As They Say - (Revised) - 9. Entry #14-15

10th May 1991:

Sorry I didn't check in with you yesterday. Yep, it's official; I'm apologizing to a diary. My life is getting sad.

Yesterday was so cool.

When Ross came over on Wednesday like we planned, I showed him my trainset and model collection. All day yesterday he kept saying how awesome the things were. I started to feel a little self-conscious about it.

I know he was nice, but I don't want to be known as the kid who has a cool trainset.

I wish I was super neat; you know—the phrase which is given to the people who are the popular people. The kid's everyone wants to hang out with. Though I have heard those people are a little shallow; they care more about self-image than talents or personality.

I want a good friendship, but being cool sounds fantastic too.

I think I'd be able to manage both; being cool and being a good friend.

Well, I hope I can. If not, then I'll be one of those shitty people who do nothing with their lives after school. I'll just sit here and rot from boredom with my journal. No offence, you are the best thing that has happened to me since I don't know when. Since I have no one else to talk to about my feelings, life, or boys even, it's just you. It just… it gets so frustrating, you know?

Jeez, I'm doing it again. I'm talking to a journal like it were a person.

If anything, it makes it easier for me to say what's on my mind, rather than thinking about the appropriate words to put here. Instead, if I were talking to a real person, I can only assume the conversation would be very awkward in real life.

I didn't get to see Ross today. My Mam brought me into town to help with the shopping, and that's not something I have done in a while. When I was younger, I used to like going around and picking up all the items that she'd ask of me to get. Get the peppers, run and fetch the cereal, carry those bag of spuds to the trolly. Yeah right... I was a pipsqueak. I think she was happier that the process of doing it was tiring me out in the long run. I don't think I saw this result until I was like ten. I was slow to see through Mam’s villainous plans.

Aww… no, she's not a villain. I'm just joking. Besides that, I haven't done a lot today.

Maybe I'll catch up with Ross tomorrow. I want to see him again. Actually, scratch that, I have to see him.

I should think about giving you a name. It would be so cool to give a name to my diary, then it would be like talking to a real person. But there go my will and brainpower. I ought to stop calling you a diary. You're a journal... End of. Plus, my psycho moods don't help out. They both don't sugar-coat the idea either. I can imagine them laughing and rejecting the proposal. They'll say, "What a dumb idea, Adam, just stick to what you know. It's a diary, and a diary it is.”

Well, goodnight, I guess,

Adam

***

11th May 1991:

Right so… I just came home from Ross's granny's, and some cool stuff transpired. I waited all morning for him to wake up. Well, I wasn't sure if he was awake or not, but I didn't want to seem persistent, so I decided to wait until around lunchtime to swing by so that I would not look desperate. When I knocked for Ross, he came out without any hesitation.

We hung around for a bit and then decided to go back to his house.

When we arrived back at Ross's house, his granny told us that she would be going next door to help my Mam with sewing and other woman crap that I'm uninterested in. The main thing is—she let us have the run of the house for the afternoon.

Ross and I went up to his room and played cards for a while. I have to admit he is good at playing cards. I never really had a thing or strategy for playing cards. I always lose at any of the games, other than Snap. I think that is the only card game I have ever won without a problem, but I decided to take Ross on in a game of Hearts. Of course, it was useless, and my defeat was inevitable, but the cool thing was that Ross didn't act all high and mighty. He actually said if I'd like to learn how to play, he'd teach me. And in doing so, I decided what's the worst that could happen. He shuffled through the deck of playing cards and then assorted them out between the both of us. After Ross finished, I plucked mine up and readied myself.

Ross asked, "Do you know what each suit is worth?"

I had no clue as to how it operated. All I knew was that each card has a specific value, and if the other card is better than the higher number, then that person somehow wins. Ah… apparently, my conclusion was somehow correct, but I still felt a little foggy about the entire thing. Usually, Carl would pull a fast one, and he'd say that a particular card was worth more than it was actually deserving. I have to admire Ross's patience; he didn't cheat me out. He was actually teaching me.

Here's the good part, Ross asked to see my hand of cards— for training purposes. As he asked, Ross reached out and brushed the back of my hand. I mean, he actually felt my hand; his soft touch was enough to make me tingle inside. OMG (Oh My God), it was enough to make me start spazzing. I could not seem to focus on the task at hand for a couple of minutes after him touching me. I didn't really have any interest in the game after Ross did that to me. He did it unintentionally, and Ross was so interested and in-depth with what I was doing that he was trying to help me learn the rules of the game, which allowed him to get unnaturally close. It's pretty hot that a boy can be competitive but also nurturing at the same time.

If I ever have a boyfriend, I want one like Ross… Someone who will show me things that I don't know. Hell, if I could have Ross, then that would be a whole other issue. But I don't think he'd even consider swinging my way. If Ross did, that would be great. Send him my way.

But anyway, Ross taught me how to play the game somewhat, and I won a round from what he told me. After all the training, which took time, might I add? We grew tired of the card game and went on to something a little more fun. We played 21's for a bit, which is where each player has to get a number as close as possible to the number twenty-one.

Ross gave me two cards, and he asked if I wanted to fold or hit. Fold being, not taking another card, or hit which gave you another card. Sometimes, this option would put you over the edge because you went over twenty-one… I won a couple of times, and for the most part, it was excellent. It's easy to follow, and I could focus on looking at Ross. When we lost, we ate sour candy.

I really like saying his name. Ross...Ross... Ross...

I'm just home, so I'm going to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I made arrangements for Ross (Gaw) and me to meet up tomorrow. I'm going to try and introduce him to some of the boys tomorrow. I think he'll like that. I wonder if they will take to him just like how I took to him so well.

Right, well, night diary,

A grateful Adam