Bloodlines - 31. Chapter 31

October 28, 1998

There was a strange alarm blaring, bringing me back to consciousness. It took me a second to figure out where I was, and whose body I was sprawled across. “You didn't wake me up. You let me spend the night,” I said, surprised.

“You were warm and cuddly, like a puppy,” Carullo said.

I moved my mouth down and kissed his nipple, then glanced at the time. Class started in 15 minutes. “Fuck! I'm late!” I jumped out of bed, peeling myself apart from him where our dried cum had sealed us together. I pulled on my sweatpants and grabbed one of his towels, then peeked out the door carefully before charging into the bathroom.

No one was there, because anyone who had to take a shower this early would already be walking to class. I sped through the motions, washing off the various bodily fluids that encrusted my skin, and then ran down to my room to change. I booked out of my room with two minutes until class, and ended up slipping in ten minutes late.

I got a really dirty look from the professor, just what I needed to start my day. She stopped mid-lecture to watch me take a seat next to Danfield, totally humiliating me. I looked at him and smiled, and he smiled back weakly.

“You weren't home last night,” he wrote on his notepaper.

“I waited around for you before bailing,” I wrote on mine. I looked over at him and noticed that he looked sad. “I miss you,” I wrote. He didn't write anything in response, and that really made me feel like shit. I scribbled it out, almost violently, as if trying to erase my mistake.

“I miss you too,” he wrote. I looked at him and saw his slight smile. He missed me too? He didn't hate me?

“Lunch?” I wrote.

“Yeah,” he wrote on his pad. I thought about that. I actually had a date with Danfield. He could stand me up, of course, or he could invite other people, but he'd at least be there. And I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I was going to act like nothing had ever changed, and I wasn't going to talk about any of this shit. I was just going to be his friend and enjoy his company. I was on cloud nine.

We walked out together. “So you want to eat at the nasty cafeteria, or you wanna go off-campus?” I asked.

“Let's do the nasty cafeteria,” he said, chuckling. “High noon.”

I laughed. “You got it pardner,” I said, doing my horrible imitation of a western cowboy. He gave me his dazzling smile, which I returned watt for watt. I almost skipped off to my next class, and then watched the time creep by. It crawled as the professor rambled on, the second hand seemingly locked in some sort of Star Trek time paradox. I could have spent the time focusing on the subject, but I was too excited to do that. I should have, though, because having the time to do nothing but speculate isn't always a good thing. I started to get paranoid, wondering if Danfield would actually show up, or if he'd find a way to blow me off. That would be really unlike him. He never missed an appointment; it just wasn't part of his hyper-organized world. But he'd been avoiding me, really staying away. Would his fear of being around me trump his normal anal-retentive habits? One thing was for sure. If he didn't show, that would be the surest indicator that our friendship was beyond repair.

All of those negative thoughts did a lot to squelch my enthusiasm, especially when I headed over to the cafeteria and he wasn't there. I looked at my watch: 11:55. I was early. How long should I wait for him if he was late? If he was, should I call him? I was so submerged in my own doubts and weirdness I didn't see him come up.

“'Sup,” he said.

“Hey,” I responded, remembering not to sound like a giddy high school girl. We walked through the line and got some stuff that kind of looked like food, and then grabbed a table.

“So where were you last night?” he asked.

I didn't want to get into that, because that would take us down a serious path. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy him. “I never kiss and tell,” I teased.

He picked up on my mood. “So you kissed eh?”

“I just didn't do it in the library like you.” He laughed at that. “So guess who I busted in on?”

He loved gossip. “Who?” he asked, really interested.

“Brittany and John Carullo,” I said.

“You're kidding right? He's with that bitch, what's her name? The one that was friends with Amber that you dissed in the hallway.” His eyes looked to the ceiling as if seeking divine answers. “Tracy. That's it. He's with her.”

“With her how?” I asked. Carullo had a girlfriend? How come I'd never seen her?

“They're together. You haven't seen her in his room? I think she had to go home for some emergency. She's been gone for like a week,” he said. So I was just a fuck while his girlfriend was out of town? That really bothered me, although I had no idea why I had that reaction.

“I didn't know that. Well don't tell anyone about Brittany then.” I'm not sure I was worried about Carullo's girlfriend finding out he was cheating on her with Brittany, but I liked the guy, he was a good fuck.

“No problem. How did you catch them?”

“Carullo has a book on Econ I wanted to borrow. I went over to get it and they were mashing in his room,” I said in a conspiratorial manner. After that, conversation flowed normally. I'd sparked his social beast and he rambled on and on about who was fucking who, and he kept me laughing for the whole lunch.

“So what are you doing this afternoon?” he asked. I grinned at him. He wanted to spend time with me?

“I figured I’d hang out, do some homework before practice. What about you?”

“That sounds like a good plan,” he said. We got up and started walking back to Lag, with me trying not to look too happy over getting my friend back. I stopped him before we got back to Eucalipto.

“Cole’s out for the quarter. They won’t let him back in until next year,” I said.

“Dude, that sucks,” Danfield said. “How long is he going to be in the hospital?”

“I don’t know yet. He’s gonna stay with JP and Stef at Escorial when he gets out. That way he doesn’t have to go back to fucking Nebraska.”

“Shit, if I had to move to Nebraska I’d probably kill myself too,” he said. It was supposed to be a joke, but it kind of fell flat. Suicide wasn't funny, especially now that we'd come so close to experiencing it personally. Danfield got kind of nervous then, like he was going to bring up a really touchy topic. I braced myself. “I know Cole's going to be freaked out when he gets back next year. You're his closest friend. If you want me to swap rooms with him, at least for a while, I will.”

That threatened to overwhelm me, because it wasn’t what I expected, and because I didn’t know if he wanted to move or if he was just being polite. I decided to call his bluff. “Nope. I want you to stay.” I watched him nervously for a reaction. He smiled really big. So he didn't really want to move? Fuck yeah!

As shitty as practice had been the day before, it was just as awesome today. I was stoked to be back on good terms with Danfield. Just spending the day with him, hanging out and enjoying his company, reminded me how important his friendship was to me.

I was playing opposite Danfield, and it gave us a chance to work out some of our latent aggression. We stood at center ice, he on one side, I on the other, waiting for the puck to drop, both of us poised to get the puck. I could see him grinning at me. The puck dropped and I won the face off. “Boo-ya!” I yelled in his face, making him laugh, while I charged past him to get the pass Gillespie shot up to me. My shoulder slammed into his as I went, the contact firing both of us up. He skated next to me, trying to angle me away from the goal and to get the puck away from me, but we ended up shoulder to shoulder, each trying to push the other away, until we ran out of ice and crashed into the boards. I hadn't had that much fun, or laughed so much, for a long time.

We all stopped at some Italian restaurant on the way home and totally pigged out, glad to have real non-cardboard food, and then headed back to the dorms. Today had been so much better than yesterday, even though I'd gotten laid twice yesterday. And that was all about Danfield. All through dinner I couldn't help but look at him, at his cute dimples, at his nose that had this cute flat tip, and at his twinkling blue eyes. He lifted his hand up to brush it through his hair; inadvertently showing off his bicep and making it stretch the elastic in the arm of his polo shirt. I had to consciously force myself to look away from him; otherwise, I'd just keep staring. I started doing the same thing, trying to make sexy moves. I put both of my arms behind my head to stretch, showing off my muscles and riding my shirt up to show off my abs. His eyes were locked on to me like a guided missile. I avoided making eye contact so I didn't embarrass him like I did before; I just enjoyed the attention, his attention.

We got back to the dorms and headed up to our room. I was really nervous now; worried that he'd bail on me now that he was alone with me. I had my key out so I opened the door, flipped on the lights and went in. The first thing he did was go over to his desk and grab his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and looked at me. His face showed guilt, mine, well, I just tried to hide the sadness.

“I'm almost done with my paper. I thought I'd head to the library and finish it off,” he said.

I heard Cody and Stef's words in my subconscious, telling me to just smile and let him go, telling me to let him hunt me, let him make the move, but he hadn't shown any assertiveness with me at all. He hadn't taken the lead on anything; he was shy and passive when it came to the two of us being together. Maybe he wasn't like other guys. Maybe he wasn't playing games with me. Maybe he wanted, no needed me to make the moves. I was really into him. Did I take the risk and force the issue? Or did I just leave it dormant like it was? This was too big, too powerful to do nothing. I could end up sitting there all year, waiting and hoping he'd make a move when he never would. I had to choose either to take the aggressive path or to be a pussy. For me, that was a no-brainer. “Wait,” I said.

I stood up and got in front of him, forcing him to look at me. “What?” he asked.

“Can't you stay here and work on it?” I asked.

“I've been getting a lot done when I'm at the library,” he said softly.

“Am I too distracting?” I asked. He just shrugged his shoulders. I reached over and pulled the backpack strap off his shoulder; holding on to it as it slid down his arm and then gently letting it land on the floor next to him.

“You can be,” he said.

“I really like you. I mean, I really really like you,” I said like a total idiot. Only he didn't diss me, he looked up at me and smiled.

“I like you too,” he said, trying to play it off. I put my hand on his cheek gently, pulling his face up, forcing him to face me. Our eyes met and locked onto each other. He swallowed hard, and I could feel him shaking slightly.

He tried to break away, to move his eyes away from mine, but I held him there, moving in slowly and intently until my nose was next to him and I could feel his breath on my lips. He wasn't responding at all, he wasn't stopping me and he wasn't encouraging me, he was just like a statue. I moved my hand around to the back of his head, holding him steady while I moved in, closer and closer. It seemed to take forever, but then our mouths met. I felt his lips against mine, trying not to react, trying not to move, but they did. I felt them flutter, and then he was kissing me back. At first it was reluctant, not like I was forcing him, but like he was holding himself back. Then slowly and gradually he responded, his enthusiasm increasing like a fire that had started out as mere kindling and was building up to a full blaze.

He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me in, kissing me as fervently as I kissed him. He was such a good kisser, an amazingly good kisser, although how much of that was talent and how much of it was just me being totally into him I didn't really know. I put my arms around his waist, pulling his body to mine, feeling him form up against me, his hard dick pressing against mine, but the action was not in our groins, it was still between our mouths. I parted my lips and flicked my tongue out, and he did the same. Now we were standing there, our bodies meshing, our mouths linked, and our tongues swirling against each other. I heard and felt a whimper escape from his mouth as he surrendered to me bit by bit.

And then there was a knock on our door and the whole mood, the whole embrace was shattered. We pulled apart, looking guilty, and sat on our beds to hide our erections. Konrad came bounding in. “Hey guys, wanna go hit up the party over at Bledsoe's?” I just stared at him, trying to get my brain back on track, trying to get the blissful fog of the kiss to clear.

“I've got a paper to finish,” Danfield said. He'd managed to get his game face on much faster than me. Pretty impressive. “I'll have to pass.”

“Me too,” I said. Konrad seemed to get that we wanted to be alone, so he just nodded and headed out. I got up and followed him to the door, then closed and locked it. I figured Danfield would pick up his backpack and try to leave again, but he didn't. He just sat there on his bed. I went over and sat next to him, putting my arm around his back.

“Konrad was pretty excited. It should be a good party,” Danfield said. He was trying to change the subject.

“I don't want to think about Konrad or Bledsoe's party right now,” I said. “I want to think about you.”

“I can't give you what you want,” he said sadly.

“Dude, I am so into you I can't stand it,” I said honestly. “My mind is numb and I'm doing everything wrong. Every time I try to get close to you, I fuck it up.”

“Not every time,” he said, and flashed me his cute smile.

“That night we were together at Escorial, when you lay there with me, I didn't sleep at all. I stayed awake the whole time because I didn't want to miss a minute of our time together. The way you felt, the way your body meshed with mine, it was surreal. I've never felt a bond like that with anyone. Was it just me?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head for emphasis. “It wasn't just you.”

“I watched you at the cafeteria, watched you check out all the guys there, and I got so excited. I thought maybe there might be a chance that you felt the same way about me that I felt about you. It was like being higher than I've ever been, the thought of that, the thought that maybe you'd be able to, well, that you might want to be with me. So I was an idiot and called you on it.” He tensed up so I moved my hand up to his shoulder, squeezing it gently. “I'm really sorry I did that. It was wrong, and it was rude.” I stroked his back. “But I still feel that way. I'm still hoping.”

He said nothing, he just sat there looking down, and I felt the sadness start to flow over my body. I'd lost him again; just when we'd gotten to be buds again, I'd thrown it all away. I almost flew into a panic, but just like I'd sensed his mood, he sensed mine. I felt his hand on my thigh, not in a sexual way, but in a reassuring way. “It's not as easy as that.”

“I don't get it. Sure it is,” I said. We needed a little levity. “You say you like me too, and then we fuck.” He looked up at me, shocked, then saw my smile and laughed. “What is it that I want that you can't give me?”

“You want to be a couple, to be together like Stef and JP, or Brad and Robbie, and I can't do that. I can't. Not now, not ever. No one can know that I like guys.” That's the first time he'd ever admitted that, and he seemed to realize the enormity of his statement.

I spoke quickly, not wanting to give him time to dwell on his admission. “Because of your family?” I asked.

“Yeah. It's how I was raised. My life is not my own. I have all these expectations that come with being who I am, and I can't take the benefits and the advantages and just throw out the obligations that go with it,” he said. He was so sincere I could tell how this sense of family ruled his life.

“I'm not asking you to come out to the world. I'm just asking you to be with me. If that means we have to be just buds when we're walking around, then that's how it is. It's not like I want to go make out in the fucking quad,” I said.

“You don't get it. I don't know if I can do that,” he said. “I don't know if I can hang out with you and not let everyone see that we're a couple.” He looked despondent. “I don't know if I can hide it.”

“You're really good at hiding your feelings,” I said, and I knew I didn't keep all the bitterness out of my voice.

“Not this time,” he said firmly.

“You say you don't know if you can. How will you know if you never try?” I asked.

“What happens if we do this, and everyone finds out? Then I'm outed, and my family is devastated,” he said nervously.

“I guess I hoped that you'd like me enough to give it a chance,” I said sadly.

“Dude, you don't get it,” he said. He put his hand up to my face and pulled it around so it was facing his. “Cramer doesn't snore.”

I stared at him, stunned. “You mean you made that whole thing up just so you could get Cole to trade rooms with you?”

He pulled away from me and looked down at the floor. “Yeah.”

“So here we are, you plotted to share a room with me, you planned this whole thing out, what's your end game?” I asked, trying to sound playful.

“My end game was to get into your pants,” he joked. “I didn't realize that was a lot easier than I thought.”

That made me laugh. “True that. So you must like me a lot to go through all that trouble.”

I was teasing, but my comment put him on edge. “That's how it started, but I'm not there anymore.”

“You don't like me?” He was confusing the shit out of me, and this emotional roller coaster was about to fry my nerves.

“Nope. I'm way beyond that.” I looked at him intensely, the question in my eyes and on my face. “I love you.” He said that and my mouth dropped. I knew it did, I felt it fall, but I couldn't stop it. He saw my expression and freaked out. He stood up and went to grab his backpack but I pulled him back down onto the bed.

He pushed away from me, trying to get away, and I could see the tears in his eyes. I tackled him then, shoving him onto the bed and then jumped on top of him, pinning him down. He stared up at me, tears running out of his eyes. That was rare. I was a pussy; I cried way too fucking much. Danfield didn't do that at all. He had nerves and emotions of steel. In a moment of clarity I understood how much I'd ripped the layers off his shell, how I'd pulverized his shields.

And that moment of clarity was followed by another, one even more important and more powerful. “I love you too,” I said. And for the first time in my life, I really meant it, I knew I did, and I knew that this was the emotion that had evaded me for so long. He smiled, a huge smile, and I lowered my mouth to his and we kissed again, only this time there was no holding back. I let his arms go and he wrapped them around me, then his legs. He was like a python, holding me so tightly, squeezing me to him like he was trying to absorb me into his body.

And then the action moved away from our mouths and to our bodies. I felt him with me, that magical feeling that enveloped my whole body, his taut, muscular body moving against mine, rising up to meet my hips as I thrust against him. I could feel his hardness against mine as our fully clothed bodies moved in perfect sync, in perfect rhythm. I got a subconscious hint from my body that said I should stop and take my clothes off, but I ignored it. It was so good just being with him, I didn't want to stop.

He broke off our kiss but I didn't let it bother me. I could tell from his panting that he was just trying to catch his breath. “I'm gonna cum,” he growled into my ear. His voice was raw then, not refined like normal, and his soft southern accent had turned into a hard-core twang. It was so hot he brought me up with him.

“Me too,” I said, imitating his growl, and then we exploded. We were thrusting against each other in what might have seemed like wrestling, like a competition, but inside we were working in unison, working toward a beautiful and magnificent coupling.

I pulled back and looked at him, looked into his eyes. With other guys I'd be worried that this would be a moment of weirdness, but not this time. I was connected to this guy. His eyes twinkled as he smiled at me. We just stared at each other, grinning and panting until we caught our breath, then I leaned in to kiss him and he returned my kiss with as much love as I put into it.

I stood up and saw his nervous look. It was so sweet the way he was upset at losing my presence. I held my hand out and pulled him up, then started stripping off my clothes. I needed to get my jeans off before the cum soaked through my boxers. He followed suit, stripping off first his polo shirt, then his jeans. I dropped my boxers and grabbed them, using them to wipe the excess cum off my groin. It was at times like this that it was nice to have trimmed pubes. He pulled his boxers off and made to do the same thing but I took them from him and pushed him back onto the bed, onto his back.

I moved my mouth up his legs to his balls, taking a moment to savor his scent. It was all man, but with a tang, a sweetness to it that I'd only smelled on redheads before. I sucked on his balls, and then moved up to his dick, taking him into my mouth and draining the last drops of cum out of his tube. It was like nectar, the most exquisite taste I'd experienced. His cum was salty, but had a sweet flavor I'd never encountered before. Everything about him was unique, everything about him was special. I moved up and licked the cum off his pubes, looking up to see him smiling as I did.

Then I got under the covers and motioned him over to me. He lay on me just like he had at Escorial, with his firm body splayed across me, his face in my neck. Only this time he was naked and so was I, so I could feel every part of him against me, and this time he kissed and nuzzled my neck. We lay there, his body with mine, so close it was hard to know where he ended and I began. He moved his head away from my neck and I moved my head sideways to kiss him lovingly.

I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. I wanted him to see me, to see how sincere I was. “I love you, Wade.”

It was the first time I'd called him by his first name, and it surprised us both. His eyes fluttered a little bit with emotion as he digested that. “I love you, Matt. I love you so much it's scary.”

“You got anything important going on in your classes tomorrow?” I asked.

“Just the normal stuff,” he said. “Why?”

“Let's cut school.”

“We can't do that,” he said. I raised my eyebrow. “You're a bad boy,” he teased.

“I am. I'm very bad. And that's great news for you,” I said. “Let's get out of here.”

“So if I let you whisk me away, where are you taking me?” he joked.

“You trust me?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do,” he said. We jumped out of bed and grabbed some clothes. It was still early, only around 6:30pm.

“Come on, let's go!” I said urgently. He followed me, both of us giddy as we charged out of the room with a change of clothes in our backpacks. We got to the GMC; I fired it up, and tore up to Escorial.

“Matt, no one can know about us,” he said as we drove up to the gates.

“People we trust can. We need a place we can go to just be us, to be ourselves, to be a couple. This is one of them. We can trust these guys,” I told him.

“I don't know,” he said nervously.

“I'm cool with being totally on the down low,” I told him. “But I love these guys, and I have to tell them. They'll know anyway. Give me this, please?”

He looked at me nervously. “These guys, your family here, and that's it.”

“Thanks,” I said, and leaned in to kiss him. We drove up to the front door.

“So are we staying here?” he asked.

“It's a surprise,” I said, winking.

We burst through the front door and strolled into the dining room at 7:15pm. JP looked at us, barely hiding his irritation, but then got up gamely and greeted us. It was just JP and Stef, Isidore and Frank, so they scooted over and made room for us.

“You're late,” Frank said. “That's pretty brave.” I cracked up at that. He rarely said much, and he almost never teased JP. JP gave him a dirty look.

“JP, I think I have figured out this mania you have for eating your meals so punctually,” Isidore said. “Would you like me to share my theory with you?”

“You're going to tell me whether I want to hear it or not,” he said fatalistically. Stef giggled.

“Well I have noticed that when I am here and we eat regularly, my bowel movements are quite regular as well. I would assume that is much more important to you than to me,” she said. JP blushed furiously while the rest of us started laughing so hard we were crying.

“I hardly think that is a proper topic of conversation at dinner,” he said icily.

“Then you must accept my sincere apologies,” Isidore said. She wasn't sorry at all. We all tried to be serious but couldn't. Frank started laughing and the rest of us joined him.

Stef was the one who saved JP in the end. “Wade, you look different today. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were glowing.” Danfield stared at me, horrified that his worst fears were true, that it was visible that we were in love. Stef seemed concerned at his reaction. “I did not mean to offend you.”

Just like Stef saved JP, I jumped in to save Wade. “Leave him alone Stef. He's in love.”

“And who is the lucky girl?” Isidore asked innocently.

Danfield got a mischievous look on his face and announced, “Matt.” All eyes flashed to me and it was my turn to blush.

“That is wonderful!” Stef gushed. “I am so happy for you two! You make such a cute couple.”

“I'll forgive you for being late then,” JP said, smiling. “Even if it does throw my intestinal tract off schedule.”

I saw Wade get really uncomfortable and nervous. JP sensed it too, but I jumped in before JP could probe. “We can't let anyone know about us being a couple,” I said firmly.

“Because of your father?” JP asked Wade. Of course he would know who Wade's father was.

“Because of my family,” Wade said. “I can't be out.” Stef seemed to be irritated, but JP got it.

“I understand, probably more than you know. There may come a time when you have to grapple with that decision,” JP said. “I want you to know my door is always open to you.”

“Thank you,” Wade said politely. I don't think he really took JP's offer all that seriously, but he should. JP was such a good guy to talk to.

“So why did you tell us?” Frank asked.

I was about to answer when Wade jumped in. “Because Matt asked me to. Because he needs an outlet and so do I, people that we can be ourselves around. And because he trusts you, and I do too.”

“We will not betray that trust,” JP said. Everyone else nodded.

“So we didn't actually come up here for dinner,” I said, even though we were eating like normal, having already stuffed ourselves on pasta.

“Oh?” JP asked.

“We're going to cut classes tomorrow, so we thought we'd sneak off somewhere and just be together,” I said. “I was wondering if we could use the house in Santa Cruz?” Wade smiled at me now that our secret destination was revealed.

“You can't let love interfere with your responsibilities,” JP said. I was about to jump on him for that, but I didn't have to.

“Oh for Christ's sake, JP,” Frank said.

“Some things are more important than going to a class,” Stef said.

JP looked irked at being embattled again, so I tried to reassure him. “We won't, JP, but there's nothing vital tomorrow, and we can get notes to make up for what we miss.”

“You're an adult, you can make these decisions,” he said, backing down.

“Remember our conversation,” I asked, “where I told you that I was afraid that I couldn't love, that I wasn't capable?” Wade looked at me, intensely interested in that. “Well I found out that I can. And I just want a day to enjoy it.”

JP smiled, got up and left. He returned a few minutes later with a small case that looked almost like a fanny pack. “Here are the keys, a remote for the gate, and a map. There won't be much food there, so stop on the way.”

We grinned, said goodbye, and then hopped into the GMC to head for Santa Cruz.