Makarovia! Yes, I Know Where That is! Sophomore Year - 77. Get Off, Damn it!

Get Off, Damn it!!

Homeward Bound: Part Four

“No,” I grinned, “We shouldn't just wait for supper.” I did touch his midsection. “That would be a problem to become lazy if we make it a habit.”

We didn't do much. I led him back up the stairs, but to the Media Room. Naturally, it had an amazing set up with pay television, cinema, and shows from around the world. That giant monitor was huge! Three-dimensional plasma television with access to any country's networks. This was dangerous! I just said into the remote for coverage of Australian Rules Football.

I did have to make a choice. Last season's highlights, upcoming games...all that kind stuff. “Carlton and Adelaide,”

The logo swept over the screen for the ANZN. The Australian, New Zealand Network.

And here we go again with a kind of Greece and Italian thing. They sound the same! I know, I know...they don't really. So why do they sound the same to me? I'll throw in South Africans, too. I'm always lecturing to you. Now, you have the floor. I'll read it. I need to hear it more to hear the differences.

Peter was now able to hear my accent more when we were speaking English. Maybe an almost immersion in various accents, I’ll pick up those differences. But not today!

It began as usual. Two teams compete for points by getting the ball through two center posts at either end of an oblong field. There is a sweet spot and hard to get through. There are two more posted just beyond the center two. Less in points awarded for goals like that, but a point is a point.

Players came out and in just seconds the team that won the coin toss got the ball kicked in their direction. The ball was shaped like an American football. But that ball did not stop! The ball had to be bounced every fifteen seconds! The ball was “alive” as long as you kept it going. Passing the ball, kicking the ball and other various movements were done and without fail, it happened. One team had the ball, but nearing the end for carrying it. There was someone from his team could get it and make a goal! A member of each team was watching the sky to be there when it arrived. They didn't see each other, so run full force into the other! I saw Peter jolt suddenly, looking astounded and did what everyone will do. He cringed a little imagining the pain with an, “Oooo, that had to hurt!” He said sympathetically.

The thing was the ball was still in the field and still a game ball. It took a few seconds more and the ball did go outside the field lines. “We'll see it again at different angles. Slowly.”

It's what they do after collisions like this. An instant replay and moment by moment passed and you could see them both each try to get the ball, but neither got it. I grinned at the antics of one of the guys at this network. He added audio to the crash. The animated sound of birds chirping badly and off key was added. Birdbrains?

“They aren't wearing any padding?” Peter asked as the one player spoke to the other. I would hope it was to see if the other would be okay and offered his hand to help him get up. The crowd at the field always wanted good sportsmanship. Blood and guts was just icing on the cake!

“Other than one of those athletic cups I've not seen, but assume are there,” I shook my head, “No.”

This game did what was supposed to and had nonstop action. There was not all the discussion about plays. There were other collisions and one I was certain broke something on his right hand he held against himself to protect.

Once Peter and I were into the game, we were unaware of others that came in. It was great to see Rolph up and out of his quarters. He was still a little depressed. Mercea didn't know what the word “depressed” even meant. Alec was there. Boris and Yuri!

We watched another game! We could see one until we got to Venice if we wanted to. It was played in other countries now. With enough Aussies around the world, why not? It was a good sport!

Peter looked at me as we cheered was ready for the next game. “I was right! You do like violent games!"

“And not once have I denied it!” I pointed to myself, "There is enough cave dweller in here that likes the aggression." I raised the finger to make a point again. “In fact, I don't really like professional hockey games.”

Peter was suddenly uncertain from a lack of understanding. He had signature moves, just like I did. The head went back an inch to try to contemplate the possibilities. He couldn't find one that fit, so he asked, “Why?”

“The skating takes no thought,” I shrugged, “It's like...they were born on the ice. They pass so quickly the puck just...vanishes.” Then I pointed more directly. “The minor league game...” I start shaking my head as I said, "They don't have the honed skills yet. I don't consider it a good night until someone gets their faces smashed up again the Plexiglas.” I chuckled as his eyes widen. “The blood and spittle dripping...”

Peter held his hand up and nodded, “I got it!” He patted my hand and said more quietly. “I got it.” He then grinned. "You didn't object to the hockey game last Winter?”

“Why would I object?!” It was my turn to not understanding. “I wanted to be out there. I was jealous!!”

“You can learn to skate!” Peter insisted. “I can show you.”

I gave a grudging nod. “You could, but not in Makarovia. Other than the freezer, is there any ice?”

“No,” he said a little gloomy.

The finger again. “Ah, but there are two or three within driving distance of the house in Boston.”

“And they're open now?” Peter asked to be sure.

“Yes, Peter.” I contemplated a minute and asked. “How did you learn?” I waved at him. “With Mom, I know she didn't just put skates on you and told you to go skate.”

“No,” Peter said in of course not tone. “I barely remember. I was about two. I could walk, but I wanted to do what Big Brother Olek was doing. They put a chair down and I was to push it around on the ice.”

We heard another collision, but the good people down under were kind enough to show it for us again. They used that cartoon birdbrain music. There were many sympathetic groans.

“He can't do that!” Mercea leaped up, yelled and pointing to the giant screen. He looked at me, “Can he do that?”

I waved at the screen, "You saw it, Mr. Holtz had the ball..." I moved the finger in a wide arching motion, "had left his hand and Mr. Weeks scooped it up. It happened we saw it, the umpire saw it, so, yes, he can do that.”

I had several strange looks, “Well, I'm sorry, I don't know the word for umpire in Makarovian! Or Ukrainian.”

Peter laughed hugging me quickly. “I don't think there is one. Suddya (referee) is the closest one.”

Alec pointed at the screen, “How do they bounce that ball?” He looked at us, but he had no idea what we talking about or just didn't care. “Look at the damned thing! It's oblong! It can easily go in another direction!”

“The word arrives when the sport does,” Yuri chuckled, “The Great American Pastime wasn't welcomed in Russia or her powers.”

There was another constant at work here. Most men have an aggressive streak. That cave dweller inside of me could spring out at any moment. Men get together, watch a game or two...three? We also eat. We didn't want a meal, but something to snack on.

Then Boris entering the room. I hadn't seen him leave the room! In each hand were two extremely large glass bowls of fluffy white. The hot buttery smell and popped corn.

“Popcorn!” I said.

The nice thing was, they didn't have to do this! They weren't on duty. They could have been on deck. They loved the new sport I'd told them about and just didn't leave. Had any of them been out in the world? What cable channels had they seen in Makarovia? Not this one at least.

My phone began to vibrate and I pulled it out of my pocket.

“Wait!” Yuri urged me, “Can I see it?”

I shrugged and gave it to Yuri. On the remote control, he called up a menu, looked for an incoming Wi-Fi signal and hit another button on the remote.

There were now two very large heads close together. It not only surprised Peter and me but Mikell and Cosmo!

“Whoa!” Mikell said as his eyes widened, “Next time, warn a guy.” He turned the IPad sideways to see everyone on a landscaped screen. “You weren't all waiting for me to call, were you?”

“Would that be a problem if we did?” Peter asked happily waving to include all the guys. "You two are a part of us." Yea! I was in the us!!

Hygiene was important in hospitals to keep possible infections down. The truth is hospitals the most germ-filled place there is! Washing hair and shaving wasn't at the top of the list of priorities, but Cosmo was alive! He was pale. I didn't see much strength in his face. There were the beginnings of a dark beard. There were even a few white ones near his chin.

"It's good to see you, Cosmo," I sincerely said quietly.

Cosmo nodded, “It's good to be seen.”

“And if he does well today, he'll get a clear liquid dinner,” Mikell said with a very fake bit of excitement.

“That's only going to make it worse!” Cosmo complained. “I'll want food!”

“You were stabbed in an area needed for digestion,” I grinned, “If you're healing correctly and tolerate that, they'll bring more later.”

“How can you have a steak if you can't process chicken broth?” Peter asked.

“Yeah,” Cosmo grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest in a pout, “They said that, too. Maybe they can give me something for the pain I know I'll have.”

Now, he was sounding more like the Cosmo we all knew. It was good to hear.

I looked over at Mercea who was a little uncomfortable. I went over and asked him, “What's this about?” I pointed at him.

“I should talk to him, shouldn't I?” He asked, “But, what do we about?"

I chuckled, “You've got the rudder and throttle on this…” I switched to English, “Relation Ship.” It only took a second or two for him to get what I said.

“That was pretty clever!" Mercea grinned.

“I get them from time to time,” I said, “You control the direction and speed. My only suggestion will be to reach the man, speak to him as a man. Not as a subordinate.” I had to ask Yuri how to stop the Wi-Fi to the television without losing the connection to the phone.

I felt so better having seen and speaking to Cosmo. I told Mikell to hang on and cut the call to my phone only and handed it to Mercea. “Use it as long as you need to.”

He worried about what they'd talk about? I got my phone back two hours later. The way Mercea was smiling, I didn't have to ask about how it went.

We weren't out of danger. We had to either pass by countries like Montenegro and Croatia, but it didn't feel safe resting in any of their harbors.

“We'll have to risk it again,” Yuri pointed on the map. “We get past Corfu and cross into Italian waters. That doesn't take long.”

Luke shook his head, “We'll almost miss it and I'd feel better waiting the night in a harbor there than any of the others. Bari maybe.”

“And they'll come if we call?” Peter asked.

“As opposed to our calling and there's no response,” Luke nodded, “How many have signed on now?”

“I don't know,” Peter said in a near groan.

“Millions and millions,” Luke stated confidently.

“Until we do something to piss someone off,” I muttered, “Can names be taken off the list?”

Luke looked surprised, but thought, “I suppose, but why?” He waved at me. “He's an all-American boy meets East Europe,” he pointed at Peter, “He's Prince Charming standing for truth, justice, and the Makarovian way.”

I grinned as Peter rolled his eyes. I patted him on the chest. “We'll have to find a shirt with a giant M over the chest.”

"Or a suit of armor," Yuri chuckled.

The trip back was supposed to seem shorter. That was the way it always had been. Now, I was anxious about going home and it seemed to drag on forever! It seemed like another trip Troy to Ithica. Okay, yes, he was Odysseus, Ulysses with the Romans. (No, they didn't steal that myth! No.) That trip took twenty years!! Ten years to fight and ten years to get back? Troy was right on the coast of Turkey! Practically next door!

You know by now, I have an imagination. I almost heard the music played in Jaws right before the shark bit someone in haft. I kept forcing myself to go over what I knew. She was a bad planner. Sometimes you have to make decisions on your feet. She was sloppy with that. She overthought, perhaps. She was good at doing what she did and made a name for herself and was feared. But she made mistakes.

As I looked at the day as it was ending. I wouldn't be seen. "What?" Peter asked who knew what I was thinking about, but had freaked me too much recently and took pity on me.

I waved at the water that had gone a vibrant blue, to one with a darker hue. Soon, it would be black. “She's out there.”

Peter nodded. “Yes.” He sighed, “There are a lot of people out there that would do anything to get a part of what we have." He started shaking his head, "I didn't understand how much trouble it could be...much Makarovia remembers. We learned to hide what we had to keep it.”

I nodded, “I know...”

“But she won't stop just because we've come ashore,” Peter said seriously.

Normally, we would occasionally surprise each other with what we said. My eyes widened now, "I hadn't thought of that!”

“It would be very unusual for her, but that could be what she's counting on." He shrugged. "For a portion of that billion in Euros, I believe nothing will stop her. She'll gladly attack on land or off."

My expressions were easy reading now for Peter.

“Oh, no,” Peter grabbed me in a hug and began rocking us both gently. “Don't get worried.”

“No,” I began and had to nod, “Well, yes that did cross my mind, but she knows we're coming back to Venice. She’ll be waiting for us.”

“It says that on the Duchess,” Peter said and I watched his eyes fly open as he said that.

“Yes!” I patting Peter on the arm. “The Duchess will go to Venice, but we won't be on it.” I frowned. “I still think we should have disembarked in Athens and flown from there.” I held my hand out to count the positives, "Tomorrow, we go to a city with no history of us having been there. It's in Italy...” I looked at Peter, “The only reason we went back this way was to keep a promise to Barry. Pano, and Edger! I know there are other cities with airports! Does it have to be an International Airport? We could connect...”

“Security,” Peter said firmly. “A big International Airport can handle the load.”

"You're telling me," I pointed away from us, "an unprepared city with medium-sized airport couldn't handle us? They'd be protecting us from an unknown that may or may not be there...”

Peter took my raised hand, lowering it and said. “I'm telling you, we need to talk to Yuri and the Captain.”

I nodded, ”Let's go.”

We went to the Bridge knowing Luke would be there, Yuri was right beside him.

Yuri saw us first as he raised his head and smiled, “Ah, just the two we were about to call.”

Peter and I weren't prepared for that and slowed our approach.

But Yuri went on as if nothing happened, “How about getting off the Duchess tomorrow at another city in Italy?”

They didn't. I thought, “No,” I said in almost a whisper.

Luke waved at the map and went on quicker, “It would really only be a few hours difference. I asked Yuri about the meeting in Venice if it had to be there..."

They did! “Nnoo,” I said in a kind of whine, “Not about that. We were coming to ask you about leaving early!”

Yuri's smile lit the room instantly. He nudged Luke, “It is a good idea!” He declared, “You each had the same one!”

Luke motioned us closer and pointed at the map on the wide monitor, “There is a nice harbor in Cattolica. It's only a few kilometers east of San Marino. There is a fairly good-sized airport there."

“It's almost to Venice,” Yuri shrugged.

I shook my head, “It's gotta be this ship.” I muttered. I tapped Peter on the arm. "Peter's reading my mind, ideas are being Shanghaied...”

Peter nodded, “We'll be off tomorrow and it will all be over.”

I looked at him and muttered, “I’m not so sure.”.

Probably because had stuffed ourselves at lunch we were famished by dinner having stretching our stomachs. One more time we all got together to share a meal; crewmembers from the Duchess and people from Makarovia. We had said things during other meals, thanks were given and promises made before. We even decided to dress a little more for dinner. Not the tuxedos and evening gowns thing, but nice clothes. Nita even wore a skirt. Yet, because we'd said our goodbyes the conversations were a little hushed and quiet.

Henri's meal presentation didn't have any of the flourishes it usually had. I looked at them and didn't know I felt happy and yet sad? Well, that makes as much sense to me as hurry up, but do it slowly. Huh? They were all the best sorts of Human Beings. They were hardworking that had endeared themselves to Peter and me very quickly. Earl, an ex-Navy man, did wonders with modern technology. He did a lot of work with the artificial intelligence of the Duchess. He got the software to work the hardware! There wasn't much about the Intelligence Department he hadn't seen or knew about. He didn't help with the reputations of men from the United States. Twice I saw him blow large bubbles of pink stuff he managed to get to the size of a softball and suck it back in with the popping snap to repeat the process.

Yes, they had chewing gum in Europe. Even bubblegum, though I hadn't been to a store to confirm that. After a meal, they quickly chewed a piece to get rid of bad breath. It was considered rude to do it longer. Recreational chewing just to be chewing was never thought of. That reputation spread like a wildfire across Europe after World War Two. The second time I asked what kind he liked.

He pulled one from his pocket, looked at me. “Please.” He said as if how could I ask that?

“Bazooka!” I nodded pointing at it. “Do you have enough?”

Earl nodded, “My sister sends a new supply every month.”

He pulled two more out and a fourth one fell out he struck a good vein of gold in a mine. "I have more. Take as many as you want!”

I grinned, “I prefer Double Bubble, personally.”

“No.” Earl said back disappointed, “Bazooka is like...the Holy Grail of bubble gum!”

“I like Big League Chew.”

He pointed at me suddenly nodding, “Yes!! That's a good one!”

We were talking about bubble gum. Two adult men telling what we liked. Big League Chew was bubble gum. It was marketed for men who, like me, didn't smoke, chew or spit tobacco. It came in bags like chewing tobacco giving people the impression we were putting something between our cheek and gum...if the tobacco was reddish-pink and we didn't spit. It was good!

I took one for myself and two for Peter. I'd never seen him with any kind of gum. He might not like it. He'd been in Boston for two years, but I didn't know if Ted or someone may have shown this part of the world to Peter.

Coming in where Peter was reading, sat near him and began to surf the channel menu on the Duchess. I didn't have to look to see that single eyebrow raise when I blew the softball-sized bubble. I knew it was there. Then for the next half an hour, I showed him how to blow a bubble.

There are concerns with me that I'd told you about us are…well...There isn't a lot of maturity. Many of the situations could be handled without being silly. We all knew that. I know that. What was happening was very serious. Someone out there wanted to get us. The lives of those people who were to prevent that were in danger and nearly cost us Cosmo. It could simply be a coping mechanism we used to protect ourselves from the stress. There were times the option to be serious wasn't a choice. My thinking is; not one of us was so serious it was a part of who we were. Alec was dealing with some horrible abuse in his past, but we had uncovered it. He wasn't cured. Far from it, but he was healing. It can't be taken away or forgotten, but he can deal with it with help. He was trusting us. Mikell had a past, but he would be more difficult. Rolph put all of his personal things on the table. He was an open book.

Luke Agius was Captain and there was no one I knew of more qualified. He was the Duchess. Nita and Gretchen, until a week ago, I didn't even know were on board! I complimented Gretchen, but she was outdone by Nita who stayed hidden a day longer. Or was it two? No, it was one. The next day was the little island that didn't much on it but rocks and maybe one hundred people.

None the dramatics or flourishes, Henri presented us with...I don't know. Henri didn't explain what it was. Never tell Henri he can't do something. He'll do it just to show you, it can be done! He did it!

I'd had escargot served many ways, but never like a stew. A very thick stew. I'm not wasting your time anymore. It was delicious.

It was so quiet we could hear the silverware touch the china!

The main course I didn't know either. It had premium strips of beef and chunks of lobster; served in these single bowl things of cast iron. The smell of potato and cheese touched my nose. It was perfection in a bowl. Steak and Lobster with potatoes cooked and smothered in cheese. Delicious again and suddenly there was a clatter as Nita threw her silverware on her plate suddenly.

“Someone needs to do something really silly and stupid or tell something absolutely hilarious right now...” She wailed bringing her napkin up to do the dab thing to prevent messing something up. I know I'd seen commercials that claimed to be waterproof. She didn't use that for some reason.

Gretchen leaned from her place by Nita to comfort Nita. I noticed moisture on her face, too.

Earl shrugged, “I hope no one's expecting me to do what Nita said.”

“We knew this would end,” Peter reasoned, “Eric said it only hours after boarding day one this was dangerous.”

“We did it several times this to get ready for this,” It should be funny, but no one felt that right now.

“I don't want to say goodbye!” Nita said in nearly a sob.

“So, don't!” I said logically. “I don't want any of you to do that.”

Peter nodded, “I have had two of the best weeks of my life!”

“Me, too!” I added. “The only reason it will be goodbye is if we don't stay in touch! We'll see you later.”

“That isn't the same,” Henri shook his head.

Peter pointed at Henri, "You," he said and pointed down, "Sit." He wobbled a grudging nod. "Life... changes. We can't stop it. Don't fight it.”

“Grandma says what's next is going to happen,” I said, “It might be bad, but it might be wonderful. You won’t know until you get there.”

Luke nodded, "You've been a pleasure to have on board."

“Oui,” Henri smiled, “You appreciated whatever I made...”

“You hardly left me anything to do,” Gretchen complained. “A little vacuuming and dusting, change the sheets...I had to look for what to clean.”

"See?" Peter nudged me, "I told you,"

“That isn't me!” I said back. “Rules again.” Peter’s eyes rolled, but I kept going, “If you open it, close it. If you turn it on, turn it off. Take it out, put it back..."

“Yes, I know,” Peter chuckled.

“This has almost been a vacation for me,” Nita stated. "I will go to Makarovia, perhaps find a nice Makarovian man and marry him. These men have been nothing but polite and courteous gentlemen the whole time"

Peter chuckled, “They were showing Makarovia to you. There are some not so nice in Makarovia.”

“You'll have to show me,” Nita smiled. “And it's not just behavior...”

"Leo," Gretchen mentioned and they both began laughing.

Earl chuckled, but Luke frowned. I thought that was unusual.

I was also feeling the dark mood lift a little, "He didn't behave?" I asked. "You all have very different reactions to the name."

“It wasn't anything like that,” Nita said, “He was very nice, but...”

“He had…a problem..." Gretchen searched hesitantly for an explanation.

"He farted!" Earl just stated. He just ripped that "Band-Aid" right off, “A lot.”

I was a bit confused, “We all do that. We have to. Dogs, cats, hamsters…whales…”

“Whales fart?” Peter leaned in and asked me quietly.

“I assume,” I replied. “They are living beings that eat and digest…”

Earl shook his head, “Not as much or as he did.” His statement said he had no doubt about that. "It wasn't even his fault."

“Leo's diet?” I asked, mostly Henri. “The poor guy! There are medications and...”

"We tried a great number of things," Luke assured me, "He was a good crewman.”

Nita looked slightly alarmed, “Don’t think he was teased or made fun of because for it. I really liked him. He and I even dated five times."

"Are you sure?" Gretchen's face got confused, “It wasn’t six?”

Nita thought a second and nodded, “Well, yes. If you count…”

"You dated!" Rolph growled. "We got it." He did a hand rotating motion for her to keep it moving.

“We never hurt him,” Gretchen added. “He was a very smart man who was very nice.”

“We always have such delightful conversations at the dinner table,” Boris sighed and shook his head.

Yuri smiled and gave Boris a pat on his hand in a there, there, it will be okay gesture

“Those farts told a lot about other members on the Duchess,” Luke said, "At the beginning, I left them alone and tasks to do."

"Them?" Peter asked, "The other members of the crew?"

Luke nodded, “I did that for a whole week. There is a lot about a person’s characters you find out about just listening and who they spoke to.” He resumed eating but paused. "They came on board and I watched them break up into groups. Anyone I overheard teases Leo or anyone about something that can't be helped was gone. That day. Anyone caught laughing behind the back of another…gone. If I can't trust someone, even if they are the top in their field, I won't use them. Anyone who gets pleasure from someone else's pain, I won't use." He smiled Gretchen, Nita, and Earl. hurting someone "This ship offers wages well above people on other ships in the same position. The Count and Countess will gladly pay for good service.”

I held my hands up in what most of the world knew was “time out.” I even said, “Whoa, whoa, time out. How the Hell did we get from bad behaviors of fellow crewmembers, farts, to the pay scale on the Duchess?”

“Talk about chasing rabbits!” Peter said trying to remember.

Luke chuckled, “You were good guests. We’ll be happy to have you back.” He used his fork to emphasize. “I will love to see Makarovia.”