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Ron

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Everything posted by Ron

  1. I've just finished reading Social Skills by Sara Alva from last weeks Premium Tuesday feature, and for the second time. It took me a few chapters to remember that I had already read the story. It's a good, decent read; better than some. Sure, you can't read these stories any other way on site except to purchase Premium Access . . . but perhaps it's best to look at that available writing as icing, on what is arguably, already a very nice cake . . . and Premium Access helps provide the support, or if you must . . . that nice cake stand to hold it all up. The Experiment by Cia is a darn good read full of love, compassion, drama, and military excess; not necessarily in that order. If Premium Access fits into your budget, you'll find yourself with a nice finger-swipe of frosting with this one.
  2. Ron

    Chapter 12

    It remains interesting!
  3. You've captured the passage of time and the depth of the loss well--even that of the mother hanging on to her grief. Great use of props: The hospital environment, the medical equipment, the crutches. All used to good effect to create atmosphere and add to the purpose of the visit. My Saturday may be a sadder, and a more contemplative one, but that means you've written well, Mann.
  4. Ron

    Prompt 353

    Unless Evan was a total flight risk throughout the ten years of the relationship, I imagine he must not have been happy with it to have trotted off like that. Jody clearly saw himself, and the relationship, as being abandoned--perhaps even saw himself as a victim. I think, you have captured Jody's self indulgent, self destructive behavior well. Providing him with a good friend, and a chance to escape feeling sorry for himself, was a relief for me.
  5. 1. Just how big was that glass of beer? 2. I would have chosen to leave if a barkeep gave me that ultimatum. 3. Screw--not literally--the guy who answered 'Yes' after tossing the beer. Whatever the question was. 4. It still ended up being entertaining.
  6. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    One of the greatest transitions from cold to heat and humidity that I've ever experienced, was when traveling from Ohio in February, to Miami and Florida during a heat spell. When the sliding glass doors from the airport slid open, I felt like I walked into a wall of moisture. It was stunning. I don't wish a lack of a/c on anyone living down south. Thanks for reading, and the compliment, Percy.
  7. It was just posted today and already four of you have written stories!!! Ugh, I'm definitely having delusions of inferiority. I look forward to reading them all.
  8. Ron

    Doing the Tanka

    I dislike that time of year, I think it teases too much, and your poems--a tease for more. Which means you now have to get busy. Nice work.
  9. Ron

    Tanka

    "Oh no!" Indeed, that cracked me up. Thank you . . . that was fun. Love it!
  10. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    Thanks for the compliment, Nostic.
  11. Firstly, I enjoyed the poem. Secondly, and maybe I'm just not recognizing it, where is the 'I' of the person I'm supposed to be connecting with? Maybe I'm being too technical about it. Dang it, poetry is not easy when there are rules. And, Irri is right, there is grace to the poem, Aditus.
  12. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    We've been in the 80's and up recently and Godawful humidity--I thought it an appropriate subject to work with. Glad to see the comment, Aditus. Thank you.
  13. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    Do, do, do, do-do, do-do, do the Tanka! Extra points if you recognize the tune, Jaro.Thank you for reviewing my little ditty.
  14. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    The poem is about summer and air-conditioning. The middle (3rd) line is about missing a real breeze as opposed to the manufactured one of the first two lines and followed by two lines of wondering if fresh air is important enough for the cost of the second line. Blame my aversion to heat with humidity for this. Thank you for the compliment, Irri.
  15. Ron

    Tanka No. 1

    I think I captured the technical if not the purity of the thing. I am glad you enjoyed it, Valkyrie.
  16. Cool air against skin Beats sweat and miserable, And yet I miss air Could this be so substantial, Be worth the price of the heat.
  17. Ron

    Chapter 4

    Not overly sweet for sure . . . a little sad and pathetic maybe (the characters, that is) . . . That's not to say that I'm not enjoying the story, I am. Keep 'em coming, Valkyrie.
  18. Ron

    Chapter 32

    Exciting! Exciting chapter. It sucks your right in and keeps the attention--no stopping until you've read the last line.
  19. Ron

    Chapter 28

    You're a fine—fine story teller. I like your dialogue phrasing and I'm not annoyed when it isn't technically a dialogue tag. It worked, and got the point across well enough. You make good use of emotion and have a flair for the dramatic. And tenderness—let's not forget tenderness. It is something you do very well. Your characters are given life with your words and they do indeed live for us, your readers. Thank you — and well done!
  20. The meld of science—the psychic ability is treated as science strongly in this chapter—and emotional interaction has always been an appeal of this story. This chapter with its emphasis on the telepathy swings back to the emotional needs of the cast with ease. Well done.
  21. Ron

    Chapter 6

    Good boiler pot chapter.
  22. There are some loose ends, some things are only touched upon that should be expanded, and these would have made for a fuller picture, but the story stands well enough as is. I understand the "stay out of my bedroom" edict quite well. Some of us need our own space if we are to function properly, and that space can be a refuge for solitude and thinking, or just to get away from the kids. My experience shows this strongly to be a male thing (your mileage may vary). For my father, it was his tools: hammers, saws, wrenches, power tools, etc. We were not allowed to get into his tools or the space they occupied--not even for a lousy screwdriver. One uncle wouldn't let anyone in his basement--his refuge, and other's had their own spaces. My mother and my aunts--to the best of my recollection--never had these spaces, nor seemed to have any boundaries at all. I didn't understand the reason for it as a child, but I do now. Tommy comes across rather strict with the trust issue, but don't we all have things we are less than willing to budge about. This one seems important and Alex is very much aware of it, he knows what he has done. That he broke the trust in the manner that he did speaks of his youth; that he understands what that breaking truly means speaks toward the man he is becoming. I thought this facet came across well.
  23. Ron

    Chapter 28

    You made me smile. You surprised me: "Ha, he's not. Oh, he did it!" (bet you can guess what that was in reference to) You made my eyes get moist with joy. You made me feel good. BRAVO!
  24. Ron

    Chapter 5

    Such a good chapter, so dynamic, going from tenderness to confusion, shame, anger, and violence. Deftly done.
  25. I enjoyed this. I think that it is okay to reiterate in English what was said in a foreign language (in this case, being German) within the story text. It is not obtrusive if made part and parcel and is consistent without being overdone. Well written, ColumbusGuy.
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