Gap Year - 39. Chapter 39

February 24, 2004

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

 

Will

“I hope you don’t mind me staying in bed,” I said to Tony while he sat on a chair tying his shoes.

“I know my way out,” he said cheerfully. He leaned in and gave me a nice kiss. “Call me when you get back.”

“I’ll do that,” I said, smiling at his handsome form as he walked out of my room. I’d had a blast with him, and I decided that the awesome sex we had was an indicator of how we’d found a good place together. We were friends that fucked, but in an intense kind of way.

No sooner did the door close than it opened slightly, and I saw my father’s face peeking around the edge. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” I said pleasantly. I was in a good mood since I’d gotten laid this morning, plus I was done being mad at him. I got out of bed and pulled on my sweatpants, then led him over to my sitting area. The room probably smelled like cum, but he was polite enough not to say anything.

“Looked like you had a good night,” he said with a smile.

“I had a very good night,” I said, smiling back. “Did you just camp outside my door, waiting for Tony to leave?”

“Actually, I just got here,” he said. He seemed relaxed and happy.

“How are you doing?” I asked.

“Great,” he said. “Really great.” He blushed when he said that, which was adorable.

“I’m glad,” I said sincerely. “So what’s up?”

“I wondered if you’d be willing to help me out with something,” he said.

“Probably,” I replied. I wasn’t willing to just say ‘yes’ because sometimes the shit he came up with was a little fucked up.

“Jake’s gotten really into this stuff on the Foundation,” Dad said.

“I talked to him about it yesterday, and he seemed pretty interested,” I said, wondering where this was going.

“I know this is your project, and you started making plans for it. If you’re really excited about it, I get it, but I think if you passed it off to Jake, it would give him something to do,” Dad said nervously.

“You think that will keep him busy so he won’t get bored?” I asked. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal.

“We’ve got some other stuff we’re working on, but until that hits, this would be a good filler,” he said.

“What other stuff?” I asked, wondering what he was going to pawn off on Jake.

“We’re thinking of expanding our research on new deals, or more appropriately the people who bring us new deals, and I’d like to have him help us run that,” Dad said. “We’re about two weeks away from setting it up so it will integrate with our existing processes.”

“Why don’t you bring him on now so he can help you design it?” I asked. He tended to get things set up and then toss them at people without getting their input. He gave me a dirty look.

“We’re going to do that, but we need to get things defined first,” he said.

“Do you think he even wants to do that?” I asked.

“I figured it would be right up his alley,” Dad said. I shook my head.

“You have to talk to him about this, ask him if he wants to do it, and get him involved from the beginning. If you don’t, you’ll just piss him off,” I said.

“He’ll be fine,” Dad said dismissively.

“No, he won’t,” I insisted. “Are you determined to fuck this relationship up? Is that what you want?”

“That’s not what I want,” he said, acting like I was an idiot.

“Then don’t get things all set up, like it’s some maze you built and then let him go like he’s a mouse that has to navigate through it,” I said.

“I think I know my partner,” Dad said.

I laughed at him. “Evidently not.”

“Look, if you don’t want to do this, that’s fine,” he said, referring to me asking Jake to take over the foundation investigation. He was annoyed, so I opted to give in on this point. I had planned to work with Jake on it anyway.

“I’ll do it,” I said, answering his question. “How should I handle it?”

“I need you to tell Jake that you’re busy and ask him to do it, to take it on,” Dad said. “He won’t want to jump in if you’re into it.”

I nodded. “I can do that.”

“Thanks,” he said. He got up, happy that he’d accomplished his mission, but I wasn’t going to let him leave until I was sure I made my point. I got up too, just to make sure we were on the same level; no way did I want him hovering over me.

“You know, Jake’s only a little less independent than I am,” I warned him. “You may know him, but I’m telling you how I would feel about this, and it’s probably not too different than what he’d think.”

“What you think and what he thinks are probably entirely different,” he said dismissively.

“He feels a little trapped right now, so factor that into your mental ruminations,” I said.

“He told you that?” he asked, a bit stunned.

“He told me that,” I confirmed. “You’re basically trying to set things up so he’d be working for you. I wouldn’t want to do that, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t either.”

“Why wouldn’t you want to work for me?” he demanded, all outraged.

“Because of our control issues, yours and mine. You’d be able to tell me what to do, and it would just piss me off, even though you would probably be giving me good advice,” I told him. He didn’t like that at all.

“The control thing again,” he said, and now he was really angry.

“Look Dad, it’s not all your issue. I said ‘our’ control issues. You are an amazingly successful businessman, and I respect that, but can’t you see how that might really fuck things up if I worked for you?” I made sure that there was no snarkiness or judgment in my words.

“It would be different with Jake, and he wouldn’t be directly working for me,” he said.

“So who’s he going to work for then? There’s someone else in between the two of you?” I asked.

“He’d be responsible to our team leaders,” Dad said.

“You don’t do threesomes very well,” I told him, getting a small grin from him.

“I can do threesomes very well,” he said, making me smile.

“Not if two of the three are you and Jake,” I told him. “This is the same thing.”

He sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

“I can’t tell you how he’ll react to your plan, but I can tell you how I’d react to it,” I said, and left it there. It was hilarious because he wanted to know but didn’t want to give me an invitation to comment. His curiosity won in the end.

“How would you react?” he asked fatalistically.

“I’d be pissed off that you tried to cram me into a job you designed just for me, without even talking to me about it. I’d be thinking that if we were partners, why the fuck didn’t you even talk to me about it before you just dropped it on me? And I’d think that you had absolutely no confidence in me, and that the only way you thought I’d find something meaningful to do with my life was if you set it up for me,” I said.

“I get what you’re saying, but you’re not Jake,” Dad said succinctly.

“I’m not,” I agreed. “But he reads me pretty damn well, and I do the same thing with him.”

“But…”

I cut him off. If we talked about this anymore, I’d just end up getting mad at him, and that would accomplish nothing. “I told you what I thought, and you don’t want to hear it because it’s not what you had planned. Have a good day. I’ll see you tonight.” I got up and went into my bathroom and heard my door close as he left. I peed, brushed my teeth then went back out. I was surprised to find my father there, sitting in one of my chairs.

“How do I help him?” Dad asked.

I smiled and sat down with him. “I get where you’re at. This thing with the Army totally fucked up your world, so now you’re trying to figure out a way so he won’t leave you.”

He gave me a grimace because I’d read his mind. “That’s probably it.”

“Just encourage him to do what he wants,” I said. “If anything, probe him about what he wants to do.”

“Probe him?” Dad joked, cracking me up.

“Just remember that you’re more likely to drive him away by trying to force him into a secure bubble than you would if you’d just left him alone,” I said.

He stood up. “Thanks for explaining it to me.” I stood up and he gave me a big hug. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“The band will be here. Should be interesting.”

“After hearing those guys on the beach, I’m so confident I’m not even bringing earphones,” he said. I was laughing as he left. I put on a T-shirt, combed my hair, then went up to the kitchen to eat.

I got to the kitchen and found Grand and Stef doing their morning things: Grand read the paper while Stef watched the news. I said hi to Carmen, then took a seat with them. We greeted each other then I occupied myself by watching the news with Stef. It was pretty depressing since most of it was about bombings in Iraq. “You were right,” I said to Grand sadly.

“About what?” he asked, then smiled. “There are so many things to choose from.”

I chuckled. “About this turning into a civil war,” I said, gesturing at the television.

He shook his head sadly. “This is one time I wish I were wrong.”

I felt bad because I’d taken us to a miserable place and darkened the mood. Stef helped me out by changing the subject. “I read Mike’s report and spoke to JP about your conversation on the foundation.”

“Cool,” I said, since all he’d told me is that he read it.

“I understand you are going to research these allegations?” Stef asked. I looked around to make sure Jake wasn’t in the room.

“Dad stopped in to see me this morning and asked me if I’d drop that project on Jake,” I said quietly.

“Indeed?” Grand asked. It was hilarious that he’d stay in the background and say nothing until something piqued his interest.

“He wants to give Jake something to do so he doesn’t feel bad about not joining the Army,” I summarized.

“Are you going to do that?” Stef asked.

“I think it’s a good idea,” I told him. “I went through everything with him. I’ll talk to him about it and help out where he needs me. Since I’m going to LA tomorrow, it seems logical that he’d pick up the ball, at least until I get back.”

“That makes sense, as long as he is willing,” Grand said.

“I still have to talk to him about that,” I said. “What do you think about all of this?” I asked Stef. I really wanted to know his opinion after he read Mike’s report.

“I am merely waiting for data,” he said in a disinterested way. That was annoying, but I wasn’t going to force the issue.

“Okay,” I said. Carmen put food in front of me. “Thanks,” I said to her, and focused on eating.

Grand looked at Stef, who seemed annoyed by his gaze. “I thought the foundation was in good order, so this is disturbing,” Stef said. Grand’s look had evidently pushed Stef into being more candid with me.

“I can see that,” I said. I knew he was busy, and all this had done was throw another thing on his plate that needed fixing. “Maybe it is, and maybe Mike is wrong. We’ll find out.”

“I also have a very good relationship with Craig Arundel,” Stef said. “He is a friend of Tom Hartford’s, by the way.” Tom Hartford was their old friend who ran an art gallery in the city. They were probably sensitive about that relationship since Tom was still peeved at Grand for fucking his boyfriend back in the 1960’s. It was amazing how long people could carry a grudge.

“I mean, it seems to me that the stuff Mike pointed out can all be fixed with Craig in charge except the morale issue,” I said. That seemed to bother him even more.

“After I read this, and had time to think about it, I was not able to dismiss the morale problem as impossible,” he said. In other words, he could see Craig being that big of a dick.

“Did you read Grand’s Board proposal?” I asked.

“I think it is our proposal,” Grand corrected, giving me a wry look. I just smiled back at him.

“I do like that, and I am confident that the board will support it,” Stef said. “I have been so focused on increasing the foundation’s assets, I have been less focused on what it does. That also bothers me, since that is really what is important.”

“You know, this is probably a little frustrating, but it sounds like however it turns out, it will end up being good,” I said.

He smiled at me. “You are correct. I have made another change to the board.”

“You have?” I asked. Grand didn’t look surprised, so Stef had obviously talked to him about it.

“One of the independent members resigned, and I am going to replace him with Evelyn Somers,” he said. I smiled at that because I really liked Evelyn. She had been Robbie’s assistant at Anders-Hayes, the production company we used to own, and had now worked her way up to operations manager.

“I’m excited to see her,” I said, then a thought sparked in my brain. “You think she could help Tony get a job in the industry?” Tony was a huge film nut.

“If she cannot, I certainly can,” Stef said, then got this seductive voice and attitude. “I am not sure he would be willing to pay my fee.”

“I’ll bet he would,” I said, laughing.

“I am wondering if you would mind if I flew down to LA with you tomorrow?” Stef asked.

“That would be awesome,” I said. Stef and I had put our issues behind us, and I loved spending time with him.

“I am glad you think so,” Stef said. I finished eating, then went upstairs to find Jake.

Dad had commandeered the bedroom next to his room and converted it into an office, so I was not surprised to find Jake there, intensely working on the computer. “Hey,” I said pleasantly.

“Good morning,” he said with a big smile and got up to give me a hug. “You missed your father.”

“He stopped by to see me on his way to work,” I said. “What are you working on?”

“That stuff on the foundation,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“That’s what I came up to talk to you about,” I said. He looked a little alarmed, so I hurried on to explain. “I’m going to be in LA until at least Sunday. It’s awesome that you’re taking the ball and running with it, but I won’t be much help until next week.”

“That’s no problem,” he said. “Let me see how far I can get, then we can touch base when you get back.”

“Perfect,” I said. I walked back to my room thinking about my trip to LA, and that inevitably made me think of Zach. I hadn’t talked to him in over a month, then I did the math and realized it had been longer even than that. I changed directions and opted to go for a ride: The exercise and fresh air would help me think more clearly. Half an hour later found me tearing across the Stanford lands with Psyche, mulling the situation with Zach.

My big decision at this point was whether or not to call him and tell him I was going to be in town. I was wondering if he’d make time for me when I was down there or if he’d blow me off. I was kind of freaked out either way. If he said he was busy, that would expose how totally over we really were. That kind of rejection from him would be a pretty big gut punch. Zach had always needed one person to bond with, a person that he was pretty open with. It had been too long since we talked for me to think I was still that person. I guess I was worried that it had gotten to the point where I had no place in his life at all. Then I pondered the other option, that he’d make time, and decided I was almost more afraid that he actually would come see me. I remembered back to how I was right before I went to Australia, and how he occupied my thoughts so much of the time. I laughed when I was able to put that in a realistic light: Zach used to star almost exclusively in my jack off fantasies, while now he was pulling down about half of them. Stef and my father, in their business mode, would probably note that he’d lost some serious market share. That made me laugh even harder, but then I got serious again. Did I want to open that door with him? I remembered when Matt and Wade were separated, and I’d found myself with Matt in Chicago after we’d gotten back from Europe. I’d told Matt that Wade was like an addiction, and if he talked to Wade, Matt would just end up hurting himself. Was I like that with Zach?

I ran those arguments around my mind as Psyche and I slowed to a trot, then a walk as we started heading back to Escorial. Thinking about our trip to Europe had reminded me of how much I loved just being with Zach, and how we clicked so well. That opened the floodgates and made me realize how much I missed him. I sighed, pulled out my phone, then paused. I’d talked to Matt, Grand, and Stef when he’d first moved away, and they’d given me some pretty good advice. In the end, they’d told me to be his friend, to be pleasant, and to not throw demands on him. That had been good advice then, and it was good advice now. I dialed his number and it went to voice mail. That threatened to totally derail me as I visualized him looking at my number on caller-ID, sneering, and opting not to take it, but somehow I managed to put that aside and left him a cheerful message telling him I’d be in LA and to let me know if he had time to hang out.

 

February 25, 2004

In the air over Gilroy, CA

 

Will

“This plane sure makes traveling easy,” I said, as we soared into the sky on Stef’s big Airbus.

“I was worried that I would not like it because it is too big to fly into smaller airports like my Falcon could,” he said. “I have decided that the added comfort it provides is worth a longer ride in the car.”

“I think that’s a good trade-off,” I said, chuckling. Both Stef and I were in good moods, which was surprising for me since we’d left at 8am.

“I am impressed with John’s band,” Stef said. The guys had gotten together and practiced, but what they called a practice was damn near a full concert for us.

“They’re pretty good,” I said. “They’ll be even better once they get used to playing together.” They were all individually talented but hadn’t quite figured out how to work off each other’s strengths.

He nodded. “I also thought their name was quite clever,” Stef said.

“Kalibra,” I said, to agree with him. They played on the California roots of the members, with the ‘Kali’ part referring to the state, and the ‘bra’ being the surfer equivalent of ‘bro’. “Beats the hell out of Starphish.”

He chuckled. “That is most certainly true.”

“Why are you going to LA?” I asked.

“I try to get down there at least every three months,” Stef said. “In that way, I can maintain my connection with the Hollywood set.” I sensed there was more to his trip than that, but I went with his base assertion.

“It’s pretty impressive how you do that,” I said. “My dad seemed to blow them all off after Robbie died.”

“I have spoken to him about that, and I think that reflects how we approached things differently,” Stef said. “Greg and I were partners, and both worked in the industry. Your father really was only involved because of Robbie.”

“I can see that,” I said. “Dad never initiated things, like going out to events and shit, he just went with the flow and supported Robbie.”

“He did,” Stef agreed. “That is quite the contrast to Greg and me. Greg was fully focused on the business aspect, while I managed our social calendar.”

“You’re more fun,” I said, chuckling with him.

“I am,” he agreed. I took out my phone and frowned, then put it back in my pocket. “Is everything alright?”

I sighed. “I called Zach yesterday and told him I was coming to LA. He didn’t call me back.”

“Is your relationship with him such that you expected him to?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s like I want to spend time with him and reconnect, but at the same time I’m worried that if I do, I’ll have to go through getting over him again.”

“And you are following our collective wisdom and letting him set the pace,” Stef noted.

I rolled my eyes at the situation. “I think I’m turning into my father. It bugs me that he has all the control in whatever our relationship is.”

Stef really laughed at that, and that made it seem funny enough to make me laugh with him. “I do not think you are at that stage yet, and in reality you have much more control of the situation than you realize.”

“I do?” I asked. It seemed that since he was blowing me off, he was calling the shots.

“You do,” he confirmed. “You left him a message telling him you’d be in town. If he doesn’t call you, you will find other things to do. If he does finally return your call, it will be up to you to decide whether those things are more important than seeing him.”

“I guess,” I said, even though I could see his point. “It’s tempting to make sure I have plans so that I’m busy if he does call. Maybe then he’ll call me back more promptly.”

Stef gave me a condescending look to point out that I was being unnecessarily petulant, then shook his head. “You seem to think that he is callously trying to drive you away.”

“It kind of feels that way,” I said. “You don’t think he is?”

“It is certainly possible,” he said. “It is also possible that he is grappling with the same things you are dealing with. It may be that seeing you would be painful for him, or at least the separation afterward would be.”

I thought about that for a bit, and it was cool that he gave me time to ponder it. At first, I wasn’t willing to give that theory much credit, but then I remembered the Zach Hayes I’d fallen in love with. He wouldn’t hurt me unless he had too; I was sure of that. It was quite possible that he was worried about just what Stef suggested. “I guess I’m less like Dad, and more like JJ, being all self-absorbed,” I joked, making him laugh. “I didn’t even look at things from his perspective.”

“Do not beat yourself up,” he asserted strongly. “It is much easier for someone like me, who is on the outside, to see things like that. It is harder when you are the person in the relationship.”

“You make it sound like figuring this shit out is easy, but you are just amazing at this,” I said.

“Thank you,” Stef said, and patted my leg affectionately. “Are you and your father on good terms now?”

“Well, we had an argument yesterday, but it seemed to end well,” I said. “I’m not as worried about us as I am about him and Jake.”

“What happened?”

“Dad is so freaked out about this deal with Jake joining the Army that he thinks he has to come up with something to keep him busy,” I said. “He told me he was working on a position at Carruthers & Schluter so Jake could vet potential business partners.”

“I was not aware of this,” Stef said, a bit annoyed. “I am also unsure as to why he thinks we need that, since we already do extensive background information when it is required.”

I shook my head. “He got pissed at me when I told him he couldn’t just come up with a job for Jake and stuff him in it and expect him to be happy.”

“The truth is sometimes painful,” Stef said, agreeing with me.

“He was even more annoyed when I told him I’d never work for him,” I said.

“That is almost a surprise, since you seem to have a perceptive ability when it comes to new ideas,” Stef said, and seemed disappointed about that. “It is much the same skill I have, and that your father has.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I don’t know if I want to be involved in that industry, or what I want to do, but regardless, I’m not going to work for him. That would be a nightmare. It’s not worth ruining my relationship with him.”

“I understand,” Stef said. “I also agree with you. I cannot see either one of you in a subordinate position to the other.”

I chuckled. “I get that, and you get that, but Dad seemed shocked that I wouldn’t want him managing my life at work.”

Stef laughed. “He would think it was a wonderful idea until it happened, then he would be trying to figure out how to end that awful experiment.” I really laughed with him at that.

When we were done cracking up, I got more serious. “I tried to explain to him that Jake is almost as independent as I am, and that if he didn’t work with Jake, it was going to fuck up his relationship.”

“I am not sure that he will listen, but I suspect that when he comes up with some scheme and foists it on Jake, Jake will explain things to him,” Stef said, shaking his head. “Then he will learn.”

“If Jake is calm enough to put up with him,” I said.

“You mentioned getting Tony a job in the movie industry,” Stef said. “Do you think that is similar?”

At first, I thought he was telling me I was being a hypocrite, but his manner had been gentler than that, more of a genuine inquiry. “I think it’s different. Tony’s just starting out, while Jake has already been successful in his own right.”

“I am wondering if you have plans this morning?” he asked.

“Not really,” I said. “Why?”

“I have a meeting with Evelyn and I think you would find it interesting,” he said. “I know I can trust you, but you would have to keep it confidential.”

“I can keep my mouth shut,” I said.