The Making of a Slave - 17. Crawling

Recap of Chapters 1 to 16

The story of Andrew starts at age 13 with a brief flashback three years earlier when he was stripped by his cousins during a holiday get together. It sets a tone of how other people perceive him.

Andrew is the oldest of 3 boys. Mark is 14 months younger and Peter is 8 years younger - Andrew has a close relationship with both. Andrew's neighborhood is middle class but running from upper to lower. Andrew’s parents are both professionals and the family is more towards the upper side.

Andrew first meets Zack in the 6th grade when they get put on a school project. Zack has a younger brother, Trevor that is bright but on the autism spectrum.

Early on Zack observes Andrew getting teased by others, but steers clear of it. He becomes friendlier with Andrew and quickly gets comfortable taking charge when together.

During the 7th grade Zack’s father dies unexpectedly. Andrew consoles him and they form an imperceptible bond. As Zack becomes more aware of kids bothering Andrew he starts to diffuse any situation he notices.

Patrick is another good friend of Zack’s and Andrew isn’t sure who Zack's best friend is.
Patrick was tall, a bit thicker (not fat) and, like Andrew and Zack, very smart.

Later on in the 7th grade year, Zack and Mark’s friends find out that Andrew wets the bed. Mark is not present when Andrew's secret is discovered. Andrew feels humiliated and goes off on Mark’s friends after they ask curious but respectful questions. This leads to another key incident where Mark's friends retaliate by holding Andrew down and putting a bare ass to his face. Zack doesn't participate but also doesn't stop it.

Zack and Andrew talk about the incident and Zack points out that it probably wouldn’t have happened had Andrew not provoked it. Andrew apologizes to Mark’s friends and they agree to not talk about what happened and keep Andrew’s secret.

With Zack now aware of the bedwetting, there's no more reason to avoid a sleepover and Andrew invites Zack for his first sleepover. Zack exhibits a bit more dominance over Andrew including convincing Andrew to let him do the same thing Mark's friend did. Andrew ends up offering his bed to Zack - while Andrew sleeps on a mattress on the floor.

Zack's family, after the passing of Zack’s dad, is more on the lower end of the neighborhood wealth spectrum. Zack is very smart and knows how to read a room. He's a swimmer but otherwise not a huge sports fan. He’d rather spend time researching and learning about oddball things. In fact it was Andrew who got him into baseball.

Zack researches enuresis and sets up a plan to help Andrew defeat his bedwetting. A frank discussion ensues and Zack discusses what he’s learned from his research. Andrew reveals all the trips to the doctor and the different treatments then Zack puts his plan into action.

In the summer before 8th grade Andrew gets into another defining situation. It starts off innocently enough after Andrew shows up late for a pick up baseball game with other boys from his grade. Zack is already there and playing. Andrew had to wait to get into the next game. While waiting, he proceeded to lob insults at the players well past the point of it being funny or playful. Andrew gets tired of waiting and leaves before the game is over.

After Andrew leaves, the rest of the players get together and talk about Andrew. They are angry and decide he needs to be taught a lesson. Six of them, Ian (the main perpetrator), Finn, Greg, Herman, Eddy and Kevin stay around and come up with a plan. Zack is present through the discussion and is given the task of getting Andrew to go to the pool the next day - which he does.

When he arrives the baseball friends are there. They grab him and give him a swirly. Word had gotten out that it was going to happen, so there was a large gathering that witnessed the incident. Afterwards they all leave, including Zack leaving Andrew humiliated. He initially feels betrayed by Zack. After he confronts Zack about the incident, and learns more of what happened, Andrew starts to accept that his behavior and attitude gave rise to the trouble.

The swirly happened just a few days before the start of school year so for the first week of school, everyone was still talking about it. It eventually fades and Andrew and Zack continue to have more sleepovers. Zack continues to push the control including convincing Andrew to wear a diaper out to get fast food.

During the rest of the 8th grade year a few things happen -1) Zack’s plan works and Andrew stops bedwetting, 2) Zack loses his virginity, 3) Andrew starts working for his dad’s business and 4) Zack gets friendlier with Patrick, the third smartest boy in the grade behind Andrew and Zack.

Zack's friendship with Patrick strengthens and Andrew struggles a bit with that. Andrew’s mouth gets him in trouble again on an occasion where Zack, Andrew, Patrick and Patrick’s younger brother Connor are hanging out. Zack calls out the bad behavior by Andrew in front of them and makes him apologize in a humiliating way.

Andrew starts to become friendly with Finn, who was one of the baseball friends that planned and helped execute the swirly. Andrew has his first kiss with Finn and does some additional experimenting.

Andrew enters high school and has a good first two years, hanging out with Zack, Patrick and Finn. It’s an elite high school and other than the three of them, none of the other kids that bothered Andrew went to the high school.

Things take a turn for the worse in Junior year, when Andrew and Finn have a falling out. Finn reunites with Ian (the main swirly perpetrator) and has another incident against Andrew. Andrew feels left out again.

Junior year is busy with school applications, standardized tests and college trips. Andrew gets his driver's license and becomes the official driver for Zack, including one time when Zack fools around with a girl in the back seat. Zack accompanies Andrew and his parents on a campus visit trip where some experimentation goes on.

Andrew’s thoughts start to change and evolve as his sexuality manifests itself. He starts to find pleasure and release in certain submissive thoughts. He starts to develop a fondness for Zack but doesn’t reveal it.

Zack starts to ramp up the dominance over the friendship. Trevor, Zack’s autistic brother notices Andrew in a compromised position and observes him doing tasks for Zack. Andrew and Zack perform in a rock concert as Zack continues to make decisions that affect Andrew - which Andrew accepts.

As Junior year blends into Senior year, Zack’s and Andrew get busier with school and work. Zack is especially burdened - his income goes to help support the family. Zack is also responsible for Trevor, who is fully functional, but needs to be supervised.

Zack seems to lean on Andrew even more - when Andrew is available. Andrew watches Trevor at times and does domestic type services for Zack - including using his hands to satisfy Zack sexually.

It turns out most of the time they spend together now are for services. Andrew begins to think he’s being taken advantage of and confronts Zack. Zack is overwhelmed with all his responsibilities and the conversation turns into a fight.

Chapter 17 - Crawling

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting
How I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence, I'm convinced)
(That there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Zack had never hung up on me before. My first instinct was to call him back but I paused to think and compose my thoughts. I was convinced there had been a change in the way Zack acted towards me, but was it just my imagination?

Was he starting to take advantage of me or was I just being an unappreciative dick? What would I even say, if I called him back? I was angry, but did I have a right to be? Was I disrespectful to Trevor? Or to Zack?

My thoughts were all over the place but I convinced myself my instincts were right and he was taking advantage of me. I calmed down and called him back.

"What!?" He said angrily as he answered my call.

"Can we just talk this out?" I asked.

"Go ahead, talk," he replied matter-of-factly.

"I feel you're taking advantage of me," I started.

I paused for his reply but there was silence. I continued, "every time you call me now it's to do something for you. We don't just hang out any more."

Again I paused waiting for a reply but he said nothing. "C'mon Zack, please say something," I begged.

"I don't know what you want me to say," he finally replied.

"I want you to tell me why you're taking advantage of me", I said.

He chuckled in an ironic way and repeated, "taking advantage, huh."

"Yes," I replied, "That's what I think."

I was nervous and my heart was beating quickly, but Zack sounded calm and calculating.

"I've ALWAYS had your back, Andrew," he said matter-of-factly. "I know you better than you know yourself and I've treated you like a brother. Maybe you need to learn more about who you are and who your friends are.”

“None of that changes how you’ve been treating me lately,” I replied. “Don’t you think that hurts me?!?” He started to say something but I continued. “Do you ever think about how I feel?!?”

There was another pregnant pause when I stopped speaking. “Are you done?” He asked calmly. “I have always thought about you Andrew. Like I said - you need to think more about yourself.”

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” I asked as my feelings of anger rose.

“Think about what I said,” he replied. “I have nothing else to add.”

“Nothing!?!” I screamed.

“Andrew,” he interjected, “Andrew! Dude, just stop.”

I stopped, paused and, although not sure why, terminated the call.

He didn’t call back and neither did I. We didn’t communicate for the rest of that weekend and I spent it thinking about my long complicated friendship with Zack. Of all the things we’d been through, never had we gone even a day where we weren’t speaking to each other. Any disputes we’ve ever had were always resolved quickly. He’d let me have my say and always had a reason for what he did or what he said. I didn’t always agree with his explanations but they made sense.

I couldn’t reconcile in my head why he treated me like that but it was clear he didn’t see anything wrong with it. What was I missing? Has Zack changed or am I not seeing something obvious? Has he been moving away from our friendship? Normally, I would acquiesce to his thoughts but there were just too many unexplained inconsistencies here. I was convinced he was wrong and that I would wait for him to reach out to me.

The next time I saw Zack was Monday in school and the encounter was very awkward. At lunch, he was already sitting at our table when I got down there but instead of sitting next to him like usual, I sat at the other end. He saw me and looked over but didn’t say anything.

I wasn’t planning on giving him the silent treatment but that’s what it turned into. A few days turned into a few weeks. A few weeks turned into a few months. It’s not like we didn’t talk at all but we didn’t really spend any time together and when we did talk - it was very detached and antiseptic. We never really settled our argument - at least not in my mind.

A lot of the separation had to do with work. Zack was forced to go to almost full time hours at the indoor pool - he worked all day both Saturday and Sunday and three nights during the week.

My workload increased too and I had to spend a few hours at my dad’s office after school on weeknights. He agreed to pay for my college but wanted me to work to help out.

The disagreement was always in the back of my mind and the more I thought about it - the less convinced I was it was his fault. The possibility that maybe I had overreacted started to creep into my thoughts. I wanted to bring it up again and have a real sit down but there was something in me that kept me from making the next move.

The worst thing about the stalemate was that Christmas passed as did our 18th birthdays and we didn't exchange gifts. Since our birthdays were so close to Christmas we’d get each other one gift for both and usually exchange after Christmas. I actually bought him something but never gave it to him.

My birthday was on January 9th and his was on the 10th. Fun fact, I was actually born 11:57 PM on the 10th and Zack was born 12:03 AM on the 11th - three more minutes either way and we could have been born at exactly the same day or time.

The next few months went by with us barely speaking but the first melting of the ice happened in the first week of April when the college acceptances came back. We had both been accepted to the same school - the first choice for each of us. It was an elite selective college and we were relieved when we both got in. Patrick was also accepted - we were the only three from the whole county.

There was a tradition in my town that on Friday of the first week of April, after all the college acceptances were in, there would be a party in the park. The only requirement was that you were a town resident and a Senior attending college. It didn’t matter what high school you went to. Everyone wore a shirt from the college they would be attending.

It was a scheduled event and the park closed to everyone else at dusk. The restrooms were unlocked and the lights were kept on in some areas. Parts of the park, such as the pool area and some fields were closed and attendants guarded the path to those areas. There was also an attendant in the entrance booth. He let anyone in who said they were a senior and looked the other way when they brought beer or other alcoholic beverages. In general, they left everyone alone to party.

I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to going. It was the same park with the baseball fields, pool and pool bathroom where I was given the swirlie, and most of the same people would be there. I liked going to OLIC mostly because none of the people that gave me trouble in middle school went there.

Before our disagreement, Zack and I had talked about it and he told me that his mom had a scheduled work event and would be out of town. I had offered to stay with Trevor so Zack could go to the party. He was thankful for the offer but said that I shouldn’t miss it since it’s the only time in my life I’d be allowed to go. He planned to just bring Trevor - even though he wasn’t a Senior, given the circumstances no one would give Zack trouble for it.

I would have planned to stay with Trevor anyway - basically just show up at Zack’s house and insist he go but, given the circumstances, I decided I would go to the party instead. During the week at school, I had spoken to Finn and Patrick and knew that they were going so I’d have someone to hang out with.

The party was already in full swing when I arrived. The lights were on over the main area and one baseball field. There were places to play cornhole and even two beer pong tables. There was a large metal trash can off to the side with a lit fire and people meandering about talking and drinking.

I saw Finn there hanging out with Ian so I stayed away and instead went up to Patrick and talked to him.

He was carrying a bag which he reached into and pulled out a can of beer. “Want one?” He asked.

“Sure,” I replied while shrugging.

He tossed a can to me and said, “I figured you would come with Zack.”

“Na,” I replied as I opened the can and took a sip. “Is he here yet?”

“Yea, he’s here with Trevor,” replied Patrick, “but he had to walk him away from all the commotion. Trevor was getting upset.”

“Oh, where did they go?” I asked.

“They walked down to the other baseball fields,” replied Patrick. “Here comes Carly. Hey, I’ll catch you later,” he said as he jogged over to catch up with her.

I looked up and noticed Finn was now alone so I walked over to him. He was away from the crowd by the stands of the lit baseball field. Like me, he had a can of beer in his hand. “So you’re still hanging out with Ian?” I asked.

“Eh, not really,” he replied, “every now and then. He just took Amy over to the far field dugout, so it could be a while.”

We both chuckled. “A little early to be getting lucky isn’t it?” I asked.

“Not for him, he’s been drunk for two hours already,” added Finn.

“I guess he’s late then,” I added. We both laughed again.

So, did you get into a fight with Zack?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, then added, “Not really. It’s nothing big.

Finn nodded, not really accepting my bullshit story and asked, “So what happened?”

I paused a few seconds, not really wanting to talk about it but did anyway and replied, “I don’t know, I guess I was feeling a little used.”

“Got tired of being his bitch?" Asked Finn in a joking way.

“Yea, exactly,” I replied and laughed.

“Were you sucking his dick?" He asked, boldly.

“No!” I quickly retorted.

“No, nothing?” He asked in an incredulous tone.

“Let’s just say that I’ve done nothing more for him that I haven’t done for you,” I slyly explained.

He arched his eyebrows then smiled and asked, “does that mean you want to start jerking me off again?”

We laughed out loud and he added, “you can anytime you want you know.”

I smiled and replied, “That’s good to know.” Turning more serious, I added, “I don’t know, I just get the feeling that he manipulates me into doing things he wants and wants it all done his way and I never get anything in return. Like if it wasn’t for the stuff I do for him, he’d probably never call me.”

Finn thought for a moment, then responded, “You know he’s done a lot for you - stuff that I bet you probably don’t even know about.”

“Like what?” I asked skeptically.

He replied, “He’s always got an eye out for stuff that could be trouble for you. I remember in freshman year, that kid Carson was going to kick your ass after school. Zack found out about it and talked him out of it.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Yep,” he continued. “There was another time at lunch when you got up to get a drink and left your hamburger on the table and Aaron spit in it. When you got back Zack knocked it on the floor making it look like it was an accident and then bought you another one. Oh yea and remember that purple gym bag you used to have? This kid had taken it from your gym locker and was going to do something to it but Zack made him put it back.”

“I never knew any of that,” I replied.

“Oh yea, there are a lot more that I can’t think of right now and more that I don’t even know about,” he said. “I don’t know what you do for him but he always seems to watch out for you.”

“Hmm, maybe I need to think more about this ,” I replied.

“I’m sure you two will figure it out,” said Finn.

At that moment Kevin walked over to us and said, “S’up, boys.” He too was holding a can of beer.

“S’up,” we both replied.

“Enjoying the festivities?” Asked Kevin.

“Yea, all’s good, you?” I replied.

“It’s good - where’s Zack?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, “I heard he’s here with Trevor.”

There was a brief pause and Kevin looked at Finn as Finn looked away and changed the subject asking, “how much beer is left?”

It was clear that everyone expected that I’d be hanging out with Zack, but until now I never realized people would have that perception.

“There’s plenty,” replied Kevin. “Do you want another one?”

“Yea, I’ll take one,” said Finn. “Andrew, you want one?”

I had pretty much finished the first one. I felt bad not bringing anything myself but accepted the offer anyway. “Um, OK, sure, thanks,” I said.

Kevin walked over to the dugout bench and pulled three cans of beer out of a cooler and brought them over. Herman was already there getting a can for himself and he came over to hang out with us.

I had barely opened the can and taken a sip when we heard loud yelling coming from the outer baseball fields. I looked up and saw Ian and Amy walking toward us. “Woot woot, party!” Screamed Ian. He had a can of beer in his hand he was waving around.

As they got to us Amy said something to him and walked away towards her friends. Ian looked up, saw me and yelled out, “Hey Andrew, it’s Andrew!”

I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. Ian was a pain when sober and the thought of dealing with him when drunk sucked. “I think I'm going to be moving on,” I said with a half chuckle and turned to walk away.

Ian noticed as he arrived and shouted, “Andrew, where are you going?”

“Hi, Ian,” I said in a low voice.

“Andrew, do you remember this place?” He asked.

Kevin, Herman and Finn smiled but I remained silent.

“What’s the matter, Andrew?” He asked. “Why don’t we take a walk to the bathroom?”

“I got to go,” I said and started walking away but Herman got in my way. I tried to turn around him but he blocked me again and held me.

“Where are you going Andrew?” Asked Ian in a mocking tone. “Don’t be rude and walk away, just when I have to pee,” he continued. He was clearly drunk.

“Hold him,” ordered Ian as he started undoing the zipper on his pants. I tried to get away but Herman grabbed and held me and Kevin helped.

“Let me go!” I screamed. Ian had his zipper open and was about to take his dick out.

Then someone running towards us shouted, “Hey, what the fuck is going on!?” It was Zack! “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He asked again.

“We’re just having some fun,” slurred Ian.

“Really?” Asked Zack. “You’re starting shit on Senior night? What the fuck is wrong with you!?” At that time a few others started to gather to see the commotion, Patrick and Trevor among them. Herman and Kevin let go of their grip on me.

Ian zipped his pants back up and sneered at Zack, “You here to protect your girlfriend?”

Zack shot back, “You sure want to talk about girlfriends?”

With that, Ian changed his tune and said, “C’mon man - just having a little fun here.” Then he stuck out his hand for me to shake, “I was just messing with you, Andrew.”

The crowd dispersed as quickly as it accumulated and within a few seconds there was just Zack, Patrick, Trevor and me.

“I want to go home,” shouted Trevor, in a somewhat agitated state. “I want to go home, right now!”

He started to pump his hands up and down. Before Zack could do or say anything, I took hold of Trevor's hands and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll take you home.”

“I want to go home right now,” demanded Trevor as he stopped pumping his hands.

“Yes, we’ll go, right now,” I replied.

Zack started to say, “you don’t have to..”

“It’s fine,” I interjected. “Come on Trev, let’s go.”

“OK, thanks,” said Zack, “I’m not going to stay too long. Talk to you when I get home?”

I nodded as Trevor calmed down and we started to walk home. “Thank you, Andrew,” said Trevor.

“How long were you at the party for?” I asked.

“Like two hours. It was too long,” he replied. “It was too loud.”

When we got to Trevor’s house he went straight upstairs. “Do you want anything?” I asked.

“No, thank you Andrew,” he replied. “I haven’t seen you in a while and I am glad that you are here but I think I want to go to bed.”

“OK, good night Trevor,” I said. “We’ll hang out another time - I’ll wait in Zack’s room until he comes home in case you need anything.”

“OK, good night Andrew,” he replied as he walked into his room. Before going in, he stopped, turned around and asked, “Are you going to take your clothes off like Zack wants?”

Feeling a bit dazed from the events of the night, I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” He walked into his room and closed the door. I walked into Zack's room and decided to stay clothed - I just sat on the floor leaning against his bed.

My mind was racing trying to make sense of the evening. I mindlessly started to tidy up Zack's room, picking up socks and underwear and putting them into the laundry basket, before sitting back down on the floor to think.

I had to process all this new information. Clearly my conclusions about Zack were wrong. It seems like I was more accepted in high school because of his behind the scenes action. He's had my back and never thought to tell me or take credit for it.

Was I inconsiderate to him? Did I overreact to Trevor seeing me naked and doing chores? Trevor seemed to act like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Was it really a big deal? Should I have just taken it in stride?

I got up to check on Trevor. His door was closed and the lights were off. As I walked back into Zack's room I heard the door open downstairs. True to his word he had stayed at the party for less than an hour.

"Hey," I said as he walked up the stairs.

"Is Trevor asleep?" He asked.

"Yea," I replied, "he went right in when we got home. Hey, thanks for bailing me out. I know I've been a real dick the last few weeks."

"Ian is a dirtbag," he said, ``but he has a lot of issues going on, not all of which are his fault."

"Yea, whatever you said got him to change his tune instantly. What was that all about?" I asked.

"Eh, I rather not go there," he replied, "and, by the way, you weren't being a dick. I know you like to think things through very deeply and that takes time."

"Yea, I have done nothing but think," I said and chuckled.

"I knew we needed to talk about it, but I also knew we needed time to think. I do want to say a few more things that I'm not sure how you will feel about."

"Well that sounds pretty deep," I said half jokingly.

Zack laughed and said, "Don t worry, no matter what it won't be bad. Why don't we talk tomorrow."

I shrugged and said, "OK, see you tomorrow, oh, and happy birthday" I added as I was walking out.

“Happy birthday bro,” he replied as he hugged me. ”I still have your Christmas / birthday gift to give you.”

“Get out,” I said smiling, “I still have yours too.”

“We can exchange tomorrow if you want,” he added.

I hugged him again while searching for the perfect thing to say but nothing came to mind. It just felt so good to feel the full force of his friendship. I tapped him twice on the back, broke off from the hug and left.

Of course, I didn't get right to sleep with all the thoughts that were going through my mind but for the first time in a few weeks, I felt close to Zack again. I felt wanted and cared for and had my trust in him restored.

I texted Zack the next morning:

<Andrew> Hey, want to come over to talk?

<Zack> How about you come here? My mom is still away and I need to watch Trevor.

<Andrew> OK, be over in a little while.