Aria Graice - 33. Chapter 33

Just so you know, I want this bus sooo bad

The interior of the bus was as colourful and eclectic as the outside. Blond wood clad the walls and curved overhead, broken up by psychedelic wall hangings and tapestries. The bright colours were echoed in the cushions that dotted the tiny seating area and round rag rug on the floor. To Drew’s right, was a small table attached to the wall, with two bench seats, and beyond that a miniature kitchen and a narrow passage that ended in a door. Drew was dubious about whether he would be able to walk down it without turning sideways.

Jay was sitting alone on one of the bench seats, hugging a tapestry cushion that featured a stylised elephant in shades of bright pink and purple.

“Where is everyone?”

Jay shrugged. “They went down there.” They nodded toward the passage.

“Are you alright?” There was something in their voice that brought to mind his mother’s last comment.

“Yeah, just tired, I guess.”

“Are you sure?”

Jay gave him a small smile that was a shadow of their usual exuberance. “What else could it be?”

Drew thought about that, as he made his way along the passage. On either side were sliding doors, one above the other. The left ones were only about half the size of the right ones and ended in a door. Curious, Drew slid open the higher of the two larger ones to reveal a bed. He assumed the bottom one was the same. One of the smaller cupboards revealed supplies of food, cleaning materials etc. The door led to a wet room with a chemical toilet and shower head. Drew chuckled. Clearly there were some amenities Cerrian wasn’t prepared to live without. That was, if they were in a place they could refill the water tanks of course.

To be honest, the entire bus was pretty impressive and Cerrian wasn’t slumming it as much as she’d led them to believe. Drew grinned to himself as he tapped on the door facing him at the end.

“Hang on.”

In a few minutes, Cerrian slipped out of the door. “They’re all settled. Go on it, but there’s not much room. Be careful when we start up because it can get bumpy back here when the bus is moving. I’ll take Jay in the front with me, if you’re wondering where they are when you come out.”

Drew was glad about that. He didn’t like to think of Jay sitting in the bus alone. Cerrian could be perceptive when she wanted. Drew was also glad she was using the correct pronouns for Jay. That must mean she liked them, because she could be a wicked cow when it came to things like that, and she liked to prod. Maybe she saw the same thing in Jay their mother did.

Drew had to back out of the corridor because there wasn’t room to pass, and he smiled at Cerrian’s, “come on then you, you’re keeping me company up front”, before slipping into the room at the end of the hall. Almost the entire room was taken up by the bed. There was barely enough room to open the door. The bed was about two feet off the ground, with the underneath divided into boxes all of which contained either clothes, pillows or spare blankets. There was about a foot and a half between the wall and the bed, so there wasn’t much room at all.

Flimsy voile curtains screened the bed itself, and behind them Drew could just about make out two reclining figures. Eagerly, he kicked off his shoes and parted the drapes.

Amara was relining, propped up on a cloud of colourful pillows and cushions. Aria curled in next to him also half lost in a pile of bright pillows.

“Christ,” Drew said as he crawled toward the twins. “It looks like it snowed cushions.”

Aria sniggered. “I like them. This one is my favourite.” He threw a round, pink pillow with a big sequinned star at Drew. “Oh no, wait. This one is.” He threw another pillow.

Drew laughed, caught the third one and threw it back. “Be careful, you don’t want to hurt Amara,” he warned.

A grating sound accompanied by a deep vibration shook the bed, then settled in to purr.

“What was that?” Aria asked, looking startled.

“Just the bus starting up.”

Aria nodded, his face pale. He grabbed a pillow and held it tight to his chest as the bus pulled away. Aria’s eyes flicked around the cramped space and he swallowed thickly.

“Do you want to sit outside? I’ll stay with Amara.”

A momentary flare of hope, faded quickly into resignation. “No, I’ll be fine. It’s not like being locked in the boot. Not at all really. It’s just the sound and the feeling.”

Drew crawled in behind Aria and sandwiched him between himself and Amara. Amara turned carefully onto his side and slung his arm over Aria’s waist. “Don’t think about it,” he said. “Just think about being with me and Drew. Drew won’t let anything bad happen to you. We’re safe now.”

Aria made an assenting sound but didn’t relax, not for a long time, not until Amara was asleep, and Drew fighting it off.

Finally, he sagged, his tense body melting against the pillows. “Thank you,” he murmured.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. This is your normal now. Well, not the bus, but having me and Amara taking care of you.”

“I’ll take care of you, too.”

“I know you will. Now, go to sleep.” Drew couldn’t see Aria smile but he was sure it was there, that gentle curve of the lips that turned a pretty face into an epically beautiful one.

The gentle rocking of the bus, surprisingly including Cerrian’s cornering, soon lulled Drew into joining the twins in slumber. After many years of travelling in jeeps and army trucks the sensations were familiar, and he’d long ago developed the ability to sleep as and where he could.

When Drew woke, the first thing he noticed was that the bus had stopped. He carefully slid out from under Aria, who was fast asleep, sprawled half over Drew, a position Drew was fast coming to conclude was his favourite. Aria stirred and muttered something in his sleep, causing Amara to throw his arm across Aria’s shoulders. However, neither of them woke and Drew backed carefully off the bed and slipped out of the door.

A quick peep out of the only window on the bus that wasn’t painted out, over the sink in the kitchen, revealed they were parked in a car park of some kind, next to a coach. Drew concluded they must be in a Services. Blinking against the light after the dimness of the bedroom, Drew pulled on his boots and opened the door. There was no sign of Cerrian or Jay and Drew assumed they’d headed inside. He wondered whether to wake the twins but decided against it. They needed sleep more than services. He’d have liked to head inside for a hot drink and a stretch of his legs but there was no way he’d leave the twins alone.

He jumped down and walked around for a while, stretching his back and stomping to get the circulation flowing. He didn’t recognize the Services, but assumed it was somewhere near London. From the look of the sky, evening had turned to night and they must be close.

Drew glanced up to find a full moon hanging heavy and golden, almost a perfect disc, over the trees on side of the car park. There were few stars in evidence due partly to light pollution and party to patchy clouds that even now drifted in front of the moon, dark and tattered, lit to white in places by the silvery touch of moonlight. They brought to mind the trailing shrouds of nightmare figures—ghosts and wraiths and wailing spectres. He shivered, then caught himself and chuckled, shaking his head. Since when was he prone to fanciful imagery? The twins must be rubbing off on him more than he thought.

As he pondered, a call from across the tarmac attracted his attention and he lowered his eyes to find Cerrian waving at him. She and Jay were loaded down with cartons, bags and carboard trays of hot drinks. Drew hurried to relieve them of some of their burdens.

“Who were you expecting to find back here? Half the Welsh rugby team?”

“If only,” she said and Jay hummed agreement. She shoved a bag of burgers at him. “I figured that although we ate three hours ago, knowing you, there might be trouble if we went inside and didn’t bring back food offerings.”

“Fair enough, but did you have to get so much?”

“Mam gave me money to feed you and told me I’d better spend it all on food or she’d tan my backside the next time she saw me.”

“You didn’t spend it all on food,” Jay said.

“Traitor,” she grumbled. “They had some cool audio books and I figured I was entitled to some entertainment seeing as how I’m your driver and saving all your arses.”

“How many?”

“Only one…and a scarf. But it will look great as a throw or maybe a cushion cover on the bus.”

Drew chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t breathe a word.”

“I thought I was your entertainment,” Jay said mock pouting.

“Not on the way back.”

“Fair point.”

“I was thinking,” Cerrian said as they laid out the feast of fast food on the tiny table. “From what Jay was saying, I’m not sure the kids’ grandma is going to be too pleased with us turning up this late. Maybe we should park up and stay on the bus tonight. There’s a part of the car park with twenty-four hour parking. We could get breakfast here before we move out in the morning.”

“Trust me,” Jay said, “Lady Graice is not going to be too pleased with us turning up at any time.”

“What? You mean she won’t be deeply impressed with the bus? Does she know how much work has gone into it, how artistic it is?”

“Er…no. I can absolutely guarantee that she won’t be impressed with the bus at all.”

“She clearly has no taste.”

Jay snorted and took a bite out of a cheeseburger almost the size of their head.

“So,” Cerrian persisted, “about staying the night.”

“We’ll have to talk to the twins. I don’t know if Aria can handle the bedroom overnight.”

“Why not?”

“He was locked in the boot of a car, remember? And he’s claustrophobic. He almost freaked out when we went in there in the first place.”

“But he didn’t,” Cerrian reminded him.

“No, he didn’t. Not then. We’ll see.”

“What if I said I won’t drive any further?” Cerrian folded her arms across her chest looking mutinous.

“I can guarantee you wouldn’t say that to Aria, not if he’s distressed.”

Cerrian pouted, and Drew knew she’d been defeated.

Their squabbling was interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream from the bedroom and Drew sprinted down the corridor almost dislocating his shoulder. He threw open the door as Aria screamed again.

“Drew,” Amara cried, his voice filled with anguish. “I’m scared. Where are you?”

Almost, ripping down the curtains, Drew leaped onto the bed and threw himself at the vague shape of Aria, wrapping him in his arms and pressing Aria’s face against his chest. “It’s alright. I’m here. I’m here. It’s safe.”

“I… I…dream…and…and…so…dark. I though…I thought I was alone and…and it was…and it…dark…small. I thought…I was…back.” Aria babbled through harsh, sobbing breaths. Amara was also breathing in hissing sobs. Drew figured it was part concern for his brother and part pain, because he wasn’t hugging Aria, but stroking him. It was difficult to see from the light coming through the door, but he seemed to have one arm wrapped around himself.

“Come on,” Drew said, drawing Aria to the edge of the bed. “I was going to come and get you anyway because we’ve got food and some hot drinks. It will do you good to get out of here. Are you up to it, Amara?”

“I’ll go where Aria goes.” His voice was strained but there was no point arguing, and Drew would be able to give him painkillers with food.

“Come on then.”

Aria calmed, but continued to hiccup as Drew led him by the hand through the corridor to the sitting area. Even though it was cold, Cerrian had left the door open and instead had turned on an electric fire, that sat against one wall.

“You poor thing,” Cerrian cooed, stroking Aria’s hair. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. There’s a light in there. We should have put it on.”

“It’s okay,” Aria sniffed, still clinging to Drew as if his life depended on it.

Jay took the lid off a paper cup and handed it to Aria. “Here, I got it just for you.”

Aria took the cup with a shaking hand and sniffed it. He gave Jay a wan smile. “My favourite.”

“I know. I got coffee for you,” they said, offering another cup to Amara.

Amara simply shook his head and walked on to one of the seats, sinking into the cushions. Like Jay had previously he chose a cushion and hugged it. Drew exchanged a glance with Jay and shook his head slightly, indicating he wasn’t able to go to Amara right then as Aria was still clinging to him, shaking but pretending to show interest in the food.

Jay nodded and slipped out from the bench, heading up to Amara. Drew took his place, drawing Aria down beside him.

“I’m sorry,” Aria sniffed. “I shouldn’t have made such a fuss, but I had a dream, a nightmare and…” He broke off and shuddered.

“It’s alright, honey.” Cerrian nudged a pink iced doughnut toward him. “It is tight in there. If you’re not happy with confined spaces it’s completely understandable you’d be afraid waking up in darkness, even without the dream.”

Aria gave her a small smile and nibbled the doughnut. “This is good.”

“Have you not had one before?”

Aria shook his head and took a bigger bite. He laid down his cup to give it more attention. “It’s got cream inside. Amara, it­— Where’s Amara.”

Aria’s widened and he looked panicked again.

“I’m over here, silly.”

Aria twisted to look over his shoulder and relaxed when he saw Amara and Jay. “Do you want a doughnut? They’re really good.”

Amara shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”

Aria frowned and wriggled out of the seat, padding over to his brother. “Are you alright?”

“Fine. I just hurt and it makes me tired.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“Of course not.”

Aria sat next to Amara, nudging Jay out of the way. Jay moved to the other side of the bus allowing Aria to tuck his legs under him and lean on Amara. For a moment they simply hugged each other, then Aria drew back and fed Amara a piece of doughnut. Amara hummed.

“It’s good isn’t it?”

“Yes. Very pink.”

Aria laughed, and Drew relaxed a little.

“There so cute,” Cerrian said. “Like kittens. I thought you preferred dogs.”

“That was when I was home with you.”

“Are you calling me a bitch.”

“If the name fits, wear it. I said nothing of the sort.”

It felt comfortable to fall into their old pattern of teasing. Cerrian never let him forget she was the oldest and often treated him like a kid, which he hated. At other times she teased him mercilessly, which he also hated, but sometimes it was what he needed.

“Are you sure?” Cerrian asked quietly, suddenly serious. “I mean, I wouldn’t have a problem but you’re so straight – for a gay man.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes, I think it can work, that the only important thing is that I love them, and they love me. But sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing and there’s no way in hell it could ever work once we get back to reality. I mean, you’ve seen what happens with the press. They’re always there, almost everywhere they go. Proper security holds them back but they have very little privacy and any slip is flaunted over the front pages of the tabloids the next morning. Christ, one of their best friends is royalty. God knows what their grandmother will turn out to be. I know Henley is from old money but I didn’t know they were titled. That just makes everything worse.”

“Why?”

“Why? Are you insane? Can you imagine me in the middle of all that?”

“No, but I know how resourceful you are and, much as I hate to admit it, you can be a charming little bugger when you want to. Give her those puppy eyes and you’ll have her eating out of your hand. And if you don’t…well it didn’t seem as if they’re close and every family has its embarrassing members.”

“Are you talking about me or her?”

“You choose.” She grinned. “You over think things. You always have. Just let it ride and see where it goes. If you start stressing about details right at the start it’s never going to go anywhere. Just relax and see what happens. This might be the best thing that ever happened to you, or it might be the worst. You won’t know if you don’t try, and I know you, if you didn’t try you’d beat yourself up over it forever. You have to give it a chance.”

“I know, and I am, but what if it’s the worst thing that happens to them? They’ve had enough to cope with.”

“And that’s exactly why this has a good chance of working.”

“What? Because they’re hurt and vulnerable?” Drew was ready to hit her with a burger.”

“No you idiot, because when you worry about whether it’s going to work, instead of thinking about what might go wrong for you—like you usually do—you’re thinking about what might go wrong for them. For what it’s worth, I think you’re great together—and also that you should let them make their own choices and not double guess what’s good for them or what they ought to do. I’ve a feeling those two are going to do exactly what they want anyway. You can run, little brother, but wherever you go they will track you down and drag you back—unless you break their hearts and I don’t think you could do that.”

“No, I couldn’t.”

“I guess you’re stuck with them then.” Her grin broadened. “Can I have the other one?”

“Jay? You’re not serious. They’re almost half your age.”

“A girl can dream. You have to admit they’re nice to look at and we’ve been talking a lot up from. They’ve not exactly had the easiest life. I can relate and I really like them. But don’t worry, I see myself more like a sexy, favourite aunt. I might ask them if they fancy coming to India though. One of my friends is only about ten years older and she’d absolutely love them.”

“I don’t think she’d be their type. I can’t swear to it, but I think they’d prefer her younger brother.”

“She doesn’t—oh, right. My heart is broken.” She pressed her hand against her chest and pretended to faint, then laughed loudly.

“Drew?”

Aria sounded so forlorn Drew felt guilty for laughing. “Are you alright,” he asked, swivelling to face the twins.

“Yes, I think so. I don’t think Amara’s well, though.”

“I’m alright,” Amara protested. “I told you. I’m just tired.”

“Drew?”

“It’s okay, Aria. I’ll get him some painkillers. He’ll be fine. But maybe this will teach him that wandering all over the country with broken ribs is not a good idea.”

Amara gave a non-committal sound and let his head fall back with a thud against the wall. He groaned. “I feel like something is trying to gnaw its way out from inside.”

“I told you,” Drew said, “broken ribs are not something to take lightly. It could become serious if they shift.”

Amara huffed. “They’re only cracked. They’re not exactly snapped through the middle I don’t think they would have let me out of the hospital if they had been.”

“They shouldn’t have let you out of the hospital anyway, until they’d found the best pain relief.”

“He won’t take what they gave him,” Jay said, pursing his lips. “Not the proper ones.”

“What do you mean?”

“They gave him two kinds. The ones he’s taking are only supposed to be top ups to take in between the main doses if he needs it, and to go down to when he doesn’t need the strong ones anymore. He hasn’t taken a single one of the ones he’s supposed to.”

Drew closed his eyes and counted to ten. “Do you have the proper ones?”

“Only a few. I left the pill bag in my car. I put a few in my pocket though, in case I—or you—could get him to take some.”

“Give them to me. He will take them”

“No, I won’t. They make everything weird. At least the ones I was taking only make me sleepy and I hate that enough. Look, I’ll take the other ones. I promise. I’ll—”

“No, you won’t. You’ll take the ones you’re supposed to be taking. Why do you think the doctor prescribed them in the first place? Fun?”

“No…but—”

“Give them to me, Jay,” Drew demanded, holding out his hand.

“Traitor,” Amara muttered.

“He’s right, Mara,” Aria said, his voice shaking. “I don’t like it when you’re in pain. It hurts me.”

Amara gave Aria a long look. “You won’t like it when I take them. I can’t function and I talk nonsense. I know I’m doing it, but I can’t help it. I can’t make my words come out, and I can’t even walk properly.”

“You can’t walk properly now,” Jay said dryly and Amara glared at them.

Drew took the pills and glanced at them. He couldn’t tell what they were, but that wasn’t surprising. He’d done a first aid course in the army—they all needed to know basics because they were out of reach of doctors a lot of the time— but he was by no means an expert in medication.

“It’s only for a few days, the doctor said,” Jay pressed on. “Until the worst of the pain is over. It’s not just the ribs. There’s deep bruising and tissue injury too.” They turned to direct their comments to Drew. “The doctor was worried about a chest infection if he didn’t breathe properly and he hasn’t been because he’s in too much pain. He pretends to be asleep, but he isn’t. He thinks I don’t notice but I’m not stupid and I’ve known him a long time.”

“Shut up, Jay.”

Jay turned back to their friend. “I’ve had enough, Mara. The doctor told you that even though he was discharging you, you weren’t through the worst of it and you had to have complete rest, at least for the first week. I don’t call any of this rest and I’ve been watching you get paler and more exhausted the whole time. You’re going to make yourself ill and I’m not going to stand by and watch it. You’re not being fair to any of us, especially Aria.”

“Don’t bring Aria into it.”

“But I am in it, Mara. I don’t want you to be ill.” Aria sounded on the verge of tears again and Amara pulled him into a hug.

“Stop scaring him. Hasn’t he been through enough already?”

“You both have,” Cerrian said, her voice uncharacteristically gentle. She knelt beside the boys. “I know what it’s like to have to pretend to be strong for someone else. It’s never easy, and in the end it doesn’t work.” She took Amara’s hand. “If you love some, truly love them, sometimes the best thing you can do is be vulnerable for them and allow them to help you. It’s what love does. You know your brother isn’t weak. You know he loves you, so let him help you. Let us all help you. It’s safe to be weak here.”

Amara started to cry, gentle sobs as tears streamed down his face. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’ve tried to be strong, and I know I should be looking after Aria, but it hurts. It really hurts and I’m so tired.”

“I don’t want you to look after me when you’re ill, Mara. I don’t need you to. I wasn’t hurt. Not on the outside. I can take care of you. I’m not a child, or an idiot, and I’m not made of glass. I want to take care of you. I promise I’m okay. Please let me and Jay and Drew take care of you.”

“And me,” Cerrian said. Both Aria and Amara smiled at her.

“I can’t be strong anymore,” Amara said, shaking his head sadly. “I just can’t.”

Drew knelt beside Cerrian and handed Amara two pills and a glass of water. “You don’t have to be,” he said.