Be Rad - 9. Chapter 9

July 4, 1980

We drove through the gates and up to the big, Craftsman/Frank Lloyd Wright inspired house that sprawled across the hillside. The house was really beautiful; a perfect specimen of that type of architecture. My ‘grandparents’ were kind of the same way. Jack Crampton, now an old man, still had that ramrod straight back and that forcefulness that had been assets as he molded a family construction business into an empire. Marie, his wife, was the epitome of class and refinement. She was born in France like my mother, and in fact they were a lot alike. Yet there was something about Marie that gave her the slight edge...maybe it was the age, or the life that had never known financial stress like my mother had, who knows. I personally thought it made my mother more real.

My relationship with them was strange, but probably only strange to me. To them, I was legally a cousin, since my father was their nephew. But it gets more complicated since I'm a bastard, so that means I'm not really their cousin at all. None of that seemed to matter to them. Since JP and Isidore had embraced me, had adopted me as their son, Jack and Marie assumed the role of grandparents, and didn’t treat me any differently than my siblings. What made that even stranger, though, was that I considered Tonto to be my ‘real’ grandmother, and she was Jack's sister. To really understand it, you’d need a genealogical chart with some complex footnotes, I thought with a smile. We called Marie “Grandmaman” in the French fashion, and we called Jack “Grand,” since he was so imposing and dignified it seemed to fit so perfectly.

“This is a nice house,” said Robbie. “I've been up here a few times for Christmas.”

I wracked my brain, going back to the times when we'd come here as children. “I remember you now. You were always a dorky little kid that hung out all alone in the corner.”

“I remember you too,” he said playfully, “and you were way more dorky than I was. I was just uncomfortable here. Everyone else seemed like they knew each other so well, I kind of felt left out.”

I was overcome by a wave of guilt. One of the things all of my relatives had imprinted in me was the need to be a good host, and that meant being polite to your guests and making them feel comfortable, welcome. We had failed miserably with Robbie. “I'm sorry about that. I promise you'll enjoy yourself much more this time.”

“Hey, that was a long time ago. No big deal,” he said in a laid back way to tell me that it wasn’t an issue. He pulled up to the house and parked the Eldorado in front of the garage where I pointed. Jake, Ace, and Billy were hanging out waiting for us.

“I thought your car only had two seats,” said Jake, clearly furious.

“I'm really bad at math,” Robbie told him with a smile, and then started using his own considerable charm to cajole Jake out of his bitchy mood. It worked perfectly.

“I'm gonna go get my dad,” Ace said enthusiastically, and ran inside to find JP. The rest of us stared at the car, except Jake, who was clearly ogling Robbie. What the fuck was his problem? I felt myself starting to like him less and less. This bullshit, this act, was going to destroy the ‘us’ that I had been so excited about just two days ago.

JP came walking out with a smile on his face to see this cool classic car. Billy and Robbie were standing side by side in front of the Cadillac. When JP saw them, and saw the car, he froze. I had never seen anything like it. He was always calm, cool, and collected, always, yet here he was, in front of me, freaking out.

There is a part of me, a problem solving mode, that kicks in quickly in a crisis. I moved up and gave him a big hug. “Hey Dad, I missed you. Did you go to the festival?” I felt him quiver a bit in my arms, then I felt him stiffen, felt him assert his resolve. He pulled away and looked at me with a knowing smile.

“I did, not for long, but for a bit. It's good to see you too. Now who do we have here?”

“This is Robbie Hayes,” I said. “This is my father, JP Crampton.” I introduced them as normally as I could.

“I remember you, Robbie. It's been a long time since I've seen you. You've grown into a handsome young man!”

“Yeah, he looks an awful lot like me,” Billy said, the irritation obvious in his voice.

“Lucky for you,” JP said, trying to play it off. Billy looked sad and rejected, and I felt sorry for him. I'd just recently made a pledge to be a better friend to him. It was time to start right now.

“Yeah, but the resemblance is too close to be coincidental,” I said, looking at my dad firmly. “I think that Billy deserves to know why.” We eyed each other, a mental, subliminal power struggle. I won.

“Yes, he does. Ace, please go get your mother.” Ace ran off dutifully while JP looked at the car. “It looks perfect, as perfect as the day I bought it.”

“The day you bought it?” Robbie asked.

“Yes, the day I bought it. This was my car for about 6 months, then I gave it to your Uncle Jeff. When he died...” JP's voice trailed off briefly as he mentioned that, and I could see the tears in his eyes, “he asked me to leave it to your father. And now he has given it to you?”

“Yeah,” Robbie nodded solemnly, the car having a whole new significance now. “No wonder my father treasured it so much.”

“It says a lot about how he feels about you that he gave it to you. Does he ever tell you that he loves you?”

“No, he never says it, but I know...”

JP cut Robbie off and pointed to the car. “He told you that he loves you very much, more than you can probably imagine.” I saw Robbie's eyes start to tear up. This was getting way too emotional. Time for some comic relief. Where was Stefan when you needed him?

And as if on cue, he came sashaying out of the house in a particularly garish outfit, at least for Claremont. “Now this car looks familiar, as do you,” he said, looking at Robbie. “I'm Stefan Schluter.”

“Robbie Hayes,” he said, shaking Stefan's hand while looking down shyly. It just made him seem even cuter.

“You must forgive me if I seem shocked when I look at you. You look like Billy, and both of you resemble your Uncle Jeff. It's a shame more men do not look like you. You have certainly grown up into a handsome young man.”

“Uh, thank you,” Robbie stammered.

“I might just have to take you home with me,” Stef said, turning his flame up and flirting shamelessly. Robbie blushed. “Aw, you're blushing,” Stefan said, and put his arm around Robbie's broad shoulders. “I did not mean to embarrass you. Forgive me?” I saw Stefan look up into Robbie's lavender eyes with a pleading expression.

“There's nothing to forgive,” Robbie said, but with a smile. Stefan was playing him, not to fuck him, but to disarm him, and it was working.

“Good. Now do you mind if I dig around in the back seat? I think I left a bag of weed in here years ago.” We all started laughing at that while JP just rolled his eyes.

We heard Isidore grousing long before she came into view. “Ace, I have a million things to do. I cannot just drop everything to come see a car...” JP gulped but Stefan grinned; he liked drama.

Isidore rounded the corner and caught sight of Billy and Robbie together. “Mon dieu,” she said, and fainted. JP and I were the first with the presence of mind to rush toward her. Ace wasn’t as quick but he was closer. He caught her and prevented her from falling. As we stood there trying to revive her, I saw Sam out of the corner of my eye, coming into the picture and taking in the whole scene. He looked at the car, and at Billy and Robbie, and then got an extraordinary expression on his face. I couldn't read it: anger, sadness, or even a bit of comedy? He caught my eye and turned around and headed back into the house.

We brought Isidore to and helped her back inside.

JP turned to us but focused on Billy. “There are a few things you and I need to talk about, and it would probably be better if we did it alone.”

“No,” Billy said simply. “These guys are going to want to know what the fuck is going on too. I'd rather just get it all out in the open.” He was pissed, really pissed. I moved up behind him and put my arm around his shoulder as a sign of support, and Ace did the same thing.

JP nodded, then led Billy, Ace, and me, along with Stefan, into his father's study and shut the door. I reluctantly left Robbie with Jake. I saw my father looking around for support, a rare thing for him, but Sam wasn't there like he normally would have been. Stefan moved up next to JP and stood a bit behind him, as if he was filling in for Sam. “Well, it seems you have a riddle to unravel for these boys,” he said.

“It is not funny Stefan,” JP said firmly. That tone of voice would have flattened anyone, but not Stef.

“On the contrary,” Stef replied. “Billy shows up in Claremont and runs into his doppelganger, who just happens to be driving a Cadillac that you bought in 1968. That's got to be the start of a good comedy.” We all laughed. We couldn't help it. All of us but JP that is, who was completely serious.

“Before Sam, Robbie's uncle, Jeff Hayes, was my partner,” JP said, telling us something that we already knew. “Billy, Jeff was your biological father, and Robbie is your biological cousin. That damn Hayes look, so handsome yet so unique, is apparently a dominant trait.” Wow. We didn’t know that. The three of us brothers looked at each other, dumbfounded.

“So Mom fucked around with your boyfriend? Doesn't that make me a bastard and her a whore?” Billy asked. He was clearly pissed and I expected him to really lay into JP, but then tears started rolling down JP's face. That never happened. We just stood there, stunned.

“Please do not call your mother a whore. She is an honorable woman, a wonderful person.” JP paused, trying to get himself under control. It was funny how as soon as JP said that, I found myself getting pissed off at Billy. My mother was awesome, and certainly not a whore. “It is complicated to go into, and uncomfortable for me to explain right now.”

“They had a threesome,” Stefan blurted. Now, here in the middle of this serious conversation, with raw emotions, Stefan throws that out there, and it works like a charm. Ace and I start giggling, JP scowls at Stef, and Billy does this weird thing that only he does; a kind of laugh and snort at the same time.

“Christ, Stefan, do you plan to give them a play by play?” JP asked, irritated.

“I was not there so I cannot do that. Besides, if I were, it would have been a foursome.” We laughed even harder, even Billy did.

JP moved up to Billy and put his hands on Billy's cheeks. “I have never considered you to be anything other than my son. Period. Not then, not now, not ever. You were conceived in love by the three of us.” He pulled Billy into a hug and Billy responded, holding him tight. They stood there for a long time, just holding each other and crying. Finally, JP backed away and looked at all three of us.

“None of you boys is my biological child, but I couldn't care less about that. Nothing has changed about the way I feel about you, and I hope you still love me like you did before you found out about this.” Another round of hugs and tears, while we all assured him that we loved him too. I was getting pretty sick of the emotion; the scene was getting maudlin.

“Well, I think we should go out and find your new cousin and save him from Jake,” Stefan said playfully. I didn't find that funny at all.

When we walked out into the front room we saw Robbie all alone, looking very uncomfortable. I was surprised that Jake wasn’t there. JP and Billy went up to talk to him. God knows how they'd explain all of this. Ace ran off to check on Mother, while Stef and I strolled outside to get some fresh air. There's a trail that wanders off into the woods on the property, a very peaceful and private trail. I liked to escape here when I was visiting, so I took Stef's hand and guided him down the path.

“That had to really freak Billy out,” I told Stef.

“He had to find out eventually. Your father wanted to tell him sooner but your mother was afraid it was too soon, and it would be too traumatic for him.”

“He's kind of a loner anyway. I'm worried that this will make him even worse.”

Stef stopped and looked me in the eyes. “That is where your duty as a brother comes in. You must be there for him, make sure he knows that you still love him as you always have.” I nodded, and we walked slowly on. “You are irritated with Jake,” Stef said.

“Yeah.”

“Because he is so openly gay, like me?” Stef asked. He seemed hurt, and I realized that shunning Jake was making him think I loved him less because of his own flaming ways.

“No. I love you, flame or not,” I said, teasing him. “You know that.” He nodded, seeming to agree. “It's just that if he acts like that at school, he'll end up outing himself, and maybe me as well. I have to make it through this next year in the closet Stef. I have to.” I was pleading now.

“I know. But here he has no worries here, he can be himself and explore. Why not let him?”

“He acts like such a slut. He flirts with everyone.” I said sullenly.

“So you are jealous, perhaps?” He smiled at me.

“I don't know. I like him, and I thought we had something special, but then he acts like he wants to fuck every guy he runs into, and he does it in front of me.”

“Acting and doing are not the same,” Stef said, still defending him. He was about to go on when we came around a little bend into a deeply wooded section and saw two people together, naked from the waist down, about 10 yards in front of us. It was Jake and Sam. Stef grabbed my hand tightly to keep me from reacting, while we just stood there, frozen, watching them.

Sam was big and muscular, and Jake was short and light, so Sam had literally picked him up off the ground, pushed his back into a tree, and was slamming into him, fucking him hard. Jake was moaning, obviously trying to control his volume, and I could see his hard cock flopping around and leaking with each of Sam's thrusts. They kept going and going; Sam had some stamina. I finally could take no more, and I quietly turned away and headed back up the trail, still holding Stef's hand, and dragging him behind me. I glanced down and my dick was hard as a rock from that vignette, which pissed me off even more.

When we were out of earshot, I looked at him and felt the tears start to form. That pissed me off more still, since I hated to cry, hated to be weak, and I'd already done enough of it today. I felt like I was Captain Kirk and this was a Star Trek episode: ‘Shields Scotty, I need shields!’ I screamed internally. Slowly I forced my mind to compartmentalize all of these recent things I'd seen, forced it to shut down the raw emotions associated with each one, until I was calm and composed. I looked at Stef, feeling like I'd just emerged from a pool, revitalized and refreshed.

He looked worried. “Your expression worries me. I have seen your father do that so many times. You have blocked out the world. You will let no one in, and you will not let your feelings out.”

I smiled at him. “I let you in. I always do.”

He did not smile back. “Trusting others, loving them, requires a huge risk. But it is worth it. When your shields are up like that, you cannot give love and you cannot receive love. That worries me.”

“Stef, I've been dealing with a lot of shit today. I find out that my brother is a bastard like me, that we have a new ‘cousin’ who is hot as hell and turns me on like no one I've ever met, and the guy that I thought was going to fill that role, that I thought was going to be my boyfriend, is off in the woods fucking the equivalent of my stepfather. Don’t you think that I should guard myself a little bit?”

“You are right. You have my permission to turn into an ice man for a while,” he said with a smile. It was so hard to be angry and unhappy around Stef.

“You make it seem so easy, like I am supposed to just walk it all off.” I knew I sounded bitter.

“I'm sorry Brad. I'm really sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” I asked belligerently.

“Sorry that Jake is indeed a slut, and sorry that Sam was with him. Right now you are mad at Jake. I was like him once, before I met Greg. I have been with so many men it is perhaps almost impossible to believe. But I found my man, and now I am happy.”

“I guess I'm not that man for him,” I said sadly.

“This is not about you. This is about Jake. You opened up a whole new world for him, and he cannot resist it. If you want to be with him, you will have to understand that he may not be faithful to you. Has he promised to do that?”

“No,” I said simply.

“I once had a very passionate romance with your father. Ah, you did not know that did you?” He giggled. “I screwed things up, it was my fault, and he ended up hating me. It killed me to lose him, but eventually he let me back in, let me be his friend, and now we are very close. In fact, sometimes he even lets me back in, literally.” He giggled at that, and I couldn't help but laugh at him. “Jake does not deserve your love, but he may deserve your friendship. Think about that.”

“What the fuck is Sam doing with the guy who was supposed to be my boyfriend?” Now I was really pissed. This is where Stef was taking me. He realized that Jake was the minor player in this deal. Sam was the big issue. “He's been a dick to my father for a while now. He treats him like shit. And now he does this.”

“I think you are more upset about what he has done to you than what he has done to JP. JP is a big boy and can take care of himself. Sam has betrayed your trust. You must decide how to handle that.”

“You are wrong. Dad is vulnerable. I can see it in him when others can't. He can handle anyone, everyone but Sam. And Sam knows it, and treats him like crap.”

I started walking back toward the house with Stef, leaving Jake and Sam to satisfy their carnal needs in the woods, and fighting the rage that threatened to consume me. We were almost back to the house when I turned to him. “I can't live in a house where every guy I bring home is subject to being fucked by Sam. I can't, and I won't. Is the offer to stay with you and Greg still open?”

He gulped and looked nervous. “Brad, my door is always open to you, always. No one can close it. But I hope you will try to work things through at home first.” He paused. “Not because I don't want you around, please don't think that. Greg and I love it when you are around. You brighten our home and our lives.”

I smiled at him. “That's a nice thing to say Stef, especially since I know you mean it.” We drifted apart when we reached the house, and I immediately missed his support and his wisdom. I spotted Claire over with Ace so I headed over to them.

“I take it you're up to speed?” I asked them.

“Quite an event,” said Claire calmly. Nothing seemed to surprise her. I bet if I took her out into the woods to see Sam fucking Jake she'd finally lose that veneer, I thought with a grin.

“You OK with things?”

“Do I have a choice? I mean, it's no big deal to me. I still love Billy the same, I just told him that. I'm just worried about him.”

I grabbed their arms, a bit too forcefully perhaps, but I wanted their attention. “This is where we come in. This is our job. We have to make sure he knows that nothing has changed, and that we love him just as much, if not more, than before. He told me on the plane that he's been lonely lately, and that he felt that we didn't want him around.” They both got ready to argue with that. “It doesn't matter what we think, it's what he thinks. So we have to include him more in our stuff, in our lives, which shouldn't be a problem because he's a great guy.” They nodded.

I spotted him off in the corner talking to Robbie and headed over there. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms and legs around him, riding him piggy back style.

“Get the fuck off of me,” he said playfully.

“I'm sick of this fucking party. Let's go somewhere,” I said to them.

Robbie got a twinkle in his eye and we headed toward his car. We left the house and drove higher up the hill to a place I'd never been. There was a road, but it was blocked, and there was a sign that said “Trespassers Keep Out.”

The three of us ignored the sign and walked down the path to an old, dilapidated farm house. Beyond the house was a beautiful field that opened up into a great view of downtown. I pulled out a joint and we sat in the field, just joking and smoking, getting to know Robbie.

“So what do you do for fun?” he asked Billy.

“Sports.” Billy said simply. “Mostly football.”

“Me too.”

“You don't look like a football player,” I said. He was in great shape, but he didn't have that massive, muscular build that you'd expect from football players.

“You calling me a pussy?” he teased.

“Hey, if the shoe fits....” I joked back.

“I'll kick your ass later when I'm not so stoned,” he said, cracking us up. “I'm a kicker.”

“That would explain it,” I said. “You really are a pussy.” He made that same noise that Billy made, that combination of a snort and a laugh that Dad called a snaugh. “You two even laugh alike.”

He ignored that. “So what about you? What do you do?” he asked.

“He beats off,” said Billy.

“Not since you started sucking my dick,” I teased back. “I surf, and I paint,” I told him, answering his question.

“I've never surfed before. Hell, I've never even been to an ocean.” His lavender eyes had a wistful expression, the expression of someone who didn't want to be stuck in this crappy town.

“Come visit.” I said.

“Yeah, come out and visit!” Billy chimed in.

“I can't afford to just drop everything and run off to California.”

“Sure you can. You have rich cousins,” I said with a smile.

“I'm not a mooch,” he said defensively.

“Give me a fucking break,” I said. “It would be worth the airfare to watch you fall on your ass trying to surf.” We chuckled at that, when I decided to augment the invitation. “Plus we could go to Malibu. Stef gets us into A-list parties there, if you're into celebrities.”

“Really?” he asked, his eyes wide open.

“Sure,” I said. I could tell he wanted to go with us, but he still had reservations. “Think about it.” He nodded.

The three of us stayed there, lying in the field, and watched the fireworks. Robbie was in the middle with me on his right side and Billy on his left. I was conscious of his presence, his warmth, and occasionally our hands would brush against each other. I couldn't tell if it was intentional or just an accident; all I knew was that I had to lie on my stomach to hide my erection. I was crushing pretty hard on my new cousin.

We headed back to the house and the party after the fireworks were over and got chewed out for disappearing. Apparently Jake had gone back to Tonto's with Stef and Greg, so I was at least rid of him.

It was about 2am when Robbie started yawning and stood up. “I gotta get home.”

I was genuinely sad to see him leave. “Already?” I asked.

“It's 2am. That's late for a hick town like Claremont.”

“Yeah, and a hick guy like you,” I joked. He snaughed. “Here, let me give you my address and phone number.” I headed to the desk in my grandfather's study and jotted down the numbers for our house, the beach house, and Stefan's, along with the address at Escorial.

“Thanks,” he said shyly.

“You going to give me yours, or you afraid I'll stalk you?” I teased.

“Oh, duh. Sure,” he said. He was really nervous. I felt like I was asking a chick for her phone number. He jotted his info down on a piece of paper, folded it in two, and handed it to me.

“It was great meeting you guys,” he said. He looked at us uncomfortably, then broke the tension by giving Billy a big hug. Billy was surprised at first, but hugged him back. Physical intimacy doesn't bother him. He turned to me, really nervous, so I helped him out by initiating a similar hug.

And then I was in heaven. Being in his arms, being close enough to smell him, smell his scent, was incredibly intimate. I felt his strong arms wrapped around me, and his skin touching mine where our scanty summer clothes had left parts exposed. It seemed to last forever, and I ended up pulling away nervously, worrying that I'd held on to him too long. He looked at me with that same sheepish look, as if he was worried about the same thing. Then he mumbled “goodbye” and left. I watched him walk out, watched his cute ass as he sauntered across the driveway to his car, and watched his taillights disappear down the drive. As soon as they disappeared, I went back inside and headed off to bed.

As an afterthought I opened the note with his info on it. In addition to his address and phone number were two little words: “Call me.” What the fuck did that mean? I spent the next few hours obsessing about the meaning before I finally drifted off to sleep.