Catering With Benefits (3) - An Appetite for More - 13. A Diva is Born

As Edward opened the door he heard music, looked around the door frame and saw Juanito lip syncing to ‘Summer Time Love’. When Juanito saw him, the singing stopped even though the music continued.

“Hi Edward.” He said as he approached the CD player to stop the music. “I wasn’t expecting you home so early.”

“That’s ok, you can play your music, but who was that singing?”

“It was me.”

“On the CD.”

“No, I was singing to my ‘Minus One’ music discs. I brought them from Manila, they’re very popular over there.”

“What do you mean ‘Minus One’?”

“It’s the music of popular songs without the singer so you can sing along with them.”

“Are you serious, that was you singing?”

“Yes, I used to go to singalong bars. But I haven’t had much to sing about since coming here. You do know all Filipinos can sing, don’t you.”

“I don’t think Romel falls under that category. Perhaps he’s the exception. But I want to know about you. When I opened the door I thought you were playing a recording. That sounded really good.”

“Thank you.”

“Let me hear more.”

Juanito chose another track and had Edward enthralled by his voice.

“You’re really are good Juanito. Have you ever thought of trying out professionally or getting a gig in a pub?”

“No, but you’ve given me an idea.”

“Wait, I think I’ve got the same idea. Has it anything to do with that box of dresses that I keep avoiding in the hallway?”

“Yes Edward, I was wondering why you hadn’t taken it to the charity shop.”

“I have almost, at least six times and just as I go to pick up the box, something inside my head says, not today.”

“I wonder why that is?”

“I think I know why, but I’m going to change first, then open a bottle. While I do that you practice your singing and I’ll be back for a serious discussion.”

Edward returned with a bottle of red and two glasses. “Will you join me?”

“Certainly, what did you want to talk about, have I done something? Can’t think what it is, I’ve attended all my lectures, got all my assignments in on time and just about got Craig’s accounts books in order. Another week and I’ll be on top of that.”

“Are you finished with your guilt trip?”

“If I sound guilty it’s because every time you say you want to talk, you’re about to accuse me of doing something wrong.”

“Sorry that’s been the case previously, but lately I can’t fault you. It’s been very gratifying to see your dedication lately. I am pleased to admit I was wrong and you have settled down and been diligent with your studies and your work. Craig has nothing but praise for you.”

“You’ve been talking about me?”

“Of course, I assured Craig that you would apply yourself and promised I would let him know if you didn’t.”

“So, are you now my keeper?”

“Don’t be like that, you know Romel and I only care for your wellbeing and your success.”

“So what do you want to talk about now?”

“As you have been working so hard lately, I thought it might be time for some fun.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“Remember when I did the drag act for the opening of the boy’s restaurant and at the end you expressed your surprise that I was a drag artist.”

“Yeah?”

“At the end of that conversation when I said I was going to donate that box of costumes to charity, you said to me, it’s a shame to give them away. I think that’s why I didn’t get rid of them. I think someone might have a use for them.”

“Who?”

“Over the past few weeks I’ve been giving the matter some thought and it seems to me you have the attributes to do drag. Then when I came home tonight and found out you can sing, it all came together perfectly.”

“How’s that?”

“Most drag artists only lip sync to well known songs. There are very few who can actually sing. You have a great voice, so why not use that to your advantage. There are heaps of would-be drag acts out there and you’ve got to be special to stand out in a crowd. You have something that the others don’t. You can sing.”

“You really think I could do it?”

“You’ve got all the natural attributes and I can teach you the rest. You have a slim build, just perfect for long evening gowns. You have very little facial hair, a big advantage and your soft features lend themselves to female make-up. Show me your legs.”

“Why?” Juanito asked as he dropped his trousers.

“Oh yes lovely, almost hairless. They will look perfect in stockings and heels.”

“You’ve got me all sussed out about this.”

“Always on the lookout for talent.”

“So, if I want to do this, would you help me?”

“Of course, it will be my pleasure to pass on any knowledge or experience to a willing student. But the voice is up to you, I’ve no experience there.”

“Edward, you’ve got me interested in this now. When do we start?”

“How about tonight. I’ll go make something quick for dinner while you try on some of the dresses. Romel’s on evening shift, so we’ve got the place to ourselves.”

“You’re right, this is going to be fun. Hey how do you think Romel will take this?”

“I think he’ll be thrilled for you and if he isn’t, I’ll deal with him. That’s the one thing I’m not sure of yet. Have you got an acid tongue and a twisted sense of humour, an absolute must for a drag queen.”

“Can you teach me that?”

“Partly, but it’s best if it comes naturally.”

<>

When Edward came back with two plates of fish and chips, Juanito was parading around the room in a purple, full length, strapless evening gown, that he was having difficulty keeping up. Edward spotted this and said “Perhaps you need some help there. You’ll need a strapless bra and a good deal of padding, but that’s easily doable. Maybe not start with strapless for now, but the fits good otherwise.”

“Were you ever this slim Edward?”

“Of course I was, you bitch.”

“Well, if you could get into it now, you’ve got the man boobs to keep it up.”

“Watch it sweetie, I might have handed over my costumes but not my tongue. Don’t mess with a seasoned pro.”

<>

Romel was due home at ten, so Edward and Juanito ate earlier and put a meal away for him.

Over dinner Edward asked “Does Romel know you can sing so well””

“Probably not we didn’t spend much time together as kids, mainly because of our age difference and living on different sides of the city.”

“So we have two surprises for him.”

“He’ll be pleased that I can sing, maybe, but I’m not sure about the other.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s just that he’s so serious and straight laced sometimes.”

“He is a serious person, that’s true, it’s his training and his job, but don’t underestimate his ability to have fun. I think he’ll enjoy it. I know I certainly will. It’s like passing on my skills to the next generation as parents do.”

Juanito just looked blankly at Edward.

“Sorry.” said Edward “I don’t mean to replace your parents in any way. I shouldn’t say things like that.”

“It’s ok Edward. Since I’ve been here you have been like a parent to me. Ok, sometimes I might not have appreciated it at the time, but I’m now realising you and Romel were right to try and change my direction in life. I do appreciate it and thank you for caring.”

Edward sniffed and for one of the rare occasions in his life was without words to say.

“Are you ok?”

“Sure, I was just thinking about what you said. Now stop it, before this crazy old queen lets down her guard.”

<>

After their meal and a few glasses of Edward’s favourite Merlot, both were feeling relaxed and Juanito realised he had found a mature friend in Edward. He thought it might be a good time to open up and seek some advice. “Can I pour you another glass Edward?” he asked.

“Not out of that bottle you can’t.”

“Oh is there something wrong with it? I thought it was your favourite.”

“It’s empty Dubbo.”

“Then shall I get you another?”

“You do ask the most obvious questions at times.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Juanito retrieved another bottle, opened it and as he poured, asked “Who’s Dubbo.”

“What?...oh that’s just an old expression meaning a silly person.”

“Edward, this might come as a surprise to you, given how I’ve treated your advice in the past, but I want to ask your advice on something. It’s personal but I don’t want to ask Romel. I want to ask you because....you’re older....I mean....wiser, by reason of experience. Am I digging myself into a hole here?”

Edward laughed, then reduced it to a warm smile and said “I’m flattered you would think that of me. We have made great progress with our relationship. What is it you want to talk about?”

“It is actually about relationships...well mine...that is a possible relat....Oh damn, it’s about Raj.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“Yes, I don’t think I ever stopped. He dumped me and I was hurt by that. I don’t really know what I did wrong. I tried to put it in the past and move on. I almost convinced myself that he wasn’t important to me.”

“Only almost?”

“I’m making a mess of this, aren’t I?” he asked as his eyes began to mist up. “Next fucking thing, I’ll be crying.”

“If that’s what it takes, then do it, as long as you let your feelings out and recognise them for what they are. Now take a deep breath, have a sip of the world’s best Merlot and tell me what you want.”

Juanito did as advised, sat quietly for a few moments, then said “I want Raj, but I don’t think he’ll take me back.”

“Did he tell you why he broke up with you?”

“It seemed to be about my sex work.”

“But he knew that before you got together. You told me that yourself and I think he told Romel. So what changed?”

“I don’t know, one minute all was fine, then the next morning he just started accusing me of being a prostitute. I even gave up a job that night to be with him and told him so.”

“Did you think that would impress him?”

“Yes, why do you ask?”

“I’m not sure he would have taken it as a compliment, being compared to a paid job.”

“Then he went on about romance. He wants me to woo him, tell him how I feel about him and ask him how he feels.”

“All perfectly reasonable requests, although one should not need to ask.”

“Really?”

“Yes Juanito, we all want to be loved and we want those we love to tell us. If it doesn’t come naturally, then you have to make the effort to tell him. Did he tell you he loved or cared for you?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Then maybe you weren’t listening.”

“Listening?”

“Yes, it’s probably the most important thing in a relationship.”

“I thought it was sex.”

“Oh, pour me another glass, I can see we’ve got a lot of work to do here.”

***

Juanito served Romel his meal while Edward poured wine and all three sat down to give Romel the news about Juanito’s new-found talent.

“Have you been recruiting my love?” asked Romel

“Maybe, but this kid’s got talent. More than I ever had. Do you know he can sing, I mean really sing” Have you ever heard him?”

“No, not recently; both our families used to have singalongs on family occasions, but that’s all I remember.”

“In that case you’re in for a big surprise.”

Juanito put on a minus one music track and wowed Romel with his rendition of I Wanna Dance with Somebody.

<>

“Where did you learn to sing like that?”

“Around home and when I was old enough I used to go to singalong bars. I made good tips some nights.”

“So what have you two been cooking up?”

Edward waited for Juanito to explain, but he deferred to Edward.

“I think you’ve already got the idea, but with a voice like that, he’ll kill em round the bars. When was the last time you heard a drag performer sing live?”

“You’re right, so what’s next?”

“He’s got the voice, the body and the costumes; my hand me downs to start. Now he needs some practice, a few dance moves and work up his patter.”

“And I’m sure you can teach him the last one. Miss vinegar tongue.”

“Oh you do know how to flatter a girl.”

“What about a name?” asked Romel.

“I was just thinking of changing Juanito to Juanita.” offered Juanito.

“No it’s got to be naughtier than that.”

“You’re right.” replied Edward “And it will be if we spell it, One Eata.”

“How will people know when you just say it?”

Edward thought for a moment, then replied “Ladies and ladies, welcome on stage and get a mouthful of One Eata, she’ll devour you before breakfast.”

“Looks like a Diva is born.” said Romel

“I couldn’t have put it better myself.” Edward concluded.

<>

Juanito went off to his room to work on a spreadsheet assignment and Edward announced to Romel “I got an interesting memo at work today. You remember over the past ten years there have been a number of staff reduction programs at Telstra and I have always kept my head down and avoided being on the list.”

“And this time you are?”

“Not exactly. This time they’re calling for volunteers to take redundancy. So, I was thinking that I might look into how much I would be offered and consider changing career.”

“What do you mean change career? That’s all you’ve ever done.”

“Well not exactly a career change, but a sort of semi-retirement or at least look around for a part-time opportunity.”

“Are you ready for that?”

“I feel I am. I’ve been there since I left school, so apart from a short stint at part-time drag, I’ve done nothing else. I’m way past my use-by date as a telecommunications engineer, and quite frankly, the new technology is causing a lot of brain strain.”

“Are you considering becoming Juanito’s manager and mentor?”

“That’s only an interest, sort of like a hobby. But I really want to do something different and in my own time. Not nine to five.”

“So how much do you think you will be paid out?”

“Nearly forty years service, my pay-out plus long service leave and superannuation could be quite lucrative.”

“When is this likely to happen?”

“I only got the memo today and applications close in a month, so I’ll get mine in this week and wait for an answer.”

“Will we survive financially?”

“I don’t see why not. The house is paid off, we have your salary, our savings and my payout. Also Juanito is paying us some rent now from his job with Craig and Justin and in a few years time I can start to draw on my superannuation if need be. I don’t think we’ll be on the dole queue anytime soon.”

<>

As they were getting into bed Edward said “You know, I’m quite excited about this retrenchment possibility. I’ll have time for things I didn’t before.”

“Like what?”

“I didn’t tell you, but while you were in Manila at Christmas time, I started jotting down some notes to write a book.”

“You a writer?”

“No need to be so negative about it. I might be good at it, don’t really know till I try. Plus I’ve got my radio interviewing experience; that will help.”

“What is this book going to be about?”

“I’ve got a few different lines of thought. I might write about the early drag scene in Sydney, I’ve still got all the research I did last year. Then I might write about my interviewing experiences and my subjects. Or, I might just write a fiction novel about all of the above.”

“With me as your hero?”

“You never know. You could be mild mannered nurse by day, caped super hero at night. Now what would your name be? ..... Nightingale’s Avenger ..... Or in a different direction, The Naughty Nurse. Yes, I think that’s a more likely plot.”

“And what would this naughty nurse do? Have sex with the patients, or service the handsome young doctors?”

“Or maybe medicate those patients with no chance of.....er, never mind, silly idea.”

“What? go on.”

“It doesn’t matter, time to get to sleep, it’s just past midnight.”

“Ok, good night Mr Author.”

As Romel rolled over, Edward sat bolt upright and said “Bugger, I forgot to tell you Juanito and I had a long talk this evening, not all about drag.”

“Can it wait till the morning?”

“No, this is important. Do you know Juanito still has feelings for Raj?”

“No, I didn’t, and there’s something I forgot to tell you also. Raj feels the same way about Juanito, to some degree.”

“That’s marvellous, but why do you say, to some degree, and when did you two talk about this?”

“He’s still interested in Juanito but has doubts about him really changing his ways. That night at the bar, when you went on the restaurant tour, we had a private chat about Juanito.”

“Sit up, my love, we need to talk through this and set a course of action to get this relationship back on the rails.”

“I knew you’d be like this, maybe that’s why I subconsciously forgot to tell you. You want to play matchmaker again.”

“Hardly matchmaker, they already did that for themselves. I think all they need is a patchmaker.”

“There’s no such word.”

“Well there should be and there is, now I’ve said it.”

“I’d prefer you didn’t interfere.”

“You can look at it that way, but if Raj confides in you and Juanito confides in me and they seem to have the same feelings, we have no choice. It’s our obligation, it’s the right thing to do. We would be less than caring if we didn’t put in place a bridge to enable them to meet in the middle of.”

“I don’t suppose I will be able to convince you otherwise, so what do you suggest?”

“How about inviting Raj to join as at dinner, here?”

“Could be a bit obvious and very awkward, considering they’re not even talking at present.”
“Obvious, I don’t mind, these two need a push, but you may be right about the awkwardness. I’ve got it...We invite them to have dinner at a restaurant, but we only make a reservation for two and we don’t turn up.”

“That’s the very definition of awkwardness.”

“Maybe, but we won’t see it and they’ll have to talk to each other if they’re the only ones present.”

“Or have a huge fight in a public place, if it all goes wrong.”

“Bugger!”

“I told Raj when we were talking, that honesty is the most important part of a relationship, so let’ start there.”

“And I told Juanito that listening was the most important part. So.....let me think....we need to find a way to use both those qualities to get them to talk. Now it’s coming to me...just wait...It’s a bit old fashioned, but it might work because they won’t have thought of it themselves.”

“I’m listening.”

“Good start, so I’ll tell you honestly what I think they should do. Since we each have the confidence of one of them, then we each tell them to write a letter to the other one and be as open and honest as possible about their feelings and their doubts, if any. The trick about a letter is, you read it alone, so therefore you’re already listening. Plus, you can’t make an off-the-cuff response, you have to think about your reply and construct it carefully. Could be a good experience for young ones who are only used to instant feedback.”

“Edward, it’s no wonder I love you so much. You not only genuinely care, but you’re on the verge of genius status.”

“I think so, glad you agree. Now let me show you how much I love you.”

***

The following morning was Romel’s day off, so he cooked a big breakfast while Edward showered. As they sat down to eat Edward said “You know I was thinking in the shower about other things to do if I get this retrenchment package.”

“You think in the shower?”

“Of course, it’s second best thinking time to, the other time when you’re alone.”

“And what ideas did you come up with?”

“Remember when we were talking to Craig and Justin about gay weddings and the possibility of holding them in the function room at their restaurant. Well, all weddings held out of church need a celebrant. I think anyone of good character can apply to become a licensed marriage celebrant. I’ll have to check out what qualifications are needed.”

“That should keep you busy.”

“Yes, and I’ve had another idea. If the boys are going to host and cater for weddings, they’ll need an MC and sometimes entertainment. There might be something I can do there also.”

“You wouldn’t drag Ed Weiner out of retirement, would you?”

“Why not, I’ll be mentoring Juanito, so what better way to teach him how it’s done professionally, than to show him some real performances? I mean, what’s a gay wedding without a drag queen MC? No wait...how about a drag queen celebrant. How wild would that be?”

“Wild maybe, but would it be respectful to the sanctity of the marriage ceremony?”

“In Las Vegas you can be married by Elvis.”

“This is not Las Vegas.”

“Bugger!”

“You and Juanito might do a double act as MCs.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t normally share my stage with any other bitch, but in this case I could make an exception for family. Good idea Romel.”

“Oh, I’m full of them; just don’t know what to do with them.”

“And a comedian as well, you’re not auditioning for a triple act.”

“Certainly not, the stage is all yours.”

“Good, too many queens on one stage could end in a scrag fight.”