As They Say - (Revised) - 30. Entry 38

4th June 1991:

Well, last night was eventful. It was everything I could've possibly imagined. I mean, last night was perfect; the movies we decided to watch, the junk food we snacked on. We decided to pull out and play a game of cards after we grew tired of watching VHS tapes. The entire evening was magical, if I do say so myself. I felt like there was this weird unspoken vibe in the room. It was incredible; Ross and I more or less hung out. It didn't feel all that different compared to when we were first hanging out. I'm glad that nothing has changed even though we have said that we like each other; it feels like we're still friends.

I'm not sure if that's supposed to be the way it's meant to be. Though then again, he's not my boyfriend. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to ask Ross or if he's supposed to ask me. Inevitably, if this is what love feels like where we remain friends, then what is the big deal that adults make about love?

If you’re friends and fight, can't you like just get over it.

I'm not 100% sure where things are going, but I was glad when the two of us fell asleep talking to each other. It was a lot better than the first night Ross slept over at mine. Though this night felt weird because I stayed at his grandparents' house. It is a little spooky at night. Is it strange, in the middle of the night, I had to get up to go to the toilet, and I did not at all like the little adventure to the bathroom?

When I got back, Ross had woken up; he's a light sleeper, I guess because he asked, "Are you okay?"

I said, "Yeah."

Ross seemed to accept that, and I got back into the blowup bed that I had been assigned. I could hear him shifting and turning in the bed above me, and then a sigh came.

I pulled the blankets back above myself, and all I could see was the bleak nothingness in front of my eyes, even while they were open. I wish I could have seen Ross when I looked over at him.

Then out of the darkness, Ross asked, "Can I hold your hand?"

I didn't have any objections, so I reached out into the blackness, fumbling about, trying to find his hand. My fingers twiddled and danced in the openness until the two of us brushed fingertips. Ross's hand was cold, well, mainly just his fingers. I was confident that with my hand being warm, his fingers would heat up in no time.

There I was, holding his hand for the second time, which felt weird but totally worth it at the same time.

I think we fell asleep because when I woke up the next morning, my arm was undeniably sore, and Ross complained that his hand was too. So I can only imagine that the two of us held each other's hands for quite a while after we fell asleep. If I get a chance to take his hand anytime I want, I guess sore hands is the least of my worries.

I left Ross for a little bit after breakfast. I asked if he wanted to go into town and do something, but Ross wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to do. I didn't want to bring him back to the castle or the hill. I feel like we've been there too many times. I wanted to try something new, so I asked my Mam for some money to buy flour and stuff to bake when I got home. The way I figured, Ross likes pancakes, so maybe he'd make pancakes or something with me. It would be a fun way to spend the afternoon, wouldn't it? Well, my Mam looked at me funny when I mentioned it, but she didn't shoot the idea down.

So it was settled, I had a plan for the evening. Mam said she was going to visit my aunt. She told me that I'd have to wait, however, until she came back to cook, so she could keep a watchful eye. Which, I guess was okay. I showered quickly, and then I made my way back to Ross.

In the time I had been gone, I felt like I was already away from him too long.

When I got back, Ross was his radiant self. Ross had apparently showered too, and he was glowing; he looked so fresh. He seemed happy that I had returned. Though I don't think HAPPY is anything to suffice how I was feeling, which I am still feeling.

I told him my plan; Ross said it was cool and that he'd like to make pancakes with me.

I let Ross know that my Mam wanted me to wait until she got back, and then Ross snarkily cut in, "She afraid you'll burn the house down?"

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. So, instead, I embarrassingly brushed it off.

"We'd burn it down..." I replied.

I might've blushed because he glowed too; eventually, Ross stared at me fondly. It was odd, but I liked every minute of it.

When in town, we were standing in the aisle of the supermarket. I found it adorable how Ross couldn't decide on what he wanted. Ross kept picking up a tube of honey, and then he'd revert back to chocolate syrup. I kept telling him I could buy both, but Ross insisted that one was enough. He finally decided on chocolate because I like chocolate and he likes chocolate.

You can't go wrong with a boy who loves chocolate.

We paid for our items; then, we made our way back home. All along, I felt like the two of us were in a world that wasn't in the present.

When I got back, Mam was home. So at least we got to cook straight away. There wasn't any messing about; we got straight down to baking, and it was pretty cool. Mam let us have the run of the kitchen, which nearly never happens. Mam was too busy sorting out washing that she just kept a watchful eye on us to make sure we didn't set the house on fire. But more or less, she just let us have a go at doing it.

Here and there, she'd passed through the kitchen and drop an odd tip.

We followed them to the best we could.

It was fun just making them; we took turns preparing each other's pancakes. I made his sourdough, and Ross made mine. It was a little too quiet during the baking, so I decided to put on some music to help liven up the atmosphere. And if the mood in the room was energetic at the time of making the pancakes prior to the music, well, I can't explain how magical and mystical the spirit amplified in the room when I turned on the music.

Within ten minutes of the music going on, Ross was already feeling the music; he swayed slightly from side to side. I was kind of getting there too. And then “Give It Up” by KC and the Sunshine band came on. The room filled with weird happiness, and Ross just took off in this little dance escapade. I know it is an old song, though you can’t deny it's catchy. It was adorable and cute, just watching Ross bop away. He was in his own little world. I wanted to kiss him then and there, so bad. I would have probably, too, though he was just too adorable to stop. Plus, Mam was trailing in and out, and I didn't want to spoil the fun Ross was having. It was like he had taken a happy pill from the way he was goofily dancing about. A smudge of flour had rubbed off on his nose, which gave this undeniably, indescribable beauty to his nature.

Though when Ross bashfully started to sing, I couldn’t even move. All I could do was adore him and blink. I think he got a little bashful after he tried a couple of times to get me to dance, and I got there weirdly. I didn't even know I could dance, but before I knew it, the two of us were battling against each other, which made Ross cuter.

I took note of my surroundings, and then I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I just leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Both of us stopped, and Ross looked at me quizzically for a moment until he broke into a smile and began dancing harder, so I resumed dancing.

Awh… sigh.

Well, that was my day. I should go before I start drooling. I am just going to lay awake for a bit and consider if this is real. I am so happy right now. I could have kissed him on the mouth, but hey, at least the two of us enjoyed the moment, and the pancakes were well… let’s say they'll turn out better the second time around.

Night,

Adam