Gap Year - 72. Chapter 72

March 9, 2004

Escorial, CA

Will

I walked toward the house and saw Claire heading toward the stables, so I jogged over to catch up with her. “Going for a ride?” I asked her pleasantly.

She gave me a slight smile. “If I’m not, I’m quite lost.”

I laughed at her dry humor. “You want some company?” I asked that, and as soon as I did, I got worried that I was intruding. Most of the times when I went riding I did it to enjoy the solitude, so I could think. “I’m sorry, you probably want some space. I’ll leave you alone.”

She put her hand on my arm to calm me down. “I would love your company,” she said. We had the stable hands saddle up Psyche and Charger while we went into the tack rooms to change. It was no surprise that I beat her out to the stables.

I mounted Psyche while she mounted Charger. Of course, Psyche nipped at Charger to try to piss him off. “Knock it off,” I said firmly, and reined her in.

“More family members who are feuding,” she said sadly as we rode out of the paddock.

“I don’t think this is a feud; I think Psyche is just trying to explain to Charger that she’s in charge,” I said, making her chuckle. “She has control issues like my father.” That really made her laugh.

“He seems to be doing better with those lately,” she observed.

“He is,” I agreed. “I was gossiping with Jake about him, and I told Jake I was starting to see the old Brad emerge.”

“The old Brad?” she asked.

“The Brad before Robbie dumped him for Carson,” I said. “He was so stable and together before that, and he just never seemed to get back there.”

“But you think Jake is helping him find some stability?”

“Yes,” I said firmly. “I’m not saying the two of them aren’t big enough idiots to do stupid shit like they did a couple of weeks ago, but I think they basically prop each other up.”

“It is a horrible thing to have that and then to lose it,” she said, and wiped a tear from her eye. “I’m watching myself make the same kind of erratic and irrational decisions your father did when that happened to him. It’s maddening because I watched him do it, and because of that I see my own mistakes so clearly, yet I make them anyway.”

“I think you’ll come around a little bit faster than he did,” I said supportively.

“I do not know how I will do that, because I am totally alone and adrift,” she said, then continued in almost a stream of consciousness. “My partner did much what Robbie did to your father and jilted me for the newer model. My children can barely stand to be in the same room with me. And the relationship that I was clinging to like some life raft is now over.”

“Craig did that? He ended things?” I asked, thankfully remembering not to say ‘dumped you’.

“He did,” she said. “He said that if I had confidence in him, and if I had wanted to build a meaningful relationship with him, I would have voted to keep him at the Foundation.”

“You deserve so much better than him,” I said, shaking my head.

“I don’t think that’s fair,” she said. “He treated me very well, he was charming and witty, and we had a good time together.”

I shook my head, annoying her. “I don’t know the dynamic between you two, but that’s not what I meant.”

“If you are referring to sex, I am not going to talk about that,” she said, making me laugh so hard I almost fell off my horse.

“That’s fine,” I said. “I assumed that was good, otherwise you wouldn’t have been with him.”

She paused for a bit. “It was good. It was a good experience. I think that in that regard, he significantly broadened my horizons, considering I’d only been with one man prior to him.”

“I can totally see that,” I said, even though I couldn’t even begin to imagine being with only one guy by the time I was forty. “You just have to make sure that you don’t think the guy is awesome just because he makes your whole body explode. Even an asshole can do that.”

She laughed at me. “It is ironic that in this situation, you are significantly more experienced than I am.” I cracked up again.

“That is pretty funny,” I said. “I hooked up with this dude in LA, the same guy who’s helping John put the band together.”

“Cam Squires?” she asked. I nodded. “He is very handsome.”

“He is very handsome, and he’s one of the best lovers I’ve been with. He moves his body in an almost fluid way, and he was so in tune with me it was surreal,” I said. “Then when we were done, he got out of bed and basically told me to go home.”

She raised an eyebrow. “That would seem to take some of the luster away from his performance.”

“No shit,” I agreed. “I thought about it and realized that he never really asked me who I was or tried to get to know me. It was all about him. He was in it to get what he wanted out of the encounter.”

“I am wondering if you are still on bad terms with him?” she asked, probably worried that would fuck up John’s deal.

“I explained things to him, and now we’re cool now,” I said, making her chuckle.

“I can imagine,” she said, shaking her head in amusement.

“I learned a long time ago that if a dude wanted to sleep with me, he was going to have to treat me halfway decently, and that meant no jumping out of bed like the house was on fire after we were done,” I said.

“That wasn’t an issue with Craig,” she said, smiling, then frowned. “Although while he focused on me during sex, afterwards his mind was elsewhere.”

“That dude was wrong for you, and I’m going to tell you why,” I said playfully.

“Alright,” she said with dread.

“He did not do a good job of running the Foundation, and he was putting you in a situation where you had to stick up for him because of your relationship. It was obvious to me in that meeting how incredibly arrogant he was. With an organization like that, where you need to have a good team behind you that is focused on making the world better, that was so not him. He was into making himself successful, not the Foundation.”

“I think he was very dedicated to the Foundation,” she argued.

“He was dedicated because he had tied himself to it,” I said. “For him to have stayed in that position, the Board would have had to acknowledge that they were going to have to replace most of the other employees. I’m going to guess that you knew that, that there was no way you’d agree to that, and that was why you voted for him to go.”

“My thoughts at the time were more on how divided the Board was and how if he were there, it would be such an ugly situation,” she said. “Maybe subconsciously I also knew what you are saying was true.”

I wanted to roll my eyes at how I’d tried to attribute some of her concerns to the welfare of common employees when I should have known that she was focused on the upper echelon and the Board dynamic. “Regardless, the real killer is his attitude towards Marie and John.”

“He does not have children and never wanted them, and made it clear he wasn’t signing up to be a father,” she said.

“Alright, but it’s not like they’re toddlers. Don’t you think that even if he didn’t want to be their substitute dad, he’d have been interested in at least meeting them? And don’t you think that he would be a little sensitive to this whole situation? To him, they were like your dog or cat. Maybe if he’d come over, he’d have petted them and tossed them a treat,” I said. She grimaced. “Is that really the kind of guy you want to date?”

“I didn’t think Marie, John, and I were dating him, I thought I was dating him,” she said.

“Then he’s not the only one who’s pretty self-absorbed at this point,” I said. “Aren’t your kids important to you?”

“That is not fair,” she said, getting irritated with me. She showed that irritation tangibly by turning Charger around and heading back toward Escorial. “I love John and Marie very much. More than anyone.”

“No, you don’t,” I objected. “If you did, a dude who was dating you would be dating you, Marie, and John, not just you.” She glared at me. “If you were serious with a guy like Craig, why would they stick around? You would effectively drive them away.”

“I’ve all but done that anyway,” she said sadly.

“I’m cutting you some slack on all of this because it’s such a new and freaky situation for you, but on this issue there’s no leeway,” I said, like I had any right to assume I was in a position to cut her slack. “Right now, you feel totally rejected, right?”

She was annoyed with me but answered me anyway. “I do.”

“You have no one left. You don’t have Jack and you don’t have Craig.”

“What’s your point?” she demanded.

“John and Marie are feeling just like you. They don’t have their father, and they don’t have you. And before you start to tell me that you’re there for them, think about this deal with Craig. If you had run off to New York with him, you’d be out of their lives.”

“I am quite capable of keeping in contact with them no matter where I am,” she said.

“It is not about that at all. Neither one of you made any effort to include them before, and then when you did, the big sacrifice was on their part. So you’re sitting here feeling bad for yourself because Jack and Craig did that to you; why can’t you understand that John and Marie feel the same way?” She went to argue but I stopped her. “You cut them off. You rejected them. They feel the same pain you do, only it’s so much worse, because you’re their mother.”

“Isn’t it reasonable for them to try and meet me halfway on this?” she asked. I didn’t know if she was that obtuse, or she had fucked up so bad she was fighting just so she didn’t have to admit it.

“You remember how I reacted when my father was with Marc?” I asked her. When he’d been with Marc, they had formed an exclusive island and shut out everyone else. She looked at me and blinked. “You’re doing the same thing my father did when they were together.”

She stopped Charger and stared at me, her mouth open in shock. She wanted to argue but putting it like that had made that impossible. “That was very hard on you.”

“Not just on me,” I said.

“I guess this would be so much easier if I just went back to the way things were and ignored Jack and his slut,” she said bitterly.

“You know, you don’t have to be with anyone,” I said. “It’s not like that’s a requirement.”

“Being alone is, by definition, lonely,” she said.

“Look around you,” I said, ironically gesturing at empty land. “You are not alone. Yeah, the dating scene may suck, but you have your family and you have friends. You are not alone.”

She smiled softly. “Thank you,” she said, and reached over to take my hand.

“You are Claire Crampton Hobart. You have more taste in your little finger than most people have in their whole body. You have friends around the world who would love to spend time with you. You are one of the hottest women in the Bay Area, and you have better social skills than anyone I’ve ever met,” I said. “Where’s your pride? The only reason you will be alone is if you want to be alone.”

I’d been trying to find the magic button to push, her emotional G-spot so to speak, and I’d finally hit it. It was no surprise that it was the same as my father’s: pride. “I have been acting like someone who is pathetic,” she said, partly enraged, partly enlightened.

“If someone wants you, they have to earn you,” I confirmed. We led the horses into the paddock and handed them off to the stable hands, and I was shocked shitless when she embraced me in a huge hug and held on tight.

“Thank you,” she said. “I’ve told you in the past that you were like a second son to me. Sometimes I forget that the relationship flows both ways.”

I broke off the hug and had to wipe tears out of my eyes. “I love you too.”

“I am wondering if you have any advice for me on how to repair my relationship with my other children?” she asked.

“That’s easy,” I said. “Just be honest with them.”

“That would seem to be self-evident, but I’m worried it won’t work,” she said.

“Tell them how badly all of this has upset you, and how it’s forced you to adapt to being single again. Tell them that you broke up with Craig. Tell them what you’re feeling. Let them into your mind,” I said. “You’ll probably find they’ll become your biggest defenders, your biggest supporters.”

“Just like you’ve been for your father,” she said.

“Just like that,” I agreed.

I was done before her, which was no surprise, but I decided to wait and walk back to the house with her. She put her arm in mind and seemed in a good mood until we got close to the door and almost ran into Marie and John, who were clearly planning to leave. “Where are you going?” she asked them.

“I’m going to see Daddy,” Marie said, in full bitch mode.

“Would the two of you be willing to go out to dinner with me tonight?” she asked. They looked at her skeptically. “I’ve just had one of the hardest days of my life. I’m not trying to interfere with your time with your father, but I could really use your help.” As if the moment hadn’t been choreographed well enough, a single tear fell out of her eye. It was sweet that John shot his finger out to wipe it away for her, getting a loving smile from his mother in return.

“Sure,” John said. “Let me go put something nicer on.”

The attention shifted to Marie, who seemed a little less angry, but not by much. “Please?” Claire asked her.

Marie screwed her mouth up in frustration, then nodded. “I’ll be ready in half an hour.”

“I’ll get Tom to get you one of those rooms at the French restaurant,” I said to her in that language.

“Thank you, Will, for everything,” she said.

“No problem,” I said. I went back to my room and decided to call the French restaurant myself. I had to push them pretty hard to give Claire a room, but in the end they agreed.

I was in a good mood, so I decided to take a shower and get ready for dinner, that way I could go up and see if Stef and Grand were free and hang out with them. I’d just finished styling my hair when there was a knock on my door. I thought I looked a little ridiculous, with all of my grooming done but still wearing a towel, but shrugged and answered it anyway.

“Hey,” Tony and Mason said, almost in unison.

“Hey,” I said, and led them into my room. “Sorry, I was just about to put my clothes on.”

“Well, based on what we had in mind, we were thinking it would be better for you to take the towel off,” Mason said. I looked at them totally stunned, then a huge grin all but exploded across my face.

“A threesome before dinner?” I asked.

“Exactly,” Tony said. Mason hadn’t really done a ménage à trois before, but Tony and I had, so he just went with the flow. I ended up having one amazing experience with the two of them, so by the time I finally walked up to the dining room, I was fucking glowing. I had been kind of worried that I’d be totally drawn to Tony, because he could light my body on fire and because we were so good together, but I had forgotten about my interlude with Mason a few years ago. More than that, all of us had changed: we’d matured and gotten more experienced, both in relationships and sex. I almost laughed out loud when I thought that those things had crystallized to give me one amazing orgasm. I still had a few minutes before the witching hour of seven, so I went to Grand’s office and was lucky to find him there with Stef.

“Good evening,” Grand said, and seemed a bit nervous.

“Good evening,” I replied.

“You appear to be glowing,” Stef said, but it was more of a question.

“I just had a threesome with Mason and Tony,” I told him with a wink. “It was hot.”

Stef laughed. “I imagine it was. I was very proud of how well you conducted yourself in the meeting today.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I kind of blew it at the end with Fireside, but I was doing pretty well up until then.”

“You would probably be surprised to find that he was impressed by you,” Stef said.

“Didn’t expect that,” I said. I didn’t get that at all, but I decided not to argue about it, primarily because I thought he was an asshole. I had enough things going on in my life without worrying about what some dipshit thought of me. Stef just nodded at me to affirm his words, then they both got up to head for the dining room. “Can I talk to you about something?”

“We do not have much time,” Grand said officiously.

“I think that if you are willing to dedicate the time we have remaining before seven, and possibly make an allowance to go a few minutes over, you will find the topic worth the extra effort,” I said, mimicking him. He grinned and Stef laughed.

“And what is this topic?” Stef asked.

“Dad is really nervous about getting involved with Anders-Hayes again,” I said.

“He spoke to you about this?” Stef asked.

“He did. He said he’s worried that it will dredge up a bunch of negative feelings, especially about Robbie. I think he’s worried that it will open up wounds that he’s finally been able to close,” I said honestly.

“He did not seem concerned when I talked to him about it,” Stef said, a little annoyed.

“It’s probably one of those things where he was good with it until he thought about it,” I said. Stef nodded, because that would be totally in character with my father. “He said he’s fine for the meetings this week.”

“I do not think it is worth it to potentially knock his psyche off balance,” Stef said. “After this week, I’ll find someone else to be our liaison with them.”

“I agree,” I said to Stef. “Thanks.” I turned to Grand. “If we walk through that door at a deliberate pace, I think we will still arrive before the clock is finished striking seven.” Stef laughed and Grand grinned, even as the chime started to sound.

“Then let us move with some alacrity,” he said, and led us into the dining room. Grand, Stef, and I joined Dad, Jake, Grandmaman, and Frank, but the spaces where Claire, John, Marie, and Ryan should have been sitting were empty, casting a pall over the dinner. Even when Tony and Mason showed up, their empty seats were like a massive void.

“Has anyone talked to Claire?” Grandmaman asked.

“I did,” I said. “She took John and Marie out to dinner.” I had no idea where Ryan went, but I was willing to guess that he was sick of all the drama and decided to just do something on his own.

“That’s a surprise,” Dad said. “Is she alright?”

“She seemed to be doing a little better,” I said. I really didn’t want to talk about Claire and our conversation, because I didn’t want to potentially betray her confidence.

“She was all but melting down after the meeting, and after Craig Arundel dumped her,” Dad said. The fire in his eyes and the venom in his voice was scary to me, and should have been terrifying to Craig if he knew about it. My father was fiercely protective of his sister.

“Maybe she got some perspective,” I said.

“What did you talk to her about?” he demanded. That got him a raised eyebrow and a steely look, which was enough to chill his ass out.

“I told her that when she was with Craig she was acting like you were when you were with Marc, and that convinced her that she was being a complete asshole,” I said. He glared at me, but Jake and Stef started laughing, and that ultimately made him see the humor in things.

“That is a rather succinct comparison,” Stef said.

“Zach told me he sent you a letter,” Frank said. I sort of blinked at that total change of topic, then mellowed. Zach was important to him.

“He did,” I agreed. “It was nice.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked. I was so tempted to tell him to fuck off and mind his own business, and I could tell from the apprehension in this group that they expected me to do just that, but I decided there had been enough pain and controversy today.

“I’m going to help him resolve the deal with the Expedition and I’m going to call him when I’m in LA,” I said.

“Did you burn up his truck?” Frank asked.

I gave him a dirty look because he’d already pushed my limits as it was. “No,” I said. I rationalized my response because even if the dudes I’d hired did it, I didn’t hire them to burn it up.

“I wish you would have just told us that in the beginning,” he grumbled, and with that he’d finally pissed me off.

“And I wish you’d stay the fuck out of my business,” I said rudely. “So now neither one of us is happy.”

He frowned at me, I frowned at him, then I realized I had totally killed what little buzz this dinner had. I refocused on Mason and Tony, and everyone but Frank followed my lead, so we were able to salvage the mood at dinner. After the meal ended, everyone started to go their own way. Tony and Mason were clearly planning to leave, but it was sweet how they made a point to pull me aside before they actually bailed. “I’m going to take Mason down to campus to see if there are any parties,” Tony told me.

“Sounds like fun,” I said. “If you find a good one, call me.”

“I’ll do that,” he said.

“If you want, we can check in on you when we get back,” Mason said.

“I’m all over that,” I said, grinning. I went back to my room and reread the letter Zach had sent me. I gritted my teeth, pulled out my phone, and dialed his number.

“Will?” he asked, probably shocked that I was calling him.

“It’s me,” I said in a relatively neutral way.

“Did you get my letter?” he asked. He was freaking out in a way that was unusual for him. I’d figured out from the letter that our issues had messed him up, but now that he was on the phone, I realized that the impact was probably a lot bigger than I had realized.

“I did,” I said. “It was nice.”

He sighed loudly. “I’m glad. I was worried I’d fucked things up even worse.”

“Well, you didn’t,” I said. “I think the coolest thing is that you and I are in the same place with our relationship.”

“I’m surprised to hear that,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, since I told you I’d always love you, and I thought you hated my guts, that’s a pretty big switch,” he said. He was relaxing a little bit now, and that made him more fun.

“You told me that you knew we were over as a couple, but you still loved me as a friend, right?” I asked.

“That’s where I’m at,” he said. It was unfortunate for him that I could pretty much read his mind when he was talking like this, in his slightly playful and slightly nervous way. He’d told me that was where he was at, but his romantic feelings for me weren’t entirely dead. I ignored that, because no good would come from pointing that out, and I didn’t feel that way about him.

“Then we’re at the same place,” I confirmed.

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” he said. “I have missed you so much.” He was pushing things, and I wasn’t ready to have the full conversation he was angling for. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings, and I hadn’t really missed him. I was worried he’d see right through me.

“I’m glad I made your night better,” I said. “I’ve got to head out to a party at Stanford.”

“That’s cool,” he said, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“I’ve got time to do lunch on Thursday if you can take a break at noon,” I said.

“I am all over that,” he said. We ended our call, and I found I was feeling good about reaching out to him, but I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him.

I smiled and dialed Travis’s number. He didn’t answer his tracked phone, but he did answer the other one. I wondered if he was making sure our conversations weren’t bugged by his father, and that made me wonder who he filtered on to his safe phone. Just hearing his voice blew all those semi-paranoid thoughts away. “Shoots!”

“T!” I said. “I’m flying down tomorrow morning!”

“That is the fucking bomb!” he said. “I cannot wait to see you.”

“I have missed you,” I said.

“Me too,” he responded. “What’s your plan?”

“My dad’s coming down for business, but I don’t think his meetings are until Thursday, so if the surf is up, that’s what we’re doing,” I said.

“Fucker,” he said. “Maybe I’ll cut school if there’s nothing vital.” We bullshitted for a little longer, then I hung up and lay in bed grinning. Evidently there were no parties at Stanford, so Mason and Tony came back and made me grin even more.