The Journal of Chris Williams - 13. Journal 13

Journal entry 20:

I started spending the night at Michael’s house when we were young pups. I think we were in first grade at the time. It was always the same even from my earliest memories of it. When his parents were around or if they checked on us, he was the model son. Always polite, respectful, and friendly. When they were out of ear shot, he turned into an ass. Whatever game we played, he always reminded me his dad was the Alpha. If it was a video game and I started winning, he would turn it off rather than risk losing. If it was a board game, he’d either cheat or flip the board if I got ahead. If his parents saw the game on the floor, he would innocently blame me for getting upset that I was losing.

I complained to my mom a few times early on, but she encouraged our friendship. After all, he was always such a nice boy and a good influence on me. I had to put up with it because she liked I was friends with the alpha’s son. It boosted Mom and Dad’s standing in the pack. We were regularly invited to dinner and other social events with the pack leadership. I really don’t think the added status is why she encouraged it. She honestly thought he was the nice, sweet boy he projected publicly. The perfect little angel expected from parents like the Stockdale’s. I can’t fault Mom and Dad since they really didn’t know how bad it was. Maybe I can because she didn’t listen.

Michael occasionally spent the night at my house. It didn’t happen often because ours wasn’t as big or nice as his. Something he always reminded me of. If I didn’t let him win our games, he would grab his stuff and go home. He told his parents I’d gotten in trouble and couldn’t have a friend stay the night. I don’t know if Mrs. Stockdale ever checked with my mom, but he’d rather leave than lose. At my house he couldn’t throw a tantrum without risk of getting in trouble. I know Mom did call his mother once when she saw or caught something he did. Michael didn’t like Mom after that. He called her a bitch because he got punished.

I think that’s the main reason I stayed at his house. He was more in control of things there. It was his territory, and he could do as he pleased or knew more how not to get caught. Besides, it was easier for him to brag about all the stuff he had that I didn’t. His parents were watchful and did keep an eye on us. More so when we were younger. But he always knew when and how he could get away with something behind their backs. It didn’t take long for me to learn the rules. Michael has to win no matter what. It’s his way or no way. And finally, if he could lay the blame for something he did on me or anyone else, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

For as often as he was an ass towards me, I thought he was a good friend other times. I can only describe it now as fire and ice in the way he acted. At least he came across as what I thought a friend should be. I think it was just to keep me in line though, and I was too stupid to realize it. He told me more than once how lucky I was to be the best friend of the alpha’s son. The best friend of the future pack leader. He also reminded me often enough as the alpha’s son he could have anyone he wanted as his best friend and he chose me. I always took that as a not so veiled threat I could be easily replaced if I didn’t toe the line with him. He got so pissed at me the one time I mentioned he couldn’t have the beta’s son as his best friend. That was when Aiden’s dad was still beta. It was over two weeks before Michael spoke to me again. All because I pointed out something he couldn’t have.

After a couple years, Michael apparently felt I was sufficiently trained in how he wanted me to act. He switched from threats to manipulation. I’m pretty sure he always manipulated me, but there was no longer any mention of how lucky I was to be his best friend. Instead, he would goad me into doing things he wanted. Sometimes by simple suggestion, others by joking I wasn’t brave enough. Pressure from your closest friend and peer can be powerful, especially when he’s a world class manipulator. I fell for it every time though, until I reached the point I was automatically doing things to make him proud of my actions.

Another thing about spending the night with Michael was he talked in his sleep. He’d done it for as long as I can remember. I used to try and block it out in the earlier years of sleepovers. It was stupid stuff from school and things like that. More than anything, it was annoying since it was just loud enough to keep me awake. He would mumble but sometimes if I was awake, I could make out a few things. Aiden came up a lot over the years. It was often him grumbling about one of their fights. It was just bits and pieces I’d hear. As time went on, it changed from sleep talk about getting his ass beat or how much he hated Aiden, to something drastically different from what he said while awake. Especially in the last couple of years of our friendship. Yeah, I still spent the night at his house even in our senior year of high school. Looking back now, and I suspect even then, in some way or fashion Michael wanted Aiden for himself. For all the bluster about hating Aiden and seeing him as a threat, maybe Ethan was the real threat.

It’s all just suspicions from a whisper here and a moan there. For years I thought I was hearing things or at least tried to force myself to believe I was. If I heard it the way I thought and pieced them together correctly, Michael wanted to have Aiden at his side. Maybe to have a powerful wolf with him to make himself feel strong, possibly as his mate. I really don’t know for sure. It would make sense with the times Michael was getting gangbanged or just me having a go at him. I’m sure I heard him faintly moan that name. If I’m right, he wished it was Aiden using him. I think I tried to block it out, partially because I hated him and knew he would never go for it. I mean Aiden disliked Michael as much as Michael professed to hate him. For all I know, he could have moaned Aiden’s name just to make me last longer or go extra rough on him. It’s not easy keeping it going when you hear your enemy’s name moaned by the guy you’re pounding. I also used to wonder if by some extreme miracle they did get together, what would that mean for my future position in the pack. Would I get tossed aside and replaced as a possible future beta by Aiden becoming his mate?

Since I’ve been away from Michael’s influence, I’ve wondered more and more. Was all of this, the attacks on Ethan, the years of fighting Aiden, always being told to hate and stand against him, all because Michael really thought they should be together? It almost sounds like an elaborate mating dance now. Like he was trying to push Aiden to the point of forcefully claiming him. All those gangbangs leading up to an alpha class wolf taking him violently. I honestly believe it’s what he wanted. It couldn’t be a joining by love, but primal instincts of the beast. Knowing he ultimately controlled the uncontrollable.

Michael used to talk about this she-wolf or that one being hot and how she would give him lots of strong pups. But he never really talked about becoming mates with any of them or even finding his mate. Their only use to him was in providing children to carry on his family name and give an heir to the Stockdale legacy. Michael liked power and anything associated with it. Even I’ll admit that Aiden was powerful. None of the women in the pack came from powerful families. I was obsessed with power too, at least the power that would come from being the beta of a large, strong pack. I’d be the closest and most trusted advisor to my alpha. The illusion of power and my obsession with it was never my original thought though. It was one of those seeds planted by Michael and cultivated over the years until I believed it was my own idea.

I guess his fixation with Aiden explain a few things. Like what he did on the camping trip when he found a human spending time with the wolf he wanted for himself. Aiden showed interest in someone unknown to the pack. An outsider who was a threat to Michael’s plans. Even if he knew he and Aiden weren’t mates, he might have thought they could bond and imprint. But it didn’t make sense that happening the way they acted towards one another. Still, Michael was continually challenging him. Anything from a stare to a physical confrontation and lost every time. He always talked about using domination against others. And as long as no one but me knew, he liked sexually submitting to us. Maybe he challenged Aiden for the thrill of being dominated by him. All this could have been the long game to Michael, working towards his ultimate victory. I now realize nothing he did was rational so who knows. Trying to figure it out gives me a headache.

It’s a lot of supposition, but it gives me some possibilities for why things went the way they did. I’m kind of at the point where I’m grasping at straws to understand what I know will never be answered. Even without answers, just asking the questions makes me feel better. Now I’m going to be asking myself if the plan to rape and kill Ethan was Michael’s way of destabilizing an adversary or eliminating a rival blocking him from having Aiden.