The Hidden Ones: Resurrection - 11. A New Home

---Teddy---

As I sat there next to him I felt his hand reach out and hold mine. It felt good to act like a couple again, it felt right. I looked down at him as he stared at the T.V. and couldn’t help but be swarmed by a million thoughts. Am I doing the right thing? Is he going to lose his mind and hurt me all over again? What are my friends going to think? What is my family going to think? This is so much worse than it was the first time around!

“Did I do something?” He gulped noticing my stare.

“No sorry.” I quickly shook my head. “Just, thinking.”

Ryder turned off the T.V. and shifted his attention back to me. “About?”

“I don’t know, life I guess.” I let out, realizing I had been biting on my lip. “It’s nothing to worry about.” I blushed realizing how well Ryder knew me. All it took was one glance from him to notice I’m overthinking things. He can still read me so well. Am I sure that’s a good thing?

“Well go ahead then,” He began. “If it’s nothing to worry about then you should be able to share it without getting worried.”

“Ryder,” I shook my head but felt his hand grip mine tighter. “I just, where the hell are you going to live next week?”

“I can buy a house close to yours.” He shrugged, not fully grasping the problem. And did he really just say buy a house that casually? I mean I know he’s loaded, but geez, houses aren’t candy bars. You don’t just go buy one.

“I can’t leave you home alone all day.” I shook my head, trying to help him see my side. “And if I hire you a nurse you’re going to chase her out within a week.”

“No I wouldn,“ He began but hesitated. “Yeah.” He conceded in a nod.

“What about your house in the cemetery?” I asked, immediately drawing an intense stare from him. “I’m sure you have a bunch of grounds keepers anyway. Maybe having all those people around will make the nurse seem less, annoying.”

I saw the expression change on his face as my words hit him. “No.” he finally shook his head. “I’m never staying another night in that house. It’s abandoned for a reason.”

“Okay.” I quickly nodded, noticing what a sensitive subject it was. “Then our only options are to put you in an assisted living home,”

“No.” He immediately shot down. “I’d rather die.”

I nodded, figuring that would’ve been his answer. “A rehab.”

“Teddy, come on,” He let out, starting to grow frustrated more with the situation than me. “Every time I’ve gone to a rehab I’ve walked out worse than before. What about, what about Blake and Liz?”

I felt my eyes bulge slightly as I heard his suggestion. “What about them?”

“Maybe, maybe they’ll let me stay with them.” He shrugged.

“No, they won’t.” I quickly shot down. “Liz hat, Liz isn’t a big fan of you, and she’s due in a couple of weeks.”

“Due?” He repeated, trying to work over Liz hating him in his head.

“She’s pregnant.” I slowly nodded my head. “She’s having a baby girl.”

A small amount of joy began to fill Ryder’s face until he realized where we sat in this. Our friends are married and having children while we’re sitting in a hospital still trying to pick up the pieces. “Congratulate her for me.” He nodded in a somber voice. “Maybe I should just go to rehab, I-I’ll be taken care of, and you won’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m not sending you somewhere you don’t want to go.” I shook my head, not even considering the idea. “You could, you could move in with me.”

“And your parents?” He asked in a gulp.

“I, yeah.” I sighed. “Oliver would be all for it, and I think my mom might too. It’s just, my dad would implode at the thought.”

“He really hates me that much?” Ryder asked, his voice keeping the dismal tone.

“I, yeah.” I confirmed, not wanting to lie to him. “But he’s a good man. He’ll see where we’re coming from.”

I slowly began to rub Ryder’s hand, reminding him we’re in this together. “Did you ever think we’d wind up like this?” He suddenly asked, looking up and showing me the pain in his eyes. “I’m so sorry I let it get here, I,”

“I’m just glad we found our way back together.” I interrupted, refusing to let him fall back into self-pity. “It’s not perfect, but we never were.”

Suddenly I heard the door behind me open and quickly pulled my hand away from his. “Saw that!” Cait let out in a laugh. “Man I knew there was something cooking between you two.” She teased, slowly pulling a seat over. “Do you guys want me to call the fire department? Because sparks are flying in here!”

“Are you done?” I asked, turning towards her.

“Just about.” She shrugged, handing Ryder a pill and water before pulling the clipboard from his bed side. “Sorry, I forgot you’re in a bad mood today.”

“I’m not in a bad mood.” I shook my head. “I’ve been having a good day. I just,” I hesitated, unsure what to say.

“You just took care of what you needed to with Nate?” She asked, drawing a nod from me. “Good. One of the nurses downstairs totally thought you were going to fire him.”

“What happened?” Ryder interjected just as interested as Cait.

“None of your business just take your pill lover boy.” Cait dismissed, pushing his hands closer to his face.

“I really hope that’s not how you talk to patients.” I groaned, looking over at her.

“Just this one.” She shrugged. “But that’s because me and Sully always have great back and forths.”

“Sully?” I asked, looking back at him.

“I don’t fucking know man.” He groaned. “She won’t stop calling me it.”

“Sullivan, sully.” She explained with a smile. “Like in Monster’s Inc.”

“You’re so lucky he likes you.” I exhaled in a small laugh. “If that was anyone else he would never talk to you again.”

Ryder swallowed his pill before looking from me to her. “Hey Cait,” he began. “Would you like to be my nurse when I leave this place?”

“Ha!” She let out in a loud voice. “HA!” She repeated even louder “I love you Sully, but you can’t pay me enough to do that. It’s nothing personal either, it’s just, my work is here. But maybe you can convince Theodore to take us out to dinner sometime.”

“It’s still work hours.” I muttered, trying my hardest to keep the line between work and friend. “It’s Dr. Haner here.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She waved off, putting her focus more to the board than him.

“How’s his heart?” I asked, but before she could answer I stood up and took off my stethoscope.

“It’s fine.” She let out, knowing I was going to check it anyway. “It’s funny how concerned you are considering you just gave him McDonald’s a few days ago.”

I hid the blush on my face as I forced his shirt up and placed the small metal circle on his chest. I shook my head and pulled away, annoyed by what I was hearing. “That’s not what I would call fine.”

Suddenly I felt Cait grab the sleeve of my coat and start pulling me away. “You’re so dense sometimes.” She whispered as Ryder began to stare at us, desperately trying to hear what she was saying. “Don’t stress him out over his heart!”

“It’s slow.” I shrugged. “We need to do something about,”

“He’s heavily depressed.” She interrupted, having a lot more experience with suicidal patients. “You’re listening to the heart of a man who doesn’t want to be alive, how did you expect it to sound? He can hide it all he wants, but his heart can’t. Not with how broken he is.”

I nodded, fully understanding what she was saying. “Well I’m still not happy with his liver.” I muttered, looking back at him.

“None of us are.” She shook her head. “But short of a transplant there’s nothing we can do.” She sighed. “And he’s not in need of transplant!” She quickly let out, reading the look on my face. “Not yet anyway. So for right now the only thing we can do is minimize his pill intake, and get him clean.”

“Yeah.” I forced out with a nod before walking back over to him.

“What?” He asked as we both sat back down. “Am I okay?”

“You’re fine.” I exhaled with a nod. “I’m just being, being,”

“Paranoid.” Cait finished for me, dropping the chart back into its bin and taking the empty cups from Ryder. “He’s going to make your next week here hell for the rest of us.” She groaned, standing back up and pushing her chair towards the door. “I’ll see you later Sully.”

“I should get back to work too.” I nodded as the door shut behind her. “I’ll come visit when my shift ends.” He nodded, but once more I found myself slowly leaning over him. This time as we grew close I didn’t hesitate. Just like before as our lips met I felt my heart race in my chest as a combination of fear and excitement swarmed me.

A small smile cracked Ryder’s face as I pulled away and grabbed my chair. The smile seemed to spread to my face as I quickly made my way towards the exit.

I’m not sure what happened but ever since this morning he’s had me under some sort of spell. It’s like I’m seventeen again. It’s like all those feelings from back then are coming back to the surface, and I, I’m not even going to try and fight them.

*************************************************************************************

As my shift ended I found myself hanging out in Ryder’s room for an extra hour. I was trying my hardest not to be obvious about it, but what can I say? There are just some things you can’t hide. When it was finally time to leave I exhaustedly made my way back to my house with a plan to win over my mom before even considering talking to my dad. If we’re going to convince him we’re going to need all hands on deck. I know this isn’t exactly the healthiest way to help Ryder, but right now it’s the best choice we have.

As I walked into the garage I could already hear the bangs from Oliver’s drum kit. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the onslaught of noise I was about to face. The second I pulled open the door his young voice filled the air. I couldn't believe my ears as graphic lyrics of necrophilia came from his lips.

“WOH!” I shouted, slamming the door behind me.

“Don’t distract him.” My dad dismissed eager to see what his youngest son could do.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his words. I forgot they let him do stuff like this. They wonder why he’s so out of control, but for god’s sake listen to the words he just sang!

Yet as I reached the stairs I couldn’t help but turn and watch him for few seconds. His singing voice, well to put it nicely, it’s terrible! But his drumming skills are pretty incredible. Then again to play a kit as big as his I guess you need to be good. As the song changed in his headphones I saw another side to Oliver.

He shut his mouth, having had enough of singing and let his body tear into the song. He’s played the drums ever since I can remember, and I have no doubt that he’s picked up all the tricks and showmanship along the way. From the rhythmic head banging to the drum stick twirls he’s got it all. Yet as one of his sticks snapped and flew back at him his age finally began to show.

“Now I’ve friggen done it!” He shouted, throwing the rest of the stick into the ground followed by his headphones. “I’m never going to be the best!” He shouted throwing his other drum stick.

My dad quickly turned to me for support but I simply shrugged, too worn down to be any good help. “You created this monster, you deal with it.” I teased, quickly running up the stairs.

I know I’ll give him shit for it later, but is there really any difference between the passion he’s shown behind the drums, and the passion I had for lacrosse? That hunger to be the best you can be, and that anger that fills you when you hit a setback. It’s far too familiar, in fact I think it’s in all of us. I hid a small smile from my face as I walked into the kitchen where my mom had been preparing dinner.

I don’t agree with letting him sing such vulgar lyrics, but at the same time he’s already found a healthy goal in life, who am I to judge that? Besides to play drums and sing at the same time, that’s pretty damn impressive.

“You look like you’re in a good mood.” She let out, looking up from the cutting board.

“I am.” I shrugged, sitting down and looking at her. I felt my heart begin to race in my chest as I thought it all over. I can’t ask her right now, can I? But I have to; we only have a week to forgive this all out. If this doesn’t work out we need as much time as possible to come up with another option.

“Something the matter?” She asked, seeing me deep in thought.

“No, not really.” I dodged with a shake of my head. “Well maybe.” I began as she gave me a cautious look. “Me and Ryder are back together.”

“Oh.” She let out, looking back down at the board for a few seconds. “That, that’s great Teddy.”

I let out a deep sigh as I saw the concerned look on her face. “He’s a different person now. He wants to right his wrongs, I promise.”

“I trust your judgment.” She let out in a nod. “Besides you’re a thirty-one year old man. I’m not going to tell you who you can or cannot date.”

“Then why do you look so worried?” I let out, forcing eye contact with her.

“Because you just got back with your ex you’ve been hung up on for almost half your life.” She explained, not holding anything back. “I worry about you Teddy. I honestly do.”

“What’s that mean?” I asked, starting to take offense to her words.

“It meant I don’t want to see you get hurt, or end up alone.” She exhaled. “I, maybe it sounded mean, but I, what if he’s not who you think he is? What if you’re forcing something for memories sake?”

“Then I’ll finally get closure and know we’re not meant to be together,” I nodded my head. “and I can happily move on with my life.”

As she looked up again I could see she understood my point. “That’s not all you want to talk about, is it?”

“No.” I groaned, starting to grow more and more nervous. She didn’t even take the idea that we’re dating well! There’s no way in hell she lets him move in! “He gets out in a week.”

“Well that’s good news.” She interrupted, trying her hardest to show support in some way.

“I guess.” I shrugged. “But he can’t be left alone, so we don’t know what to do with him.”

“Just hire a nurse.” She suggested looking back down. “He has the money, and I’m sure you know the best ones.”

I shook my head and tried to get her to look back up at me. “It’s Ryder, you know how he can be around strangers.”

“He can’t afford to be choosey.” She let out, putting more focus on her cooking than her words. “It’s that, or what? A rehab?”

“He doesn’t want either of those.” I exhaled, slouching in my chair.

“Well for once I guess he won’t get what he wants.” She decided, not fully thinking over the situation.

“And then what?” I asked, forcing her to put more thought into it. “He’s depressed in a place he hates? Then what happens if I get stuck in the E.R. all night? He’s not afraid to try and kill himself again. Just because we’re dating again doesn’t mean he’s suddenly better.”

“Rehab won’t let him, they’ll monitor him all,”

“There are more suicides in rehabs than you think.” I shook my head, starting to stand up. “He’s not stupid, if he decides he wants to try again, he’ll try again. Just, forget it.” I groaned. “I’ll find him a nice place by myself.”

“What were you looking for Teddy?” She asked, finally looking into my eyes.

“I, I want him to stay here.” I bravely let out. “Dad will always be around to check on him. Oli will keep him company when I can’t. I’ll be able to come home to him every night.”

She let out a breath then quickly shook her head. “You can’t be serious.”

“What else am I supposed to do with him mom?” I asked, beginning to stare her down. “I, this is my only hope.”

“I’m not being the bad guy on this.” She decided, not knowing what to say. “You want him to stay here? Then he pays rent, and you’re the one who has to get your father’s approval.” We both froze as we heard footsteps quickly ascending the staircase. “Oliver, shower now.”

“But I,”

“Now.” She boomed, sending him running. “And what did I say about drumming without a shirt on? Disgusting.”

“It’s a drummer thing, you know that.” My dad shrugged. “Geez, who died?” He asked, walking over to us and feeling the growing tension between us.

“Ask your son.” Mom suggested, giving me no chance to back out of the situation.

“Well you know Ryder’s been in the hospital for like a week and a half now.” I nervously began.

My dad let out a disproving grunt as he heard those words. “Shouldn’t he be out of the E.R. and out of your life by now?”

“He transferred to the psych ward around five or six days ago.” I explained, not caring to get caught up in the details. “But that doesn’t matter because I’ve been visiting him anyway.”

“Why the hell would you do that to yourself?” He asked, wandering to the fridge without putting too much thought into it.

“Because I’ve missed him.” I answered, freezing my dad in his tracks. “And I wanted to get to know him again.”

My dad quickly turned back and rolled his eyes as he saw all the concern on my face. “How much did he hurt you?” He asked, misunderstanding the look on my face.

“Not at all.” I shook my head. “I-I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

“And you think that’s a good idea?” He asked, looking from me to my mom.

“This is between the two of you.” She quickly let out. “Because no matter what I say or do, one of you will walk away mad at me.”

“Mad about what?” He questioned, cautiously looking back at me.

“Me and Ryder are back together.” I explained as confusion flooded his face. “We’ve done a lot of talking over the past week, and I can’t keep holding onto anger. I need to give him another chance, for my own sake.”

My dad slowly walked over and let himself fall into a nearby chair, unsure of what to do or say. “Why do you always insist on doing things that hurt you Teddy? I just don’t understand. Do you hate yourself?”

“No.” I quickly shook my head. “This, it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself in years. I, for once I’m confronting my past instead of feeling bad or running from it.”

“And if he hurts you all over again?” Dad asked. “What happens then? Have you forgotten what happened the first time around?”

“No.” I repeated but as our eyes connected I felt anger starting to rattle within me. “I’m not a kid anymore. I know what’s best for me. I know the risks I’m taking dating him again. I know that this will at least give me closure, and you know what? Maybe you need to go visit him too.”

He rolled his eyes once more and looked towards my mom, but instead of saying anything she just pointed right back to me and looked down. “Alright Teddy, why should I visit him?”

“Because you loved him just as much as I did.” I bravely began fighting off my nerves. “You, you welcomed him into this house like he was your second son, and when you heard him bring up marriage, well you were just as excited as me.” I exhaled. “You took us breaking up just as bad as I did maybe even worse. So don’t sit there and judge me like you have no idea what I’m going through.”

“You, you couldn’t be any more wrong.” He stuttered, stupefied by my analysis. He can sit there and deny it all night but I know I’m right, I can see it in his eyes.

“Yeah? Then why’d you insist on keeping the name Oliver?” I asked, but got no response. “And Oli just conveniently loves Messiah?”

“You know that he found them all on his own,” My dad tried to interrupt.

“I know.” I nodded. “But who bought him all their albums? And their t-shirts? Who bought down my old bag of stuff in the attic and let him look through it to help him through their break up? You. Ryder hurt you and me, and part of you hates him for it.” I confidently explained realizing he was going through the same thing as me. “But part of you is still proud of what he’s accomplished, and you want to support it, but you won’t let yourself.”

“You’ve lost your mind Teddy.” He shook his head trying to dodge what I had just said. “You want to repeat mistakes you made when you were a kid, fine. Just keep me out of it.”

“I can’t.” I let out, feeling my heart race in my chest. “I, he gets discharged from the hospital next week, and I, he’s moving in with me.”

“Oh yeah?” My dad asked as our eyes finally connected.

“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “Because I’m not letting what happened back then run my life. I’m not letting anger from when I was seventeen blind me. My, my boyfriend needs help, and if my family won’t help me in that, then, then I’ll find something else.”

“Well I’ll help you pack your bags Teddy.” He decided, staring me down. “Because if you think I’m inviting that back into my home you’re fucking nuts! Not with an impressionable thirteen year old around!”

“Fine!” I shouted back at him. “But you’re the one who made this choice, not me.”

“No, no, no, you’re not going to put this on me like I,”

“Enough!” My mother shouted at the top of her lungs. “You two have been acting like children these past two weeks! What the hell is happening? You guys used to be so close?” We both grew quiet at her words, but this has been a long time coming. Me and my dad have been growing apart over the past few years and as much as it hurts me, well I haven’t exactly done anything to stop it.

“You want my decision on the matter?” She asked, staring us both down like we were children. “Ryder Sullivan means way too god damn much to this house. The youngest member acts like he’s a god while the rest of us treat him like he’s the boogeyman. Our obsession with him is unhealthy!”

I gulped as I realized she was starting to side with my father. “But you know what else? We created the monster, and I think that’s why we’re so scared of him. He was just a quiet shy kid when we met him.” She exhaled. “Then we introduced him to Martin and failed him when his grandmother died.”

“We didn’t fail him,” My dad began, but as soon as my mom looked at him he grew quiet.

“His cries echoed through this house for that entire week!” She let out staring at him. “We should’ve gotten him help, but we didn’t want to overstep.”

“It wasn’t our place.” He tried to insist, but once more her stare shut him down.

“It was. We were the only family he had left, and you know what? We still are.” She nodded her head. “He’s moving into this house next week. Something he should’ve done thirteen years ago.”

“Why?” He shook his head. “Why the hell are we putting Oliver at risk for,”

“Because if we don’t he’ll try and kill himself all over again, and I know the first time he did it you were obsessed with making sure he was okay.” She asked as he shrunk in his seat. “Teddy’s right. You still love that kid like he’s your own.”

“But again Oliver,”

“Oh shut up about Oliver.” She dismissed. “Oliver met him when Teddy took him to the hospital.”

“What?!” My dad demanded, slamming his fist onto the table.

“Yup.” My mom answered before I could speak. “And the next day while Teddy was at work all Oli spoke about was Ryder. That Ryder tried to get him to see Teddy’s a good guy, that he tried to get Oli to believe in himself, that he even wanted to hear Oliver sing. Ryder can talk to our son in ways we don’t know how to.”

My dad stayed quiet for a while until he finally looked back up at the two of us. “Well I’m not talking to the man.”

“What man?” Oli let out, finding his way into the kitchen.

“Ryder’s moving into our house next week.” Mom let out, still holding control over the room. “I don’t want to hear a word about it.” She ordered as excitement filled his young face.

“Wait, Teddy is that,”

“Not a word about it.” She repeated staring him down.

“But I,”

“Oliver.”

“I just,”

“Oliver!”

“but just, what if I,”

“To your room, now!” Mom boomed, tired of the game.

“Fine!” He shouted back, his long wet hair still covering the look in his eyes

Me and my dad couldn’t help but laugh at the short one sided fight. “Stop laughing before I send you both to your rooms as well.”

We grew quiet but still couldn’t help but smile. I felt a sigh of relief escape my lungs as I thought it all over. I can’t believe she took my side. I can’t believe she took responsibility for everything that happened. I can’t believe she’s letting Ryder move in! I just hope Ryder’s ready for the chaos of this house. For the chaos of Oliver.

*************************************************************************************

The next morning couldn’t come fast enough as I raced to Ryder’s room to tell him the good news. Yet as I reached it I found an unguarded door and an empty room.

“Is Ryder in therapy?” I asked as Cait wandered past me.

“Sully?” She asked, looking down at her schedule. “No.” She shook her head looking into the room. “Maybe he went to get something to eat.”

“Did he get permission to do that?” I asked in a nervous gulp.

She tried to hide it, but I could see the nerves jump to her eyes as she heard the question. “No.” She quickly shook her head. “I-I’ll go run and get him!”

“Mike is with him.” I pointed out, hoping to calm her down. “The police officer!” I quickly clarified as she turned back and shot me a confused look. I’m not overly worried about Ryder in this place, but still, whenever a suicide patient goes unaccounted for without permission, well, it’s fucking terrifying. Yet this time it’s different, Mike is with him, and as odd as it sounds, well I know I can trust them together.

As I watched Cait disappear into the elevator a sudden thought from the past took over my brain. A small tendency Ryder weirdly tried his hardest to hide. I nodded my head and slowly made my own way to the elevator.

As I reached my floor I couldn’t help but smile, seeing Mike nervously standing outside the big archways. “Ryder take you on a field trip today?” I whispered as I approached. He silently nodded his head, trying his hardest not to disturb the man in the other room.

I taped him on the side as I walked around him and through the large frame. I felt my whole being grow silent as I saw an outline kneeling alone in the center of the room. The whole moment was surreal. Giant pieces of stained glass lined the wall he was facing with a giant cross in the middle. I was never all that religious, but Ryder, well he was. It was something he always tried to hide, even from me. But even then he’d slip up every now and then, something I remember from the cover of his E.P. He thought the cross flipped upside down was so powerful because he thinks the cross right side up is so powerful.

Yet still as I slowly walked towards him I couldn’t help but relive my own doubt. The nights I’ve stayed awake praying for some sort of sign, and yet received nothing. How can Ryder hold onto his faith after all this time? After all he’s been through.

As he finally heard my footsteps he quickly turned back around and stared at me. “You can’t go missing like this.” I let out. “You have to ask permission before you leave the psych ward. You’ve got Cait running all over the hospital.”

“Oh.” He let out, looking up at me. “I’m sorry, I just, I needed to pray.”

“Do you think it helps?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “I’ve been praying ever since my mom taught me how, but it’s never made my life better.”

“Then why do you still do it?” I asked, looking from him to the cross.

“Because I have to have faith in something.” He shook his head. “I, this world is so cruel. There has to be something better for us after it.”

“Your life in this world isn’t over yet.” I reminded him, resting my hand on his shoulder. “Find a way to get whatever you want shipped to my house, you’re moving in next week.”

“Your parents said it was,”

“Just get your stuff sent to my house.” I nodded, not wanting to go into detail.

A soft smile of hope filled his face as he heard those words. He wants a reason to live, I know he does. He wants to be here with me, and he still wants to do great things with his life. We just have to help him find a reason, to find his purpose once more.

*A Little Piece of Heaven- Avenged Sevenfold (Avenged Sevenfold [Self-Titled], 2007)