in the manner that he did speaks of his youth; that he understands what that breaking truly means speaks toward the man he is becoming. I thought this facet came across well.

You made me smile. You surprised me: "Ha, he's not. Oh, he did it!" (bet you can guess what that was in reference to) You made my eyes get moist with joy. You made me feel good. BRAVO!

Such a good chapter, so dynamic, going from tenderness to confusion, shame, anger, and violence. Deftly done.

I enjoyed this. I think that it is okay to reiterate in English what was said in a foreign language (in this case, being German) within the story text. It is not obtrusive if made part and parcel and is consistent without being overdone. Well written, ColumbusGuy.

Loved it. I sort-of, kind-of, guffawed myself.

"Living in Surreality" by shadowgod is a good recommendation for a start. The story is complete at 28 chapters. I'll send you a PM with some other suggestions later if you like.

This is a fine story by RCMills. It is well worth reading and I gave it honest praise in my review of this well written story. Do yourself a favor and add Premium Access to your membership if you can. You won't be disappointed.

9 authors to 4 doesn't make for good odds, Sasha. But one good outcome is that the readers win-- A fair ending in my book.

Dave, you really are writing one of the most sophisticated stories I have ever had the pleasure to read on GA. Don't be surprised when awards season rolls around next year on GA! Never say never, Dave, as to communicating across light-years. Remember the space between the transports--Able might figure out a way to use them to communicate . . . If not in this book--perhaps in Book II.

Hello Bergster. It's always nice to meet a new member.

There's a thread in the Writer's Corner forum entitled 'Getting stuck - or bored with typing.' Folks offer suggestions to prevent/deal with just this kind of a thing. Who knows, something in there might sing out to you.

That was quite a delightful short story, Sasha.

Dang, you turned Roy into a Saint, Cole. Made my last comment make me seem like a pisser. Lordy! I suppose that means I have to read the whole damn story now.

Roy! Oh no, not Roy, Cole. He was whiny. He had no self-esteem. What are going to do to poor Chad, Cole? Hasn't he suffered enough? Unless . . . Roy has grown a pair since we last heard about him. Please say you've given him a backbone. Please?

As I've said previously, I think you have fine story telling instincts and you know how to unravel a tale to the enjoyment of many readers. You've done well with this story. I leave you with this thought--instead of relying on the comments of your readers in order to polish your story for a rewrite--why not attempt to enlist a few members in acting as betas for new writing and/or editing. This can be done either through the forums Editors Corner - Writing Support Request or perhaps eliciting the services of some of your enthusiastic readers. Either way, you would likely avoid the greater need for a rewrite.

Hello Mollyhousemouse and welcome to membership.

Hello Zook. Welcome to GA!

#349 is a good one. What to do, what to do--and how to do it?!!

Hello Paexie. Lots of people lurk before they join, but GA's kind of irresistible. Welcome!

Hello Jacobnc, and welcome to GA. Glad to have you with us.