Gap Year - 98. Chapter 98

April 24, 2004

The Beverly Hills Hotel

Beverly Hills, CA

Will

It was hard to imagine a bigger bombshell could be dropped into this group: Travis’s grandfather, Tom Buck, was his father, not his grandfather. How totally messed up was that? He’d been sleeping with his daughter-in-law! I tried to conjure up a mental picture of him, curious as to whether he looked like Travis or Jake, but he’d always had a beard, and that seemed to dominate my memory of him. I looked over at Grand, who was normally so calm and stoic, and even he was reeling from this announcement. His eyes met mine and he raised his eyebrows to express non-verbally the shock we all felt. For me, Stef, Grand, Zach, and my father, this was certainly surprising, but it was not that personally impactful. For the others, this revelation had changed their worldview.

Jake had suddenly inherited not just a half-brother, but an entirely new family, one of California’s oldest and most distinguished, and evidently also one of its most dysfunctional. The man he had been ready to pound into dust just a few minutes ago was now his half-brother. How awful for him to discover he was related to Curtis Buck. I could sense his inner turmoil, but he said nothing, just digested the news and waited for a reaction from the other end of the table.

My gaze next fell on Miranda Buck, who looked embarrassed and trapped, her eyes darting toward the door as if she was contemplating making an escape. It was hard to blame her. It was also no surprise that the silence was broken by the most obnoxious person in the room. “You slept with my father?” Curtis Buck demanded of his ex-wife.

“I don’t have to answer to you for anything,” she spat back. I noticed that she was uncomfortable when arguing with her children, but had no such problems when dealing with Curtis. She was used to fighting with him.

“When you fuck your father-in-law, you have to answer for it,” Curtis said. “I can’t believe you did that. When did this happen?”

“Evidently, sometime in 1985,” I heard myself saying, wondering how that had slipped out of my mouth.

“Was this a one-time thing, or was it some ongoing relationship?” Curtis asked, then shook his head angrily. “No wonder he made me treat you so generously when we got divorced.”

“Generously?” she challenged. “What I got from you wasn't worth half what it cost me to put up with you.”

“You’re a whore,” Curtis spat. “You got paid way more than you were worth.”

“I’m so sorry,” Taylor said to Curtis, and put her hand on his shoulder in an affectionate way.

“Dude, this is whack,” Big said to Travis. “I don’t know whether you’re my brother or my uncle.” He smiled slightly as he said it, and Travis responded in kind.

“Looks like I’m both,” he said. Curtis wasn’t about to let their moment of calm interrupt the storm he was determined to create.

“You are a despicable woman,” he spat at Miranda viciously. “You committed incest, sleeping with my father while we were still married, and bringing a grotesque aberration into our family. At around the same time you were doing that, you managed to rape a boy and almost destroy his life.”

“Oh please,” my father said. “Just a few minutes ago, you were bragging about how you all but ruined Jake’s life by having him outed. You’re no better.”

“If I had known he wasn’t Travis’s father, I’d have left Jake alone,” Curtis snapped, then focused on Miranda again. “It pains me beyond belief to think that your genes make up part of my two true children. It says something about the Buck bloodlines that they have overcome your inadequacies.”

“You know what, just fuck you,” Travis said, yelling at his father. “You have no right to sit here in judgment over anyone.”

“He has every right to be pissed off at her,” Taylor said, gesturing scornfully at her mother. “I cannot believe you had an affair with Grandpa Buck.”

“Maybe she raped him too,” Curtis said, chuckling slightly at his own comment.

“Oh really? You want to talk about rape?” Travis demanded. “Let’s talk about what happened at Big’s birthday party.” I looked at Grand and Stef. Stef pursed his lips into an ‘o’ shape, as we all knew what was coming next.

“What happened at my party?” Big asked.

“He raped Sierra Gardner in his study during the party,” Travis said. “She’s sixteen fucking years old, and he raped her.”

“Baseless accusations,” Curtis said dismissively.

“You think so?” Travis asked. “Are you denying it?”

“I did not rape that girl,” Curtis asserted strongly. Travis got up and walked over to the sound system in the room, pushed a button, and the CD I’d burned of that incident started playing. I was impressed that he’d gotten it all set and cued up, and that I hadn’t even known he had done it. After the first two minutes, Curtis got really agitated. “Turn it off!”

“Not a chance,” Travis said. “Everyone is going to know just how awful you are.”

I kind of wondered if Curtis would get up and leave, but he sat there as if he were made of stone, his sociopathic narcissistic self seemingly oblivious to the pain he’d caused, to the crime he’d committed, and to the universal scorn directed to him from the other people at the table. I had heard this twice before, and that was before I’d gotten to know Sierra, so I mentally shut down the sound, forcing myself not to hear the horrible tape/cd I’d made. When it was over, the silence was deafening. “That poor girl,” Miranda said sadly, but she said it as much to taunt Curtis as to express genuine sympathy. “I mean, having sex with you is bad enough, but being forced to do it would be worse than death.” He glared back at her, while I tried not to giggle at her comment.

Any one of the people at the table could have lost it over that. I almost wondered if Big would come completely unglued, but I was totally shocked at who melted down first. “I cannot believe you did that!” Taylor shrieked at Curtis. She picked up her wine glass and threw its contents at Curtis, staining his suit and shirt. “Asshole!”

“Princess…” Curtis began, in a futile attempt to calm her down.

“I’m sorry, Tay,” Big said to her sympathetically. “It has to be tough for any woman to hear that, but it has to be even worse hearing it happen to one of your friends.” I was impressed that he was being so caring.

“What a bunch of bullshit,” Travis said.

“Come on, Travis,” Big said firmly. “Don’t be a complete dick.” That last sentence was uttered with the subtle menacing tone that was more in character with Big.

“She’s not upset that Curtis raped Sierra,” Travis said. “That’s not why she’s upset.”

“Dude,” Big said in a disapproving way, since Travis was being a massive jerk about this.”

“Fuck you, Travis!” Taylor said. “She’s my friend.”

“She’s not your friend, and you’re not upset that she was raped,” Travis shot back. “You’re jealous.” If I didn’t know Travis so well, I’d think he was being a complete and total asshole about this.

“Why would Taylor be jealous?” I asked him, trying desperately to understand where he was coming from, and trying to calm him down. I was completely unsuccessful, as I could watch and feel all of his internal constraints snapping, as one by one they released his inner anger.

He ignored me and focused on his sister. “Go ahead, Taylor, admit the truth to these people. You’re mad that he was fucking her instead of you!”

I looked at him and blinked. “What the fuck?” I asked him. Stef was so shocked he actually gasped, and even Grand was considerably shaken.

“He’s been fucking Taylor for years,” Travis accused, then spoke directly to Curtis. “I guess Taylor is too old for you now, right?” I glanced at the people at the table, and found it interesting that the only person who didn’t seem to be surprised was Zach. Did he know about this?

“What the fuck?” Big asked, repeating my line.

“Sucks for you, Taylor,” Travis said. “You got old, and he moved on to pick a new, younger model.”

“You are sleeping with your father?” Miranda asked, truly horrified.

“Oh do not even try to give me that attitude,” Taylor said, turning her anger onto her mother. “Let’s review. You did the same thing to him that Daddy did to Sierra.” She gestured at Jake when she said that. “You’re no better than he is.”

“He’s worse than her by any measure,” Travis said to Taylor. “And so are you.”

“That’s bullshit,” she said. “You have absolutely no right to tell me who I can or cannot have sex with.”

“So you’re doing this?” Big asked. “You’re fucking Dad?” He looked totally confused, like he didn’t know how to react. It seemed like part of him was freaked out, while the other part wanted to punch someone. I could totally relate to how he felt.

“It’s none of your goddamn business,” she said to Big, which was the same as saying ‘yes’.

“That’s an interesting philosophical dilemma,” Jake said, shaking his head. “What’s worse? A guy who has an affair with his daughter, a guy who has an affair with his daughter-in-law, or the wife who has an affair with her father-in-law?”

“Or the daughter who has an ongoing thing with her father, even when she’s an adult?” Travis asked, glaring at Taylor.

“Happy fucking birthday, asshole,” Taylor spat at Travis. She stood up, tossed her napkin on the chair, and stormed out of the room.

Zach stood up after she had gone. “Sorry your birthday turned out to be a shit show, Travis,” he said, then he followed Taylor out the door.

Curtis stood up, clearly intending to leave as well. “Watch your back,” my father warned him. Curtis gave him a smarmy look, then stalked out of the room as well.

“This is a nightmare,” Big said, then focused on Travis. “I need to think about this. I need to bail. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I know how you feel,” Travis said. Big walked over to Travis, who stood up to face him.

“None of this shit is your fault,” Big said. “I’m sorry.” He actually pulled Travis into a hug, which was the first time I’d ever seen Big show him even the slightest bit of affection.

“We’ll talk,” Travis said. Big nodded at him, then he walked out the door as well.

“There are a few things we need to discuss, but we can do that later,” Tim Spaetz said, as he stood up too.

“Thanks for coming here tonight and bringing me that letter,” Travis said, and shook his hand.

“Perhaps you can walk me out?” Miranda asked Tim. He didn’t look happy about that at all, but gallantly offered her his arm. We stared at the door, stunned by what just happened. I decided to lighten the mood a little bit.

“Can we eat now?” I asked Travis. He looked around the room nervously, because the place had some serious bad vibes. “I have an idea.”

“What?” he asked nervously, although I’m sure my father was just as worried about what kind of freak plan I’d come up with.

“Let’s have them serve dinner in Grand and Stef’s suite,” I said. “They have a big table. If that’s okay with you?” I directed that last line to Stef.

“I think that is a marvelous idea,” Stef said. “We will go and make sure that the room is presentable.”

“I would like to speak with Travis for a moment,” Grand said.

“Walk back to our room with us,” I told Grand, since I knew Travis would want to stop by there first. I’d noticed that if he had a home base, which in this case was a hotel room, he liked to go back there in between events. For me, my pattern would be home base, event, event, event, then home base. For Travis, it was home base, event, home base, event, home base, event, home base.

“We can escort Stef,” Dad said, helpfully moving things along.

I paused to explain things to the hotel staff, who were amazingly polite about it; even though they were probably irritated beneath the surface, they never gave off any sign of it. “We can go,” I said, having finally gotten that taken care of.

We walked out of the room and there was a guard there to escort us. Travis cringed at first, annoyed at having the extra supervision, then relaxed as he realized it was inevitable, at least while we were here. “What did you want to talk to me about?” Travis asked.

“I am not sure what your letter says, but I wanted to share with you that I received what was probably a similar communique, only mine came when I was 26 years old,” Grand said.

“That was when you found out you weren’t really a Crampton,” I recalled.

“That is when,” Grand said. “It was a letter from my grandfather, explaining that he was not my biological grandfather because my mother had had an affair with a local magnate. The blow wasn’t softened all that much by a rather large inheritance I received as a result.”

“Wow,” Travis said. “It’s almost exactly the same thing, except my grandfather wrote to tell me he was my biological father.”

“I mention this because I wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to about this, I have a certain familiarity with how you must be feeling right now,” Grand said.

“I would like that,” Travis said, and put his arm around Grand in an affectionate way. “Thank you so much.” We arrived at our room and made to go in, but Grand hesitated.

“I think I will have this handsome guard walk me back, then he can return for the two of you,” he said, referring to the guy who was escorting us.

“I can do that,” the guard said, and led Grand off, while Travis and I walked into our room.

“Feels like a sanctuary,” Travis said with a sigh. “That was really cool what he said.” I got that he was referring to Grand.

“What he told you is really confidential, because his relatives in Ohio don’t know the entire truth about that,” I explained, even though I wasn’t sure if that was the case or not.

“I won’t tell anyone!” Travis asserted strongly, clearly offended that I’d think he would.

“I know you won’t, and so does Grand,” I said. He looked at me, confused. “He didn’t even ask you not to tell anyone; he just knew you wouldn’t.” I watched his look change from outrage, to one that was mellow, to one that was happy.

“I think that if I had gotten to choose who my real father was, it would have been him,” Travis said.

“You should tell him that,” I said. “I’ll bet that would be the nicest compliment he’s ever gotten.”

“Right,” Travis said skeptically.

“How are you doing with all of this?” I asked. He shrugged. “I mean, I’ve been involved in some hellacious dinners, but none of them were as bad as that one.”

“I feel numb,” he said. “I just need some time to digest it.”

“I’m sorry I set up dinner,” I said. “You probably just wanted to be by yourself.”

“Yeah, but I’m also hungry,” he said, making me laugh. When I stopped laughing, he looked at me seriously, put his hands on my hips, and gave me a nice kiss. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” I asked. He didn’t owe me an apology. I didn’t get that at all.

“I should have told you about Taylor,” he said, referring to her incestuous relationship with her father.

“You are under no obligation to tell me shit like that,” I insisted. He nodded slowly. “I mean, that’s some dark family secret stuff.”

“Totally twisted,” he agreed.

“How long has that been going on?” I asked.

“I think it started after the divorce, or at least that’s when I found out about it,” Travis said.

“I would have thought they’d be paranoid about anyone finding out,” I said, and chided myself for thinking that Taylor had had a choice in the matter.

“Taylor was being a total twat, so I was going to get back at her by putting Gomez in her room,” Travis said. Gomez had been his pet snake, and while I remembered that Gomez was small, I had no idea what kind of snake he was.

“That would have been pretty raw,” I said, because Taylor hated snakes.

“Gomez and I were hiding in her room, and I was trying to decide whether to let him go or not, when Taylor and Curtis came in. It was so fucking gross,” he said.

“No shit,” I agreed. “When was that?”

“Taylor was fifteen,” Travis said. “The most fucked up thing about it was that she came on to him.”

“Seriously?” I asked.

He nodded. “Told him that she was able to be the woman of the house in every way.”

“Yeah, but she was only fifteen,” I said. “I mean, she’s not even at the age of consent, and that doesn’t even take into account the incest angle.”

“You were fucking around with Berto and blowing your load in gay bars when you were fourteen,” he said.

I grimaced because I was busted being a total hypocrite. “Alright, but none of the dudes I fucked were in my immediate family.”

“We got in a fight and I called her out on it,” Travis said. “Before that, Curtis used to pretty much ignore me. After he found out I knew about the two of them, he got a lot meaner. That’s also when he started tracking us.”

“Probably didn’t like the fact that you had that to hang over his head,” I pondered.

“He didn’t want the threat out there, especially since neither one of them wanted it to stop,” Travis said. “Vaughan was convinced she was cheating on him; he just didn’t know who it was with.”

“So you took advantage of his desire for revenge to get his dick in your mouth?” I teased.

“Something like that,” he said, giving me an annoyed look. “I knew about them and didn’t say anything. Does that make me a bad person?”

“What would you have done anyway?” I demanded. “Told your mother?”

“She’d have lost her mind,” Travis said. “I was pretty worried about her after tonight. She’ll take this hard.”

“It’s not like you encouraged them or anything,” I said. “I mean, I don’t see where this is your problem, or really involves you at all.” I wasn’t sure that was entirely true, but my goal was to ease some of his guilt and help him get through the next few days, not to sit there like I was his judge and jury.

There was a knock on the door, announcing the arrival of the guard, who walked us to Grand and Stef’s room. We arrived to find the staff there setting up dinner. Since we were an hour past our scheduled dining time, I was impressed to see that everything looked fresh, but what was even more alluring was the smell. We didn’t talk about anything substantive; we just focused on eating. That entire conversation with the Bucks had been so intense, and there was so much to unpack, that everyone seemed to want to sort of stow it away and deal with the revelations in pieces.

“Are you still planning to fly back tomorrow?” I asked the rest of them in general.

“I was thinking we’d go back in the evening,” Dad said. “I’m hoping that gives us some time to surf.”

“Waves are supposed to be good again tomorrow,” Travis said. “South swells should make Second Point the bomb.” He was referring to the second of three surfing points on Surfrider Beach, which was near our house.

“Until the afternoon, then it’s the Third Point,” I said, smiling at the thought of the awesome waves we could see there.

“Looks like we need to be here until then,” Dad said to Jake hopefully. Jake just nodded, probably because his mind was so blown out by the events of tonight that tomorrow wasn’t really on his radar yet.

“We will also defer our departure to humor your water habit,” Stef said to Dad. With the conversation low-key and mellow, the meal ended up being pretty cathartic.

We all migrated toward the seating area, where Travis and I grabbed one couch, Dad and Jake took the other, while Grand and Stef opted for chairs. “How are you doing?” I asked Jake.

“Confused,” Jake answered honestly. “I’m suddenly part of this California dynasty that rivals the Gettys, and at the same time I find out they’re the most fucked up people I’ve ever encountered.”

Travis started laughing. “Nice to know I’m in good company,” he said. We chuckled along with them until they stopped.

“So much of my childhood makes sense now,” Jake said. “I don’t know whether my father knew I wasn’t his kid when he married my mom, or what their deal is, but he definitely figured it out.”

“Could that have been the reason for all the tension between them?” Dad asked.

“Probably the majority of it, anyway,” Jake said. “I’m going to keep Casey pretty busy dealing with this.”

“Are you still mad at my mother?” Travis asked.

“You mean for raping him?” I asked, showing that even if Jake was cool with it, I wasn’t. I was probably just the most vocal person about it.

“I do not think it is that simple,” Stef noted. “I think that first a desire to have a relationship must be present between the two people. If that is not, then I would guess that a certain level of tolerance is all one could hope for.”

“I’m not sure that I want that,” Jake said, even as he thought about it. His eyes seemed to land on Travis, and he grimaced. It was like I could see the wheels of his brain working as he figured out that even if he didn’t want anything to do with Miranda Buck, if he didn’t make at least a bit of an effort to keep things civil, it would be painful for Travis. Jake sighed. “It would probably make things easier.”

“Did Zach know about Taylor and Curtis?” Dad asked. They all looked to Travis to respond, but I could read Zach well enough that I knew the answer to that question.

“I’m not sure,” Travis said.

“He knew,” I said, getting a raised eyebrow from Grand for my certainty.

“How can you be so sure of that?” Stef asked.

“When that went down, Zach didn’t seem surprised,” I said. “He’d looked pretty freaked out about the other revelations, especially the part about Tom Buck’s being Travis’s and Jake’s father, but he didn’t really react when the news about Taylor and Curtis hit.”

“Maybe he was shell-shocked,” Jake said.

“That’s certainly plausible,” Grand opined, since even his mind had been blown by all of this shit.

“There’s one other thing,” I said. “When he met with Curtis in his office during Big’s birthday party, he was really confident and assertive. I thought he was being brave, but he wouldn’t have done that unless he had an ace in the hole. He wouldn’t risk his entire football career to poke a guy like Curtis Buck.”

“Now that you mention it, I can see where that piece of knowledge is the only thing that really puts their conversation into context,” Grand agreed. “It also explains why Curtis didn’t immediately out Zach and run him out of UCLA.”

“I wonder how Zach found out?” Travis asked.

“If we ask him, he’ll probably tell us,” I said. It was weird, because with all that had happened tonight, the one positive thing to happen to me personally was that my antipathy to Zach Hayes had largely evaporated.