Gap Year - 10. Chapter 10

January 24, 2004

Sydney, Australia

Will

“Why the fuck did we have to pack a bunch of clothes? I thought we were flying out and flying back?” Connie asked, even as he drove toward the airport. It was really early, so I yawned back at him.

“Tom said that it’s going to be fucking hot at Uluru, and we may want to chill out afterward and take a shower,” I said. “Besides, since you got all spiritual on me and decided you can’t climb the mountain, I had to come up with other things to do. And that means we’ll probably spend the night at Uluru.”

“What did you plan?” he asked me in an accusatory way.

“Things,” I said mysteriously. “Don’t worry, you’ll have fun. You said you’ve wanted to go to this place for your entire life, so I figured you’d be a little more excited and a little less bitchy.”

He drove on as he let my words penetrate through to his brain. “Wait a minute, who’s Tom?” he asked.

“He’s the dude who’s going with us,” I said. “He’s got a dual purpose: he’s security, and he’s also our travel agent.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“You’re grumpy this morning,” I said firmly, to let him know he was starting to bug me. “The plane is going to land then we’ll take a helicopter to Uluru, and they’ll fly us around to show us what it looks like from the air. Then we land and have lunch, then get in some sort of vehicle, probably a 4X4, and they take us to Uluru so we can wander around the base or whatever. When we’re done, they bring us back to the hotel for a shower and some food.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” he said much more nicely, referring to Tom.

“That’s a lot of shit to coordinate, and that’s what Tom’s going to do,” I said.

“Are we flying back tonight or tomorrow?” he asked.

“It’s up to us,” I said. “I’m thinking it won’t hurt us to stay there and fly back in the morning.”

“Makes sense,” he said as he nodded. “I guess it’s not that different than when the team travels. There’s always some bloke who makes sure we have rooms at a hotel and transportation and shit.”

“Exactly,” I said. By the time we got to the airport, he was in a much better mood, and even followed my directions to the Fixed Base Operator (FBO) without bitching. There was only one G-V there and it was sitting on the ramp with the door open, and a red carpet rolled out to welcome us. “Pull up to the plane.”

“You want me to drive out on the runway?” he asked, horrified.

“It’s not the runway, it’s a taxi ramp,” I said. “Go on, then,” I said, urging him on, and sounding an awful lot like an Australian.

“Right,” he said skeptically. He drove out cautiously, cracking me up. As soon as we got to the plane, I hopped out, while he got out a little less enthusiastically. An older man who was clearly the captain had seen us and came down the stairs quickly to greet us.

“G’day! I’m John McLeod, captain of this fine plane,” he said, introducing himself. “You Will Schluter?”

“I am,” I said.

“Looks like the ground crew is scurrying over to help you get all squared away,” he said with a chuckle. Connie was already getting our luggage out of the trunk, while I went back to the car to grab my backpack. The ground crew duly got our bags stowed while a younger guy came strolling out to meet me.

“G’day Mr. Schluter, I’m Tom Hampton,” he said. He was very handsome, probably in his mid-twenties with a really muscular body. His polo shirt was bulging out at the arms and chest as a testament to his body building efforts. He was about six foot tall and his height was capped off by light brown hair.

“Call me Will,” I said, shaking his hand. “This is Connie.”

“I already know Connie,” he said, smiling broadly. I kind of freaked out, wondering if Connie had slept with him after a night at the bars, and Connie seemed to be scanning his memory to figure that out too. “I’ve seen you play for the Roosters.”

“Hope it was a good game,” Connie said affably, as we both relaxed.

“They were,” he said. “I seen ‘em all.”

“Good on ya, mate,” Connie said.

“So we decided to stay until tomorrow,” I said to the pilot and Tom. Connie looked a bit nervous, as if I was throwing a major spike in all their plans.

“Not a problem,” McLeod said. “We skipped a flight attendant, per your instructions.”

“Thanks,” I said. “We have Tom to help us out, and I’ve flown on G-Vs a lot. My father has one.”

“Right then,” he responded. “We’re ready to go when you are.”

Connie went to park his car, then as soon as he climbed into the plane, the door was shut and the engines wound up. “We’ve got three rooms at the Sails in the Desert hotel,” Tom said. “I guess I need one for the pilot.”

“We can share a room and they can share a room, if they’re alright with that,” I said to him, with a sideways look at Connie. We would have done that anyway; the extra room was just to maintain appearances, but now that we actually had an excuse, what the fuck. We took off and as soon as we were clear of Sydney’s airspace, Tom went up and worked things out with the pilots. After that, he had to make a few other calls to set things up, but by then I had tuned out his melodious Australian voice and I’d started to drift off to sleep. Unfortunately, just as I was almost about to cross the line into a wonderful nap, Tom came back and he and Connie started talking animatedly about rugby. It was all I could do not to give both of them a truly evil look, but I managed to think before I went off, and grabbed my noise cancelling headphones. I put them on, along with some cool jazz, but evidently since I’d almost been asleep, now it was impossible to get back there.

I left my headphones on and pulled out my laptop. My family had figured out that unless it was an emergency, email was the best way to keep in touch with me. I’d downloaded all my emails, so I took that opportunity to read them and draft responses for everyone. I could send them when I found a reliable internet connection. JJ told me all about Carullo’s house and how that was coming along, and invited me out to New York City next month for Fashion Week. He told me that Patrick Christian had a new girlfriend, which kind of took some of my enthusiasm away, but I told him I’d think about it. Marie, Ryan, and John regaled me with Menlo gossip, making me laugh. Apparently, there was some agent scouting John and Ryan, trying to get them to join his ‘boy band’, which absolutely horrified my Aunt Claire.

I saw there was an email from Kai, so I opened it cautiously, wondering what he’d try to do to my psyche. Instead of what I dreaded, I found a really nice note where he apologized up and down for being such a douche and begged me to forgive him. I was totally fine with that.

One person was notably absent from my mailbox: Zach. I stared at my computer and just nodded, because it really didn’t bother me that he had blown me off. What did that mean? As usual when he popped into my mind, I spent all kinds of time analyzing how I felt. I felt no longing to see him, I felt no sadness that he hadn’t reached out to me, and I had absolutely no desire to initiate contact by sending him an email. Could I actually be over him? In the past, when I’d thought we were done, I’d told myself I was, but that was a lie. Now, staring at my email with nothing from Zach, I felt nothing. In the end, I decided that I actually was over him, and that really stoked up my mood.

I was so absorbed in thought I hadn’t heard Connie talking to me. He finally nudged me to get my attention. I pulled off my headphones and stared at him. “Landing in twenty minutes,” he said. I yawned and put my headphones away.

“Thanks.” I looked out the window and it looked like we’d flown straight into hell. It was easy to see that the landscape was pretty desolate, even from this high up, but what gave it a surreal appearance was that it looked kind of like the surface of the moon only the ground was red. I guess this was that Outback territory they always talked about. We landed smoothly and I grabbed my backpack, then we walked out of the plane. It was early, but it was already hot here.

A car and a golf cart pulled up to the plane. “I rented a car in case I needed to get anything,” Tom said apologetically.

“That’s fine,” I said.

“The cart will take you to the helicopter and I’ll take your bags with me to the hotel and get you all checked in. I’ll pick you up when you land,” he said. He’d already given us his cell phone number. This guy was incredibly efficient.

“Good job,” I said and patted him on the shoulder. I hesitated for a couple of seconds, then handed him my backpack. He didn’t seem to realize what a big deal that was, and how I rarely gave anyone my backpack when I traveled because it had all my valuable shit in it, but this guy seemed pretty trustworthy. “Keep an eye on this. It’s got some expensive shit in it.”

“Not a problem,” he said.

We got in the cart and a nice lady drove us to another part of the airport where a helicopter was waiting. A guy who was probably in his early thirties greeted us pleasantly. “G’day mates! I’m Simon. Ready to see Uluru the best way there is?”

“We are,” I answered. Connie followed me as we headed to the helicopter. He looked both amazed and nervous, which was just adorable.

“Ever flown in a whirly bird?” Simon asked.

“I have,” I answered.

“Not me,” Connie said. “Are these things safe?”

“They’re safe,” Simon said with disdain, implying that Connie was being a pussy, and that served to shut him up and chill him out. “I’ll skip the loops and crash dives today.”

“Good idea,” I said, since I had no desire to experience some aerial antics courtesy of a daredevil helicopter pilot. Connie wanted me to sit in front with Simon, but I insisted he take the prime spot. I sat in back but still had a great view. We buckled ourselves in and took off, heading toward Uluru.

I hadn’t really known what to expect from this massive edifice, but when we got to Uluru, it was pretty impressive. Simon told us how tall it was, but it didn’t register until I made him translate it from meters into feet. It was 2800 feet tall, a little taller than the Rock of Gibraltar and a little shorter than Bell Rock in Sedona. Even though Bell Rock was taller, it was in a really mountainous area so its height was kind of masked, while Uluru was out here on its own, surrounded by flat land. That made the comparison to Gibraltar more apt. Simon stopped talking as he flew us around it, while Connie and I said nothing as we mentally photographed this impressive monument into our brains. I could see the dots that were people moving around on top of it, like a bunch of ants. They really did spoil the whole thing, even if I wasn’t buying into all that sacred crap.

After we spent a lot of time circling around Uluru, Simon took us to another mountain sticking up in the middle of the flat Outback. He told us this was Kata Tjuta. It looked like it had once been the twin of Uluru but someone had taken a giant sledgehammer and broken it into pieces. It was really interesting, but too much like a regular mountain, and I saw enough of those on a regular basis to not be as impressed. My vision kept straying back to Uluru, with its mound shape looking like it was a big erect nipple sticking up out of the earth.

“Seen enough?” Simon asked. Connie looked back at me and nodded to tell me he was ready to land.

“From up here anyway,” I said. He flew us toward what must be our hotel. It looked like this big oasis in the middle of this barren land, with a couple of massive pools and these really trippy roofs that looked like sails. Guess that’s how it got its name: Sails in the Desert.

“Not supposed to land out here but Tom talked me into it,” Simon grumbled. That was presumably my cue to give him a massive tip. He found a flat empty field not far from the hotel and landed, and all but rushed us out of the helicopter, as if he was worried that if he took a little longer someone would see him and he’d get busted. Tom was waiting with his car, and as soon as we were safely in the vehicle, Simon took off again.

“How was it?” Tom asked.

“Amazing,” I responded.

“Here’s the receipt for you to sign off on,” he said. I took the paper and tipped Simon well while Tom drove the short distance to the hotel. “We have a slight problem.”

“Oh?” I asked.

“I booked you into an awesome suite. Has great views of Uluru,” he said. “Only problem is that it only has one king size bed.”

“Hmmm,” I said, to stall for time.

“I mean, I’ve got two queen beds in my room, and I don’t mind sharing,” Tom said. I had brief visions of sharing a room with him and then seducing him, but that was just me playing in my mind.

“The suite got a couch?” Connie asked.

“Yeah,” Tom answered.

“Well than I’ll just get shitfaced and pass out there,” Connie said, cracking us up.

“Problem solved,” I pronounced. We got to the hotel and went straight to our room, which was totally kick ass. We took fifteen minutes to unpack, then walked around the place. The huge pool certainly got my attention. Our tour ended at the restaurant, where Tom left us alone to eat.

“This is just an amazing day,” Connie said. He gazed at me with a look that would totally get him busted if he did it around people he knew. “It’s magical.”

“That happens later when we get back to the room,” I joked. He gave me an annoyed look, since he was being sincere. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I wanted this to be special for you.”

“Well it is,” he said. “So what’s next?”

“We eat, then a dude is going to pick us up and take us on a tour, and we’re going to go four wheeling around the area,” I said.

“Kick ass,” he said. Tom came to get us when it was time to go and guided us out to the front where a guy was standing next to a Land Rover.

“G’day, mate,” he said. “Name’s Mack.” This guy could be a carbon copy of Crocodile Dundee.

“Will,” I said, and shook his hand, then introduced Connie.

“Let’s go see the Outback,” he said. We hopped into the Land Rover and he yammered on about the local area and the two big monuments. We got to the tourist area and parked. It was about a hundred degrees, but fortunately it was a dry heat. Connie was trying not to sweat, but my body seemed to decide I was in LA and adapted in no time at all. “Didn’t know if you wanted to do any of the trails.”

“We’ll see,” Connie said. We grabbed a water bottle from Mack’s cooler and then walked up a trail that was pretty crowded. There were tour busses here, with typical obnoxious sightseers. I studied the crowd and decided that the worst were the Chinese, Japanese, and Americans. We’d only gone a little way when I was assaulted by the most obnoxious flies I’d ever run across. They tried to fly in my ears, up my nose, and in my mouth.

“Jesus!” I said, as I swatted them away. “Fuck!”

“Little bastards are annoying,” Mack said, as we continued to shoo them away with our hands. He got out some bug spray called Aeroguard, which seemed to help a little bit, but not enough.

We got up to where people were going to climb up Uluru. Connie stared at all the tourists with a strange look that was a combination of sad and angry. There was a sign there that read:

Please don’t climb. We, the Anangu traditional owners, have this to say. Uluru is sacred in our culture. It is a place of great knowledge. Under our traditional law, climbing is not permitted. This is our home. As custodians, we are responsible for your safety and behavior. Too many people do not listen to our message. Too many people have died or been hurt causing great sadness. We worry about you, and we worry about your family. Please don’t climb. We invite you to walk around the base and discover a deeper understanding of this place.

There was an older Aboriginal woman handing out flyers that explained about Uluru, and while she pretended to be cheerful, her eyes were sad. I stared beyond her to the Rock where tourists were trying to climb up. It was a really steep trail with a chain rigged so people could hold onto it to keep from falling. The whole scene, with the climbing assholes juxtaposed against this sad woman, was really disturbing.

She handed us flyers and gave Connie a dirty look. “You’re not climbing up the Rock.” It could have been a question but was actually more of an order.

“We’re not climbing up the Rock,” he said with a gentle smile.

She nodded, and I felt like I should do something for her, so I gave her my bottle of water. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, then turned to Mack. “Let’s get away from this freak show, and these fucking flies.”

“You got it, mate,” he said. We went back to the Land Rover and he took us on a drive all around the Rock. It was pretty cool because the vehicle was quite capable off-road, and this guy knew what he was doing. He stopped the Land Rover and pointed to a group of trees with a shady area about fifty feet away. “Ever seen one of those?”

I looked and there were a bunch of kangaroos. “Only in the zoo,” I said. “They’re not bouncing around like I expected.” They were being pretty lazy.

He laughed. “It’s hot out here. They perk up at night.”

“Is it rare to see them out here?” I asked.

“Hardly,” he said, shaking his head. “They’re probably a bit like deer in your country. There’s a lot of them.”

“They’re cute,” I said. “Like they’d be nice pets.”

He laughed at me. “Mate, you don’t want to get too close to a ‘roo or he’ll hurt you.”

“Really?” I asked.

“These are red kangaroos. See that big one standing there out front?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I responded.

“He’s the alpha male. You get close to his brood over there, he’ll sit back on his tail and use his legs to kick you. Hurts worse than if a horse did it. And if he doesn’t do that, take a look at his front paws. See those nasty claws? Those things will rip right through your skin.”

“OK, no pet kangaroo for me,” I said, making them chuckle.

“Most of the animals you run into out here are beasts you should stay away from. They say we have some of the deadliest ones in the world,” he said.

“These things are interesting,” I said, gesturing at the Kangaroos. “I think I’d rather tangle with them than those damn flies.” We drove around some more and saw some really huge lizards that were called Goannas, all with the two big monuments in the background.

We got back to the hotel to find Tom waiting for us. I wasn’t sure if that was because there was a pre-determined limit to our Land Rover trek, if Mack had managed to let him know we were on our way back, or if he’d just camped out here and waited, but regardless, it was pretty refreshing to be taken care of by someone who was so organized. Visions of Julian, Stef’s annoying assistant, popped into my mind, emphasizing the contrast. “Was it fun?”

“It was great except for the flies,” I grumbled. Tom laughed.

“They’re a bit aggressive,” he said. “Did you have plans for this evening?”

“I want to go swimming for a bit, then get changed and have dinner with you and the pilots,” I announced. “Can you get us a table at that nice restaurant here?”

“I can do that,” he said.

“You’re welcome to join us in the pool,” I said. “Your workday is over, isn’t it?”

“My work is never done,” he said, cracking me up.

I spotted a sign for the spa. “Wait right here.”

“Alright,” Connie said with a bit of trepidation, knowing I was scheming. I went into the spa and the lady there was pleasant but chatty. I tried to cut her off without being rude, and managed to get out of there in 10 minutes. “You done?” Connie asked as I approached him and Tom.

“I am,” I said. I looked at my watch and it was four o’clock. “We’re meeting in the pool at 4:30. Then at 6 I have a surprise for you. Dinner is at 7:30.”

“I’ll have everything ready,” Tom said.

“You’re meeting us in the pool as well,” I said. “Don’t argue.”

He gave us his adorable smile. “I’d best be off if I’m going to make it in thirty minutes.”

Connie and I headed back to our room and started to change. “Not much time for what I had in mind,” he said in a sexy growl.

“Sorry,” I said, annoyed at not factoring in time for sex.

“Come here,” he said, even as he took off his clothes and started stroking his cock.

I took off my clothes and by the time I was standing in front of him, I was hard as a rock. “Right here?” I asked coquettishly.

“Closer,” he said. He made me stand so the tip of my dick was pressing against his, then he extended his foreskin to envelop my head and started stroking. It was an incredible experience, making me feel almost like I was uncut, but more than that, making me feel like I was part of him.

The whole thing was too erotic for me to last. “Unghhh!” I grunted, and started shooting my load. Shortly after that, he came too, with both of us shooting into his extended foreskin.

After we were done, he looked at me shyly. “Bit messy.”

“But very hot,” I said, and kissed him. I got towels and cleaned us off, and the floor, then we put on our bathing suits and went out to the pool. Tom was standing around obviously waiting for us. We found some chairs and took off our shirts and flip-flops, and they got straight into the pool while I watched them. Tom was really handsome, but with his shirt off, his physique just made him that much more attractive. He didn’t have hair on his chest or abdomen, and had a sexy sprinkle under his arms, while even his legs and arms didn’t seem to have a lot of fur. Watching Connie and Tom, these two adonises, was about to give me a major erection, so I hurriedly joined them in the water.

It felt awesome, and my first instinct was to lounge around like a slug, but there were a lot of kids there, so we migrated away from them and got into a big game of pool volleyball, which turned out to be a blast. I was lucky that I could drag them out of the pool in time to dry off enough to make our appointment.

“So now what do you have planned?” Connie asked nervously as I dragged them to the spa. I said nothing and just led them in.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Schluter,” the pleasant lady said. “If you gentlemen will follow me, we have you all set up.”

Tom and Connie looked terrified, like they were about to be led to the slaughter, while I hung back a bit so they didn’t see me trying not to laugh. “You’re right here,” said an Aboriginal woman to Tom. “Pedicure and manicure?”

“That’s right,” I said. Now the two of them really gave me dirty looks. “Dude, you have nasty feet and your fingers have cuticles so long they almost reach the end of your nail.”

“What’s a cuticle?” Connie asked.

“This,” his lady said, pointing at it. She looked at his feet as he put them in the little pool of water. “God, gonna take some work on the callouses.”

“Never done this before,” Tom said. They went along with the program, and it was hilarious when the lady started working on Connie’s callouses because he was evidently really ticklish. They did a good job at the spa, and about an hour later we walked out feeling pretty relaxed.

“Didn’t think my feet could feel this good,” Connie said. “I may have to do this again.”

“Might be a bit strange,” Tom said.

“Dude, men get pedicures,” I said, rolling my eyes at him.

“Well thank you very much,” Tom said.

“Yeah, thanks,” Connie said quickly, annoyed for not thinking to say that first.

“You’re welcome,” I said. “Dinner in forty-five minutes.”

We almost rushed to our hotel room, so we’d have time for a quick shower and a quick fuck. In the end, we accomplished that and barely made it to the restaurant on time. Dinner was a lot of fun, since I bought everyone a lot of drinks and the more shitfaced we got, the more relaxed things were.

I was just about to order another drink when Tom’s phone rang. He looked at the caller ID to see if he had to answer it, then got a very serious expression on his face and stood up to walk away from the table so he could hear above our noise. Connie and the pilots kept joking around, but I was focused on Tom and his facial expressions, and that told me there was clearly something wrong. He walked out of the restaurant and onto the terrace. “I’ll be right back,” I said to the others, and then followed Tom outside. I got there just in time to see him hang up his phone.

“Oh hey,” he said nervously.

“What’s wrong?” I demanded.

He swallowed hard. “That dude Randy that you warned us about,” he said. That was the guy Connie had been with, and the guy who Cecil had removed from the condo.

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He’s dead,” Tom said.

“Dead? How did that happen?” I asked, barely remembering to keep my cool. I reminded myself that this was very clearly an emergency, and the adrenaline rush from the danger immediately sobered me up and focused me. I adopted Grand’s calm demeanor, at least to the degree that I could.

“He went over to the house while Marla was there and tried to get her to let him in. Claimed he had to pick up a few things he left. He had a backpack with him. Joey, the guard on duty, escorted him in,” Tom said.

“That probably wasn’t the smartest thing for them to do,” I said, more to move the conversation on.

“Probably not,” Tom agreed. “Joey let him use the bathroom. He must have brought a snake with him in his backpack and tried to get it out or something, because it bit him.”

“He brought a snake into the condo?” I asked, stunned.

“A taipan,” he said. “Most poisonous snake in Australia.”

“He was going to leave that thing in the condo in the hopes that it bit one or both of us,” I said, guessing at his plan.

“That seems likely,” he agreed. “Looks like it backfired. You don’t mess with those things.”

“Evidently,” I said. “Does anyone have a plan yet?”

“Plan?” he asked.

“Yes, a plan,” I snapped, then calmed myself down. “Neither Connie nor I need a big news story about a dude who offed himself with a snake in the condo I was renting. That’s bound to end badly for both of us,” I said. I was also worried that Connie’s relationship with Randy would become public, and that would really fuck up his life.

“I’ll check on that,” he said.

“No,” I said firmly. “I’ll do it.”