tim's poetry workbook - 1. Tanka

Well, I don’t know much about Tanka, but I really liked the second one... Perfection is ever only fleeting. Beautiful words.

I love the snow dappling the pines.  Such a rarely used and beautiful phrase 

1 hour ago, Thorn Wilde said:

Well, I don’t know much about Tanka, but I really liked the second one... Perfection is ever only fleeting. Beautiful words.

Thank you ... you can learn about Tanka here.

There is some information about them and some beautiful examples.

40 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

tim, you already know I don’t know a Tanka from a Limerick, but I know when words please me. I like the third one, because it starts out gloomy, but ends on such a happy, satisfying note with the beauty of fresh fallen snow hugging the trees. As for the cardinal? There’s just something about this bright red bird that delights everyone. 

 

Really like these, tim. Yes, even the not so cheery ones. As always, nicely done.  

Thanks very much Reader.  I appreciate you reading them.  Please read this page to read about what Tanka should be and see some glorious examples.

5 minutes ago, Starrynight22 said:

I love the snow dappling the pines.  Such a rarely used and beautiful phrase 

Thanks very much, Starry  ... i'm glad you found it worked. I was a bit unsure but nothing else seemed to fit.

You bring a gift with each of these. Evoked images here, a turn a phrase there and a winter's worth of snow and cold. Very nicely done.

18 minutes ago, dughlas said:

You bring a gift with each of these. Evoked images here, a turn a phrase there and a winter's worth of snow and cold. Very nicely done.

Thanks dugh .. and thanks for you input on Live Poets!  Much appreciated!

tim, these are all fantastic! Reflective of nature and rife with personal feeling. As a grouping, you demonstrate in them the rises and pitfalls of the season - beauty here, anguish there, and, above all else, the eternal element of COLD. 

One point of suggestion: in the last Tanka, you use the phrase "as we" twice, which feels repetitive and disrupts the flow. Perhaps changing the last line to "while we wait" might do the trick.

Great work, boy.

9 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

tim, these are all fantastic! Reflective of nature and rife with personal feeling. As a grouping, you demonstrate in them the rises and pitfalls of the season - beauty here, anguish there, and, above all else, the eternal element of COLD. 

 

One point of suggestion: in the last Tanka, you use the phrase "as we" twice, which feels repetitive and disrupts the flow. Perhaps changing the last line to "while we wait" might do the trick.

 

Great work, boy.

Thank you, Sir, and thanks for noticing that Sir.  Can't tell you how many times i've looked at that... i will mend it.

sharing your work here is a wonderful idea!  i hope that you'll include some notes on your process

poetry is a very individual kind of art, from the words the poet chooses to the images it evokes in the reader

Tanka #2 has painted a marvelous picture in my head:

there's a boy, not too young, 10-ish but not more than 15, standing in a yard, park like expanse

snowing but not storming

dark mittened hands held in front of him

snowflakes standing out in relief

and you can see that one has started to melt, right next to it's brother

thank you for sharing these

28 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Thank you, Sir, and thanks for noticing that Sir.  Can't tell you how many times i've looked at that... i will mend it.

I like the idea of a workbook. 

Showing your work.. corrections and your thoughts, I think is brilliant.  you've never been afraid to say you're wrong or afraid of criticism. That makes you open to learning. 

These are all wonderful. I love the snow on the pines and the red of the cardinals. And the second is brilliant.. perfection is only ever, fleeting.  I look forward to seeing your work going forward, boy. 

10 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

sharing your work here is a wonderful idea!  i hope that you'll include some notes on your process

 

poetry is a very individual kind of art, from the words the poet chooses to the images it evokes in the reader

Tanka #2 has painted a marvelous picture in my head:

 

there's a boy, not too young, 10-ish but not more than 15, standing in a yard, park like expanse

snowing but not storming

dark mittened hands held in front of him

snowflakes standing out in relief

and you can see that one has started to melt, right next to it's brother

 

thank you for sharing these

Thank's molly. That's a pretty vivid picture, i'm glad you could see what you did.  I'll do my best to show my process and write notes as we move forward.

9 minutes ago, MichaelS36 said:

I like the idea of a workbook. 

Showing your work.. corrections and your thoughts, I think is brilliant.  you've never been afraid to say you're wrong or afraid of criticism. That makes you open to learning. 

 

These are all wonderful. I love the snow on the pines and the red of the cardinals. And the second is brilliant.. perfection is only ever, fleeting.  I look forward to seeing your work going forward, boy. 

Thank You, Michael. i'll try to show more of my work and process going forward.

Very nicely done.  I would say you have Tanka well under control.

The second tanka stands out for me, but that does not make the others any less wonderful. 

Really well done, tim. 

On Live-Poets I said how much I like the use of the word "resentment" -- it's gummy here, and thus perfect. The Tanka about the melting snowflakes is very visual, but through the experience, many many people can relate to the emotion. In other words, you are right there at the heart of what Tanka can do like few other forms. Brilliant. 

The image of the snow-crusted pines and cardinal is awesome. My fave from these 5 for sure. You strike a very Japanese chord here, and I can almost see a woodblock print artist setting up the illustration for this poem. Amazingly good; emotional and understated at the same time. 

The snow squalls and angels is also a very strong poem. The phrase "leaving angels in our wake" seems profound and full of poignant meaning. 

And you were worried about Tanka....

Anyway, keep them up! A love of this form should be livelong as far as I'm concerned! 

31 minutes ago, Backwoods Boy said:

Very nicely done.  I would say you have Tanka well under control.

Thanks, BB.  i'm looking to seeing everyone else's too.

5 minutes ago, Defiance19 said:

The second tanka stands out for me, but that does not make the others any less wonderful. 

 

Really well done, tim. 

Thanks very much, Def... be kinda nice if tried your hand a one or two of these..  

9 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

Thanks very much, Def... be kinda nice if tried your hand a one or two of these..  

I’ve been scribbling.. 😶

I love your five Tanka. They fit the season perfectly, with Cardinals and Carols, snowflakes and grey felted skies. You bring me into the heart, too, with hope and reflection and giggles, too. 

So.. after looking at my 5th poem... i spoke to AC about it as well. It is not a Tanka. So I will leave it there but work on fixing it and post a proper example in the next day or so.

2 hours ago, Defiance19 said:

I’ve been scribbling.. 😶

Wonderful to hear!