Gap Year - 57. Chapter 57

March 1, 2004

El Matador Beach

Malibu, CA

 

Will

“I think you’re the only dude in sixth grade who has ever demanded a parent-teacher conference because he got a 94 on a test instead of a 96,” Travis said, giving me shit as we walked along the shoreline. That had been in my math class, and the teacher had graded my test wrong and refused to correct it.

“I ended up with the 96,” I said, laughing with him.

“It was hilarious. You pushed out power just like your father does, and that backed Mrs. Jenkins up pretty fucking fast,” he said.

“Like that was worse than what you did to Mr. Towle,” I said. “Dude, you put hot sauce in his coffee.”

“He spit it out all over his desk and all over the papers we’d just turned in,” Travis said, as we laughed about that.

“I remember when I got mine back it was stained from the coffee,” I said, shaking my head.

“Then he was such a little bitch about it. Called for a formal investigation,” Travis said.

“You got lucky that you didn’t get busted,” I said.

“You were the only one who knew about it,” he said. “I knew I’d be safe.” I paused, made him look at me, then kissed him for being so sweet.

“Yeah, well the investigation went nowhere, so you decided to pile on by unscrewing the bolts holding his chair together,” I said. “It was fucking hilarious when he ended up sprawled on the floor with his chair in pieces.”

We were laughing so hard I had to stop walking for a second. “You laughed the hardest so he accused you of doing it, then you told him he insulted your honor, and challenged him to a duel,” Travis said.

“That poor dude was so unfit for middle school teaching,” I said, shaking my head at how we’d totally owned him.

We sat on some rocks that were next to crashing waves, and that backdrop combined with the gray skies made it seem like we were alone in the world. “This was a good idea,” he said.

“It was a good idea,” I agreed. “I was trying to figure out what to expect this afternoon, then realized that we’d be doing something, going somewhere, because that’s how you are.”

“After school especially, I need to work my body and give my brain a rest,” he said. “Fucked that up by bringing you along.”

“I’ll work your body later,” I said, pretending that’s what he meant.

“How are you going to do that?” he asked me in a sexy way, and leaned in to nudge me with his forehead.

“However you want,” I said, and pushed his hoodie back enough so I could bite on his earlobe. “What do you get into?”

I’d kind of blown the romantic mood, but I was getting used to Travis again, and I knew we’d get it back. “Why don’t you tell me what you’re into,” he said. I dove into a pool of thought, contemplating what he said. “Not as easy a question as you think, is it?” he taunted playfully.

“I just need to think about it for a second,” I said. “For me, the biggest rush is when the dude I’m with enjoys it so much it makes the top five list of his best fucks ever.”

He chuckled at that. “That sounds like a canned answer you’d give on a dating show.” He broke into this hilarious imitation of a contestant from one of those lame ass game shows in the 1960s. “Well Wink, it’s only a good date if she tells everyone how swell it was.” It took me a while to stop laughing at that.

“Whatever,” I finally said. “Dude, I’m serious. That’s what does it for me.”

“Yeah, but that’s for the other dude, not for you,” he said.

“No, it’s not like that,” I said. “It’s kind of like a group project, sex is.”

“A group project? I’m going to tell my US History class group that it’s part of the deal for me to fuck them.”

“They would so let you,” I said. I pulled out my dugout and we managed to do a hit despite the wind blowing pretty strongly.

“So how is it like a group project?” he asked.

“Alright, I’ll give you an example,” I said. “Remember when you and I played volleyball against Jason Crandle and his friend, the weird dude that never brushed his teeth.”

“I thought they were going to beat us just because of his breath,” Travis said, “Nasty.”

“Yeah, but we won,” I said. “We kicked their asses.” We high-fived each other, remembering how cool that had been.

“That was an epic game,” he agreed.

“Dude, that was only good, and I only remember it so well because we did it together,” I said. “That feeling of victory, that’s the rush I get from good sex.”

“I get it,” he said. “I can see where you do that, too.”

“How?”

“Yesterday you made sure I lasted,” he said. “That went longer than any other fuck I’ve had.”

“And because you like to be edged,” I said. He turned away and I could tell he was blushing. “Don’t look like that. You should not be embarrassed at all. Because I knew that about you, it was more fun, right?”

“How did you know that about me?” he demanded, which made me realize that I’d totally fucked up. “What did he tell you?” We both knew he was referring to Zach. Our conversation which had been so fun and playful had become tense and angry.

“He said you were into edging,” I admitted.

“Why the fuck were you guys talking about me?” he demanded.

“You would have done the same thing, talked about me,” I argued back. “Besides, neither one of us said anything about you that was even remotely bad.”

“Whatever,” he said, and sulked a bit. I sat there with him, totally tuned into Travis’s mood, and that helped me figure out why this had him so upset.

“I get why this bugs you,” I said, and put my hand on his shoulder.

“Why?” he asked me, but not in an asshole kind of way.

“Because it’s a huge penetration of your privacy shield,” I said. “Two guys talking about what gets you off. That’s got to seriously make you mad.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Doesn’t take me to my happy place.”

“I gave Zach the third degree about it after I told him I watched you two fuck, demanding to know what you were into,” I said. “It’s part of my own deal that I told you about, and I wanted to make sure that when I was able to get in your pants it was good.”

“When?” he challenged, poking me for my confidence in assuming he’d fuck around with me.

“Do not play the fucking southern belle with me, telling me that your virtue is sacred, and you cannot submit to my carnal charms,” I said, trying to emulate Wade’s Virginia drawl as I did. He laughed.

“Carnal charms,” he taunted, then laughed with me. When our laughter slowed to a giggle, he continued the conversation. “I guess I don’t really know what else I’m into. I haven’t really done much.”

“You will,” I said. “I’ll bet you rack up some major numbers at college this fall.”

“You were always better at that than I was,” he said. “You have a lot more friends than I do, while I usually have one or two people I’m really close to.”

“I’m not talking about dating, I’m talking about fucking,” I said. He looked at me blankly. “A hookup?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m an introvert. Meeting a bunch of new people wears me out.”

“I’m putting my money on your hormones,” I joked.

“They may win,” he agreed, making me laugh. He pulled out his backpack and handed me a bottle of water, which suddenly made me realize how thirsty I was. I downed it quickly, then shivered a bit. “Let’s head up and get something to eat.”

“Sounds good,” I said. We started walking up the gravel trail to the parking lot. “Where do you want to eat?”

“Up to you,” he said. “What’s your plan for the week?”

“I’m going to stick around until Friday morning, then I’m flying out to New York with Darius,” I said. He got a little nervous when I said that.

“I thought you were leaving on Wednesday, so I made plans on Thursday,” he said.

“Plans?” I asked. He gave me a dirty look, which told me exactly what his plans were. He had a hookup date with Zach. He didn’t respond, and I didn’t say anything as we hiked up the hill. Instead, I thought about the situation from his perspective, and actually chuckled out loud when it dawned on me that he was in exactly the same place I’d been in before Zach had tossed me across the room. That wasn’t entirely true, I decided, in that I’d been dealing with all three of us having a relationship with each other, while he didn’t have to worry about me having a relationship with Zach anymore.

We got to the Toyota and I held out my hand, demanding the keys, which got me an additional dirty look. “You don’t like my driving?” he asked a bit caustically.

“We’re not high enough for you to drive,” I said with a smile, “and for us to be that high we’d make asses of ourselves at dinner.”

“That’s bullshit,” he said. “We can act totally not stoned. We’ve been doing it for years.”

“Yeah right,” I said. “Remember that time at the Paradise Cove Diner when you put tartar sauce on your burger because you thought it was mayo?”

“Yeah, but we’re the only ones who knew about that,” he objected.

“That’s bullshit,” I said. “You took a big bite, spit it out all over the table and got some on the lady sitting behind me.”

“Oh yeah,” he said sheepishly, then we laughed. I pulled into the Paradise Cove Diner and he looked at me. “We’re going here?”

“Yeah,” I said. “We’ll see if you figured out how to use fucking condiments.”

“Condom-mints?” he joked. It was early enough that we got a decent table, although the best time to come here was when it was nice outside and you could sit down by the beach.

“The waiter will probably remember you and we’ll get thrown out,” I said, even as we looked at the menu. It really hadn’t changed all that much.

“Probably,” he said. “We’ll just get it to go.” The waiter came up and took our order then left, while Travis looked at me oddly. “Dude, you ordered fish.”

“I got the clam chowder,” I said. “And only as an appetizer.”

“A clam is a fish,” he asserted.

“It is not,” I countered playfully. “It is a mollusk.”

“Whatever,” he said, rolling his eyes at me. “You never used to eat anything that came from the ocean. You said that if you did that, the shit in the ocean may decide to eat you.”

“When we’re in Hawaii you’ll meet Kiki, this cool lady who taught me to appreciate limited seafood,” I said.

“Did you go out with her?” he asked, which made me laugh.

“No, I went out with her son, who may or may not be there,” I said. “I was having all kinds of issues with my father so I escaped to Hawaii for the summer. She all but adopted me. She’s like a second mom.”

“Cool,” he said.

“So you going to talk about your plans?” I asked.

“Do I have to?” he countered.

I just shrugged and was fortunately distracted when the waiter brought drinks and my soup. I took a bite of it and then quickly took a drink of soda. “Fuck!”

“Not good?” he asked.

“No, it’s just hot,” I said. “You ever had this here?”

“No,” he said.

“They say it’s world famous,” I countered. I dipped the spoon in and moved it toward him, holding my other hand underneath it so it didn’t spill, then fed it to him in what probably looked like a romantic moment.

“That shit is good,” he said. We flagged the waiter down and ordered a bowl for him, then sat there again, saying nothing. “I’m supposed to meet up with Zach.”

“That’s fine,” I lied, but tried like hell not to let him see that. “I’ve got some shit I need to do anyway.”

“What do you have to do?” he asked.

“There’s a dude I need to see to get my shirt back, and I need to spend some time with a couple of other friends of mine,” I said.

“Friends?” he asked in an accusatory way.

“Yeah,” I said. “Not saying I’m not going to fuck them, but they’re just friends.” It was hilarious to see him turn green with jealousy.

“Fine,” he said, and pouted.

“Dude, you’re going to go over and fuck Zach,” I said. “You can’t get upset about me doing the same thing.”

“I know that,” he snapped. His soup got there, so instead of arguing about this, he started eating.

“T, you are really important to me,” I said, and made him look at me. “I’ve only connected with someone like this twice before.”

“It seems like you have all these other dudes that you’re with, or you have relationships with, and it makes me feel totally unimportant to you,” he said bitterly.

“I have a lot of friends with benefits, but there’s only one guy who I had a ‘relationship’ where we were together, just the two of us,” I said. He looked at me curiously. “And that relationship is over.”

“You and Zach were like that? You were like an exclusive couple?” he asked, the surprise showing clearly on his face.

“Pretty much from the summer of 2002 to the summer of 2003, we were together,” I said.

“Why’d you break up?” he asked. It finally dawned on me that while he’d matured a lot, he still saw relationships in high school terms, which was probably why this was so hard on him.

“He went down here to go to college,” I said. “I knew he’d hook up with other people, and he knew I’d do the same thing.”

“Then why did it bother you when you busted the two of us?” he asked. There was no point in me trying to deny that it had, and I decided that would be a stupid thing to do anyway. I needed to be candid with him.

“Because Zach and I had just reconnected,” I said. “For me, being around him was amazing because we can be so good together, but it’s also really painful when we then go our separate ways. When I do, I know he’s going to fuck other people, but I try not to think about it.”

“So having us doing it right in front of you must have been pretty freaky,” he said, and actually reached over and held my hand sympathetically. He really was a sweet guy. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Dude, that was all me,” I said. “I stuck my nose, or my body, where it shouldn’t have been, so what I saw is my own fault. Besides, it was pretty hot.”

“I figured you’d have thought it was lame,” he said. “I was so pissed off it was all I could do to keep it up.”

I laughed. “I could tell you weren’t really into it. I told Zach it looked like the kind of fuck that’s just a notch above jacking off.”

“Thanks,” he said sarcastically. “That’s great for my ego.”

Now it was my turn to grab his hand. “Dude, we all have mediocre sex some time. Last night you were awesome.”

“That was all you,” he said.

“It was not,” I said firmly. Our main courses came so we stopped talking and focused on eating for a while.

“I’ll tell him I can’t make it until Friday,” he announced.

I smiled at him. I wanted to tell him to go ahead and go, but that would have required a level of selflessness that I didn’t have, or a lie so big I couldn’t pull it off. “It’s your call, but that’s nice, since I’m leaving that morning.”

“You’re welcome,” he said grumpily, then his face scrunched up to indicate his internal torment over this. “This is so fucked up.”

“How?” I asked.

“You don’t think it’s fucked up?” he challenged me.

“Duh,” I said, and chuckled, getting a smile from him. “Why does it bother you?”

“Because I feel like if I go over and hang out with him, I’m betraying you and our friendship because of what he did to you,” he said. “If I were a good friend, I would be so pissed off that he hurt you that I wouldn’t be able to be in the same room with him.”

“I can see that,” I said.

“You think that if I’m with him I’m being a shit friend?” he demanded, all outraged.

“No, but I can see where you’d let yourself think that,” I said. He shook his head at how confusing that was.

“And then when I’m having sex with you, I have a hard time letting go, really letting go and enjoying myself, because I feel like I’m cheating on him,” he said.

“I don’t know how he feels about it, but I understand your situation and I don’t want you to feel guilty about any of this. None of this is your fault, and it wouldn’t be your problem except you’re friends with both of us,” I said.

“You’re saying the problems are all me, and that you guys don’t really give a shit?” he asked.

“I have no idea how Zach feels about this, but he’s probably jealous,” I said. “For me, I’m going to not think about the two of you together, and just focus on how much I like being with you.”

“You were pretty upset when I was going to blow you off to hang out with him on Thursday,” he said. I looked at him, trying to decide whether to argue about that or not, then caved to the honesty resolution I’d made when we started the conversation.

“I was, because it put you in a situation where you had to make a choice,” I said. “When that happens, one of us is going to be upset.”

“Great,” he said, and shook his head. The bill came and he gave them his credit card.

“Thanks,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” he said grudgingly.

“I was struggling with pretty much the same thing after you dropped me off at the hotel last night,” I said. That got his attention. “I went and talked to Stef about it because it was fucking me up.”

“Why were you upset?”

“Because I was trying to figure out how to have a relationship with Zach and you at the same time,” I said. “I didn’t want to give either one of you up.”

“You would have blown him off for me?” he asked, stunned.

I nodded. “That wasn’t my first choice, but that’s where it was headed.”

“I can tell how much you love him,” he objected. “We are old friends and we have an amazing connection, but we haven’t had a relationship, you know, uh, been a couple.”

“Well, the feelings, at least on my part, are there, and based on how good the sex was, the attraction is there, so I’d say there’s some potential. Wouldn’t you?” I asked.

“I get your point,” he said.

“Zach is never going to be able to be out, and any dude who is with him will have to share him with his latest beard and worse, with football,” I said.

“You’re saying that your relationship with him was dying,” he said, but it was more of a question.

“I’m saying it was stuck where it was and that’s where it would always stay, and it wasn’t a place that I’d be willing to be long-term. Right now, when I want my freedom too, it worked. In the future, when I want to build my life with someone, it wouldn’t,” I said.

“You want your freedom, eh,” he said.

“I’m starting college in the fall,” I said. “I have no idea what that will be like, and I’m not going to make commitments to someone I can’t keep.”

“I guess I thought if a couple was strong enough, they’d make it through college together,” he said. “Shit, that’s how most of the couples at school see things.”

I shook my head. “I’ve been hanging around with lots of college dudes, especially since I moved up to Palo Alto,” I said. “It probably happens like they think, but from what I can tell, that’s pretty rare.”

“Seriously?”

“You never heard of the Turkey Day dump?” I asked. “That’s when you go back home for Thanksgiving during your first semester and break up with whoever you were with.”

“Whatever,” he said in a bitchy way, because I’d upset his worldview. “You make me feel like a dude who is just starting to figure out how to get up on his board while you’re competing at surfing nationals.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I haven’t had the easiest time of things because I’m always a little bit ahead of myself, maturity wise,” I said. “My uncle summed up me and my cousins: he said I acted like I was 25, Marie acted like she was a senior in high school, and John acted like he was 16. I was the only one of us who wasn’t in my ‘right’ age.”

“Makes you a sage,” he said, and winked at me, cracking me up.

“Let’s go,” I said. We got back out to the Toyota and I drove south. “Top or Bottom?” I asked as I merged onto PCH.

“What?” he asked. He knew what I was referring to, but my direct question freaked him out.

“You like to fuck or be fucked?”

“Christ,” he said, frustrated with me for prying. “I like to top.”

“Dude, that is great news,” I said, leering at him.

“Does that mean you’re a bottom?” he asked.

“I’m actually versatile,” I said, and wondered if that was the first time I’d admitted that out loud. “I have fun with both.”

“Gives you lots of options,” he joked.

“You ever bottom?” I asked.

“I’ve done it before, I just didn’t like it,” he admitted. I pulled into the Colony and up to our house, hit the garage door button, then parked the truck. “We’re going here?”

“No, we’re going to Guatemala,” I said sarcastically.

“Fuck you,” he said. We were both smiling and chuckling when we went into the house, but before we could escape up to my room, we saw Kevin and Cody sitting in the great room watching television.

“Hey there!” I said and rushed over to them. I gave Cody a quick hug and kiss, then focused on Kevin. “Dude, you look so much better!”

“I’m starting to get some energy back,” he said. I gave him a really big hug, one that lasted for probably too long.

“I am so glad,” I said, and found that I was crying. When I pulled away and he saw my tears, he got worried. “I’m just really happy you’re doing well.”

“Me too,” he said, and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek. I suddenly realized I was being a bad host.

“Travis,” I said, and motioned him closer to us. “This is Cody, and this is Kevin.”

“Nice to meet you,” Travis said politely, being the good Malibu boy, and shook their hands.

“Kevin is my cousin, and Cody is here because he’s nice to look at,” I said.

“I am,” Cody said, being cocky.

“Dude, it’s none of my business, but are you sick?” Travis asked Kevin.

“I have HIV and I’ve had a rough time with it,” Kevin said glumly. “They kept promising me a new cocktail that would help only to have it fail miserably and leave me weaker and more disappointed. Then one time they did it, they found one that works. So things are looking up.”

“That’s awesome!” Travis said enthusiastically.

“I should have told you that before you shook my hand,” Kevin said. “Some people get a little uptight about that.”

That was actually a pretty insulting thing to say to Travis, and I was worried that he’d be offended. I was about to blast Kevin for that, if only to take the burden off Travis, when Travis moved toward Kevin, pushed his arms aside, and embraced him tightly. “I’m not some people,” he said, as he broke off their hug.

“No you aren’t,” Kevin said, smiling broadly. He turned his attention to me. “He’s fucking hot.”

Cody and I laughed, while Travis blushed. “I have amazing taste in men,” I agreed.

“Want a drink?” Cody offered. I was pretty focused on getting Travis upstairs, but they’d made us welcome so we had to at least hang out with them for a bit.

“Gin and tonic for me,” I said.

“I’ll take a beer,” Travis said. “Thanks.”

“Have a seat,” Kevin said, gesturing to the couch as he turned off the television. It was more cute than annoying that he was acting like we were the guests in this house, which belonged to my father. “What are you up to?”

“We went to the beach, had dinner, and now I’m going to take Travis up and rip off his clothes,” I said. Travis turned red again, while Kevin laughed.

“Then you sure as fuck don’t want to spend time talking to me,” he said. Kevin was truly like his old self, being the flirtatious and sexy beast that could dominate any gay bar.

“Well, I’m trying to figure out why Travis doesn’t like bottoming,” I said. Travis smacked me playfully.

Cody came over and handed us both our drinks. “I don’t like bottoming much either, but it can be fun once in a while.”

“It just doesn’t do it for me,” Travis said.

Cody looked at him, doing that mind meld thing he does. “It’s because you haven’t really been with someone who knows what they’re doing,” he told Travis.

“I mean, I’ve done it before,” Travis responded, insulted that Cody was calling him a virgin, even though he damn near was.

“Yeah, but you won’t really know if you like it or not until you enjoy it,” Cody said.

“That doesn’t make sense,” Travis argued. “I mean, how can I enjoy something I don’t like?”

“Shut the fuck up, Cody,” Kevin said, probably because Cody wasn’t really getting through to Travis. He walked over, sat next to Travis, and put his arm around him. “When you do it, is it uncomfortable?”

“Kind of hurts,” Travis said in almost a mumble.

“I’m going to guess that I’m the most experienced bottom in this room,” Kevin said, staring at me. “And I’m damn good at it.”

“Alright, I’ll concede that one, even though I can only base the ‘good at it’ part on what I’ve heard,” I said. I’d thrown that last part in to make sure Travis knew I hadn’t fucked Kevin.

“Cousins can fuck,” Kevin said, which made me think about how hot that was and how much fun that would be. I must have sat there with my mouth open until Cody laughed at me and brought me back to the discussion.

“Dude, you are not on my target list for tonight,” I joked back.

“Did the guys you were with help you get ready?” Kevin asked. “You have to work your hole open gently at first, and it sometimes takes some work to train your body to relax the muscle around your asshole.”

“They didn’t do that,” Travis said. “The first guy wasn’t as bad, because he’s not very big.”

“Vaughan has a little dick?” I asked.

“Five inches and kind of thin,” he responded, cracking me up.

“That’s such a shame,” I said, then explained it to Kevin. “Vaughan is the hottest dude at Malibu.”

“Nothing wrong with having a small dick,” Kevin said. “Although I prefer otherwise.”

“Size queen,” I teased.

“Whatever,” Kevin said, cracking me up, then focused on Travis again. “There are so many dudes who are going to be happy you’re a top. God will they be happy.” We all laughed at that. “But you should try bottoming again, just for fun. Something new.”

“Maybe I will,” Travis said, then winked at me.

“Come on, big boy,” I said, and led him up to my room.