Bloodlines - 33. Chapter 33

November 13, 1998

Dear Matt,

I'm so excited that we will get to see you in only a week and a half! My goodness, time flies, but we have missed having you around. Things sure are lonely around here. I hope you are still feeling well, and that you are taking care of yourself.

I was playing bridge with Geneva Kelso and she had some interesting news. You know Todd is at Emory, right? Do you two still keep in touch? Anyway, it seems that she heard from a friend of hers who knows Mrs. Heely, Cam's mother. I don't know if you knew this, but Cam ended up going to school at Cornell. Apparently while his parents were visiting, he told them that he was a homosexual. Can you believe that? I hope he wasn't hanging around you, trying to convert you to his lifestyle. I feel so sorry for that poor boy, for being so misguided. Remember to pray for him.

Your new roommate sounds like a nice young man. Your father knows Senator Danfield. He met him at a GOP fund-raising event and contributed money to his campaign. Geneva was pointing out how Todd had such an interesting roommate, son of a rich man whose money is so new the ink is still wet. I know pride is a sin, but I couldn't help enjoying myself when I told her that your roommate is the son of a senator.

I'll write more later! Can't wait to see you!

Love,

Mummy.

I printed it out to show Wade. I hadn't thought about Cam in a long time. Thinking about him usually made me feel guilty, but this time I felt different. Somehow he'd made the journey through the morass of sexuality and had come out to the world. He did what I'd have to do someday. I felt like I should try to reach out to him and try to be a friend. I picked up my phone and tried to dial his number, but it had been disconnected.

“Who you calling?” Wade asked, as he came bouncing into the room. He locked the door behind him and came over to give me a big kiss.

“A friend from high school. Number's been disconnected,” I said, handing him the printout of my latest e-mail from Mummy.

“Bummer,” he said, then scanned the e-mail. “Were you with him?”

“Yeah, I was,” I told him. He seemed irritated by that, probably by the fact that there was yet one more gay man in my past that could out me, or us.

“So your parents are giving my father money? How fucked up is that?” We laughed.

“Yeah, they're sending him money in their crusade against fags. Meanwhile, his son has his dick in their son's ass,” I joked.

“Now do you see why I'm so uptight about this, about staying in the closet? My father is a national figure,” he said.

“I don't give a shit if he's the fucking pope. I still don't think you should live your life based on what he thinks,” I told him. “But this argument is getting old. It's your decision to make.” We stood there staring at each other, the anger palpable.

“You planning to be home tonight?” he asked snidely. We'd gone to a party last night and he'd hooked up with some slut. I'd snuck down and spent the night with Carullo. It had quenched my hormones and salvaged my pride, knowing that I wasn't going to be Wade's fucking lap dog.

“I'll be home if you will be,” I said, just as snidely. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to head up to Escorial for dinner. I figured we could hang with Cole for a while.” Cole had moved into Escorial on Monday, right after they released him from the hospital. He seemed to be doing fine, but the sadness hadn't left him.

“I figured that's where you went last night,” he said, fishing to find out where I spent my spare time.

“Nope,” I said simply. We stared at each other, a standoff, until he did the thing he usually did. He grabbed his backpack and got ready to leave. “So you don't want to go with me?”

“I've got work to do,” he said.

“I'll see ya,” I told him, pretending not to give a shit that he was leaving. He let the door close loudly, not so loudly that it slammed, but enough to vent some of his anger. I grabbed my stuff and headed to the gym to work out. I usually worked out on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, but this morning I'd opted to stay in bed and fuck Carullo. The thought of how good his ass felt wrapped around my cock was creating an obvious reaction, so I pushed that aside. I jogged over to the gym, thinking about my weird relationships.

First of all, there was Wade. I really loved the guy. We clicked on so many levels, and when we weren't fighting we got along great. There were only two parts of our relationship that bothered me. The first was his absolute paranoia about being outed, and the resulting conquests he felt obligated to make among the bitches on campus. For a guy who hadn't fucked much in high school, he was racking up some pretty big numbers now. He didn't get why that bothered me, and that just pissed me off even more. The other thing was sex. It was, well, sex with Wade was boring. We frotted, we blew each other, and he fucked me, but it was almost always the same, even when I tried to shake things up. I could even live with that, but he didn't seem to put any passion into it.

I thought of all the times I'd lost it with Cody, how I'd been a millisecond away from blacking out, and how fucking awesome that was. With Wade, it was meaningful because I loved him, but that was it. I knew how good it could be, and I wanted to show him, but he didn't seem to be able to get there. And he really didn't seem to want to. And that left me, with my hyperactive sex drive, feeling pretty unsatisfied.

That's where John Carullo came in. He was an absolute animal in bed. That guy would fuck me any way I wanted, any way I could think of, and when it was my turn to fuck him, he was into it one hundred percent. I could feel him when we fucked, feel his psyche, and he didn't hold back at all. He was so raw and masculine, so strong he almost seemed dangerous, yet he could also be really gentle, almost sweet. And then, after we were done, he'd pull me into his chest and make me feel so safe and secure as I sank into his padded body. Only when I was with him like that, when I felt him wrap his strong arm around me, it felt nice, but nothing like the lightning bolts I felt when I held Wade the same way.

And finally, there were the other people, people I got with just for fun, or to salve my ego when Wade was off fucking some ho. Sometimes there were the bitches, and they were fun. I'd done Brittany a few times, and thought about trying to tap Shelby just for variety. I'd gotten to blow Turner again last weekend and that was fun. I loved the way he lost it when he blew, and how amazed he was that I could make his body do that. Then there was Cole. I usually blew him when I went to visit him, and I'd let him fuck me again when I'd gone up to Escorial on Monday when he was home, but it actually seemed weird. I was so not into it, now that we were just friends, but I felt like he was on such thin ice emotionally that I had to put out to help him through this.

I got to the gym and started going through my reps, pushing myself like I was trying to drive away all these demons by sheer physical exertion. I was about to work on my squats when a voice interrupted me.

“Hey Carrswold,” Gillespie said. “Spot me?”

“I didn't know you were here. Sure,” I said. I stood there while he started his reps, watching him as he pushed the weights up, and then let them slowly drop down again. This guy had a body from hell, big and bulky with muscle, not fat. His hair was dark brown, and he had a lot of it. I'd seen him in the shower and he had the longest pubes of all of us because he couldn't trim them down enough or they'd look ridiculous against the rest of his hairy body. Then it dawned on me that I was staring, and I was starting to plump up a bit. Throwing wood right now would be really gay, even for me.

“Thanks,” Gillespie said. I headed over and did my squats, then wandered back to the locker room.

My muscles were aching, so I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to go kick back in the sauna. It was pretty nice, and pretty hot, so I sat on the lowest bench. Heat rises, right? I lay down on the bench, stretching my legs out and savoring the heat as it warmed up my body. I'd just started to break a good sweat when the door swung open and Gillespie walked in, wearing just a towel around his waist like me. “'Sup,” he said.

“Just lettin' the heat soothe the burn,” I said with a smile. I sat up to make room, but he took the higher bench, right above me. He sat down and leaned back, the hair on his chest already damp with his sweat. I moved so I was sitting sideways, looking up at him.

“Nice in here,” he said, his deep voice low and smooth as he murmured the words.

“Yeah,” I said. He moved his legs slightly apart, and that made his towel lift up a little bit, giving me a glimpse of his shaved balls. They looked so stark there against his hairy legs. I swallowed hard and tried not to stare. He closed his eyes and put his arm up and across them, blocking his vision and giving me license to look without getting busted. His legs moved a little farther apart, lifting the towel up more, and I could see his dick now, and it was getting bigger.

I was so entranced that I was surprised when he moved, lifting his left leg up and putting his foot on the same bench he was sitting on. That raised the towel completely up and totally exposed his crotch, and his almost hard cock. “Wanna help out a friend?” he asked.

“Fuck yeah,” I said, and that made him smile. I moved forward and took his cock in my mouth, doing what Wade had done to me the first time we'd been together, just letting him feel my mouth and those muscles as they massaged him. But we were in public and there wasn't much time, so I started bobbing up and down. He moaned and grabbed my head, not to jam his dick down my throat, but to help set the pace. It seemed like I just started blowing him when he started to cum, shooting his load right down my throat.

“Thanks,” he said, then wrapped the towel around his waist again and left. I sat there laughing at myself. That was fun, and probably brought me a little closer to Gillespie. That in and of itself was worth it, since he was a really cool guy. I showered and headed back to Lag, determined to grab my books and head up to Escorial to see Cole. I was surprised to find Wade in the room.

“You're back,” he said. He wanted to ask me where I'd been but he didn't, and that just seemed to irritate him more.

“I went to work out. Ran into Gillespie and bullshitted with him. You're back too,” I said, and smiled at him. My smile melted his bad mood.

“Yeah, I got my work done,” he said. I started to take off my clothes to change, and I saw him eying me with that look. I was horny from Gillespie, and horny from him watching me, so by the time I'd finished stripping I was hard as a rock. He smiled at me and motioned me over to him, then he leaned forward and started licking, then sucking my dick. It was really nice, and felt really good, but as he did it, I kept thinking that it was probably not all that dissimilar to the blow job I'd just given Gillespie. Technically it was awesome, but the passion wasn't there. I blew a huge load in his mouth, then knelt down and took his dick out to return the favor. We finished up and I felt satisfied, nothing more, nothing less.

I started to get dressed. “Come with me,” I said. “We'll go hang out with Cole, then come back and hit the parties.”

“Let me stay here and finish this paper. Then I'll hit the party with you when you get back,” he said. I shrugged and headed up to Escorial, wondering what the fuck his deal was. I got up there and was really surprised to find Brad.

“What brings you into town?” I asked as he hugged me.

“We had one of our companies go public today and set a record. Biggest IPO gain ever! We made a fucking fortune, on paper,” he said proudly.

“And we will be converting it to cash as soon as the Rule 144 provisions allow,” Stef said as he walked into the room. “It is good to see you.” Stef gave me a hug too, but he was really tense, so unlike him. “You are just in time for dinner.

I headed into the familiar dining room and said hi to everyone. Cole looked pretty relaxed. Guess he'd acclimated by now. He was visibly happy to see me, and that made being there worthwhile in and of itself.

We started eating and chatting, but Stef was clearly bothered by something. JP kept giving him these sideways glances, glances that seemed patronizing. I decided to find out what the deal was, take the bull by the horns.

“You seem nervous Stef. Is something wrong?” I asked. Brad started giggling while Stef glared at him.

“You are not helping, Bradley,” he scowled. “I am afraid I may have done something that will anger you, something I take very seriously.” He shot Brad a dirty look, but that just made Brad's giggle grow into a chuckle.

“And what have you done that is so horrible?”

“He fucked Cole,” Brad said, unable to keep quiet. Then he started laughing. Cole blushed three shades of red.

“You let Cole fuck you?” I asked, incredulous. Cole was straight, and Stef was flaming. How did that work? Stef, usually so effervescent and full of life, was sitting there looking really worried. For anyone else, he would laugh and flub it off, but this time he was upset, really upset. And that was because he cared about me. Cole looked just as devastated. “You know, that really pisses me off.”

“I am so sorry...” Stef started, but I stopped him.

“It pisses me off because he gets to fuck you and I don't.”

He stared at me then smiled, then laughed, and Cole did too. “Thank you so much for not being angry. It was a moment of weakness for both of us, and I have been so worried you would be mad at me.”

“You let him off too easy,” Brad said, faking a scowl.

“Cole's a big boy. He can make his own decisions,” I said, winking at him. And I really meant it. I had been with Stef and JP, why would I begrudge Cole that pleasure? If they took care of him, I wouldn't have to. “Besides, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that if I bring a hot guy here, you're eventually going to lure him into your bed.”

“You make me seem like a predator,” Stef said, pretending to pout.

“If the shoe fits,” Frank said, one of his rare comments that cracked us all up.

“So how long are you in town for?” I asked Brad.

“Too long,” Stef said, still pretending to be pissed at him.

Brad ignored him. “I'm flying back after dinner.” I had a really nice time with everyone. Cole was even talkative, for him. After dinner I said goodbye to Brad then went to hang out with Cole.

“So you fucked Stef eh?” I teased.

“You mad at me?” he asked.

“No. Dumb ass. You can fuck whoever you want. But you picked one of the hottest guys in the country to nail. Good taste,” I teased.

“I already did one of the hottest guys,” he said, winking at me. That did a lot to help my ego, but I was done with family time, and I was ready to go hit the parties. I headed back to campus, determined to get completely obliterated. I checked our room and found that Wade had already gone, but I knew which party he was hitting. Another sorority house bash.

I found him by the keg, bullshitting with Konrad. “Hey Matt, you back already?”

“Yep,” I said. I remembered not to act too happy to see him, to try and keep up this whole act, and that pissed me off. “Beer.”

Konrad laughed and poured me one. “Gilchrist is here. Just to let you know.” I shrugged. I didn't give a shit about him.

We found some sorority whores and started flirting with them, really pouring it on. It was fun to see Wade use his southern charm to work them, and to see Konrad with his playboy act doing just as well. I did a few shots with one of the sorority sisters who looked like a dyke, wandered around to see who else was there, then went back in to find Wade making out with the girl he'd been working. This was getting really old. “I'm out of here,” I said, interrupting him.

He stopped and looked up at me. “You going to be home later on?”

“It's a possibility, but I wouldn't hold my breath,” I said coldly. Then I left. He didn't get into sex with me, so he sure as fuck couldn't be getting into it with those hos. Didn't they notice? Or maybe they just didn't care. I was heading back to the Lag when a hand grabbed my arm roughly and turned me around. I didn't have time to prepare myself before the fist hit me square in the jaw.

“How do you like it asshole,” Gilchrist yelled. I staggered back, stunned at his surprise attack. He charged me and knocked me on my ass, and then he was on top of me just like I'd been on top of him when we'd had our fight. I struggled to keep a grip on his right hand while I tried to break loose, but he had the advantage this time. His right hand broke free and he pulled it back, ready to smash it into my face. Then he literally flew off of me.

Carullo had picked him up like he was a chair and then slammed a fist into his gut. “You fuck with him again Gilchrist, and I'll let him beat you into fucking tomato paste. You hear me you piece of shit?” Gilchrist said nothing; he just collapsed to the ground. Carullo kicked him hard. “I said, did you fucking hear me?”

“Yeah,” Gilchrist said.

“Dumb fuck,” Carullo said, then grabbed me and led me back to the dorm. “Get some ice on your jaw.”

I rubbed it. “Fucking hurts.” I looked up at him and tried to smile. “I may be limited by what I can do with my mouth.”

He laughed and led me upstairs to his room. He was such a gentle giant. He undressed us both and then rolled me onto my side and fucked me, wrapping his body around me so we were both almost fetal while he worked us both to a great orgasm. Damn, he was good at that. Then he pulled me in, pulled me to him, and stroked my back.

“You took a pretty mean right hook,” he said.

“Yep, but I'm a hockey player, so that means I'm tough.” He laughed. “So where's home big guy?”

“Bayonne, New Jersey,” he said. That matched the accent. “Got a big fucking family. I miss them.”

“You going home for Thanksgiving?”

He actually got kind of sad. “Nah. Costs too much money. I'll make it for Christmas.”

“So you Italians eat spaghetti for Christmas dinner?” I teased.

“Dumb fuck. No. Christmas is special. We have lasagna.” We laughed about that, until we got horny again and it was my turn to fuck him. I fell into the same position afterward, just long enough to enjoy the afterglow, and then I got up to go.

“You leaving?” he asked, disappointed.

“Yeah. I got a few things to take care of,” I told him. “Thanks for the offer though.”

“It's a standing offer,” he said, pulling me down for a kiss goodbye. I went back to my room, logged on to my computer, and bought Carullo a plane ticket home for Thanksgiving. I printed out the e-ticket receipt, put it in an envelope with a simple note that said “Thanks” and slid it under Carullo's door. Then I stripped off all my clothes and went to bed. I stayed awake for a while, hoping Wade would come home, but I finally gave in to the sleep that beckoned.

I woke up to feel Wade fall on top of me, followed by a crash as my desk chair hit the floor. “I'm sorry,” he said, really worried. He was really drunk.

“Let me help you,” I said. I got up and stripped off all of his clothes, ignoring the fact that he smelled like perfume. He went to stagger toward his bed but I stopped him and pulled him into mine.

“I didn't think you'd want to be with me,” he said sadly.

“Wade, I love you. I always want to be with you,” I said. He let out a noise, almost a cry, and wrapped himself around me in that way I loved. His naked body on mine had me hard in a minute. He was as hard as I was, and he started moving his hips against my body, fueling my lust.

“I want you now,” he slurred. I grabbed my handy bottle of lube and put some on my dick, then his hole, probing in and getting a moan for my efforts. “On top of me.”

“No, this way first,” I said. We'd never done it with him on top while I fucked him, and I kind of wondered why I hadn't tried that before. He smiled and lowered himself down onto my dick slowly, his eyes bulging as he went. As soon as he was in he leaned forward and nuzzled his head into me and started moving up and down in a slow but deliberate way. This was his way, how he had sex, like he went into a trance.

I tried to pull him out of it by moving his head up to kiss me but he wasn't doing it, he was just nuzzling into my neck while he rode my dick. It actually kind of pissed me off enough to grab his hair and yank him up. His eyes shot open and he stared at me, clearly freaked out. Then I forced his mouth to mine and held him there while I probed his mouth with my tongue. It was like I lit a fire in him. He went fucking crazy. He was almost jumping up and down on me, really getting into it.

“Fuck yeah baby,” I said, giving him a chance to pant. “Show me how much you love my dick in your ass.”

“Feels fucking great,” he said, almost a growl. “Fuck me,” he ordered and pulled out of me and lay on his back. I got on top of him, bending his legs back until he was almost double, and really started to fuck him. I saw him start to go into his trance mode so I leaned in and started kissing him again, and that brought him back into the scene with me. It was hard to do though, to really fuck him while maintaining a lip lock, and every time I broke it I saw him fade back into his daze.

I pulled up and really went at him, his cock was flopping around on his abdomen, leaking like crazy, and he was clearly into it, but he was doing that thing again where he spaced out. For some reason, instincts or whatever, I reached up and played with a nipple. That had no real effect at all. He was pissing me off, the way he zoned in and out on me, so I squeezed it, kind of hard. It was like a bolt of electricity flew through his body. His secret button. I smiled down at him and he smiled up at me, while I really pulled and squeezed on his tit.

Now he was with me, now he was into it, and now he was a fucking blast. But we were too close to enjoy it for long. I felt my own load building and looked down at his dick just as he started to shoot. Neither one of us had touched his dick, he just blasted away with the most intense orgasm I'd ever seen him have. And that sent me over the edge, both of us fusing our bodies together until we were totally exhausted.

I collapsed next to him and moved down to lick the cum off his body. God, I loved the way he tasted, it was so perfect. He just grinned down at me and ran his fingers through my hair, then guided me up and held me like I normally held him. “I love you Matt. I love you so much it scares me,” he said.

“I love you too,” I said. “You were a blast.”

“I didn't know it could be like that,” he said, kissing me. “You took me to another world.”

“Baby, we can go back there any time you want,” I teased. He laughed with me, and then kind of lay there, like he was thinking.

“I'm sorry I hurt you, that I push you away. I'm glad you can't see inside me, see what's going on. It's fucking twisted. I'm balancing this part of me that wants to fuck you in the middle of the quad, with this guy who is all uptight and in the closet.”

“You're so happy when you let yourself go,” I told him. “Why can't you be like that all the time?”

“It's complicated,” he said.

“Dude, you always say that. It's like you think I'm some fucking first grader who can't figure shit out. Explain it to me and I'll understand,” I said, frustrated.

“Come home with me and meet my parents. They'll like you until they find out you put your dick in my ass,” he joked.

“When? I can't go home with you for Thanksgiving, my parents are coming in,” I said. That was pretty wild, that he wanted me to meet his family. Maybe they were assholes, and that's why he was like he was.

“Fly back with me before Christmas. There's a bunch of parties before Christmas in DC. We'll have a good time. You can meet my brother and sister,” he said.

“You never talk about them.”

“Mary Ellen is a year younger than me. She'll probably end up at Georgetown. She's a total ho.”

“Your sister is a ho?” I asked.

“Well yeah. She'll try to fuck you when I take you home. She's nailed all my friends,” he said. He didn't seem upset about it at all. “It's just how she is.”

“What about your brother? Is he easy too?” I joked. “Is he as hot as you?”

“You stay away from him,” he said, really protectively. He only barely stopped himself at the end and made it less obnoxious. He tried to play it off with a big smile. “He's a great kid. He's 15 now, a sophomore. We were pretty tight.”

“Were?”

He sighed. “Well, we still are, but I'm thousands of miles away and busy as hell, and so is he. He's got a girlfriend, and he plays soccer, so that keeps him tied up.”

“And you have a boyfriend and play hockey,” I teased. “What's your mom like?”

He snorted in disgust. “She's a fucking lush. No one knows except the maid, because she's the one who picks up the empty bottles of gin or vodka.”

“That's not a very Christian thing to do,” I said sarcastically. “Not supposed to drink that fire water.”

“Dude, they are so hypocritical it will make you laugh your ass off,” he said. Then he got nervous, and I knew why. He was revealing shit, giving me ammo to hurt his family if he ever really pissed me off.

“You already know this, but just to make you feel better, I'll say it again. You can trust me. I won't say anything.” He pulled me close then, and I waited for him to say something. Instead I heard him doing that whispering whistle noise he made when he slept.