The Journal of Chris Williams - 9. Journal 9

Journal entry 12:

Being a Friday, when I got home I picked up what I needed and reported to the jail. It was my usual routine after returning from class since I spent weekends in lockup. I don’t mind and knew it was part of coming here. A part of me still thinks I deserve to be in jail for what I’ve done. Seriously, if all this happened strictly in the human world, with their justice system I’d be locked away for years. Maybe even life. Giving up my freedom for attempting to take a life is a small price to me now. Besides there are never any distractions since I’m usually the only inmate. I can get a lot of studying done in my cell. My goal was to work on one of my term papers this weekend. If I put my books aside to clear my head, whoever is on duty will talk to me for a while. It breaks up the quiet. When I’m studying, they never say a word except to drop off my food. Who knew prison guards could be so nice? Anyways, I’m getting too off track with random thoughts. When I arrived to check in, the guard told me the alpha had left instructions for me to return to my apartment. I guess I wouldn’t be spending the weekend in my cell. So much for quiet study time. I was told I needed to pack some work clothes and boots for the weekend and be ready to leave by 6:00 a.m.

In the morning, my escorts picked me up early. I immediately felt bad because they usually have their weekends free from watching me. Kyle was a little too awake and chipper for such an ungodly hour on a Saturday. We drove out of town and before long left the pavement behind for dirt roads. He said we were near Clear Lake. Like I knew where the hell that was. I understood the part about being just south of Mount Hood since I could actually see it. For all I knew, that was where they were told to dump my body, not that I thought they’d ever do that to me. God, the forest here is beautiful. A few minutes later, we passed Clear Lake, and it was smooth as glass. The reflection of Mount Hood on the water’s surface was spectacular. I would love to go running out there. Maybe run right up the side of the mountain and play in the snow. The air smelled fresh and the scent of the pine trees was so different from where I grew up. It isn’t the home I always knew, but I love it here. Being away from town and especially Portland was calming to my wolf. I could hear him whining a little to get out and play in the forest. I’d have to keep him in check, or he’d cause me to shift.

We came all the way out here to repair a fire lookout tower. The guys told me it’s one of several in the area. Kyle explained the pack owns it and rents it out part of the year. I guess kind of like an AirBnB for people wanting to stay in a rustic one room building with an incredible view. During the summer, the Forest Service rents it for its originally intended purpose. They man it to keep watch for fires. I’d say it was about five stories tall and a single, big room with windows all around it. The thing was built on top of an open framework base.

The view of the forest from the top was spectacular. You could see for miles, but that was the reason it was built. The fire sighting and map table sat in the center of the room with the old style Osborne Fire Finder on the round platform—for figuring out distance and azimuth to a fire. There was a sink and a small gas stove on one wall with an equally small, propane refrigerator next to it. A couple gas lanterns scattered around finished off the rustic look. There was only one electric light I could see as most of the power available would be used for radios while the Forest Service operated it or for running the water pump. Kyle did point out the LED lights running along the stairs. The three remaining walls each had a platform that could be used as a bench or bed and even folded up to create a desk. Everyplace that could be used for storage without blocking windows was used. The final piece of the interior was a wood stove for heat in the winter. If you needed to go, it was down the stairs and over to the outhouse.

A few beams were in need of replacement in the cross bracing, more due to age than rot, and a few of the steps needed repairs. It looked like some of the decking around the top was showing signs of rot and would need to be fixed too. The entire tower was to be painted while we were there, plus we serviced the pump and electrical equipment. We got to work right away after dividing the jobs. The guys would be handling the repairs, while I grabbed a bucket of paint and started working my way around giving it a fresh coat.

We worked for several hours before taking our lunch break. They joked around with each other and did include me sometimes. I think Kyle was trying to get me to open up a little. We’ve been talking more since he introduced me to his brother. I know they have to be around me, so I try not to push anything. They seem cool, and I’d like to be friends with them, but I’m not sure I really know how to be a friend. I think I’m learning from being around them so much.

After lunch, we put in several more hours of work. I spent a lot of time hanging on to the skeletal frame rolling paint on. I worked my way around from one side to the next. I would finish one level and climb down to the one below me. When I’d run low on paint, one of the guys would hook a new bucket to my rope and pull it up to where I could get at it. It wasn’t hard work, just time consuming. It looked much better already. I got most of the structure painted on Saturday and knew I could finish it on Sunday. The last thing to paint would be the decking around the observation room. The stairs could wait until before we left. They’d have replaced the last rotted out board by then. No sense painting something early you have to walk on.

Sunday afternoon, the guys inspected the water tank for leaks and checked the water pump worked properly. They also made sure the propane tank didn’t need to be filled yet. The last equipment check for the weekend was testing the status of the batteries connected to solar panels and making sure the backup generator worked. While they did all that, I finished painting. Needless to say, there was a lot for us to do in just two days. The tower looked as good as new when we finished. Between the brown of the support structure and stairs and the green on the roof and upper level, it blended in well with the trees.

The best part of the weekend was Saturday night. By the time evening came around, we were all hungry. It takes a lot of energy putting in a hard day’s work. Both of their stomachs were growling as much as mine. They told me we were going to go hunt for our dinner to make things easier than cooking and having to clean up the kitchen area. I tried to protest and remind them I wasn’t allowed to shift. They assured me the alpha had approved it. It felt so good to shift and not be in a small space. My wolf wanted to run and enjoy the forest. It wasn’t easy, but I told him to behave and follow the others so we didn’t get into trouble. Or get them into trouble. My shift was just as painful as the other times since I got my ankle monitor. It hurts like hell, but I need to be careful not to damage it. I know I was whining and panting hard from the difficult shift. Kyle frowned as he watched my shift. He sat with me until my breathing returned to normal. It felt strangely soothing as he petted me while making sure I was okay. He checked my tracker to see it was still working right while Corey shifted. In all the time we’d spent together, Corey was still a mystery to me. He was always so quiet, except when he goes wolf I found.

After I’d recovered, and we were all in our wolf, we went for a run and it felt glorious. It was like going for my first one all over again. The wind in my face, the scents of the forest, and the sounds of life all around us. This is where I’m happiest and feel free of any problems. I stayed right at their side as we ran. Both my wolf and I felt like pups. I was happily running and jumping over logs and through branches. I think the guys knew how much I needed it, so they took their time to drag it out as much as we could.

Eventually, the run turned to a hunt. Our original purpose was to find dinner. We had been out for quite some time when we picked up the scent of our prey. There was a herd of deer nearby. The breeze was in our favor as we made our approach. One of the bucks didn’t look as strong as the others, and he was our pick. The strong would be left alone to protect the herd. Corey woofed out some instructions to Kyle and me as we separated our target from the rest. We boxed in the deer to prevent him making an escape while Corey went for the kill. He was clean and efficient at it, breaking the deer’s neck in one quick move, killing it instantly. This was so different from hunting with Michael. He always made the animal suffer before finally ending its life. Corey and Kyle threw their heads back and howled their triumph in the hunt. I couldn’t resist and soon joined them, relishing the glory of being a wolf.

They dug into our meal. A few times, Corey glanced over and woofed or growled at me to share in the kill, but I waited. Even though they kept encouraging me to eat, I sat back and waited while they had their fill. Only then did I get my portion. With our full bellies, we relaxed before running off to find some water to drink. We ran through the forest enjoying the freedom and beauty of nature before returning to the lookout station and our human form.

Getting our sleeping bags from the truck, we took them up to the top. We selected the bed we wanted and settled in for the night. Corey, who rarely spoke, crossed his arms as his eyes narrowed on me. “You didn’t need to wait until we finished before you ate.” I explained that as an outsider it wouldn’t have been right to eat ‘til they had. He scoffed at that. “Dude, we’re all friends here, and we ran and hunted as a pack tonight.” I nodded and stayed silent. I know I had a tear in my eye as I finally spoke. “After what I left, I don’t really know what a friend is. Being around you guys, I think I’m starting to learn for the first time.” I gazed out into the night sky from inside the dark tower. It capped off the evening perfectly. It was absolutely clear and there was just enough moonlight reflecting off the snow and glaciers covering the top of Mount Hood. It was the happiest I’d been since I arrived at Columbia River. Not just from the run and hunt, but from the guys calling me their friend.

I thanked them for bringing me out. They told me maybe they’d get to take me to one of the other towers soon.