Catering With Benefits (3) - An Appetite for More - 9. The Queen is Back

About a month after taking over the restaurant, the boys planned a celebration party and that gave them the opportunity to try out the new dishes Charlie had designed, before introducing any of them into the regular menu.

They hired the function room from Prentice, set up tables of six and invited all their friends as well as a few significant people that they thought could help promote their business. That included the local Mayor as well as the State and Federal members of parliament. The Mayor accepted but not the members of parliament. Also on the extra invitation list were representatives from Mardi Gras, the Star Observer newspaper, a major newspaper food critic and Max and Charles represented the radio station. Local business managers were also invited.

The hired staff did all the cooking and serving on the night, so that Craig and Justin could circulate among their guests and schmooze those with influence.

During the evening Justin asked Jeremy how the new business venture was going. He had been too busy during the past two months to attend and had not needed to appear near naked at any function.

“It’s not going so well really.”

“Why, can’t you get your old clients to come across from Rani’s salon?”

“It’s not that, but we can’t get a license to operate a business in our apartment, we are only offering a mobile service for now.”

“But I know of hairdressers that operate out of their homes.” suggested Raj. “There’s one my mum goes to near home.”

“That’s probably in a free standing house, with a driveway. We have to provide off-street parking to operate a business and we can’t do that in an apartment.” added Brett.

“So will you look for a commercial space?”

“Eventually, but street front rents are so high, so we’ll just continue with the mobile service for now.”

Justin left the conversation and went over to Craig, at another table. After a brief conversation, Justin returned to Brett and said “Guys, we have a suggestion for you. You probably didn’t see it on your way in, but there’s a small retail space on the side of this building. The entrance is from the side laneway. It’s not large but may be big enough for a waxing studio.”

“Don’t pull my dick unless you’re serious about a fuck.” replied Brett.

Jeremy sought to interpret “I think what Brett is trying to say is, really guys?”

“Yes, it hasn’t had a tenant for a while because the owner kept it for possible expansion of the dining room, but I think it’s unlikely we’ll need it, especially with this function room. So you guys should have a look at it some time.”

“This street is a great location for you, but entrance from a laneway’s not exciting.” said Jeremy disappointedly.”

“Yeah, but because of that it might be cheaper?” added Brett

“And your type of business doesn’t really rely on passing trade. It’s all by appointment, it’s not like people passing by might think ‘I’ll just drop in for a Brazilian while I’m on my lunch break’.”

<>

After the meal Edward took to the stage but was not recognised when he appeared as Ed Weiner. The dusty old wig had been to Rani’s for restyling but none of his old dresses fitted anymore, so he hired one for the evening.

A voiceover, previously recorded by Max announced Ed’s arrival and the Donna Summer hit, ‘The Queen is Back’, provided the music for her parade from the entrance of the room to the stage at the other end. She had two of Justin’s hand-picked hunks escort her and lift her in a floating motion onto the stage.

“Well darlings, it’s been a long time between drinks for this old girl, but as the lovely Miss Summer says, The Queen is back. My first gig in over ten years, so the creaking you heard was probably my hips.” The crowd laughed and applauded.

“Now keep that applause going for my gorgeous escorts.”

The boys took a bow and Ed said “That’s enough ladies, I’m the star, don’t want them to get swelled heads. Well it’s the only part of them that’s not swelled.”

As the boys started to walk away she called out “Don’t go boys, just stand down stage and look hot. You can do that for Ed can’t you?”

They nodded “That’s good, this is not a speaking part darlings.” She took another bow and said “Well my sweets, what are we here for tonight? Who’s here for the free food and grog?” Most put up their hands.

“Now those that didn’t put up your hand, what the fuck are you here for? If you came here just to look good, you’re an epic fail. I’ve never seen such an ugly bunch of freeloaders in my life.”

“Hey! you with the face like a slapped arse, can you hold a napkin over your face, you’re clashing with my dress.”

“Do you like it?”

“Yes” from the crowd.

“Good then you can have it when the shows over. Right after the rescue squad get me out of it. I hope they bring the jaws of life.”

A big laugh.......

“No, sweetie, it’s not what you’re thinking. It’s to get people out of tight places. Hey maybe you are right?”

“Anyway, you’re probably wondering, when she’s going to mime some ancient disco number? Well wonder no longer, because I aint gonna do that.”

“oooh” from the crowd.

“Mainly because I can’t remember the fuckin’ words anymore. They offered me one of those karaoke machines, but I declined. Look it’s this way. I can forgive the Japanese for the war but I’ll never forgive them for inventing karaoke.”

“Do you know how many good songs have died in the name of so-called self- entertainment?”.......

“Yes, I know, I thought it was a hand job also. You live and learn.”

“So, you’re now thinking, she doesn’t sing, she doesn’t lip sync, she can’t tell a decent joke, what’s the use of her? Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“Wrong fuckin’ answer.”

“I’ll tell you what we’ll do. My darling Craig.....give us a wave sweetie.....isn’t he adorable? Anyway he wanted me to entertain you for about twenty minutes...but really, I think they’re short of plates and they need time to wash up before they can serve dessert.”

“Now where was I? Oh yes twenty minutes entertainment, and by my reckoning we’re about nineteen minutes short. Soooo this is what we’ll do. All of you who think this is an easy gig, I’m gonna give you the chance to see just how bloody hard it is... Any volunteers?.....

“I thought not, so I have a back-up plan.”

“Justin...where’s the lovely Justin hiding.....come on sweetie.....oh there he is.....I hardly recognised him fully clothed.”

“Justin is going to choose the volunteers” .....

“What’s that honey?” .....

“No it doesn’t matter if they don’t want to do it, volunteer is just a euphemism for...”.....

“No it’s not a rude word, I found it in the dictionary...and it’s not a servant who’s be knackered...that’s a eunuch.”

“Bugger, now I’ve forgotten what we’re doing...tell mother.....

“Oh yes, thanks sweetie...we’re choosing volunteers...you’ve got two my boy...excellent. Now bring em up on stage for moi to see closely.”

“Oh Justin you do know how to pick em, but didn’t they tell you this is not a wet jocks competition? They’re going to do drag. I don’t think we have enough tape for these two to tuck it.”

“Never mind, it’ll just add to the fun. Now my lovely assistants down stage, will bring your wigs, dresses and.... you’re gonna love this boys.....six inch stilettos.”

“While you get your gear on, I’ll just chat to the lovely folk for a minute or two.”

“Just in case the invitation that brought you here tonight didn’t make it clear, the real reason we dragged you along is so you can eat and drink the fine fare on offer. Then because you didn’t pay for it, we expect you to go out and spread the word in the streets, so real paying customers will come next week. Is that right Craig?.....he’s reluctant to answer.....such a shy boy. Anyway the paying customers next week will charged double to cover for you lot”.....

“What my love?.....he finally speaks”.....

“You won’t be charging double?”

“Oh well if you want to go broke in your first week of business, don’t let me stop you.”

“Now where are our lovely dragons...er I mean dragettes. Are they ready?”......

“I don’t understand Justin, ...what happened?” ......

“Why do we need paramedics?.....the heels? .....really?.....both of them?

“Well I did warn them this is not an easy gig, poor dears. I do hope you have good insurance Craig. .....Where’s Craig?”......

“What’s that?” .....

“Oh, he’s gone to the office to check his insurance policy....For the broken ankles or the food poisoning? .....

“Please tell me you didn’t have the prawns.” ......

“They were delicious?..... Oh that’s good then, you’ll be able to enjoy them again when they come back up.”

“So, where was I? I’ve dealt with you lot, rubbished the food and sent two men off to emergency. I think that’s a good night’s work for an old girl.”......

“What?....You won’t leave until I do a number for you?”.....

“Do I look like someone who fuckin’ cares? It’s not my joint, I’m slumming it just being here.” ......

“You know someone who can make me care?”......

“In that case... lovey, bring me a stool...I feel all Shirley Bassey suddenly. Soooo, just for you lot I’ve got the perfect song.”

The sound of Hey Big Spender filled the room and the crowd loved it. At the end, Ed took a bow and faked two curtain calls to get more applause. When the applause stopped she looked to the side of the stage and said “What now?”......

“Oh great, my twenty minutes are up.”

“Just one more thing, if there’s anyone here tonight that I haven’t insulted, I beg your pardon.”

“Good night and don’t forget to leave big tips for the waiters...they don’t get paid otherwise because of you freeloaders. Love you all and come back soon....with your wallets.”

<>

Juanito was the first to reach the stage and congratulate Edward. “Oh my god, I had no idea you did that. You are so funny when you’re not bossing me around the house.”

“Might I remind you, young man that I’m wearing six inch stilettos. That makes me taller than you, and I weigh over ninety kilos, so that makes me dangerous if I were to accidently stand on your foot, heel first.”

“Sorry, I was trying to pay you a compliment.”

“Well, try again, something like, you were absolutely fabulous.”

“Yeah that, but seriously where did you learn that and why don’t you still do it?”

“It’s a long and painful story, I’ll tell you some other time. But the best part of it is, that’s how I met Romel, so it has a happy ending.”

“So, are they your old dresses in that box in the hallway at home?”

“Yes sweetie, I’m sending them off to the charity shop. I’ll never fit into them again. There’s hundreds of hours of work and dollars in that box.”

“Seems a pity to throw them out.”

“You may be right, perhaps I could have them remodelled.”

“Does that mean you are going to do drag again.”

“No sweetie, but they could be brought up to date and freshened up for one slimmer than me to wear.” Edward said with a smile and a wink. “We’ll talk later, I can see more of my fans approaching. Don’t want to disappoint them.”

***

After the show, Jeremy and Brett went around to look at the outside of the retail premises. They peered through the grubby window with tattered blinds blinds and looked around the laneway. Brett took up a position under a flickering street light and said “Ooo, I feel all rent boyish standing here Jez.”

“Is that what you used to do before you slipped onto my waxing table?”

“What did you think, when I exposed all to you. How much was my body worth then?”

“I thought you had possibilities.”

“Ooo, you never told me that before.”

“I thought that was obvious when I took you home from college.”

“Like a stray cat?”

Before Jeremy could answer, Justin came looking for them. “What are you guys doing out here?” he asked.

“Brett was wondering how long he would have to wait for a trick to come along?”

“In this lane you’d probably be mugged before you got a trick.”

“Are you saying I couldn’t attract a customer?” he asked Justin.

“Well in this poor light, you could be mistaken for a hot bod.” suggested Jeremy.

“I’ll remember that crack the next time you’re laying crack side up on my table and I’ve got a pot full of hot wax.”

“Hey, keep it clean guys.”

“Never, this little slut loves it dirty.” Justin looked shocked, then Jeremy added “But he’s my little slut and I love him to bits.”

Brett replied “In that case, you can have a freebie.” and gave Jeremy a kiss.

***

A few days later they followed up with Prentice for an inspection and started negotiating for a lease.

At first glance Brett said “This place is small, you really couldn’t swing a cat in here, but you can certainly smell where they’ve been.”

“So you’re not interested?” asked Prentice.

“I didn’t say that, it’s just an observation, sweetie.”

“I’m not your sweetie.” Prentice retorted.

“Oh I was trying to be nice and butter you up before the rent negotiations start. Now you’ve got me all nervous and distraught. I don’t feel up to bargaining now. You better take over Jez.”

“Well, you two, do you want it or not.”

“Of course we do Mr Prentice, if the price is right.” replied Jeremy.

“Ok then, let’s talk over coffee in the restaurant.”

<>

They all ordered coffee and Prentice asked “What sort of business are you planning to operate in the space?”

“A waxing studio.” replied Jeremy

“You may be right, it’s probably too small for that. I mean you wouldn’t get many wax models in there.”

“Excuse me.” replied Brett “Do I fuckin’ look like Madam Tussaud?”

“No need to be rude, young man. Just tell me what you want the space for.”

Jeremy sought to bring the conversation back to business “Mr. Prentice, we don’t want to open a wax museum, but a personal waxing studio. You know, for people who want body hair removed.”

“I’m sure I do know. Is it legal?”

“Of course it’s legal, many beauty parlours do it nowadays, but we will specialise in just waxing. We will only have one or two clients at a time. That’s why we don’t need a big space.”

“Ok, whatever you say; may be best I don’t know what it’s about.”

“No, we want it all to be above board, no secrets, so let me explain it to you.” offered Brett. “You see many women don’t like their legs to be hairy, so they shave, but that has to be done very often and constant shaving can harm delicate skin. But waxing lasts longer, because the hair is removed completely, including the roots.”

“Oh, I see. My wife used to shave her legs; I could always tell when I found long hairs in my razor.”

“Exactly. Also it is fashionable now for men to wax their chests. Not all women like the Tarzan look.”

“I guess I’m lucky then, my wife has always loved to run her fingers through my hairy chest. Oops, I shouldn’t have said that. What will you think of me, talking so personal?”

“Not at all, it’s good to hear an older man talk openly about such things. Sorry, I didn’t mean to say you’re old Mr Prentice.”

“Don’t worry young man, I know what you mean. You’ve got me intrigued now. I didn’t know about that. Who would have thought, men could be so vain. Astounding!”

“It’s not vanity, it’s taking pride in your appearance. I’m sure you are aware that your wife makes herself look good for you. So why shouldn’t men do it for their partners.”

“Well, I can see that may be the case for you young ones, especially your type, but it’s not for me.”

“Of course, it’s a matter of difference strokes for different folks.”

“So that’s settled then. You’ll be removing hair from women’s legs and men’s chests. That should be an acceptable use of the premises.”

“Thank you Mr Prentice.” added Jeremy.

“Oh we will be waxing more than just legs and chests.” said Brett.

“I think that’s all Mr Prentice wants to know, Brett.”

“You mean there’s more?”

“Oh yes Mr Prentice, lots more.”

“Brett!” Jeremy said in his warning voice.”

“Wait a moment.” said Prentice “If we’re going to be doing business and as we’re all being so frank this morning, perhaps you should call me Al, short for Alfred. You know my nickname at school used to be ‘L plater’, playing on my name A Prentice.”

“I like that.” replied Brett can I call you L plater?”

“Certainly not, Al is as far as I’m prepared to go. Now tell me more about this waxing thing you do.”

“No problem, Al. People like to have hair removed from all parts of their body, except the head. Hairy backs are not very popular these days, unless you’re into bears.”

“Bears?”

“You don’t know about bears? Well, they are men who are hairy or chubby or both. It’s a sort of a fetish some men and some women have.”

“So does that make be a bear, since I’m hairy-chested and have a hairy back?”

“I guess you would be, so be proud of it if you and your wife like it that way.”

“Thank you Brett. I think I’m going to like doing business with you.”

“I know I’m an acquired taste, but most people come around in the end.”

“Yes, whatever you said.”

Jeremy thought to himself ‘This is going better than I anticipated, I wasn’t going to at first, but I might let Brett take the lead from now on’.

“Gentlemen” announced Prentice “It’s nearing lunch time, why don’t we adjourn to the bar, have a drink and order some lunch.”

“Thanks Al, I’d love to. All right with you Jez?”

“Of course, but we should talk about the rent and lease terms.”

“Oh there’s plenty of time for that.” said Prentice, “I want to know more about this waxing.”

They moved to the bar, perched on high stools and ordered drinks from Dean. As their drinks arrived, Prentice asked “What were you saying Brett, before the bear thing came up?”

“Oh yes, as well as backs we also wax butts and the area around your genitals. If you have the whole package, it’s called a back, sack and crack waxing.”

Prentice was so shocked at Brett’s description he sprayed the bar with his drink.

“Are you shocked or amused Al?”

When he could control his laughter he answered “Probably a bit of both. I had no idea. So do both men and women do this?”

“Yes.”

“And they don’t mind you fiddling around their privates.”

“Of course not. Some may be a bit embarrassed at first, but they soon get used to it.”

“I’ve learned so much today. I might tell my wife tonight that I’m a bear, then I’ll have to explain it to her. That should be fun, I hope she thinks so as well.”

“It could spark up your sex life a bit.”

“You’re assuming we have a sex life Brett.”

“Oh don’t be coy, you’re never too old for a bit of fun and if I may say so, your wife sounds like she knows her way around your body. I mean your comments about her running her fingers through your hair, I’m sure is not confined to your chest.”

“Young man I should be shocked at such comments about our personal life, and thirty minutes ago I would have been, but now I see it as a compliment. You know, it is possible to learn from the young.”

“Thank you Al, that is praise indeed. Your wife’s a lucky woman to have such a fun guy as a partner.”

“I hope she realises that.”

“Well we could ensure that, if you want to take up this offer. When we open, how about you be our first client? For free of course.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Besides, my wife likes me hairy.”

“As may be, but has he ever experienced you any other way. My dad used to say, variety is the spice of life.”

“I’ll go this far, I’ll think about it.”

“I’m an optimist, so I’ll take that as a yes.” Brett added as he winked at Prentice and then at Jeremy.

***

The rental negotiations went on for a week. Prentice eventually gave in on the rent he wanted for the retail space, after his wife pointed out to him that ongoing negotiations with Brett where sending his stress levels off the chart. “I have no desire to become a widow for the sake of a few dollars. What will you do with it? Leave it to our greedy children to spend on smashed avocado and an Apple 69 or whatever number they’ll be up to by then.”