As They Say - (Revised) - 6. Entry 9 & 10

5th May 1991: Part 3

Oh, My God! He's beautiful. I'm not sure if he knows that I could see him, but I got a glimpse of Ross partially naked. From my bedroom window, I have a clear view of the O'Sullivan's house; their house is sorta slanted towards the back of our house. I saw Ross naked. Well, I'm pretty sure he was butt nakey. Although I didn't see his thing, Ross definitely has a great body. He mustn't have been aware that I have a clear view from my bedroom window, but in retrospect, I'm happy. I didn't have anything to complain about.

Who would?

I had a lamp on, but it wasn't that bright, so even if he had looked out the window, he wouldn’t have caught me. But it seemed like he had come from a fresh shower; one of those white towels was draped over his shoulders. When Ross proceeded to dry himself, I got a chance to vaguely see his defined chest and the slim body all the way down as far as his belly button. The window ledge obstructed my view, but oh god, that was a sight.

I wish I had a telescope.

Okay, that sounded inappropriate and largely creepy. But come on, Ross is so damn hot. My shorts are tented right now under the desk. I said to myself that I would cut down on this hobby of mine. I'm not going to be able to skip it now. It's even tough to focus while writing this.

Crying on the inside.

I really need to do this now; fuck’s sake, Ross. Why are you so hot?

Night,

Adam

(who's got a major erection to take care of)

***

6th May 1991: Part 1

Do you know what happened today? That kid Eli punched, Jonathan, confronted me while I was in town? With Ross, with ROSS! He came up to me while I was showing Ross around, and Johnathan started talking leisurely with me, which was okay for the most part. I don't really hang around with Johnathan King. He is, after all, the village idiot when it comes to us. He is a little weird and nerdy, but he is genuinely okay. I'll never understand why we make it so hard for him to just fit in. Johnathan has always had a gentle approach with me because I never really gave him shit. I kinda stood up for him once when I felt that a situation was wrong. However, I was there when Eli hit him on the G.A.A. grounds behind the cluster of trees that separated the pitches from the tennis courts. You know… G.A.A - Gaelic Athletic Association.

I made no effort to intervene when Eli hit him, and he took that frustration out on me in town. Johnathan started his conversation with me like any normal person would, and then it turned subjectivity to the topic of bullying. He got defensive as we moved the discussion onto why Eli had hit him. I wasn't sticking up for Eli or what he had done. I was trying to defend myself.

All in all, Ross just stood around, not sure what to think. I hope this doesn't affect what Ross thinks of me. I hope he doesn't believe I'm a bully or a selfish person. I really am not. Just sometimes, I want to stay out of things. Look what this has done for me now. If I hadn't come to his rescue all those other times, he probably wouldn't have wanted me to help him that day. But he must have expected me to do so. I mean, something would have eaten me up if I stood by and not done anything. I mean, that day when Eli hit him still bothers me a little. It's not subconsciously plaguing me all the time, but it's definitely toying with me. Maybe I should have done more.

I could not believe where all this anger was coming from, but he just suddenly lashed out without any warning and swung his arm at me and hit my head. My immediate response was to drop my bike and shove him back, so I did. I didn't mean to make matters worse. I was just defending myself, but he acted like a dog with rabies. It's not my fault. Why did Johnathan want to tear into me?

He was going to lunge at me again, but Ross got in-between the both of us and pushed us apart. Johnathan did not have any bad words for Ross because Johnny didn't know him. I was kinda glad that Ross did what he had done.

Johnny crossed the line when he coldly said, "I would be careful with the sort of friends you choose. This one here is no different." And just like that, Johnathan walked off down the street.

I felt like I could cry from embarrassment and part guilt. I don't know what I did to cause this, but now I feel like I have jeopardized my friendship with Ross. I should have stood up for that fucking moron.

Ugh… Sigh. He's not a moron as much as I'd like to call him it.

Johnny's just angry at what my friends— well, for what Eli— did to him. Is Eli a good friend? I mean, he always has my back when I need him. He is a little moody and temperamental, but so is Carl when you get on the wrong side. Yet Carl is not like Eli; they are complete opposites.

Anyway, for the most part, I got to show Ross the village— well, most of it. But I didn’t really feel all that up to it to show him around more, and I asked if we could split and told him that I'd talk to him tomorrow. After making sure that he knew his way home, or an idea of the direction, I cycled home. I did find it a bit strange that Ross wanted to remain in the town. I could have cycled to Eli's house and punched him for all my troubles, but that sort of violence is not in me. Instead, I tossed my bike on the lawn and went inside to contemplate what had just transpired. Sometimes this diary (journal) is good for venting; I don’t do a lot of it in the real world. I do not want anyone to see how I’m suffering.

So, I guess it's a relief that I have you to write in. Is that weird? I called a diary "You."

Later,

Adam