poetry Poetry Prompt 3 – LYRICS

[Former Member]

Poetry Prompt 3 – Lyrics

 

Let's Write some Lyrics!

I'm not talking about writing a song, at least not yet. But now that we have begun to think in terms of structure, and have been introduced to the concept of lines of poetry being made up of a set number of syllables, it's time to look at the most popular form in the western world. 'Lyrics' for my intents and purposes refers to a set of alternating lines of syllables - a discernible beat created through a repeating of line length.    

Like the rhythm we have seen from Japanese verse of 5 and 7 syllables playing back and forth, the most common equivalent in lyrical Western verse is an 8 and 6 pattern. A little birdie has told me Irritable1 has a fantastic prompt coming up talking about the internal rhythm within a line, but for now let's just look at how lines can form lyrics by using two different syllable lengths.

Emily Dickinson had an innate way to construct poems. They are often very lyrical, as in this example:

 

Nature and God—I neither knew
Yet Both so well knew me
They startled, like Executors
Of My identity.

Yet Neither told—that I could learn—
My Secret as secure
As Herschel's private interest
Or Mercury's affair—[1]       

 

This is a perfect example for us to look at. For one, 835 (as it's known) is flawless as it alternates back and forth between 6 and 8 syllable lines. These lyrics also not no bother with rhyme, which we will get to in later prompts. For now, we can just read it and feel the connection to Tanka and Haiku, and we can build on it to write our own lyrics. And speaking of connection, I personally never feel I can understand Dickenson's poetry except in a queer context, and this poem once again reconfirms that for me as she speaks of feeling like Nature and God have never known her; that seems a very familiar doubt that every LGBT person has ever felt.

Here's another Dickinson example (known as 551):

 

There is a Shame of Nobleness—
Confronting Sudden Pelf—
A finer Shame of Ecstasy—
Convicted of Itself—

A best Disgrace—a Brave Man feels—
Acknowledged—of the Brave—
One More—"Ye Blessèd"—to be told—
But that's—Behind the Grave—

 

The prompt: write two stanzas of lyrics. Follow the 8-syllable/6-syllable pattern as you go. Base it on the first emotions you remember having when you woke up this morning. This is practice, so it is up to you if you wish to incorporate rhymes, and feel free to make the poem humorous if you like.  

 

 

 

 

 

[1] The analogy in the second stanza is an interesting one. Hershel was a chemist who published multiple papers on his experiments with mercury. The play of that science (i.e. Nature) with the mention of the god Mercury's not-so secret (and same-sex loving) love life brings in the element of spirit (or of God) to contrast it. 

Edited February 2, 2023 by AC Benus

[JamesSavik]

The limerick's callous and crude,
It's morals distressingly lewd.
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding;
It's designed for us vulgar and rude!

[Irritable1]

Hmmm. Going to need to think about this, because *cough* what I thought about when waking was actually not what I expected it to be when you told me about the assignment, AC.

 

Edit: There's the classic morning haiku that goes 

 

"no no no no no...." etc.

Edited November 1, 2014 by Irritable1

[Aditus]

Ha! This will take me a while but I accept the challenge! I'm so not a morning person...

[Former Member]

Ha! This will take me a while but I accept the challenge! I'm so not a morning person...

Haha, no one said you had to have 'nice' morning thoughts! Thanks for taking this task on, and i can't wait to see the results. 

[Former Member]

The limerick's callous and crude,

It's morals distressingly lewd.

It's not worth the reading

By persons of breeding;

It's designed for us vulgar and rude!

Wow, a limerick! Was this really part of the first emotions you had waking up this morning? If so, you are a very, very literary type person. I love it!  

[Former Member]

Hmmm. Going to need to think about this, because *cough* what I thought about when waking was actually not what I expected it to be when you told me about the assignment, AC.

 

Edit: There's the classic morning haiku that goes 

 

"no no no no no...." etc.

Oh my, the mind does wonder...a x-rated set of lyrics from Irri..? I for one, will encourage you to share your full. You're among safe company. 

[Percy]

Two Trains of Morning Thought

 

Snowshoe paws land upon my chest

Morning's hard awakening

Go away, Cat; it's the weekend

Pussy purring patiently 

 

Waterdog Trail Loop calls my name

Stretch limbs for pounding ride

Bike's been sitting on the trainer

But pumped and lubed, I'll glide

[Aditus]

First Light

Too early, and still it is not,

my eyes stay firmly closed.

The warmth's waging war with the cold,

I don't want to hear -but-

 

A white cup beckons me over,

it's smell ambrosial.

That's cheating my dear, I tell you,

one kiss and time to go.

[Former Member]

 

Two Trains of Morning Thought

 

Snowshoe paws land upon my chest

Morning's hard awakening

Go away, Cat; it's the weekend

Pussy purring patiently 

 

Waterdog Trail Loop calls my name

Stretch limbs for pounding ride

Bike's been sitting on the trainer

But pumped and lubed, I'll glide

 

I love both of them, but in the second one I think you'll see the 8-6 rhythm 'sounds' better when read. Try it out loud and I think you'll see what I mean.  I think with just a little adjustment, the 7 syllable lines from the first stanza can be adjusted down to 6. (If you want some suggestions, I have a couple

 

The cat one is a great image! I can just see the expression on the face, and feel the purring on my chest. Well done

[Former Member]

First Light

Too early, and still it is not,

my eyes stay firmly closed.

The warmth's waging war with the cold,

I don't want to hear -but-

 

A white cup beckons me over,

it's smell ambrosial.

That's cheating my dear, I tell you,

one kiss and time to go.

I think everyone can relate. There's something magical about the connection (or flow...) of the first and second stanzas. It's almost as if a feeling of sleepiness is slowly being shaken off by the senses - perception of the cold, sound, smell and then taste - but the final sense is the lingering brevity of the kiss. I love that!     

[Irritable1]

 

Oh my, the mind does wonder...a x-rated set of lyrics from Irri..? I for one, will encourage you to share your full. You're among safe company. 

 

Hee. I didn't think about it originally, but on a site with so many men, for a morning theme, I would expect a certain... directional alignment in the responses.

 

Ok, I'll take my dirty self off and write something.

[Jaro_423]

Loving your prompts and have added my feeble lines to my My Poetry Prompts site - chapter 3 awaiting approval -  - https://www.gayauthors.org/story/jaro-423/mypoetryprompts

Edited November 4, 2014 by Jaro_423

[Former Member]

Loving your prompts and have added my feeble lines to my My Poetry Prompts site - chapter 3 awaiting approval -  - https://www.gayauthors.org/story/jaro-423/mypoetryprompts

I can't wait to read it! Thanks for playing along!!

[Former Member]

Irritable1 has posted a string of goodies that I encourage all of us to check out.

 

Here's her two stanza set of lyrics:

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/irritable1/poetrypromptresponses/5

[Former Member]

Here's Irri's great blog posting on a personal set of thoughts concerning Dickinson's work: 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/569/entry-14956-poetry-prompts-feeling-the-burn/

[Former Member]

And here's one of Irri's posts that I missed when it first appeared (so sorry...)

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/569/entry-14827-poetry-prompts-go-live/

Edited November 4, 2014 by AC Benus

[Former Member]

And here's my own attempt at the form. Please be sure to give me some feedback

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/forums/blog/513/entry-14957-poetry-prompt-3-lyrics/

[Former Member]

Loving your prompts and have added my feeble lines to my My Poetry Prompts site - chapter 3 awaiting approval -  - https://www.gayauthors.org/story/jaro-423/mypoetryprompts

This is a very fine poem, I have left a review for you

[Irritable1]

Thanks for the links AC! It's definitely been a learning experience for me this month 

[Dolores Esteban]

I love the prompts.

 

Here's mine:

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/dolores-esteban/gawritingprompts/52

[Former Member]

I love the prompts.

 

Here's mine:

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/dolores-esteban/gawritingprompts/52

Thanks for your support Dolores, and I love your lyrics!

[Ron]

I felt inspired. Unfortunately, inspiration doesn't strike in the morning for me and so it wasn't until later in the day that I was provoked.

 

Here is the result: Lines and Squiggles Resembling Poetry - Chapter 3

 

I both liked and liked all of the poetry responses that I have read. Please forgive my lack of actual input. Others have already said better than I feel that I could offer you.

[Former Member]

I felt inspired. Unfortunately, inspiration doesn't strike in the morning for me and so it wasn't until later in the day that I was provoked.

 

Here is the result: Lines and Squiggles Resembling Poetry - Chapter 3

 

I both liked and liked all of the poetry responses that I have read. Please forgive my lack of actual input. Others have already said better than I feel that I could offer you.

Thank you, Ron, for playing along! I left you a review on actual posting

[Ron]

If you'd like to see the Bright flame of my Lyric 8-6-8-6 poem, have a look in the gallery or hit the link. I suppose I should have posted it earlier, before AC thought that it was the sun.  Sorry about that, AC, I hope seeing the setting gives a better sense to the poem now.