Bloodlines - 7. Chapter 7

August 7, 1998

We sat on the deck, JP and Stefan, Robbie and Brad, and Cody and I, like three couples. It was actually really romantic, with the sound of the surf in the background, the cool sea breeze, and the stars trying to twinkle through the smog that still clung to the city, even at night. Brad handed me a joint and I took it gratefully. I'd run out of pot almost right after I'd left Cleveland.

“So how did you find out you were adopted?” Cody asked.

“I had Strep throat earlier this year. Sometimes the after effects of it can be pretty dire. My kidneys are going to shut down eventually. Could be in a year, could be five years, could be tomorrow,” I said, then took a hit on the joint and passed it to Cody.

“So you're dying?” Robbie asked, horrified.

“No,” I said, smiling at him. I know most people would probably have issues with their biological dad. It's like you're supposed to be all pissed off or something. That seemed so stupid to me. The only thing I'd seen from this guy so far was caring and kindness. “I need to either get a kidney transplant, or go on dialysis.”

“So you need a kidney, one of mine?” he asked.

“I need a kidney, but I don't know if you're even a compatible donor. Laura wasn't. And my parents weren't. That's how I found out I was adopted, when the blood tests didn't pan out.”

“So they waited 18 years to tell you that you were adopted?” Cody asked. It almost pissed me off, but I was too stoned to let his tone bother me. Damn they had some good weed here.

“I think they were worried that I'd reject them, that I wouldn't love them. Plus, you have to understand where they're coming from. My father is an eye doctor, owns a chain of LASIK centers in Ohio. Both he and my mother come from established families. They're supposed to produce an heir and they couldn't. So I think they just convinced themselves that they had.”

JP spoke up for the first time since dinner. “Carrswold. I've heard of your family. Old money. You live in Shaker Heights?”

“Yeah, that's the one,” I said.

“I've got two kidneys,” Robbie said. “You want one of them, it's yours.” I just stared at him, and felt my eyes watering. I swallowed hard.

“You've only known me for a few hours. You should think about it first,” I said. I couldn't believe I said that. I'd been trying to dream up a sales pitch to weasel a kidney out of him since I learned about him, and now when he offers, I tell him to think about it.

“Robbie's a pretty good judge of character,” Brad said supportively. I didn't expect that at all. I figured that he'd be defensive, really defensive of his partner's body.

“I guess I never expected this kind of reception,” I said. “I didn't know, I… uh, I thought...” I couldn't finish my sentence.

“You didn't know Robbie,” Brad said. His eyes sparkled so bright when he mentioned his lover I could see it in the glow of the light from the house. This was love. This is what Cody was talking about.

“No, I didn't know Robbie,” I said. I felt Cody's arm around me and I leaned back into him, so glad he was here with me, so glad I had his support. How strange that I was relying on a guy I'd only met this afternoon.

Then JP unwittingly shattered my good mood. “So I'm wondering how your parents handled it when they found out you were gay? Doesn't exactly fit into the old money game plan.”

“They don't know,” I said softly. There was tension now, tension from the whole group. A tension that comes from concern. “You were in my shoes?” I asked JP.

“Old money family, gay kid,” he said. “I was there. Only I had an advantage that you don't have. I had a straight older brother. Still, it was the '60s, and people weren't very accepting of homosexuality. My father and I had a tough go of it for a while.”

“It's almost the new millennium,” Stefan said. “Surely they will deal with it alright.”

“No, they won't,” I said. “They didn't even want me to come out here and stay with you because you're gay,” I told Stefan. “They were worried you’d lure me in to your den of iniquity.”

Cody laughed. “Den of iniquity. Good way to describe it. Stef, you used your ass as bait.”

“Very funny,” Robbie said, clearly irritated that I'd slept with them.

“Dude, you have to get over that,” I said, the pot causing me to revert to my high-school-speak. “No one knew anything about our connection. These two guys were awesome. They're the only guys I've been with, well, until today,” I said, looking up at Cody with a smile, “that showed me what fun it could really be to be with another man, a caring man.” I saw Robbie digesting this. “I don't regret the time I spent with them, I cherish it.” Stefan grinned at me, but JP just looked embarrassed.

“I'm just jealous,” Brad said. “Two of the hottest bottoms on the planet, and I'm related to them and can't fuck them, and here you find a loophole and get to do it.” That really cracked us up.

“So how did you find me?” Robbie asked. I told him about my letters to Catholic Charities, and about Laura. He seemed genuinely concerned about her, and that told me a lot about his feelings for her so many years ago. I wondered if she would have stuck by him when he was outed if he would have married her. I told him about meeting her, and what she was like.

“Did you really do half the football team?” I asked him playfully. Only it was an open wound. I saw Brad put his hand on Robbie's shoulder and squeeze gently.

“Not willingly,” he said. “My cousin Fred and a few others raped me in the showers after practice. I uh, I…the coach found me and...” he swallowed. “I came when they fucked me, so the coach told me I was a fag and kicked me off the team.”

“Your cousin is still an asshole. I kicked his ass,” I told him.

“Fred? You kicked Fred's ass?” Robbie asked. I nodded and he high-fived me. I told him about the encounter in the bar, and how I'd knocked out a tooth or two.

“So when I looked you up on the internet, there was all this stuff about you killing some guy in France,” I said. “What was that?”

“Robbie's former boyfriend came over to Paris to try and blackmail him out of some money. He turned up dead and they blamed Robbie,” Brad said, coming to his defense. This was clearly a sensitive subject. Brad talked about Robbie being in prison, and Robbie's trial, but he was obviously leaving some key facts out.

“It took a while, but we finally got him released,” JP said. “It was a travesty, putting an innocent man in jail just to make a scientist happy.” Robbie was staring at me, or so I thought. I looked behind me and realized it was Cody he was looking at, not me. And Cody’s face had his glazed expression, the one he used when he'd tried to reach in to my soul.

“I'm tired,” Brad said. “Time for bed.” He got up and held out his hand to Robbie, but Robbie looked at him and shook his head.

“I have to tell them,” he said. His expression changed, to one of almost agony. Whatever he was hiding was clearly torturing him.

“It's your call, your decision,” Brad said, but clearly he didn't agree with Robbie. Cody wanted to probe, I could feel it in him, but he forced himself to be calm.

“Tell us what?” JP asked.

“That he wasn’t innocent,” Cody said. Brad shot Cody a dirty look, then mellowed. It was pretty obvious that Robbie wanted to say that, but he just didn't know how.

“You killed Neil?” JP asked. Robbie couldn't even say it; all he could do is nod. “Why?”

“He threatened me,” Brad said. “Robbie loves me that much, Dad.”

“You know Brad, you're probably the luckiest fucking guy on this planet,” Cody said. “Guys like that don't just fall from the sky.”

“I am,” Brad said. “And even better, I know it.” Brad made his hand into this funny shape and rubbed it across Robbie's cheek. “Let me show you how much I love you.” Robbie got seriously excited, and flustered, all at the same time. He got up to follow Brad and his pants were tenting big time, which made the rest of us giggle. I decided to wait to ask Cody about that later. That broke up our party.

“I was going to hug you, but that thing is kind of scary,” I said, pointing at his dick. He blushed even harder. I moved closer anyway and wrapped my arms around Robbie, his big dick spearing me in a comical, not erotic way. Besides, my mind and his were up higher than that. I felt his arms around me, felt him envelop me, and it was an incredible feeling. I felt so much love from him, so much caring, and his body was so soft and so strong at the same time, it was really overwhelming. I didn't want to let go. And I went into full pussy mode, with tears pouring out of my eyes.

“Cody, you're wrong,” Robbie said as we broke off our hug.

“About what?”

“Great guys do fall from the sky once in a while.”

Cody led me upstairs to my room and locked the door. “This was a pretty big night for you,” he said.

“Yeah, but even bigger for Robbie.”

He nodded. “Is it OK if I'm here? Would you rather be alone?” I stared at him and smiled. Mr. See-into-people's-souls is clueless about what I'm feeling? I pulled him onto the bed with me.

“Now I know why you think I'm dangerous,” I said.

“Oh yeah? Why?” he asked, almost coquettishly.

“Because you can't read my mind like you can read everyone else's.”

“I can read it right now,” he said.

“Oh yeah? What am I thinking?”

“You're thinking that you want my big cock in your ass, and you want me to make you cum like I did this afternoon,” he said.

“Well, I'm sure thinking that right now,” I said, “but that hardly takes clairvoyance.” He took his time with me, really working my body before he even touched me below the waistline. This guy was amazing, such a skilled lover. No wonder Alejandro was so keen to keep him. I wondered if a guy like Cody could ever be ‘kept’. This guy was casting a spell on me big time. Good thing I'm only in town for a few weeks.

He may not be able to read my mind, but he sure knew how to read my body. Every time we fucked it got better. But it was afterward, when we were fully sated, that he really tuned in to my emotions. It had been a roller coaster day, and even though I'm a pretty self-sufficient guy, tonight I needed someone to just hold me. I put the feeling aside, that feeling that I was being a big pussy, and decided that events of this magnitude gave me the right to need someone to just make me feel loved. And he did.

“So what's with that thing Brad did with his hand that got Robbie all hot?” I asked.

Cody chuckled. “You know, you're a lot like Robbie,” he said. “Sexually.”

“You fucked him?” I asked, surprised.

“No. He and Brad are too tight. You ever heard of fisting?” Cody asked.

“What's that?” I'd heard of lots of stuff, but not that. I felt like a neophyte.

“It's where your lover puts his whole fist in your ass,” he said.

“Dude, that's gross,” I reacted.

“You've got a sensitive prostate just like Robbie. And your dick looks almost like his too,” he joked. “If you have a sensitive prostate, it can be pretty fun, or so I hear.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked. “You said you didn't fuck him.”

“Brad's kind of an exhibitionist and he let me watch once when they did it. I thought it would be all raw and rough, like a leather S & M thing, but it wasn't anything like that,” he said.

“You make it sound like it was all gentle and shit,” I joked. “Hard to visualize when someone's jamming their fist up your ass.”

“See, that's what I thought, but it wasn't like that at all. It was really intimate. They were really into it, the feeling, but they were also laughing and having fun with it, and the level of caring and love they showed each other was really awesome.” He looked almost wistful.

“You make it seem like it's something you want to do,” I said nervously.

“I do. Let's try it,” he teased. His hand lunged for my ass, and then he laughed at my totally freaked out expression. “Seriously, I'd like to find someone, someday, that I could get that close to.”

I looked up at him and kissed his nipple. “If I had to guess, I'd say you probably push people away before that can happen.”

“See, you're dangerous,” he said. “It's a good thing you're only here for a few weeks.”

“Why? I thought I was just some punk 18-year-old. An emotional basket case?”

“Didn't I say I was sorry?” he asked, irritated. I rolled over on top of him and ran my crack against his dick.

“Yeah,” I said huskily. “More. I want more of you.” I slid up and down, rubbing his cock against my ass, until he accidentally slipped right in. I stopped then, knowing we should use a condom. But he felt too good. I had to keep going, I had to feel his raw dick in me. Then I looked down at him, saw his beautiful face, and stopped.

“You clean?” he asked, disappointed.

“I was, but I had a problem on my way out here. We can't risk it,” I said. I reached for a condom and slipped it on him, then slid back onto him. This time I was in control, and I decided to have fun with it. I pinned his arms behind his head. When he tried to move them, I pinned them harder, so we were fucking and struggling for dominance at the same time. It was so hot, so virile, so male.

“So what happened?” he asked after we resumed our cuddling. Cuddling. What a pansy-ass word. Whatever. It felt great.

“A cop in Texas fucked me, barebacked me,” I said. I told him the whole story, and he laughed at the part about me lying there sleeping, with my hard dick sticking out of my boxers. He stopped laughing when I told him how the cop fucked me.

“That's pretty raw,” he said.

“But you would have trusted me if I'd told you I was clean?” That level of confidence was a pretty big deal.

“Yeah. And you just proved that my judgment was right on that,” he said.

This guy had some deep streams flowing in him, some feelings that he buried pretty deep. Part of me wanted to respect that, but I got the feeling that he needed to talk about it. “Who was he?” I asked.

“What are you talking about?” he shot back, much too aggressively.

“The guy that hurt you, that you were close to being in love with,” I said.

“Fuck you,” he said.

“In a minute, after you tell me about him,” I said smiling, being cheeky.

“You'll meet him,” he said, with diminishing contention. “Brian Parnell. He's JP's half brother, and almost as cute as JP is.”

“He works for Stef though?” I asked, confused.

“Yeah, he does, and since Stef pretty much lives up in Palo Alto now, that's where he lives too.” His expression was wistful. I put my macho self behind and tried to be tender.

“So what happened?” I asked.

“Distance. We're 400 miles apart, and we're both sexual beings. We agreed to see other people. I saw a bunch of guys, still do,” he said, flashing me that sexy smile. “He found one and fell in love.” I rolled over onto my back and pulled him on top of me, stroking his hair and his neck, his head on my chest. I was surprised at how strongly I felt about this guy after knowing him for such a short time.

“So do you see him still?” I asked.

“Yeah, we're cool. His new boyfriend is actually a really nice guy. His name is Justin. I'm sure you'll meet him too,” he told me. “Sometimes things just don't work out. Doesn't mean people are bad.”

“You know who I'm looking forward to meeting?” I asked him.

“Who?”

“Justin. Any guy that Brian would pick instead of you has to be a God.” He looked up at me and smiled.

“You trying to catch me in your web, you little heart breaker?” he teased.

“Trying, hell, you're already there,” I said. “I'll wear you out old man.”

“We'll see who wears out whom,” he joked back. Then he fucked me again. How many orgasms can I have in one day? That was the thought on my mind when I finally fell asleep.

August 8, 1998

“Hey, Dad,” I said in response to his hello.

“Hello Matt! I was kind of worried since we didn't hear from you yesterday,” he said.

“It was a busy day,” I said. “I tried to see Robbie at his office but I couldn't get in.”

“He wouldn't even see you after all these years?” he asked bitterly.

“He didn't know who I was. Anyway, it turns out that his partner is JP's son, so I met him last night,” I said, trying not to sound too enthusiastic.

“So you're there with two gay couples?” he asked.

“Yeah, I am,” I said obstinately. “Is that more important than whether he'll give me one of his kidneys?”

“No, it's not, but it's dangerous,” he said.

“You know, Dad, I'm not gonna call if you're gonna keep going on about this. They're nice people. This is such bullshit.” I was pissed, really pissed, and he knew it.

“Morals and character are important,” he said.

“Dad, I have to run. I'll call you back later,” I said.

“You don't have to go,” he said. “We can change the subject.”

“Yes, I do, because I'm so pissed off at you right now I might say something really rude. 'Bye.” And I hung up. I was so mad I wanted to hit something. I looked up and saw Cody standing there, a towel around his waist.

“Didn't go well?” he asked.

I shook my head. “He's more worried about me staying with a bunch of fags than my health.”

“You need to burn off some steam?” he asked, that leer on his face.

“I'm not in the mood. I'm too pissed off,” I said. He dropped his towel and my mood started to change.

“I want to try something,” he said.

“What?” I asked, distracted now.

“Brad told me once that he could play with Robbie's prostate with just his fingers, just three fingers, and get him off as hard as when he fists him,” he said. He held his fingers out and then stroked them across my cheek, grazing them across my lips. “You think you can take three fingers?”

“If I can handle your big dick, I can handle three of your fingers,” I joked. He made me lie on my back. I expected him to rush right in, to start jamming fingers in, but that wasn't his way. Sex with Cody was all about the whole body. If I were really horny, that would be frustrating, but since I wasn't, since he kept me so drained, it was fucking awesome.

It seemed to take forever for him to get to my ass, and then it was just one finger. It felt so inadequate after his big dick, and without that communion that came from having him fuck me. Then he stretched me more with his second finger, really probing now. I felt him hitting my prostate and I realized that I was all tensed up, still pissed at my dad, so I wasn't really enjoying it like I should.

The third finger took some work, but the work, the pain of being really stretched, focused my mind on Cody and what he was doing. Then he began to work his magic. He started to stroke and squeeze my magic gland, while he kissed my mouth, my neck, or just cooed nasty things in my ear. I felt my body respond, felt it rising to those excitement levels that only he seemed able to bring me to. Then he took me farther. My whole body responded to his fingers, to his assault on my most sensitive gland. I felt like he had found some magic sexual flute inside me and instead of just playing a little ditty, he was doing a whole fucking concerto.

I threw my head back, moaning and screaming in ecstasy as he worked his magic, my legs flailing around in response to his stimulation. He grabbed my head forcefully and pulled it up, forcing me to look down at my dick. It was almost bright red it was so swollen, and it throbbed, spitting forth little drops of pre-cum with each of his touches. “Look how hard you are,” he said as he nibbled my ear. Then he brought me off. His head was next to mine and we were both staring at my cock when it erupted, blasting a rocket spurt onto my face and his, then another, then another. I really screamed now, a roar, as I came and came and came, watching my dick spew out cum like I'd never seen. In the end, I'd cum so hard I was just a shaking bowl of Jell-O.

“That good?” he asked.

“Fuck you,” I panted. “Good. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

He laughed and kissed me passionately. I was tired, I was exhausted, I was spent, but I needed him inside me anyway. I needed him more than I could explain. He rolled me onto my side and began to push in and out of me, working to make himself cum quickly while making me feel loved and protected. It was a physical and emotional ride that left me drained, satisfied, yet strangely disturbed. And I didn't know why.

Before I could analyze it there was a loud knock at my door. I took Cody's towel and wiped all the cum off, then opened the door.

“Hey,” Robbie said. “Am I interrupting?”

“Nope. Your timing is good. I just had the best sex of my life,” I teased. He looked uncomfortable at first, and then seemed to rationalize it in his mind and relax. His look at Cody was strange, a mixture of gratitude and maybe even a little jealousy. More strangeness to think about later. “Did you just come by to watch?” I teased.

“Probably would have been hot,” he said. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.”

“Just you and me?” I quipped. “Some father-son time?” My humor missed the mark. I put my hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, I was just trying to be funny. I'd love that. Give me 20 minutes to shower?”

“Yeah. I'll meet you downstairs.” Cody let me shower alone, which was nice because I did my best thinking in the shower, especially since I didn't need to jack off. I tried to order my thoughts, to think about everything, but I found it overwhelming. There were just too damn many variables. In the end, I just got ready as quickly as I could, and headed down to find JP and Stefan there as well.

“Stef wants to talk about plans before we take off,” Robbie said.

“I do. I require a certain level of organization in my life,” he said with that twinkle in his eye that was so sexy. “Our plan was to go up to Palo Alto tomorrow and let you meet everyone up there. We will fly up in the morning and back at night. Will that work?”

“Fine with me,” I said. I turned to Robbie. “Where are we going?”

“A walk. It's a beautiful day. Then I was thinking that I'd show you our gym. You look like you work out.”

“Yep. Have to, or they’d kill me on the ice,” I said. “Sounds great.” Everyone nodded at us indulgently, which would have pissed me off if he didn't look as irritated as I felt.

We walked down the steps and kicked off our flip-flops, then started walking down the beach. There were tons of people here, it being a weekend, but it didn't really matter. “This must really freak you out,” I said.

“Yeah, it kind of does, but it's pretty exciting too.”

I looked up at him and smirked. “Exciting? Cody thinks I'm exciting. I figured you'd think I was interesting.”

He laughed. “You are interesting, but the situation is exciting.” We walked along and said nothing. “I have three sons and I love them all. Biologically, none of them are mine. Will is Brad's kid. Darius and JJ are Brad's nephews and we adopted them. I've watched Brad and Will for twelve years now, and Will is his little clone. So it's really cool to have you show up and look kind of like me, and to have that genetic connection. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I don't really care that I didn't actually create them, but it's still kind of cool.” He had this way of pausing to collect his thoughts and then babbling. “It must be just as weird for you.”

“Yeah, it is. I think the weirdest thing is that I have none of these pissed off feelings that adopted kids are supposed to have. Hell, I think Laura did the right thing, what I would have done, and because of that, I've had a great life so far.”

“I'm kind of pissed off that she didn't tell me,” he said. I was going to bitch at him, but I was getting his rhythm, the way he needed to think before he talked. Just like I did sometimes. “But that's just me looking at it now. I guess she really didn't have much of a choice. So you're not pissed off at me?”

I laughed. “No, actually I'm really glad I met you. You seem like an amazing guy. There's a warmth you give off that my parents don't. I don't know, kind of just surrounds you, like an aura.”

“Really? I don't know what to say to that.” He paused. “I know you have your family in Cleveland, and I don't want to interfere with your relationship with them, but if it's OK with you, I'd like to be part of your life.”

I stopped and looked at him, stunned that he could be so in tune with me and what was happening. He looked at me a little worried. “I'd like that. I'd like that a lot.” He pulled me in and gave me a big hug, and I started to realize that that was something else about him. He was very physical with his affection. It felt really good, even if it seemed to bring me to tears.

He let me go and then looked around and started laughing, really laughing. “What's so funny?”

“This very spot, right here, this is where Brad and I turned our relationship around and got back together.” We sat down in the sand, ignoring the people around us. It's like we were in this sea of people, but still alone.

“How did that happen?”

“We dated in high school, and I was so in love with him. But it was so intense that I felt like I was losing myself in him. So when it came time to go to college, I applied and got into Princeton. Brad went to Yale.” Good schools, I thought.

“So you went to a different school to be apart from him?”

He nodded. “I never told him that. Guess I should. My feelings for him were so strong but I was too young to appreciate it. Instead, I let it scare me. So we ended up in different cities.”

“Long distance relationships are tough,” I said, sounding like the sage that I wasn't.

“We did really well until junior year. Brad was so absorbed in school. Fucker graduated from Yale with honors, fifth in his class. I felt really neglected, and convinced myself that he didn't love me anymore.” He sighed. “I had some help with that. That's when I met Neil.”

“That's the guy you, uh, the guy in Paris?” I asked, remembering not to talk about murder in public.

“That must have really blown your mind, finding out that I did that,” he said sadly.

“Why did you do it?” It didn't bug me, really. Maybe I was a heartless bastard, but I figured that this guy would have to be pretty provoked to waste someone.

“I met Neil at Princeton. He was so smart, and completely different from Brad. Brad comes from power and money, Neil was broke, his family white trash like mine. I felt on a level with him. With Brad, I'd always put him on a pedestal. And Neil was really cute, had a skinny body, kind of like Stefan actually. I didn't realize how manipulative he was.”

“What did he do to you?” I wondered how open he'd be about this, and I wondered if I'd even know if he was.

“He was really nice to me, just did everything for me. Brad was busy; Neil was at my beck and call. He'd give me my space, but if I needed him, he was always there. We spent the spring semester falling in love, and then I stayed in Princeton over the summer with him. It was idyllic.” He had a wistful look in his eyes, the look of someone remembering good times.

“Sounds pretty perfect,” I said.

“Only he wanted stuff from me, and he was smart so he worked me until he figured out how to get it.” He paused.

“How did he do that?” I asked.

“He, uh, he....” Robbie started blushing. “He's very skilled sexually.” I noted that Robbie didn't talk about Neil in the past tense. Neil must be the guy that turned him on to that kinky shit.

“Is he the guy that got you into fisting?” I asked.

“Cody told you,” he said, pissed off.

“Yeah,” I said, determined not to put up with him treating me like a child. “I made him, after Brad made that shape with his hand.”

“You probably think I'm some freak.”

“Dude, what is your deal? What people do in bed is their own fucking business.” He looked at me and grinned, then smiled shyly. Shit, no wonder guys wanted to fuck him. If he weren’t my dad, I'd be all over him. “Besides, it seems I inherited your sensitive ass.” He laughed at that. “Cody showed me that thing Brad told him about, with his fingers. It was awesome.”

“Yeah, that does the trick,” he said, trying not to be uncomfortable. “So Neil did that to me, and used it to slowly control me. At first it was fun, and he really got me off. Then it got a little less fun and intimate, and he'd start asking me for favors while he did it. Finally, it got to the point where I needed him to do it, I had to have it, it was like a drug, but when he did it, he'd just get mean.” He paused. “After the shit that happened in high school, I was pretty fucked up, a perfect target for him.”

“So did Brad make you come out here and grovel to get him back?” I asked. I had this vision of some poignant beach encounter, with Robbie on his knees, begging.

“No, actually he was the one who chased me. The Christmas after that summer Neil and I got together, I brought Neil home to Escorial. The only reason really was to see how Brad reacted. Part of me didn't want him to be over me, a big part of me. I guess I was kind of a dick, because Neil and I fucked all the time, and we weren't shy about it. But Brad pretended like nothing was wrong, like it was fine with him. And I was so stupid I believed his act. I assumed that he was really over me, and then I realized how much that bothered me. I kept hoping I'd get a reaction from him, but it didn't work.” He was purging, babbling on. A long winded way to explain why we were sitting here. But it was cool to hear the way he thought, and to hear about his relationship with Brad.

“Wait a minute. I though he chased you?” I asked.

“At the end of January, we came out to see the Superbowl. Brad flew into Princeton on Stef's plane and we were late. Neil was being so fucking bitchy I thought Ace was going to kill him. Ace is Brad's brother. I got to the plane, and there was Brad. He saw me and it surprised him, and he had this look, the look he always had when we were together. That's when I started to put it all together.”

This was like some big romantic love story, and normally I'd think it was lame and blow it off, but it was cool to hear how they got together, and to maybe think I'd be able to find someone like that. “You mean that's when you realized he still loved you?”

“Yeah. His look, and when I hugged him. It was like I could feel his pain. Brad is a very proud person, and it started to dawn on me that he'd never tell me that he loved me if he thought I didn't love him. And Neil got it too, and was a total bitch to him. But Brad, man, he's like to the manor born. He was gracious without putting up with any shit. And then one night, Neil and I were, uh, fucking around and he got pissed and left me standing there. I turned and there was Brad.”

“So you hooked up and it was magical?” I asked. Fairy tale endings for fairies, I thought cynically.

“We fucked. I felt too guilty to really let myself go, but just remembering him, being with him, it was incredible. During Spring Break, I knew he was down here with Stef, so when Neil had to go back to New Jersey early, I came down to see him. I knew I still loved him, but this thing Neil did to me, it was like those meth addicts you hear about. They have to do it.”

“So why didn't you just ask him to do it?” I asked. It seemed so logical to me.

“Part of the attraction for me then was that it was dirty, gross, disgusting. Neil reinforced that. And Brad, I mean, he's a class act, you can see that?” He waited for my validation. Brad definitely came from my world, so I nodded. “So I was down here, and we're walking along the beach, and we were kind of arguing about how we broke up. I had written him a letter, telling him we were through. And he got pissed off and pulled it out of his wallet. He carried it with him. All that time, almost a year, and he carried it with him.” He was almost beside himself as he said that.

“Wow. He carried the letter with him? He was pretty into you.” I thought about Cam. If he'd written me a letter, I'd have stuck it in a box in my SUV, or just thrown it away.

“Yeah. So I had a hard time breaking away from Neil, until Brad faced him down, and showed me that he could do what Neil did, only so much better. From that moment, I knew that no matter what happened, we were meant to be together, and I swore I'd never make some dipshit move and fuck it up.” His resolve was so determined, so impressive. “We went to Paris to work on our Master's degrees. It was going really well, and I loved it there, and then Neil showed up.”

“He followed you to Paris?” Damn. Talk about stalking.

“Yeah. He wanted money, and he seemed to think I had access to Brad's bank account.” We stood up and started walking, so people couldn't hear our whole conversation. “Neil had a friend with him, maybe more people, we didn’t know, and he plotted to kidnap Brad. He took pictures of him all over Paris to show me that he could get to him. I was freaking out. Then I realized what scum Neil was, a blemish on mankind, and even more than that, I realized that he could hurt Brad. I decided then that he had to go, and if I had to pay the price for it, so be it. At least Brad would be safe.”

“So how did you do it?” I asked. I really wanted to know that.

“I strangled him with my belt,” he said. “I did it from behind so I wouldn't have to look at his face, but when he was gagging and fighting, I found I didn't feel bad at all. I guess I'm a terrible person, to do that to someone and not regret it. Because I don't. I'd do it all over again.”

“You were protecting someone you love. Shit, I'd do that too,” I said. I tried to think of someone I loved enough to kill for, and when no one came to mind it made me feel sad, and pretty lonely.

“Thanks,” he said, as if I'd given him absolution. “It's weird; I've never talked about that stuff before, not even to Brad, well at least not all of it.”

“That makes me feel pretty special,” I said sincerely. We walked along for a bit, saying nothing, until I felt an enormous desire to open up to him.

“My father is mad at me for being here,” I told him. “Because you guys are gay. It seems like that is more important to him than me meeting you, figuring this out, and then there's the kidney thing,” I said. “He's more worried that I'll suck a dick than if you'll be a match and give me a kidney.”

“That's going to be tough, when you tell them eventually,” he said.

“Did your father freak out?” I asked.

“You'll get to meet my dad tomorrow. He'll go apeshit when he finds out you're his grandson.” He smiled big when he said that. “He's pretty much always been in my corner. When he found out I was gay, he arranged it with JP so I could come out here, to California, and finish up high school. My mother, well, she's a religious freak. When she found out, she wanted to send me off to some place that would pray my gay away. Brad called it Jesus School.” He paused, thinking. “The end result of all that is that I'm really close to my father. My mother and I, we don't talk. I mean, you can meet her if you want. She's your grandmother and all, but I'd rather not see her,” he said. “I have to work hard not to hate her.”

“I hope things don't end up like that with my parents,” I said. The thought of them hating me, of having that door closed off forever, was really horrible.

“Well Matt, I hope you find they love you more than they're worried about whom you get off with. Regardless, I'm here for you.” Somehow, that was really important, when twenty four hours before it wouldn't have mattered a bit.