Gap Year - 61. Chapter 61

March 2, 2004

Paradise Cove Diner

Malibu, CA

 

Will

“This is like ‘our’ restaurant,” Travis joked as we ate some clam chowder.

“That’s real romantic of you, big guy,” I teased.

“I’m suave and debonair,” he said as he winked at me. Of course, I cracked up. It seemed like most of the time I was around Travis I was laughing.

“And fucking hot,” I said.

“Yeah, that too,” he agreed, pretending to be that cocky, then he got more serious. “How was your appointment?”

“It was good,” I said, even though I started thinking about what Dr. Anderson had said about Travis and me. He misinterpreted my silence for annoyance.

“Dude, he’s your psychologist, not mine,” he insisted. “You do not have to tell me what you talk about.”

“I won’t tell you what I don’t want to tell you, so don’t worry about it,” I said, to shut that line of guilt down. “He was worried that we were using our relationship as a rebound.”

“I’m just a rebound to you?” he asked a little too loudly.

“No,” I said. “That’s one of the things I figured out.”

“Cool,” he said, embarrassed because he’d been a bit obnoxious about it.

“Am I just a rebound for you?” I asked, then grinned to show him I wasn’t busting his balls.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “How can you be a rebound if I haven’t broken up with anyone?” That really bothered me, but I had no right to let him see that I felt that way, so I hid it as best I could.

“Well that answers that question,” I said. He rolled his eyes at me. “Are you and Zach still going to hook up?”

“I don’t know, maybe,” he said. “I haven’t really thought about it.” There was no way he hadn’t thought about this. It started to dawn on me that if he still had a relationship with Zach, that would probably really mess with my brain. I opted to change the subject.

“I told my doctor that I wasn’t afraid of how fast we’re moving because I’ve known you forever,” I said to him. “He seemed to think the big risk is that we would go all in too fast and one of us, or both of us, would end up really getting hurt.”

“We’re moving fast?” he asked, emphasizing the ‘we’ part of it.

“I should have said I’m moving fast,” I said. He looked confused. “I’ve got some pretty strong feelings for you.” If he wanted to really hurt me, now was the time to do it.

He smiled and grabbed my hand under the table. “Let’s just say that you were right; we’re both moving fast.” I beamed back at him, almost euphoric.

“I knew that,” I said, getting playful again. “I mean, you drove to Malibu and sat on my car, all but stalking me.”

“I was hungry,” he said, like that was the only reason.

“Yeah, that’s why,” I said. We sat there for a few seconds, until we both realized that until the big issue with him and Zach was resolved, it would hang there being a total buzz kill. He looked at me, demanding that I speak first. “It bothers me that you may be with him, and it bothers me even more that it bothers me.”

“So you want me to give up my only fuck buddy while you run off to New York and rack up some major numbers?” he asked pointedly.

“I was going to New York to see JJ and hook up with this one dude,” I said, changing the subject. Mentioning Patrick really bugged him, but it seemed kind of important that we were on the same page as far as jealousy went, so that’s why I did it. “He called me and canceled.”

“I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not,” he said, making me laugh at how cute he was.

“When he told me, you know how I felt?” I asked him, even as I looked into his eyes.

“Probably bummed,” he said.

“Relieved,” I told him.

“Why? Is he a bum lay?” he asked, trying to be funny. It was one of those rare times when Travis’s attempts at humor failed.

“No, I just really didn’t want to be with him,” I said. “I’d rather be with you.”

“You want to be a couple?” he asked, which reminded me I was dealing with a high school dude who was mature about a lot of shit, but not about relationships.

“No, it’s not about a commitment; it’s about what I want,” I said. He looked confused. “It’s a preference. I’d rather be with you.”

“Dude, I’d rather be with you, but I’m happy with us like this. I don’t want to have to worry that if I fuck around with someone, I’ll be hurting you,” he said. It freaked both of us out when we realized that if he slept with Zach, that’s exactly what he’d be doing.

“I’m totally fine with that,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to change anything. I’m just saying that before, I might have fucked around with a hot dude I met just for the fun of it. Now, if I do, he’s going to have to be a lot more special.”

“I don’t get it,” he said.

“You raised the bar,” I said.

“Oh great,” he said, grinning. “I just made you less slutty.” That cracked both of us up.

“See, and I thought you liked that I was slutty,” I said, leering at him.

“I like the benefits of you being slutty; I’m not all that thrilled about you being slutty,” he said.

“I was trying to tell you that even if I am, it’s not the same thing that we have,” I said. “To me, our connection is so much bigger than your huge dick.”

He laughed at that. “That’s what’s changed with Zach.”

“What?” I asked, totally not expecting that.

“I used to be really into him, but after being with you, and especially after what he did to you, now he’s just a dude I can fuck,” he said. I just nodded, because there was no way I could win an argument trying to convince him to blow Zach off. I realized that once again I was spending my time worrying about Zach instead of focusing on Travis. He was basically saying the same thing that I was, mirroring my feelings, and if the other dude he was fucking around with was anyone but Zach, I’d probably be fine with it. I was thinking about how bad it was going to suck to fly out on Friday, when I got an inspiration.

“Why don’t you come to New York with me?” I asked.

“Seriously?” he asked, then frowned. “Dude, I’m grounded.”

“Maybe your dad will let you off the hook?” I asked.

“He might do that,” Travis mused. “He’s actually almost human sometimes.”

“Really?” I asked.

“He doesn’t seem to worry or care about what I do as much as he does with Big or Taylor,” he said. He tried to hide the sadness those words conveyed but wasn’t entirely successful.

“I heard you dodged his spy ring because you were smarter than them,” I teased.

"He keeps tabs on me, but not like he does with them, and that’s why it’s easier for me to dodge him," he said. "I mean, I’ve been using this system we set up, where I leave my phone in my truck and it sits at school for hours, and he hasn’t said shit about it. He’s not dumb enough to think I’m really there."

“That is kind of weird,” I said, because that didn’t add up to what I’d seen and heard about Curtis Buck.

“He doesn’t like me, he doesn’t love me, he tolerates me,” Travis said. “The tracking bullshit is just enough to make Big think he does, and just enough to annoy the shit out of me.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

“Seriously,” he said. “So that’s why he probably won’t give a shit if I go to New York with you.

“See, there’s an upside to being unloved,” I teased. He rolled his eyes at me but smiled slightly. I paid the bill this time, then we headed back to our house in Malibu. “Call him if you want to,” I said.

Travis called his father while we were on the way. It sounded like Travis was answering a lot of questions, then I heard him mention New York, then the interrogation seemed to continue. “I’ll ask him,” he said, then ended the call.

“Ask who?” I asked, ironically enough.

“You were listening?” he joked, acting like it was some confidential conversation. “He wants you to come have dinner tomorrow night. Probably just be the three of us. Says if we do that, I can go to New York with you.”

We pulled into the garage as I contemplated having dinner with Curtis Buck. “Let me make a call,” I told him. “I’ll meet you upstairs in a bit.”

“Okay,” he said, in his slow way which let me know he wasn’t expecting that response. He did what I asked anyway, even as I went out onto the patio. Based on the way Stef talked about Curtis Buck, it was probably a good idea to get reinforcements when dealing with him, and there was no one better for that than my father.

I pulled out my phone, hit his number, and waited for him to answer. I was just about to give up when I heard Jake’s voice say hello. He sounded breathless, so I started laughing. “Why are you answering Dad’s phone?”

“Because he’s busy wiping cum off my body,” he said, making me laugh even harder. I heard my father grumbling in the background, which made the whole situation even funnier.

“You can have him call me later,” I said.

“No, you should talk to him now while he’s in a good mood,” he said.

“Let’s hope that’s true,” I said, then laughed with him again.

A second later I heard my father’s voice instead of Jake’s. “Hey there.” He did sound happy.

“Hey,” I responded in a chipper way. “I need your advice on something.”

“You do?” he asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s about Curtis Buck.”

“What about him?” Dad asked, his cheerfulness gone, and his tone indicating that he was totally focused and serious.

“Patrick called and blew me off when I’m in New York, so I was thinking of taking Travis with me instead,” I said.

“Will he get along with JJ?” Dad asked, which was a very good question. Back in middle school, my friends usually watched out for JJ, but there were some that he definitely did not like.

“JJ likes Travis,” I said. “Travis kicked some dude’s ass when the dude was picking on him.”

“That would probably do it,” Dad said.

“Curtis Buck said Travis can go as long as I go over and have dinner with them tomorrow night,” I said. “I wanted to get your advice on how to handle that, and him.” I waited, letting him think about things.

“Tell him that Jake and I are flying down tomorrow evening,” he instructed.

“Dude, you do not have to come down here,” I insisted. “Besides, if you do that, I can’t use your dungeon.”

“I changed the code,” he said smugly, but in a playful way.

“I never use the code,” I said in the same tone. “My hand usually works because it’s so much like yours.”

“You mean you go in there?” he asked.

“Dude, you used my sling in Chicago,” I said. “Seems only fair.” We both chuckled at that, then he got quiet for about ten seconds.

“Zero six, zero seven,” he said.

I thought about those numbers for a second until I got the pattern. “That’s Jake’s birthday.”

“It’s also the code to the sex room,” he said, which just blew my mind. I really didn’t know what to say, or what to think. He’d basically given me permission to use his sexual playground. In the back of my mind, I also acknowledged that he’d changed the code to Jake’s birthday.

“Thanks,” I managed to stammer, stunned that he’d done that.

“Jake and I will fly down tomorrow,” he said, getting back on topic. “Tell Travis you have to spend time with us. That’s his big clue that Curtis has to invite us as well. If Curtis doesn’t do that, then you shouldn’t go.”

“Got it,” I said, then got a little playful. “You know, I’m not sure when you’re planning to get here, but the surf report says to expect kick-ass waves at the pier.”

“Hmmm,” he said, thinking about it.

“Your call,” I said. “Just let me know when you’re on your way here so I can clean off the floors in your room.”

“I’ll give you a call,” he said. I went upstairs and found Travis chilling while he stared out at the ocean.

“Dude, you could have watched TV or played video games,” I said, worried that he was bored.

“I like peace and quiet after a long day,” he said. I walked over to him and collapsed into his lap. “Ow! What the fuck?”

“I thought I’d hang out with you,” I said playfully, then gave him a nice kiss. “I talked to my dad.”

“What did he have to say?” he asked with dread, which was the normal attitude for either one of us when dealing with our fathers.

“He said that he and Jake are coming down here tomorrow,” I explained. “I can’t really blow them off to go do dinner with your father.”

“Let me call my dad and tell him,” he said with a smile, catching onto our plan. He talked to his father and, just as my dad expected, he and Jake were invited to the Buck mansion tomorrow night as well. Travis and I put all those worries behind us and trudged up the stairs to the sex room and, now that we had permission to use it, had even more fun.

 

March 5, 2004

The Westwood Café

Westwood, CA

 

Will

I ate my French toast and contemplated the last few days. Curtis Buck had decided that he had to go out of town suddenly, and that postponed our dinner. My father and Jake had stayed in the Bay Area, although I’d practically had to throw a tantrum to get them to do that. They were trying to be all nice to me and were insisting on coming down anyway, but it was dumb for them to do that for less than a day, and I knew they were busy.

My frown changed to a smile when I thought about how much fun I’d had with Travis yesterday. The waves had been kick-ass, so we’d spent the day surfing, fucking, and eating. Even though Cody, Kevin, and Jeff lived in the house in Malibu, they were all busy doing their own things, so it had been like Travis and I had the place to ourselves. Last night, Travis had gone home to pack, and it said a lot about how much I’d bonded with him that not having him in the same bed with me was pretty depressing. Travis was meeting Darius and me at the Burbank airport, so I’d opted to hire a limo to drive me down to pick up Darius, using this time before he was ready to have a meeting I’d been putting off.

Zach had sent me emails, texted me, and left me voicemails, trying all kinds of different strategies to get my attention. One message would have him whining about how his eye was all fucked up, the next one he’d apologize profusely, then he’d flip to anger about how I’d hurt him, then he’d throw the ultimate lie out there that he loved me. All I really wanted him to do was leave me alone, but evidently that wasn’t going to happen. The last email he’d sent had been direct and to the point: “You said you’d always at least be my friend.” I’d caved to the inevitable but followed Dr. Anderson’s advice about meeting him in public, so that’s how I’d ended up here at the Westwood Diner, waiting for him to show up.

I glanced up to see him as he walked into the restaurant, his eye completely bandaged over. He smiled at me and ambled over using his athletic gait, the one that I’d found so endearing but now seemed kind of stupid-looking. “Hey,” he said pleasantly.

I smiled, albeit barely, and gestured to the empty chair across from me. “Have a seat.” His expression visibly deflated since he’d probably expected me to get up and give him a hug or something like that.

“Couldn’t wait for me to order?” he asked in a snarky way.

“You’re fifteen minutes late and I’m on a tight schedule,” I said flatly.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, but in a tone which was more of a ‘fuck you’. I just shrugged. “I don’t get why you’re being such an asshole. Shit, all you got was a couple of bruises. My eye may be permanently fucked up.”

“That’s really a shame,” I said, as if I couldn’t care less. “You should be more careful before you start fights.”

“I didn’t start a fight, I just pushed you out of the way,” he said.

“You’re getting really good at lying,” I responded coldly. “Or maybe you always were, and I’m just seeing it now.”

“Fuck you,” he snapped.

“When hell freezes over,” I shot back. The waitress showed up and took his order, but that didn’t really help our moods.

“You don’t feel bad at all for coming down here and totally fucking up my world and my eye?” he asked, full of outrage. That was so ridiculous, I started laughing, and the angrier he got the harder I laughed.

“You think the entire world revolves around you,” I said, shaking my head at him. “Let’s see if it does that when I’m not around to bail your ass out.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he demanded.

“It means that none of this shit you’re blaming me for is about you at all,” I said, even though that’s probably not what he was questioning. “You’re mad because I made out with Taylor, and that was an asshole thing for me to do, but you know how gay I am so you know that it meant absolutely nothing. I did apologize for that, and I thought that was behind us.”

“Like I said, it’s part of a pattern,” he said, referring to the argument when we’d fought.

“And like I said, that’s all bullshit,” I said. “What you’re really mad about is that Travis and I reconnected, and that he hasn’t been over to help keep you satisfied so you can stay in the closet.”

“He is really important to me,” Zach said.

“The only person who is important to you is you,” I snapped back. “I’m enjoying Travis, remembering what a great guy he is. The last thing I want to do is see you fuck with his mind.”

“Well that’s pretty much up to him, now, isn’t it?” he asked me.

“It pretty much is,” I said coldly.

“The funny thing is that no matter what you do, if Travis has to choose between the two of us, he’ll choose me,” he said, being cocky. Still, I could tell he really meant it.

“What makes you think that?” I asked.

“I don’t think that, I know that,” he said. “If you weren’t such an asshole, maybe I’d explain it to you.”

“I’m the asshole? You led me on, told me how much you loved me, and tried to convince me that he was just a cum dump for you.” He said nothing. “I think we can slot that in as proof you’re an asshole and a liar.”

“It’s not that fucking simple,” he said a bit too loudly.

“You raise your voice and this conversation will end,” I said. “I understood the shit situation the three of us were in. Before I got back to my room and found you half naked in my bed, I spent a bunch of time talking to Stef about it, to see if he knew of any way to make it better.”

“What did he say?” he asked, mellowing a bit.

“He suggested that we have a threesome,” I said. It was hilarious to see him react to that: to watch his expression as he first mentally rejected it, then thought about how fun it would be, then got annoyed that he’d fucked it all up.

“Not sure that would have worked,” he grumbled.

“When I apologized for making out with Taylor and you told me you would kick my ass, I told you that I knew you’d never do that,” I said, all but spitting out those words.

“Will…” he began, hoping to stop me because he knew where this topic was leading.

“I truly believed that you’d never do that. I truly thought that you’d never hurt me, or resort to physical violence. When you threw me across the room, and I ended up sitting on the floor with my side and my head throbbing, you just smirked at me, proud of what you’d done. There was no love, no remorse, nothing but anger and rage,” I said.

“I’m sorry about that,” he said sheepishly.

“You crossed a huge line,” I continued. “It wasn’t just the violence, it was your attitude, your expression. You didn’t give a shit about me at all.”

“I get it,” he said in a smug way. “That’s what this is all about.”

“What?” I asked.

“You’re mad because I have feelings for other people, and that I love them more than I love you,” he said, thinking that would hurt me. I started laughing again, which made him so mad his face turned red.

“I’m mad because you said you loved me when you didn’t,” I said. “And I’m really mad because you thought you had the right to resort to physical violence at all, but especially with me.”

“You go around fucking up other people’s lives, you have to expect some blowback,” he said.

I shook my head at him in a condescending way. “You really think I’m afraid of you?”

“Why are we meeting in a public place if you’re not afraid?” he challenged. That was a very good point, but I wasn’t going to admit it.

“Because I don’t want you in my world,” I said. “If we’d have met in Malibu, I’d have had to let you into my house.”

“What happens when I’m at Escorial?” he challenged. “Are you going to hide in your room?”

“You won’t be at Escorial when I’m there,” I said. “You hurt me. You attacked me. You’re banned.”

“Only Grand can ban someone,” he said.

“You should call him and ask him about that,” I suggested, which was hilarious, because no way would he have the balls to do that.

“I don’t want to be around you anyway,” he said, which made me laugh again.

“So let me lay this out for you, dipshit,” I said rudely. “We are done.”

“You have no argument from me on that,” he said, glad to be rid of me.

“That doesn’t mean for one minute that I’m putting up with any shit from you,” I said.

“I’m not afraid of you,” he said defiantly.

“Then you’re a fucking idiot,” I said back, with such vehemence he almost recoiled. “In the past, you could have relied on my feelings for you to keep me from ruining your life. That’s no longer an issue.”

“You mean because I picked Travis over you, you’re going to try and make my life a living hell?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “You are so shallow. The smart thing for you to do is to find someone else and leave him alone.”

“Oh I get it,” he said, back in his snarky mood. “You’re trying to scare me away so he’ll be with you and not me, because that’s the only way you’d win that battle.”

“See, I care about Travis, and if being with you would make him happy, then I’d be happy for him,” I said. “Only you won’t make him happy, you’ll just fuck with his mind until he finally figures you out or you hurt him really badly.”

“What a crock of shit,” he said.

“So you want to pick a fight with me, you go right ahead,” I said. “I will make sure that the pain you have in your eye is nothing compared to what you’ll have to endure.”

“Like I said, I’m not afraid of you,” he responded.

“Then I’ll have to think of some ways to change your mind about that,” I said in a sinister way.

“You do that,” he said, then stood up to leave.

“One more thing,” I said, to stop him before he stormed off. He looked at me, waiting for me to go on. “If you hurt him, I will destroy you.”

“What are you going to do to me?” he demanded.

“If I were you, I’d get the fuck out of here and stay out of my way, and out of my life,” I said.

“Gladly,” he said, and stormed out of the diner. I finished my breakfast and ate some of his, since he’d bailed, then paid the bill. Still, his words haunted me. Why would I lose a battle with him over Travis? Why would Travis pick him over me? I looked at my watch and decided I had time to run one more errand before I picked up Darius. I directed the driver on where to go, and despite being on a tight time frame, I managed to get it done and make it back to the Beta house on time.

As soon as we drove up I buzzed Darius. “I’m here,” I said to him.

“Be there in five,” he said, and ended our call. It dawned on me that I hadn’t told JJ that Travis was coming with me, so I decided to use that time to call him.

“Hello,” he said grumpily. “Is there some reason you’re calling me at seven in the fucking morning?”

“I just thought I’d give you an update on our travel plans,” I said in a perky way, just to bug him. “I’m picking Darius up now and we’re heading to the airport.”

“Terrific,” JJ said.

“I forgot to tell you that I’m bringing a friend along,” I said. “I can get a hotel room so that doesn’t cause any problems.”

“There’s room,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks,” I said, and started to end the call.

“You’re not bringing Zach are you?” he asked.

“No fucking way,” I said. “I just had breakfast with him and told him I was totally done with him.”

“You did?” he asked, surprised.

“I did,” I said. “I’ll tell you about it when I get there.”

“Sounds good,” he said, and ended the call.

No sooner had I put my phone down than it rang again, only this time the caller ID made me smile. “Hey T!” I said enthusiastically.

“Hey,” he said glumly.

“S’up?” I asked.

“I can’t go,” he said.

“You can’t go?” I asked, stunned.

“I can’t go to New York with you,” he repeated, this time being a little testy. “My mom won’t let me.”

“She was fine with it last night,” I said. “I’ll call her and beg.”

“Will…” he began, and then the pieces fell into place.

“Zach called you,” I accused. There was silence on my end, and silence on his end. It seemed unbearably long, but it probably only lasted a minute. “You made the wrong choice,” I finally said, then ended the call.