March 16, 2004

Maui, HI

Will

“I have not had this much fun surfing in a long time,” Dad said euphorically, as we paddled through the keyhole and toward the tent.

“That’s because you’re a dork,” Scott Slater said. It was funny that he had been a little freaked out when he’d met Travis, but within fifteen minutes he was back to being his fun, playful self. I thought it was odd that Keenan didn’t come with him. Maybe they weren’t together anymore. I opted not to be a dick by asking him about it.

“Some of us have real jobs,” Dad said.

“Some of you have a stick up your ass,” Scott responded.

“He’s a top,” I said. “He wouldn’t like that.”

“He’s not always a top,” Scott said, leering at my father. Dad gave him this horrified look that turned to pure evil, while Travis, Scott and I started laughing our asses off.

“Dude, you’re lucky I didn’t kick your ass for sleeping with my sister,” Dad said, then he shut up really fast.

“Now that is interesting,” I said to him slowly as I got to the shore and picked up my board.

“I should not have said anything,” Dad said, and he was totally spazzing out. “You cannot say anything.”

“Only to Marie and maybe John,” I said. He scowled at me. “There is no way you can deprive me of seeing Marie totally lose it over this.”

“Why?” Scott asked, acting all insulted. “I’m hot.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “And delusional.”

“I have to learn to keep my mouth shut,” Dad grumbled. We went up to get food. It was a smaller crowd today.

“Where’d Crawford and Jesse go?” I asked John. Of course he was here with his band, serenading Kimo, Alana, and the people who’d opted to hang out near our tent.

“Jesse went with the chicks on the shopping and spa expedition, while Crawford decided to lay around by the pool,” John informed us.

“Dude is a lightweight,” Travis said, shaking his head. Crawford had supposedly puked his guts out last night, and was obviously fighting a massive hangover.

“True that,” Ryan said, shaking his head at how lame Crawford could be.

Travis, Scott, my father, and I grabbed some food and sat at a table they’d brought down here for us. “Last night you told me that my father was in financial trouble. I don’t get why this is causing him a bunch of issues,” Travis said to my father as soon as we sat down. He’d been happy and cheerful and clowning around out there when we were surfing, but I could tell from how introspective he’d been last night and this morning that he was pretty shaken up. “I mean, if he lost money on his portfolio, can’t he just write it off?”

“There are a couple of reasons that may be a problem for him,” Dad said. “From what I hear, he bought on margin. That means you borrow money and buy more stock than you could have with just cash, and you take out a loan from the brokerage firm to do it. The brokerage firm uses the stock you bought as collateral.”

“You can do that?” Travis asked. It kind of surprised me that he didn’t know about this stuff, but then again, I’d been raised around it, while Travis had been frozen out of any business dealings by his father.

“You can, and many do,” Dad said. “Imagine you wanted to buy stock in XYZ Company. It’s trading at $50/share. You have $5000 in cash, so you could buy 100 shares. If you buy the stock on margin, you can buy 200 shares, borrowing the other $5000 from the brokerage firm.”

“I can see how that would work,” Travis said. “If it goes up, you pay off the loan and make a shitload of money. What happens if it goes down?”

“So imagine that XYZ drops to $25/share. That’s not enough collateral for the $5000 loan the brokerage firm gave you, so you get a margin call from them. That means the brokerage firm makes you put up extra cash to back up your position, or if you don’t, they force you to sell the stock and close out your position.”

“So why didn’t he do that and just take the loss?” Travis asked.

“He should have,” Dad said. “It wasn’t unusual for a dot.com stock to lose 75% of its value during the bust. That would put him deeply underwater. There are a couple of psychological factors that probably stopped him from making that decision.”

“You mean because he’s a completely fucked-up person?” Travis asked, the anger clear in his voice.

“Probably,” Dad said. “First of all, research indicates that people are more likely to sell their stocks that go up and keep the stocks that go down.”

“That seems pretty dumb,” I said, not getting that at all.

“It is, because often stocks that go up do so because they’re good companies, and you’re better off hanging on to them,” Dad agreed.

“So why do people do that?” Travis asked.

“If you sell your winners, you get to take the profits and feel victorious,” Dad said. “That’s a pretty big rush.”

“I can see that,” Travis said. “So why do you hang on to the losers?”

“If you don’t sell the losers, you can pretend they’re not really bad investments, and that you didn’t make a mistake. You can tell yourself that the loser is just in a slump, and it’s bound to bounce back,” Dad said. “That’s probably even a bigger deal to someone like your father, who isn’t known for admitting his errors.”

“No shit,” Travis agreed. “So he’s hanging onto this dog portfolio just because he can’t admit that he’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what stocks are in there, so I can’t say for sure, but that seems likely,” Dad said. “In the end, he would have taken a major hit if he’d sold off when they first went down in value, but at least he wouldn’t be paying shitloads of money on margin interest.”

“Do you think his stocks will turn around?” Travis asked.

Dad shrugged. “Like I said, I don’t know what he’s invested in. My guess is they probably won’t. It really was a bloodbath.”

“I don’t know what he has in his own portfolio, but they faxed me a list of the stocks in Buck Industries,” Travis said. “Would you look at them for me?”

I could tell Dad was about to give him this big disclaimer about how he didn’t have a crystal ball, blah blah blah, but he wisely decided not to. “I’d be glad to help you out.”

“Thanks,” Travis said. He kept telling me how alone he was, and this was just one more sign that he didn’t have people he could trust to ask for help.

“When are you going back?” I asked Dad. Before he could answer, Travis jumped back into the conversation.

“I was thinking that if I gave you that list, you could look at it tonight, then tell me about it tomorrow after we’re done surfing,” Travis said. That he was inviting my dad to stay longer was really sweet, and that got him a big smile from both my father and me.

“What am I running, a fucking hotel?” Scott asked playfully. I thought that was funny, but it was also a subtle reminder to all of us that my father had finished gifting the villa to Scott, so it was his now.

“You’re such a fucking dumbass,” I said to him, shaking my head. “This way you can sleep with his sister again.”

“You know,” he said, acting as if he were pondering my words, “sometimes you come up with pretty good ideas.”

“Yeah, it’s just terrific,” Dad said sarcastically, even as he stood up. “Enough talk. Time to hit the waves.”

We pulled ourselves out of the water around 5:00, and when we went up to the house we found there was a party just starting. “Hey there!” Marie said, and came over to greet all of us.

“What did you do today?” I asked.

“We went to this amazing spa, then did some shopping down at Wailea,” Marie said.

“We surfed,” I said, stating the obvious. “Waves rocked again.”

“Sounds like an ideal day for everyone,” she chirped.

Claire came up to us, looking as elegant as ever. She greeted all of us, then focused on my father. “I was hoping we could go back to the villa.” She clearly wanted to get out of our way.

“Let me dry off,” he said. “Travis has a fax he wants me to take with me, and I was thinking we could hang out here in the morning and fly out tomorrow about this time.”

“I can work with that,” she said, and gave Scott Slater a brief glance. I knew Travis was having as hard of a time as I was not laughing his ass off.

“Let me go get that fax,” Travis said.

“You can use the outdoor showers to rinse off and change,” I said, and showed Dad and Scott the set-up. I went back and grabbed a seat at the gazebo, which was like the party refuge, a nice tranquil place. I’d go slam some drinks as soon as the older crowd left.

“My mom was in a really good mood today,” Marie said as she joined me. “I’m happy for her, but it’s a little strange.”

“Let’s get them the fuck out of here, then I’ll tell you about my day,” I said, dodging the issue. Within half an hour Scott, Dad, and Claire were strolling out the door, and I was free to go up and change out of my surf clothes. I was hoping Travis would join me, but he was on his phone, and when I paused to look at him, he turned away, indicating he was having a private conversation. He’d tell me what that was all about later on, so I went down and started hitting the bar, enjoying some before-dinner cocktails.

“Alright, so what aren’t you telling me,” Marie said, dragging me back to the gazebo so she could confront me.

“If I divulge my information, I want a promise from you in return,” I said.

“What promise?” she asked suspiciously.

“You have to figure out a way to not let anyone know I told you, and make it seem that you figured things out all by yourself,” I said.

That got a predictable frown. “Then don’t tell me,” she said.

“Don’t tell you what?” John asked, as he came walking up with Ryan.

“Will has some big gossip scoop but he won’t spill it unless I promise to be quiet about it,” she said. “I’d rather not know.”

“Cool,” I said, and got up to go back to the bar.

“Dude, I can keep my mouth shut,” John said. “As soon as Marie gets the fuck out of here, you can tell me.”

“I can do that too,” Ryan said. “Why don’t you go grab me another beer, Starfish?”

“Fuck all of you,” she said, frowning. “Fine, I promise. So spill it.”

“Your mom spent last night with Scott Slater,” I said. I watched Marie and John get all pissed off, while Ryan nodded, then chuckled.

‘Why is that so funny?” Marie demanded.

“That Scott Slater dude seems kind of like a player,” Ryan said. “He was probably a lot of fun.”

“He fucked my mother,” John said, with fire in his eyes.

“Are you celibate?” I asked him, even as I glanced over at Brittany, who was wearing a top so low and tight her boobs were about to explode out of it.

“That’s different,” Marie said. I started laughing so hard I coughed up my drink, and it took me a few seconds to get over that.

“Do you like getting laid?” I asked Marie bluntly, then stared at John to include him in that query.

“Most of the time,” Marie said, getting a frown from Ryan.

“Duh,” John said, and smiled, getting where I was going with this.

“Your mom puts no constraints on either one of you and lets you make your own decisions about who you sleep with, how often you have sex, and where you get laid,” I said. “So why don’t you show her the same respect?”

“No wonder she was in such a good mood,” Marie said, then gave Ryan her slutty look. “I could use some cheering up.”

“We’ll be right back,” he said, grinning. They bailed, while John and I went back and partied with everyone.

Dinner happened about half an hour later. I went through the house and rounded everyone up and found Travis still in my room on the phone. “Dinner,” I said.

“I have to go,” he said, and ended the call. I looked into his eyes and could see how utterly adrift he was.

“Let’s eat, then if you want, we can sneak off and I’ll try and cheer you up,” I said, and gave him a loving kiss.

“Sounds good,” he said. We got down to dinner right before Marie and Ryan came in. John and I snickered at them because they were both glowing. Our dinner turned into a full-blown party, and we all got totally shitfaced. My plan to have a meaningful conversation with Travis was completely derailed, but I did end up having fun drunk sex with him.

March 17, 2004

Maui, HI

Will

Dad, Travis, and I sat in the gazebo, having a drink while we waited for Claire and her posse to get back. We’d gotten out of the water around 4:00, come up here and changed clothes, and now we were just enjoying the sound of the ocean, some nice cocktails, and the strong breeze. Scott Slater had left to go back to his villa, while Dad and Claire weren’t planning to leave until 6:00. No one else was around, although I wasn’t sure where everyone had gone. Alana brought us some food to snack on, then she and Kimo left us alone. Dad looked completely relaxed and centered, and I marveled again at how important it was for him to escape to the ocean to surf. “This was really good for me,” he said, as if reading my mind.

“You need to do this more often,” I agreed.

“I do,” he replied.

“I was trying to explain this to Marc, and then to Jake,” I said. “You need to escape to the ocean, where you can fight the waves instead of the real-life demons you have to face.”

“Marc never got that,” Dad said. “Jake does.”

“I’m glad,” I said. “It’s like the surf is part of you, and when you are away from it for too long, you get fucked up.”

“You’re no different,” he countered. “How’s this going to work when you’re at Harvard?” That took me down a path I hadn’t been planning to walk, but I decided to talk to him about my current college dilemma.

“Marie is thinking of staying in California and going to Stanford or Cal,” I told him.

“How does that impact you?” he asked.

“We were going to do the whole college thing together, so if she makes that call and I want to do that, I’d have to change my mind and go to Stanford or Cal too,” I said.

“Are you going to do that?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve been thinking about it. On the one hand, it would be kind of cool to go someplace completely different. On the other hand, there’s a lot going on, especially with the Foundation, so it may make sense to stick around.”

“I did that; I left California to go to Yale,” he said.

“Why did you do that?” I asked.

He sighed. “Part of it was what you said: the thought that college should be a different experience. Another part of it was because Robbie was going to Princeton, and I’d be closer to him.” It was impossible to miss the bitterness still in his tone when he talked about Robbie’s going to Princeton.

“See, I don’t even factor into Will’s decision,” Travis said, teasing me and giving me shit.

“Dude, you’re going to Arizona. It’s hot there, and there’s no ocean,” I said. He took the cherry out of his drink and threw it at me, making me chuckle.

“I think the other part of it was that I was running away from things,” Dad said introspectively.

“From what?” I asked.

“AIDS was hitting hard, and people we knew were dying right and left,” he said. He paused to wipe a tear out of his eye. “Stef and JP were a mess, because it seemed like every week they found out someone they knew had ‘it’, and as soon as that guy was diagnosed, the guy was gone. It was really depressing.”

“It was probably a good idea for you to get out of that situation, then,” I said. “That would be majorly depressing.”

“It was,” he said. “I’d get the phone calls, and I could handle the news and their trauma from a distance a lot better than if I’d been there. But none of that really applies to your situation now.”

“Marie thinks that, if she’s around, she may be able to help Claire and Jack out,” I said. “Every once in a while, you completely fuck up your life, so in a sense, I’m kind of thinking along the same lines.”

“Don’t even factor me into this decision,” he said adamantly. He was really pissed, and it kind of freaked Travis out, but Dad calmed down quickly enough.

“Dad, you always factor into my decisions,” I said earnestly, and with a lot of love.

“A month ago, my life was shit, but since then, it’s gotten really good,” he said. “I feel grounded, and very happy. For the first time in my life, I have a true partner.”

“That’s awesome,” I said, and was so happy for him.

“What if something goes wrong?” Travis asked.

“That’s a good question,” Dad said. “I think the big thing that Jake and I had issues with was lack of communication. Going to see Casey has really helped us with that, and now, if there’s something we’re struggling with and we can’t work it out, we have a place to go where we can solve the problem.”

“That’s so healthy,” I said, then laughed. “Who are you, and what have you done with my father?”

He chuckled. “I’m a slow learner.”

“So what do you think I should do?” I asked, referring to the college question.

“Like I said, you shouldn’t worry about me when making this decision,” he said, totally misreading what I was asking. “And I have to say that both Jack and Claire will lose their minds if they find out that Marie is thinking of staying in California because of them.”

“That’s not what I asked you,” I said firmly. “I asked you what you thought I should do. I just want your opinion.”

He nodded, then paused to think about it. “I think you should go to Harvard. It will be different, and you’ll get to spend more time with Wade, Matt, and Maddy. And Rosa will be there if you want good food.”

“There’s a thought,” I said, and got hungry thinking about Rosa’s cooking.

“You’re a good student. You won’t let your grades drop. So if you don’t like it there, you can always transfer,” he said.

“I hadn’t really thought about that,” I said. “I guess I was thinking that, once I made a decision, I was locked in for however long it took me to get through.”

“I thought about it that way when I went to college, but it doesn’t have to be like that,” he said.

“That kind of puts this into a whole different perspective,” I said, my mind reeling at the thought of having options even after the first year of school.

“Always have a contingency plan,” Dad said. “Just like I mentioned with Jake and me. Things are good right now, but if there’s a problem, we have Casey. You can go to Harvard and see what the Ivy League world is like, but if you don’t like it, you can come home.”

“Damn,” Travis said. “That makes so much sense.”

I smiled at Dad. “It does. You really do have your shit together.”

“I do,” he said, being cocky, which was super cute.

“You didn’t figure this out when you were in college?” I asked.

“Nope,” he said.

“If you had, would you have left Yale and transferred somewhere else?” I asked.

He thought about that. “I think I would have transferred to Princeton after my sophomore year.”

“Really?” I asked, stunned by that revelation.

He nodded. “Robbie and I were at a really good place after that summer. I didn’t know this at the time, but he went to Princeton because his feelings for me were so intense it scared him. The intensity had faded to the point where it would have been good for us to be together.”

“He could have transferred to Yale,” I suggested.

“His grades weren’t as good as mine,” Dad said, with a smarmy attitude of superiority, which was pretty funny. He reached into his briefcase and pulled out the fax Travis had given him last night, our cue that he was changing the subject. “This portfolio is shit.”

I started laughing, and got dirty looks from both of them. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I doubt most people use such blunt language about a portfolio.” That mellowed them out a bit.

“I assumed Travis would appreciate a direct and honest summary,” Dad said.

“I do,” Travis said, but looked pretty shaken up.

“Most of the stuff he invested in were companies that had no real foundation; they were just milking the news cycle,” Dad said. We both looked at him cluelessly, so he explained. “Before the bomb, if a company had ‘dot.com’ in its name, it was almost a guaranteed winner. After the NASDAQ crashed, analysts started looking at those companies and realized there wasn’t any substance.”

“How could he have been so fucking stupid?” Travis asked.

“He was in good company,” Dad said. “It was a market bubble, where everyone believed the hype. He was thinking conventionally.”

“Still turned out to be pretty stupid,” Travis said.

“I highlighted three companies on the list that are probably good for the long run, but the rest aren't worth hanging onto,” Dad said, gesturing at the fax.

“I’ve been talking to my attorneys, and they started digging into Buck Industries a little harder. They’re worried that there’s not enough cash to survive this, and that the company will have to sell off a bunch of property or, more likely, seek outside investors to bail it out,” Travis said. “This would have killed my grandfather.”

“The problem your father has is that if he brings in a bunch of outside investors, he’s going to lose control of the company,” Dad said. “He was all in on those dot.com deals, and took risks that had nothing to do with Buck’s core businesses. Even if he stays on as CEO, he’s going to end up with a crapload of oversight.”

“He won’t like that,” Travis said. “No wonder he’s trying to avoid it.”

“Won’t he have problems with Big and Taylor?” I asked. “I mean, they can vote half their shares.”

“It’s not enough to override him,” Travis said. “He’s got 30% of his own stock, plus 30% from half of their voting rights, plus all of mine.”

“In a few years, that equation is going to change,” Dad noted.

“If the company is around in a few years,” Travis said glumly.

“Minority shareholders have rights in situations like this,” Dad said. “It usually makes for an unpleasant lawsuit, but if they get mad enough, they could force his hand.”

Travis shook his head. “Neither one of them will go against him. Big is too afraid of him, and Taylor thinks he’s God.”

“Then it’s a good thing your money is mostly separate from this nightmare,” I said.

“Yeah, but it just makes it that much more attractive for him if something happens to me,” Travis said despondently. “The cash from my portfolio would solve all of these problems, and he’d never have to admit that he fucked up.”

“I can’t believe he’d kill you just to save his ego,” I said.

My father didn’t say anything, which caused both of us to stare at him. “I don’t know what Curtis Buck will or will not do, but I do know that he is ruthless, and he has a massive ego.”

“What do you think I should do?” Travis asked him.

I watched Dad completely freak out, because this was potentially a life-or-death decision. He shook his head even as he responded. “I can’t answer that, Travis. It sounds like you have a good legal team, and they are much better off giving you advice than I am.”

“You’re afraid to voice an opinion?” Travis challenged.

“I am,” Dad admitted, which blew our minds. “You’re an impressive guy. I don’t want to tell you one thing, have it blow up, and then have to face Will.” He’d said that last phrase as a joke, but it fell flat.

“Alright,” I said. “Let’s play a hypothetical game. What if you were in a situation like Travis was in. What would you do?”

He gave me a really dirty look, but we both just stared at him, waiting for his response. “I think I’d focus on my own safety.”

“You mean you’d go into hiding,” Travis concluded.

“Not necessarily,” Dad said. “I think I’d be candid with my attorneys and try to work out something that would make my death useless to him.”

“I can’t believe he’d actually consider offing his own son,” I said. That was just unbelievable.

“He doesn’t really treat me like I’m his son,” Travis said.

“Maybe you’re not,” Dad said. Travis and I looked at each other, then at my father, then back at each other again, too stunned to even talk.