Rocked To The Core - 23. Doctor Wayne and Jeremy's Distress

Wednesday August 23 - Overnight

I was still sitting up, reading, struggling to stay awake just a little bit longer when Adam started screaming again. I immediately jumped out of bed, hoping to avoid waking Jeremy up. It seemed I was successful. I ran into Adam's room. Although he had stopped screaming, he was sitting bolt upright in his bed, waving his arms out in front of him, looking like he was warding off some kind of danger. I quickly realized he was still asleep. I carefully sat down next to him and tried to hold him. For that I was rewarded with an elbow to the face. Fuck, that hurt. But I fought through the pain and put my arms around Adam, holding his arms against his body hard enough to still him, but softly enough to not hurt him. He slowly woke up.

"Uncle Derek?"

"Yes, it's me, Adam."

"What happened?"

"You were screaming again. Do you remember what you were dreaming about?"

He hesitated, but said no.

"It might help if you tell me."

"No. It was too scary."

"OK. I won't force you to, but I wish you would."

"OK. We were all on a mountain. My family, I mean. Daddy was throwing everybody over the edge. When he turned to me, I went to push him away, screaming. I guess I was really screaming, huh?"

"Yes, you were."

"I got lucky, I guess, and pushed him over the edge, but by then, everybody else was gone. I was all alone and didn't know what I was going to do. But then you were there, holding me. I guess that's when I woke up. Why is your nose bleeding? Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. I bumped into your elbow when I sat down."

I wasn't going to tell him he clocked me a good one. I grabbed a tissue and held it up to my nose.

"Oh. Was it my fault?"

"No, you were still asleep. I just wasn't careful enough when I sat down next to you."

"Can I come and sleep with you and Uncle Jeremy?"

I looked at his clock, 2:30. Jeremy would be getting up in less than four hours.

"Is it OK if I stayed in here with you and we let Uncle Jeremy sleep? He has to get up for work in a couple hours."

"You'll stay the rest of the night?"

"Yes."

"OK."

"Good. Why don't you lie back down? I'll hold you until you fall back to sleep, but I'll stay right here."

He nodded and laid back down. He closed his eyes and looked to be back to sleep in just a couple minutes. The visit with Dr. Wayne is going to be interesting tomorrow. I vaguely heard Jeremy stirring later on, and was partially aware that he was standing at Adam's door.

"Another bad dream?"

"Yeah. Can you grab my phone so I can set the alarm? I don't want to sleep through the doctor's appointment."

He left and brought me back my phone.

"I set the alarm for 9."

"Thanks. Have a good day."

"You too. Text me after the doctor's?"

"Sure."

He kissed me goodbye and I was back asleep almost instantly. I didn't need the alarm to wake up.

"Uncle Derek?"

"Yeah? Oh, good morning Adam."

"Good morning. Why are you in my bed again?"

"You had another bad dream last night."

"But Uncle Jeremy came in."

"You had another one after that."

"I did? I don't remember it."

"That's OK. You did right afterward and told me. I'll be able to tell Dr. Wayne about this one."

"OK. I hope she can stop them."

"Me too."

We got up, took care of our bladders and I made breakfast. I almost shit myself when my phone alarm went off. Fortunately I wasn't stirring the scrambled eggs at that exact moment. Adam was laughing.

"You jumped when your phone played."

"Yeah. I had it set so we wouldn't oversleep. I forgot and so I wasn't expecting it to go off. It would have been funnier if I jumped while stirring the eggs. They would have gone flying."

"Eggs can't fly."

"They could if I tossed the spoon."

We finished breakfast, I helped Adam get dressed, got myself dressed, and we talked a little while before leaving for the doctor's.

"So, Adam. Dr. Wayne is going to ask you a lot of questions. Some might get you a little upset. I dont know how much she'll ask about what happened to your family. I'm guessing she'll talk to me alone for a few minutes first and ask me about all that when you're not in the room, but if something gets you upset, that's OK. She'll understand if you need to stop for a few minutes. Will you be OK sitting alone for a few minutes in her office?"

"You'll be there though?"

"Yes. I'll just be in the next room."

"That's OK. And I'll try not to get upset."

"OK. But don't worry if you do. It'll be OK."

"OK."

We headed to the doctor's office. I had Jeremy's health insurance card and the guardianship papers so there wouldn't be any issues.

"Mr. Arriens?"

"Yes."

"This must be Adam. I'm Doctor Wayne. Adam, will it be OK if you stay out here with my nurse, Gail, while I talk to your uncle for a few minutes?"

"Yes. Uncle Derek said you might want to talk to him alone first."

"Your Uncle Derek is pretty smart. We'll just be a few minutes."

I went into her office with her and explained the killings and that Adam had started having bad dreams.

"It's been a few weeks since the killings. Has he been with you and Jeremy long?"

"Nine days, since last Monday."

"And you think the dreams started Sunday night?"

"Yes. He was just crying then. And then there were two last night."

"And was anything different about Sunday and yesterday."

"It seems like just a coincidence because he'd seen her before, but my brother's girlfriend looks like a younger, darker version of his mother. We had a celebration on Sunday, and she was there. Yesterday, my mom watched Adam for a while and Rosa was there as well."

"Were those the first times he saw her after he moved in with you?"

"Um, she had dinner with us after the custody hearing, so that was the night he moved in."

"He may have been excited from the day's activities and not really noticed Rosa too much. It's something to think about. Let's go ahead and bring Adam in now, I think I have enough background. Why don't you sit on the couch do he can sit next to you. This tends to be intimidating at first when my patients are as young as Adam."

Adam was brought in and he sat down next to me.

"Hello again, Adam. How are you feeling today?"

"Good."

"Feeling a little anxious, maybe scared right now?"

"Yes."

"That's OK. This is something new for you. Almost all of my patients are scared at first, even the teenagers, so don't feel bad about it. Even though there's nothing here to be afraid of, I understand if you are."

"Uncle Derek said that you won't give me any needles, at least not today."

"That's right. And probably not ever. Do you get scared when you're awake, like you do in your dreams."

"Sometimes, a little. But not as bad as the dreams. If I'm alone and forget where Uncle Derek or Uncle Jeremy are."

She glanced at me, not looking too happy.

"Do they leave you home alone often?"

"No, they've never left me home alone. Sometimes I just get busy thinking and I forget where they say they'll be. But it's always somewhere in the condo."

"You like knowing where they are all the time?"

"Yeah. In case I get sad or something. I don't want to have to look for them."

"Is the condo big?"

"No, but I'm just starting to get used to living there. It hasn't been that long."

"Your uncle said 9 days."

"I guess."

"Do you go to school yet?"

"I start kindergarten next week."

"Does that scare you? Knowing you'll have to be away from your uncles for a few hours."

"I wouldn't say scared. What was the word you used before? Anksis?"

"Anxious. You know what it means?"

"Kind of like scared, but more like I get when I know something is going to happen that I don't know a lot about."

"Like coming to a psychologist's office."

"Yeah, my regular doctor too."

"Do you see him or her often?"

"I don't know. I only remember seeing him once maybe three months ago."

Adam got a little more scared than he was when he first walked into the office,

"You're not going to have to look, um, down there, are you?"

"Are you afraid of letting people look at you down there?"

"It was weird when the other doctor did it, but I wouldn't like it if a girl looked."

"How was it weird?"

She looked as concerned as I was. Did his regular doctor molest him?

"I don't know. Mommy always said not to let anyone look or touch me down there. But she did say it was OK for him to do it, though."

"Do you think he looked too long?"

"No, just a few seconds."

"Did he touch you at all?"

Adam looked at me. It was hard to read his expression after the obvious fear of a moment ago.

"Do I have to answer?"

"Well, you don't have to, but if I'm going to help you, I need to know everything that bothers you."

"OK. Well he touched my peepee to move it when he felt around it."

"But he just moved it? Did he touch you under your peepee?"

"Yes, was that wrong?"

"Probably not. What exactly did he do?"

"He kind of pushed a little on my marbles. That's what mommy said I should call them until I get older."

"For a long time?"

"No, I don't think it was a long time. A couple soft pushes and then a light squeeze on each one."

"Was your mother in the room?"

"Yeah, but she didn't see my peepee."

"OK. Doctors sometimes need to do that to make sure everything is where it should be, and there aren't any lumps. If it doesn't look or feel right, they would."

At first I thought that was going in a direction that might have sent me to jail for murder. Either way, I'm definitely going to keep a close eye on that doctor if and when I bring Adam to see him. It still sounded a little off to me.

"You're a doctor, so won't you need to?"

"No, Adam. I'm only concerned about what's going on in your head."

We spoke for a little while longer, then she asked if it would be OK for her to talk to Adam alone. I agreed. After we left her office, I asked Adam what she asked him.

"She asked again if you and Uncle Jeremy ever left me alone. And if either one of you touched me like the other doctor did."

"And what did you tell her?"

"No, you never left me alone. I said you helped me in the bathtub, but you always used a wash cloth, and just wiped me quickly."

"Did she say anything more about your bad dreams?"

"No."

She walked out of her office just then, I guess she had to finish making some notes.

"I'd like to see Adam weekly for a while. I think today was good. We didn't get to any other possible causes of his nightmares, aside from the deaths, but we did eliminate some possibilities. I'm sorry I had to focus where I did, Mr. Arriens. That topic is quite often the cause of childhood trauma. I wanted to eliminate it as soon as possible."

"I guess. I just wish you gave me a warning when we were alone."

"I'm sorry again. But I also needed to see your un-informed reaction. I saw fire in your eyes before we clarified his primary physician's actions. So I knew we weren't dealing with anything of that sort."

"I guess I can understand that. Can we do anything about the nightmares?"

"Let's see how he does without any contact with Rosa. If they go away, then we'll know it's his associating Rosa with his mother. If they don't stop, then I'd say it's simply the change of location."

"He spent a few weeks at my parents' house. I'll have to ask them if he had any bad dreams, although I'm sure my mom would have mentioned it."

"Gail, can you make a full-hour appointment with them next week? I think I'll need to spend more time with Adam than usual. Not to worry, Mr. Arriens. It's mostly due to his young age. If the nightmares persist, or get worse, call and we'll bring him in sooner."

"Thank you doctor."

We made the appointment. Adam will have morning kindergarten, so an afternoon visit will work. We'll be coming back on Wednesday again. As soon as we got to the car, I sent Jeremy a text.

'Finished with the doctor. She's leaning toward Rosa's resemblance. Hopefully no contact with Rosa will at least temporarily stop the nightmares. Have more to share, but texting won't cut it. Talk to you later - Love, Derek.'

When Jeremy got home from work, we talked about everything the doctor said, especially my concerns about his pediatrician.

"Hopefully, nothing will come from that, but you're right to keep an eye on him, just in case. Adam wouldn't know enough to say what is OK and what isn't."

"That's what I was figuring. I hope it's nothing. He doesn't need that on top of everything else."

"Definitely not. It's a little upsetting that she'd ask if we did anything."

"Yes, but understandable for one good and one bad reason. Eliminating it as a possibility is good. On the down side, I can't be sure it didn't have anything to do with the fact that we're gay. Lots of people equate homosexuality and pedophilia. I would hope a doctor doesn't. But if I start feeling uncomfortable around her, I have no problem dropping her and finding someone else. Adam comes first. We can't risk any negative ideas coming from a doctor."

"True. OK, enough of that. What's for dinner?"

We had dinner, my skills at cooking are growing, but they're still not great. I stick with things that I can't screw up easily for now. Today was a simple baked chicken breast, rice and green beans. Adam was playing quietly in his room, so Jeremy and I took the opportunity to make love, with our bedroom door locked, and subdued vocalizations. We'll probably stick to nights I'm off going forward, but the past few days have been tough and we needed the release. I kissed Jeremy and Adam goodbye, Adam on the cheek, and headed to the hospital. Hoping that Adam will have a quiet night.

Thursday August 24

Well, it turns out Dr. Wayne's first suggestion wasn't the right answer. I got home at 3:15 AM and Jeremy wasn't in bed. That could only mean one thing. I looked into Adam's room and they were snuggled together asleep. I set my alarm for 6:15 to make sure I'd be up before Jeremy left for work and I can find out exactly what happened. Less than three hours later, I woke up and looked for Jeremy. He was just coming out of the bathroom.

"You're up?"

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you what happened with Adam last night before you left for work."

"It was not a good night. He woke up about an hour after I put him to bed. He wasn't screaming, but he did call out our names. I tried to get him to tell me about the dream, but he said he didn't remember. I was pretty sure that wasn't the case, but I didn't push him. Two hours later, same thing. Just calling out for us. Again, he said he didn't remember. Then a little before two, the screaming started. He shared it this time. He said it wasn't the same as the other two times, but basically, he was reliving the shooting."

"So the ones we know about are all related to the shooting. Rosa morphing into his mom and he head exploding in a car crash, everybody getting killed by getting thrown off a mountain, and that the killings themselves. Well, the doctor did say call if it got worse. I'd say three times in one night qualifies."

"Yeah. Let me know if you go. If you can't get in until tomorrow, I'd like to go along. I can tell my boss I need the day off."

"OK. You'd better finish getting ready. Need a coffee or anything?"

"No. I'll drive through DD and get a coffee and a bagel sandwich. See you later. Love you."

"Love you too."

Turns out Dr. Wayne was booked today. All we could do was cross our fingers and hope tonight wasn't the same, or worse. I wasn't too happy about a 9:30 appointment, but you take what you can get. I texted Jeremy the information. Both Adam and I did our best impressions of zombies during the morning, but an afternoon nap, free of bad dreams, set us both right again.

Friday August 25

Once again I came home from work to an empty bedroom. This time, though, Jeremy and Adam were still awake.

"How many times tonight?"

"Just once, about a half hour ago. There was a different look to tonight's dream. You and I were included in the killing spree. This time everybody but Adam drowned in a frozen lake. He ended up on top of the ice and the rest of us broke through."

"Why do I feel like I'm listening to TSO's 'Another Way You Can Die' over and over?"

"Yeah, it's constantly changing. That's got to mean something. We all need to get some sleep. 9:30 will come early."

"Can I sleep in your bed with both of you?"

"Yes, I think that's a good idea tonight. Agree Jeremy?"

"Definitely."

Next Up - "Another Psycho Visit and Finally a Breakthrough"